Moth Flight’s Vision

Chapter 23

Moth Flight felt a paw push her shoulder. She struggled awake, her mouth dry, her eyes sticky with sleep.

“Moth Flight?” Pebble Heart sounded worried. “Are you okay?”

She lifted her head groggily and blinked at the dawn sunshine filtering into the den. “I’m…”

Pebble Heart’s shoulders relaxed. “I’m not used to giving poppy seeds,” he admitted. “I was worried you’d sleep for days.”

Moth Flight looked around, surprised by the dark brambles enclosing her nest. Where was the gorse?

A sick feeling hit her belly like rotten prey. “Micah’s dead.”

She stared at Pebble Heart, a tiny spark of hope flickering beneath her pelt. Perhaps she’d dreamed it all.

But the medicine cat’s amber eyes glistened with sympathy.

He leaned down and picked up a wad of dripping moss and laid it on the edge of her nest. “I thought you might be thirsty.”

Sadness swamped Moth Flight as she remembered the pool in Cloud Spots’s den. Micah had still been with her then. She lapped at the moss, her tongue welcoming the moisture.

“I brought you food too.” Pebble Heart draped a mouse over the side of her nest. It was still warm, freshly killed.

Moth Flight wrinkled her nose. “I’m not hungry.”

“But you must eat,” Pebble Heart reasoned.

“Why?” Moth Flight snorted rebelliously. “If I starve, I can join Micah in StarClan.”

“You mustn’t say that!” Pebble Heart’s eyes widened.

“Why not?” Anger rolled deep in Moth Flight’s belly.

“What about your Clanmates? And the other Clans?” Pebble Heart stared at her fiercely. “StarClan shared the secret of the Moonstone with you. You’re important!”

“And Micah’s not?” Moth Flight growled.

Pebble Heart stared at her sadly. “Perhaps he’s supposed to be with them.”

“His destiny,” she muttered bitterly. She pictured the rolling meadows of StarClan’s hunting grounds. Was Micah going to spend forever chasing spirit-rabbits while she worked her paws to the bone taking care of her Clanmates? “What about me?

Does StarClan want me to be lonely? Is that my destiny? Am I just here to carry out their orders? I can’t even get a good night’s sleep because they haunt my dreams! Can’t they give me any peace?”

Pebble Heart’s eye flashed with curiosity. “They haunt your dreams?” he echoed. “How?”

“I dream of spirit-cats doing some dumb ceremony,” Moth

Flight snapped. “The same thing, over and over again, but to different cats.”

Pebble Heart leaned closer. “What cats?”

“Why should I care?” Anger prickled beneath Moth Flight’s pelt.

Pebble Heart nudged the dripping moss with his paw. “Drink some more.”

“Stop trying to make me feel better, because you can’t!”

“I know,” he soothed. “But I want to know more about these dreams. They might be important.”

“Of course they’re important!” Moth Flight snapped. “But StarClan won’t tell me why. They just keep making me dream the same dream.” She lapped at the moss crossly.

“Perhaps, if you describe the dream exactly, we can work out what it means,” Pebble Heart urged.

Moth Flight swallowed back her anger. “I wake up at the Moonstone. And two cats come into the cave.”

“Do you recognize them?”

“No.” Moth Flight narrowed her eyes as the dream grew more vivid in her mind. “One of the cats sits at the Moonstone and, when the moonlight strikes it, the spirit-cats come.”

“StarClan?”

“I guess,” Moth Flight told him. “They have starry pelts but I don’t recognize any of them.”

“Go on.” Pebble Heart’s pelt twitched along his spine.

“The starry cats approach the living cat and, one at a time, they touch his head with their muzzle.” She shuddered. “It seems to hurt a lot. The real cat jerks like he’s been hit by lightning, but he doesn’t flinch away. He’s not scared. He just lets the spirit-cats touch him, one after another and at the end, he looks stronger. Kind of proud, like he’s been given a special gift.”

“Is it always a tom?”

Moth Flight shook her head. “The first time, it was a she-cat.

I’d seen her before in a different dream. She was dead and then she came back to life.”

Pebble Heart shifted his paws, his gaze clouding with thought. “What gift could StarClan give a living cat?”

