Kafka on the Shore

Chapter 36

When he got back to the inn, Hoshino found Nakata-no surprise-still fast asleep. The sack he'd put next to him with bread and orange juice was untouched. The old man hadn't shifted an inch, probably hadn't woken up once the whole time. Hoshino counted up the hours. Nakata had gone to sleep at two the previous afternoon, which meant he'd been asleep for thirty solid hours. What day is it, anyway? Hoshino wondered. He was completely losing track of time. He took his memo book out of his bag and checked. Let's see, he told himself, we arrived in Tokushima on a Saturday on the bus from Kobe, then Nakata slept till Monday. On Monday we left Tokushima for Takamatsu, Thursday was all that ruckus with the stone and thunder, and that afternoon he went to sleep. So skip ahead one night and that would make today… Friday. It's like the old guy came to Shikoku to attend some Sleep Festival or something.

Like the night before, Hoshino took a bath, watched TV for a while, then climbed into his futon. Nakata was still breathing peacefully, sound asleep. Whatever, Hoshino thought. Just go with the flow. Let him sleep as much as he wants. No need to worry about that. And he himself fell asleep, at ten-thirty.

At five the next morning the cell phone in his bag went off, jolting him awake. Nakata was still out like a light.

Hoshino reached for the phone. "Hello."

"Mr. Hoshino!" A man's voice.

"Colonel Sanders?" Hoshino said, recognizing the voice.

"The very one. How's it hanging, sport?"

"Fine, I guess… But how'd you get this number? I didn't give it to you, and the phone's been turned off all this time so those clowns from work won't bother me. So how could you call me? You're kind of freaking me out here."

"It's like I told you, I'm neither a god nor a Buddha, not a human being. I'm something else again-a concept. So making your phone ring is a cinch. Piece of cake. Whether it's turned on or not makes not one jot of difference, my friend. Don't let every little thing get to you, okay? I could've run over and been right there beside you when you woke up, but I figured that'd be a bit of a shock."

"You bet it would."

"Which explains the phone call. I'm a well-mannered person, after all."

"I appreciate it," Hoshino said. "So anyway, what're we supposed to do with the stone? Nakata and I managed to flip it over so that entrance thing opened up. Lightning was flashing like crazy outside, and the stone weighed a ton. Oh, that's right-I haven't told you about Nakata yet. He's the guy I'm traveling with."

"I know all about Mr. Nakata," Colonel Sanders said. "No need to explain."

"You know about him?" Hoshino said. "Okay… Anyhow, Nakata went into hibernation after that, and the stone's still here. Don't you think we should get it back to the shrine? We might be cursed for taking it without permission."

"You never give up, do you? How many times did I tell you there's no curse?" Colonel Sanders said disgustedly. "Keep the stone there for the time being. You opened it up, and eventually you'll have to close it again. Then you can take it back. But it's not time for that yet. Get it? We okay here?"

"Yeah, I get it," Hoshino said. "Things that are open have to be shut. Things you have, you gotta return the way they were. All right already! Anyhow, I've decided not to think about things so much. I'll go along with whatever you want, no matter how crazy it sounds. I had a kind of revelation last night. Taking crazy things seriously is-a serious waste of time."

"A very wise conclusion. There's that saying, 'Pointless thinking is worse than no thinking at all.'"

"I like that."

"Very suggestive, don't you think?"

"Have you heard the saying 'Sheepish butlers' surgical bottle battles'?"

"What on earth is that supposed to mean?"

"It's a tongue-twister. I made it up."

"Your point being?"

"No point, really. I just felt like saying it."

"Can the stupid comments, all right? I don't have much patience with inanity. You'll drive me nuts if you keep it up."

"Sorry," Hoshino said. "But why'd you call me, anyway? You must have had a reason to call so early."

"That's right. It completely slipped my mind," Colonel Sanders said. "Here's the thing-I want you to leave that inn right this minute. No time to eat breakfast. Just wake up Mr. Nakata, grab the stone, and get out. Get a cab, but don't have the inn call one for you. Go out to the main street and flag one down. Then give the driver this address. Do you have something to write with?"

