I Smell Esther Williams

TERRIBLE KINDNESSES (with Nova Pilbeam and Derrick de Marney)

— May I take your coat, Miss Pilbeam?

— Yes, thank you Mr. de Marney.

— Please Miss Pilbeam, Derrick.

— … Derrick.

— Miss Pilbeam, I’d just like to say that I’m so terribly glad you could join us this evening. I know being thrust into the bosom of my family so suddenly must be terribly terribly bewildering and disconcerting, but they’re a congenial lot and I’m so sure they’ll take to you as I have, so be yourself and relax and I’m confident that you’ll acquit yourself most admirably.… Why Miss Pilbeam, you’re crying.

— No … it’s just …

— Yes you are. What’s the trouble dear, come come. Here, wipe your eyes with this and tell me what this is all about.

— Thank you, Derrick … it’s … it’s just that no one’s ever been so … so kind to me before.

— Really?

— Yes. I … I was rather ill-treated as a child.

— Ill-treated? Why … let me get you a brandy, dear. How would that be?

— Oh thank you ever so kindly, Derrick … thank you ever … ever so kindly.