Moth Flight shrugged. “I just know it looks painful. I don’t think I’d want it.”

“Really?” Pebble Heart’s ear twitched. “But you’re the cat who went to Highstones and found the Moonstone. You’re the bravest cat I know. I think you’d endure anything if StarClan wished it.”

Moth Flight returned his gaze, her heart twisting. “I can’t endure losing Micah.” Her mew cracked.

Pebble Heart got to his paws. “Why don’t you come and visit Juniper Branch with me? She’s expecting Raven Pelt’s kits and I promised to check on her. She’s been having pains.”

“When are the kits due?”

“Not for another half moon.” Pebble Heart flicked his tail.

“Join me. This will be the first litter I’ve helped with. We can both learn a lot.”

Moth Flight frowned. Pebble Heart was clearly trying to distract her from her grief. “No.” She dug her paws deeper into the nest. “I’m staying here.”

“Some fresh air might help you feel better.”

“I don’t want to feel better.” She crouched in the nest, glaring at him stubbornly.

Pebble Heart tipped his head sympathetically. “Okay. You rest. I guess there’s no rush.”

Moth Flight watched him duck out of the den, uncertain whether she wanted to be alone. But what use am I to anyone like this? She tucked her nose between her paws and closed her eyes. Sadness washed over her, wave after wave until she pushed every thought away and sought sanctuary in sleep.

She opened her eyes into another dream. She was standing in a wide meadow. The grass was wilting and the flowers had died. Mist swirled across the ground and swallowed the sky. She glanced around, anxiety creeping beneath her fur as she strained to see through the murky fog. What was hiding there? Her heart quickened as she saw a shape. Broad shoulders, pricked ears, a long tail. It was a tom.

“Hello?” Moth Flight tasted the air warily.

Micah’s scent washed her tongue.

“Micah!” She raced toward the shadowy figure in the mist, the scent growing stronger as she neared. “It’s me! Moth

Flight!”

The tom didn’t turn but kept moving, swinging his head from side to side as though searching.

“Micah!” She was only a tail-length away. Surely he could hear her! She caught up with him and dodged in front of him, trying desperately to catch his eye.

He walked through her as though she were part of the mist.

Her heart dropped like a stone. “No!” Rage swept through her. Why was she so powerless in her dreams? Helplessly, she watched Micah move through the mist, heading one way, then the other, his ears pricked, his mouth open. Is he looking for me? Pain stabbed her heart. Micah, I’m here!

She woke, trembling, and jerked up her head.

Sun Shadow was sitting beside her nest. “You were dreaming.”

Moth Flight blinked at him, the mist from her dream still fogging her thoughts. “What are you doing here?” She pushed herself to her paws. “Do you want your nest back?”

“No.” His whiskers twitched. “I thought you might want something to eat.”

“Pebble Heart brought me something earlier.” She scanned the edge of the nest but the mouse had gone.

“I gave it to Mouse Ear,” Sun Shadow told her. “He likes mice best.”

Moth Flight’s belly rumbled. She hadn’t eaten since Micah died. “Did you bring me something?” She looked hopefully over the side of her nest, surprised to feel hungry. Guilt flickered beneath her fur. Her stomach was acting like nothing had changed.

“Come hunting with me.” Sun Shadow nodded toward the den entrance where afternoon sunlight was turning the brambles golden. “You can catch your own prey.”

Moth Flight shifted in her nest, realizing suddenly how stiff her legs were. Perhaps she should listen to the needs of her body. “I guess I could try.” She stood up and stretched. “I’ve never hunted in a pine forest before.”

“I know a stretch where there’s hardly any undergrowth,” Sun Shadow told her.

“Is that good?” Moth Flight wondered where the prey hid.

“There are plenty of ditches, which means we’re bound to find a frog or two.”

“No, thank you.” Moth Flight wrinkled her nose. “I’ve eaten toad.”

Sun Shadow snorted. “Frogs taste way better.” He leaned closer, eyes narrowing. “Why would you eat a toad?”

Moth Flight’s pelt pricked self-consciously. She hopped out of her nest and headed for the entrance. “It’s just something I tried once.” She sniffed as she ducked out of the den.