"Yep, just a sec," Hoshino replied, grabbing a pen and his notebook from his bag. "Broom and dustpan, check."

"Enough with the stupid jokes already!" Colonel Sanders yelled into the phone. "I'm serious here. Not a minute to lose."

"Okay, okay. Go ahead."

Colonel Sanders recited the address and Hoshino wrote it down, repeating it to make sure he got it right: "Apartment 308, Takamatsu Park Heights 16-15, 3-chome. Is that it?"

"That's fine," Colonel Sanders replied. "You'll find the key under a black umbrella stand at the front door. Unlock the door and go inside. You can stay there as long as you like. There's a stock of food and things, so you won't have to go out for the time being."

"That's your place?"

"It is indeed. I don't own it, though. It's rented. So make yourself at home. I got the place for you two."

"Colonel?"

"Yeah?"

"You told me you're not a god, or a Buddha, or a human being, correct?"

"Correct."

"So I'm assuming you're not of this world."

"You got it."

"Then how could you rent an apartment? You're not human, so you don't have all the papers and stuff you need, right? A family register, local registration, proof of income, official stamp and seal and all that. If you don't have those, nobody's gonna rent you a place. Did you cheat or something? Like change a leaf by magic into an official stamp? Enough underhanded stuff's gone on already, I don't want to get mixed up in any more."

"You just don't get it, do you?" Colonel Sanders said, clicking his tongue. "You are one major dimwit. Is your brain made out of jello, you spineless twit? A leaf? What do you think I am, one of those magical raccoons? I'm a concept, get it? Con-cept! Concepts and raccoons aren't exactly the same, now are they? What a dumb thing to say… Do you really think I went over to the real estate agent's, filled out all the forms, bargained with them to lower the rent? Ridiculous! I have a secretary take care of temporal things. My secretary gets all the necessary documents and things together. What do you expect?"

"Ah-so you have a secretary!"

"Damn right I do! Who do you think I am, anyway? You're way out of line. I'm a busy man, so why shouldn't I have a secretary?"

"All right, all right-don't blow a gasket. I was just pulling your leg. Anyway, why do we have to leave so fast? Can't we at least have a bite before we go? I'm starved, and Mr. Nakata's out like a light. I couldn't wake him up no matter how hard I try."

"Listen up. This is no joke. The police are scouring the town for you. First thing this morning, they've been making the rounds of hotels and inns, questioning everyone. They've already got a description of both of you. So once they start nosing around it's only a matter of time. The two of you stand out, let's face it. There's not a moment to lose."

"The cops?" Hoshino shouted. "Gimme a break! We haven't done anything wrong. Sure, I ripped off a few motorcycles back in high school. Just joyriding-it wasn't like I was gonna sell them or anything. I always took them back. Never done anything illegal since. Taking that stone from the shrine is about the worst thing I've done. And you told me to."

"This has nothing to do with the stone," Colonel Sanders said flatly. "You're a real dunce sometimes. Forget the stone. The police don't know anything about it, and wouldn't give a damn if they did. They're not going to be up at the crack of dawn beating down doors over some stone. We're talking about something much more serious."

"What do you mean?"

"The police are after Mr. Nakata because of it."

"I don't get it. He's the last person you'd ever imagine committing a crime. What kind of crime? And how could he be involved?"

"No time to go into that now. You have to get him out of there. Everything depends on you. Are we clear here?"

"I don't get it," Hoshino repeated, shaking his head. "It just doesn't make any sense. So they're gonna tag me as an accomplice?"

"No, but I'm sure they'll question you. Time's a-wasting. Don't bother your head over it now, just do as I say."

"Listen, you gotta understand one thing about me. I hate cops. They're worse than the yakuza-worse than the SDF. They're awful, the things they do. They strut around and love nothing better than tormenting the weak. I had plenty of run-ins with cops when I was in high school, even after I started driving trucks, so the last thing I need is to get into a fight with them. There's no way you can win, plus you can't shake 'em off afterward. You know what I mean? God, how'd I get mixed up in all this? You see, what I-"

The phone went dead.

"Jeez," Hoshino said. He sighed deeply and tossed the cell phone into his bag, then tried to wake Nakata up.

