Lust Demented

{LI}

THE RISING SUN BLED THROUGH the two small windows of the ambulance. The stretcher and cabinets filled with medical supplies rattled bouncing its way through the bumpy streets.

“What do you make of that pen in his neck?” A thick woman spoke in a loud voice that could send a rabid bear back into the brush. Her tattooed partner shrugged jabbing me with a needle. “You’re feeling good now. Aren’t you?”

I tried to motion to them that the pen stuck in me was the only way I could breathe, but my body was completely paralyzed. Whatever they used to sedate me had the stopping power to freeze a lioness mid-growl. The garbage came on to me as a faux spiritual revelation. Some kind of pharmaceutical soft passage not worth knowing. My mind was stalling. The world that started spinning so fast, slowed down warping words. Whether they were meant directly for me or not - the words hung in the air. Naked skydivers sucked the wrong way from gravity… propelled towards far away planets… when they were only planning to come back home.

“Those stiches creep me out.”

The driver came around to swing the doors open. They hopped out of the back of the ambulance almost spilling me out on the curb. People stared, eyes widening and faces contorting as the paramedics rushed me into the hospital.

Observing for a second before pouncing, a triage nurse hung over me like a knockoff bag salesman on a Canal Street.

“What’s his deal?”

“Throat was slit. Lost a lot of blood. Need to bring him right in.” The freckled paramedic talked tough expecting resistance.

“Take him in.” The triage nurse left my stretcher heading back over to the door to bum-rush the next one. The sound of the gurney’s wheels spinning strangely put me at ease.

A rainbow of volcanic ash. The clear sky turns to smoke. A death died a thousand times. Alone on Baekdu mountain on the shores of Heaven lake: The picture perfect place to turn to stone.

A few more nurse and doctors types surrounded me. I could see up all their noses. Count the hairs in their nostrils. Feel the warmth of their hands. Tell you what they’d had for lunch. “He’s already stitched up?”

“Is this your Dr. Frankenstein work?”

“What kind of sedation is he under?”

“Looks like he’s barely there.”

I wanted to scream. I wanted to jump off the pushcart and run away. I wanted my mind to shut off, but wouldn’t let it because maybe that would mean death. No body justifies paralysis. No mind equates shock. I started the simple exercises in my head. It wasn’t enough. If only I could remember how to apply chemistry to everyday life. The current moment of doubt called for a concise interpretation. Quantum physics would merge into the surroundings, united.

A musty draft travelled the emergency room. Orbs danced in my mindsight. A cacophony of curtains yanked open and shut. Patients peered out, flooding the room with fear and hopelessness, relieved when they were in better shape than their neighbor. There was moaning, but not the screams we were waiting for. I wanted to be the one to let loose, but my moment had yet to arrive. My throat felt unbearably sore like my entire head was trapped in the gap between the 3 train and the platform.

“I know you can’t talk back, but just try to relax.”

“What’s your take on it nurse?”

“Missed the carotid arteries and internal jugular. Luckiest guy in here all night. What’s with the stupor? Either he’s like that all the time or someone gave him too much Morphine or Fentanyl.

“Pupils aren’t constricted. Breathing is still rapid. It’s something else What happened to his hand?”

“Cop shot a chunk of it off.”

“Blood levels?”

“Amazingly under control.”

Another poor sucker gets wheeled in. He looks at me sympathetically like he knows me. I think I recognize him, but I recognize everyone now.

“Hey buddy what the hell are you doing here?” Brodie was bleeding from a head wound. Both his hands were bandaged at the knuckles. He was piss drunk.

“You know this man?” The nurse immediately cut in.

“I do. This guy saved my life. A lion tracked me and tried to do me in. Thanks to him I’m still ticking.”

“A lion? What’s his name?”

My body began jerking around with no control. Stitches threatening to burst. The air was inside me, but it wasn’t travelling right.

“He’s convulsing.”

“It’s shock.” A team rushed around me again.

“Pulse is weakening.”

“Close the window. Bugs are getting in.” It was the first beautiful day since winter killed everything alive and Missy was trying to shut us in.

“Go kill some mosquitoes then. That’s what you’re good at.”

“If you want some air. Why don’t you go outside?”

I left on her command… returning a few hours later. Missy was waiting for me like only seconds passed. She left the dead mosquito on both palms. Smudged against her skin to make her point.

“You have to know when to quit Farrow.”

“Six thirty-eight.” The doctor stated my time of death and left the room.