Mary, Mary

Chapter 60

To: agriner@latimes.com From: Mary Smith To: Suzie Cartoulis: People in Los Angeles watch you on television every day, reporting the news, acting like you really know what's going on. That's what you do so well. Acting, pretending, faking it with flair. But today will be a little different, Suze. Today you will be the news.

They'll say that Suzie Cartoulis and her handsome, former-beach-volleyball-champ lover were found slain in a hotel room. That's how you people talk, isn't it? Slain? But no matter what they say on the news, no one will ever know just how you looked at me when I killed you. The incredible fear, the confusion, and what I took to be respect.

It was different this morning outside your fancy house in pacific palisades. You almost bumped into me with your highly polished silver merc wagon, and you looked right through me. You did, suze. Trust me on that. I remember these kinds of things.

Then, just like the others, you went on with your day like I wasn't even there. I had a feeling today might be the last one for you. Then I was sure of it.

First I watched you say good-bye to your darling little boy for the last time. He probably can't appreciate everything you do for him - all the sacrifices - but he'll think about it later, when someone else has to take him to school or to practice the next time he goes.

You're right about one thing though, should have made more time in your life for Zachary, Coulda Shoulda.

Then I followed you to the hotel in west Hollywood. At first I didn't know why you went there, but I figured out pretty quickly that you weren't going to die alone. That delicious- looking blond man you met - you two were perfect for each other. Central casting all the way. I could tell just by looking that he's the kind of somebody you are. Am I right? He went to the Olympics, after all. He's an exec at your network. Another fast-tracker. And now you have another thing in common. You're both dead somebodies. Killed by a nobody you couldn't even see when you looked right at her.

I gave you two some quality time before I came up there for you. Enough time to feel safe in your little cocoon of deceit. Maybe even enough to do what you had in mind for your sneaky little rendezvous. Then, when I came in, I saw him first. That was a bit of good luck. Know why? I wanted you to see him die. It put the fear of God on your face before I shot you- and then I got to cut that fear away, one piece at a time, until you weren't afraid anymore.

You weren't anything anymore.

You were nothing, Suzie Cartoulis.

Just like me.