"Hey, Mr. Nakata. Gramps. Fire! Flood! Earthquake! Revolution! Godzilla's on the loose! Get up, already!"

It was some time before Nakata woke up. "I finished the beveling," he said. "The rest I used as kindling. No, cats don't take baths. I'm the one who took the bath." Obviously in his own little world.

Hoshino shook the old man's shoulder, pinched his nose, tugged at his ears, and finally roused him to the land of the living.

"Is that you, Mr. Hoshino?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's me," Hoshino replied. "Sorry to wake you up."

"No problem. Nakata was going to get up soon anyway. Don't worry about it. I finished with the kindling."

"Good. But something's come up-something not so good-and we have to get out of here right now."

"Is it about Johnnie Walker?"

"That I don't know. I've got my sources, and they told me we better make ourselves scarce. The cops are after us."

"Is that right?"

"That's what he said. But what happened with you and this Johnnie Walker guy?"

"Didn't Nakata already tell you?"

"No, you didn't."

"I feel like I did, though."

"No, you never told me the most important part."

"Well, what happened was-Nakata killed him."

"You gotta be kidding!"

"No, I'm not."

"Jeez Louise," Hoshino muttered.

Hoshino threw his belongings into his bag and wrapped the stone back up in its cloth. It was the same weight as it had been originally. Not light, but at least he could carry it. Nakata put his things in his canvas bag. Hoshino went to the front desk and told them something had come up suddenly and they had to check out. Since he'd paid in advance, it didn't take long. Nakata was still a bit unsteady on his feet but could walk. "How long did I sleep?" he asked.

"Let me see," Hoshino said, doing the math. "About forty hours, give or take."

"I feel like I slept well."

"No wonder. If you don't feel refreshed after that kind of record-breaking sleep, then sleep's kind of pointless, isn't it. Hey, you hungry?"

"Yes, I am. Very hungry."

"Can you hold off a while? First we have to get out of here, as soon as we can. Then we'll eat."

"That's all right. I can wait."

Hoshino helped him out onto the main street and flagged down a cab. He told the driver the address, and the driver nodded and sped off. The cab left the city, drove down a main thoroughfare, and entered a suburb. The neighborhood was upscale and quiet, quite a contrast from the noisy area near the station where they'd been staying. The ride took about twenty-five minutes.

They stopped in front of a typical five-story neat-as-a-pin apartment building. Takamatsu Park Heights, the sign said, though it was on a level expanse with no park in sight. They rode the elevator up to the third floor, where Hoshino found the key, sure enough, under the umbrella stand. The apartment was a standard two-bedroom place, with a dinette kitchen, a living room, and a bathroom. The place was brand new, by the looks of it, the furniture barely used. The living room contained a widescreen TV, a small stereo, a sofa and a love seat, and each bedroom had a bed already made up. The kitchen had the usual utensils, the shelves stocked with a passable set of plates, cups, and bowls. There were smart-looking framed prints on the walls, and the whole place looked like some model apartment a developer might come up with to show new clients.

"Not bad at all," Hoshino remarked. "Not much character, but at least it's clean."

"It's very pretty," Nakata added.

The large, off-white fridge was packed with food. Muttering to himself, Nakata checked out everything, finally taking out some eggs, a green pepper, and butter. He rinsed off the pepper, sliced it into thin strips, and sautéed it. Next he broke the eggs into a bowl and whipped them up with chopsticks. He pulled out a frying pan and proceeded to make two green-pepper omelettes with a practiced touch. He topped this off with toast and took the whole meal over to the dining table, along with hot tea.

"You're quite the cook," Hoshino said. "I'm impressed."

"I've always lived alone, so I'm used to it."

"I live alone too, but don't ask me to cook anything, 'cause I stink at it."

"Nakata has a lot of free time and nothing else to do."

The two of them ate their toast and omelettes. They were still hungry, so Nakata went back to the kitchen and sautéed some bacon and spinach, which they had with two more slices of toast each. Starting to feel human again, they sank back on the sofa and had a second cup of tea.

"So," Hoshino said, "you killed somebody, huh?"

"Yes, I did," Nakata answered, and gave a detailed account of how he stabbed Johnnie Walker to death.

"Man alive," Hoshino said when he'd finished. "What a freaky story. The police would never believe that, no matter how honest you are about it. I mean, I believe you, but if you'd told me that a week ago I would have sent you packing."

"I don't understand it myself."

"At any rate, somebody's been murdered, and murder's not something you just shrug off. The police aren't fooling around on this one, not if they've trailed you out here to Shikoku."

"Nakata's sorry you had to get involved."

"Aren't you gonna give yourself up?"

"No, I'm not," Nakata said with uncharacteristic firmness. "I already tried to, but right now I don't feel like doing that. There are some other things Nakata has to do. Otherwise it's pointless for me to have come all this way."

"You have to close that entrance again."

"That's right. Things that are open have to be shut. Then I will be normal again. But there are some things Nakata has to take care of first."

"Colonel Sanders, the guy who told me where the stone is," Hoshino said, "is helping us lie low. But why's he doing this? Is there some connection between him and Johnnie Walker?"

The more Hoshino tried to unravel it, though, the more confused he got. Better not to try to make sense, he decided, of what basically doesn't make any. "Pointless thinking is worse than no thinking at all," he concluded out loud, his arms crossed.

"Mr. Hoshino?" Nakata said.

"What's up?"

"I smell the sea."

Hoshino went to the window, opened it, went out on the narrow veranda, and breathed in deeply. No sea smells that he could detect. Off in the distance, white summer clouds floated above a pine forest. "I don't smell anything," he said.

Nakata came over beside him and started sniffing, his nose twitching like a squirrel. "I can. The sea's right over there." He pointed to the forest.

"You have quite a nose there," Hoshino said. "I have a touch of a sinus problem myself, so I'm always a bit stuffed up."

"Mr. Hoshino, why don't we walk over to the ocean?"

Hoshino thought about it. How could a little walk on the beach hurt anything? "Okay, let's go."

"Nakata has to take a dump first, if it's all right."

"Take your time, we're in no rush."

While Nakata was in the toilet Hoshino walked around the apartment, checking it out. Like the Colonel said, there was pretty much everything they needed. Shaving cream in the bathroom, a couple of new toothbrushes, Q-tips, Band-Aids, nail clippers. All the basics. Even an iron and ironing board. Very considerate of him, Hoshino thought, though I imagine his secretary did all the work. They haven't forgotten a thing.

He opened the closet and found fresh underwear and clothes. No aloha shirts, unfortunately, just some ordinary striped shirts and polo shirts, brand-new Tommy Hilfigers. "And here I was thinking Colonel Sanders was pretty quick on the uptake," Hoshino complained to no one in particular. "He should've figured out I only wear aloha shirts. If he went to all this trouble, he at least could've bought me one." He noticed the shirt he had on was getting a bit rank, so took it off and pulled on a polo shirt. It was a perfect fit.

They walked through the pines, up over a breakwater, and down to the beach. The Inland Sea was calm. They sat down side by side on the sand, not speaking for a long time, watching the waves rise up like sheets being fluffed into the air and then, with a faint sound, break apart. Several small islands were visible offshore. Neither of them had been to the sea very often in their lives, and they feasted their eyes on the scene.

"Mr. Hoshino?" Nakata said, breaking the silence.

"What is it?"

"The sea is a really nice thing, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. Makes you feel calm."

"Why is that?"

"Probably 'cause it's so big, with nothing on it," Hoshino said, pointing. "You wouldn't feel so calm if there was a 7-Eleven over there, or a Seiyu department store, would you? Or a pachinko place over there, or a Yoshikawa pawnshop? But as far as the eye can see there's nothing-which is pretty darn nice."

"I suppose you're right," Nakata said, giving it some thought. "Mr. Hoshino?"

"What's up?"

"I have a question about something else."

"Shoot."

"What's at the bottom of the sea?"

"There's like another world down there, all kinds of fish, shellfish, seaweed, and stuff. You've never been to an aquarium?"

"No, I've never been. The place where Nakata lived for a long time, Matsumoto, didn't have one of those."

"No, I don't imagine it would," Hoshino said. "A town like that off in the hills-I guess a mushroom museum or something would be about all you could expect. Anyhow, there's all kinds of stuff at the bottom of the sea. The animals are different than us-they take oxygen from the water and don't need air to breathe. There're some beautiful things down there, some delicious things, plus some dangerous things. And things that'd totally creep you out. If you've never seen it, it's hard to explain, but it's completely different than what we're used to. Way down at the bottom it's totally dark and there are some of the grossest creatures you've ever seen. What do you say when all this blows over we check out an aquarium? They're kind of fun, and I haven't been to one in a long time. I'm sure there's one around here."

"Yes, I'd love to go to a place like that."

"There's something I wanted to ask you."

"Yes?"

"The other day we lifted up that stone and opened the entrance, right?"

"Yes, you and I opened up the entrance. After that Nakata fell sound asleep."

"What I want to know is-did something take place because the entrance opened up?"

Nakata gave a nod. "Yes. It did."

"But you still don't know what that is."

Nakata gave a decisive shake of his head. "No, Nakata doesn't know yet."

"So maybe it's happening someplace else, right this minute?"

"Yes, I think that's true. As you said, it's happening. And I'm waiting for it to finish happening."

"And once whatever it is finishes taking place, everything will work itself out?"

Another definitive shake of the head. "That Nakata doesn't know. I'm doing what I'm doing because I must. But I have no idea what will happen because of what I do. I'm not so bright, so it's too hard for me to figure out. I don't know what's going to happen."

"At any rate, it's gonna take some time, right? For whatever this is to finish up and some conclusion or something to happen?"

"That is correct."

"And while we're waiting we have to make sure the cops don't grab us. 'Cause there's still stuff that needs doing?"

"Correct. I don't mind visiting the police. I'm ready to do whatever the Governor tells me to do. But now is just not a good time to do that."

"You know what? If the cops heard your crazy story, they'd just blow it off and make up some convenient confession, something anyone would believe. Like you were robbing the house and you heard somebody, so you grabbed a knife from the kitchen and stabbed him. They don't give a damn what the real facts are, or what's right. Framing somebody just to jack up their arrest rate. They wouldn't bat an eye. Next thing you know, you're thrown in jail or some maximum-security psycho ward. They'd lock you up and throw away the key. You don't have enough money to hire some fancy lawyer, so they'd stick you with some court-appointed bozo who couldn't care less, so it's obvious how it'd end up."

"I'm afraid I don't understand all-"

"I'm just telling you what cops are like. Believe me, I know," Hoshino said. "So I really don't want to take 'em on, okay? Cops and me just don't hit it off."

"I'm sorry to cause so many problems for you."

Hoshino sighed deeply. "As they say, though, 'Take the poison, take the plate.'"

"What does that mean?"

"If you're gonna take poison, you might as well eat the plate it came on."

"But if you eat a plate, you'll die. It's not good for your teeth, either. And it'll hurt your throat."

"I'd have to agree," Hoshino said, puzzling over it. "Yeah-why do you have to eat the plate?"

"I'm not so bright, so I really can't tell you. But aside from the poison, the plate's way too hard."

"Um. You got that right. I'm starting to get confused myself. I never was one for using my head, either. What I'm trying to say is, I've come this far so I'll stick with you and make sure you escape. I can't believe you did anything bad, and I'm not going to just abandon you here. I've got my honor to consider."

"Much obliged. Nakata can't thank you enough. I'll presume on you again, though, and ask one more favor."

"Go for it."

"We'll need a car."

"Would a rental car be okay?"

"Nakata doesn't really know what that is, but any kind is fine. Big or small is all right as long as it's a car."

"No problem. Now you're talking my specialty. I'll go pick one up in a while. So we're gonna be heading out somewhere?"

"I think so. We probably will be headed out somewhere."

"You know something, Mr. Nakata?"

"Yes?"

"I never get bored when I'm with you. All kinds of off-the-wall things happen, but that much I can say for sure-being with you's never boring."

"Thank you for saying that. I feel relieved to hear it. But Mr. Hoshino?"

"What's up?"

"I'm not really sure I understand what being bored means."

"You've never been bored before?"

"No, not even once."

"You know, I kind of had the feeling that might be the case."