Outside, Tall Shadow was talking with Mouse Ear and Mud Paws in the clearing. The ShadowClan leader snapped her muzzle around as she caught sight of Moth Flight. “How are you?” she called cheerily.

Moth Flight blinked in the sunshine, feeling suddenly furless. Was everyone expecting her to act like she was okay now?

Sun Shadow brushed past her and nodded to Tall Shadow.

“Moth Flight’s agreed to go hunting with me. We won’t be gone long.” He nudged Moth Flight toward the camp entrance as Tall Shadow dipped her head silently.

Moth Flight slipped out of camp, relieved to be away from the curious gazes of ShadowClan. Juniper Branch had watched her pass, stretched on a soft patch of grass. Raven Pelt had been sorting through the prey pile, glancing up to see her duck through the entrance.

“This way.” Sun Shadow headed past a stretch of mossy ground and hopped over a fallen tree. One of the spindly twigs jutting from the trunk scratched Moth Flight’s belly as she leaped after him. She winced as she landed.

“Are you hurt?” Sun Shadow halted.

“Just a scratch.” Moth Flight didn’t care. Grazed flesh hurt far less than the loss of Micah.

“Get Pebble Heart to look at it when we get back.” Sun

Shadow started walking again.

“I might find some horsetail and dock while we’re out. That should stop it getting infected.” Moth Flight hesitated as Micah’s words flashed in her mind. If you chew dock leaves and horsetail stems into a paste, you can smear it deep into a wound. Fresh grief swept over her.

Sun Shadow paused at the top of a pine needle–strewn slope and glanced over his shoulder. “Are you coming?”

Moth Flight shook out her fur. “I want to go back to my nest.”

“You can.” He disappeared over the rise. “After we’ve caught a frog.”

Moth Flight hurried after him.

Tall pines towered around her, shielding the sky. Sunlight glimmered between the branches, but the forest floor was cold and damp. She bounded down the other side of the slope and caught up with Sun Shadow as he reached a stretch of shady woodland rutted with ditches. He paused at the first and she stopped beside him.

“I know what it’s like to lose the cats you love.” He kept his gaze fixed ahead.

She jerked her muzzle toward him. “You do?”

“I came from the mountains to find my father.” Sun Shadow appeared to be scanning the ditches, his eyes narrowing as he searched for movement. “He was dead when I got here and the cat I traveled with—Quiet Rain—died shortly after we arrived.”

You didn’t lose your mate, though. Moth Flight shifted her paws.

He went on. “Suddenly I was alone, far from my home and from the cats I’d grown up with.”

“Tall Shadow’s kin, isn’t she?” He wasn’t entirely alone.

“She’s kin,” Sun Shadow conceded. “But she wasn’t like my kin back in the mountains. She’d become a forest cat.

Everything was so different here from what I’d known. Most of the cats couldn’t even imagine what it was like to hunt the peaks. Or to never be warm.” He turned and met Moth Flight’s gaze. “I felt like a stranger. Like no one knew how I felt. It was like being trapped beneath ice, mouthing words to cats who couldn’t hear what I said.”

Moth Flight blinked at him slowly. Did he actually understand the pain in her heart? “Do you still feel that way?”

“No.” Sun Shadow’s solemn gaze lit up. “It got better as time passed. I’ve grown to love it here. My Clanmates feel like kin now. We quarrel sometimes, but we look out for each other no matter what. And the hunting is good and, when newleaf comes, and the oak woods turn green and the wind from the moor brings the scent of heather blossom, I am glad I came.

And I feel I have gained more than I’ve lost.”

Moth Flight’s shoulders drooped. “I’ll never feel like I’ve gained more than I’ve lost.”

“Maybe not.” Sun Shadow leaped the ditch and padded forward. “But you will come to value what you still have, and what you may have in the future.”

Could that ever be true? Moth Flight followed him, the forest floor turning spongy beneath her paws as pine needles gave way to moss. Water squelched between her claws.

“Wait!” Sun Shadow dropped his voice, signaling to her to halt with a flick of his tail.

She followed his gaze and saw a green shape hopping along the edge of a ditch a few tail-lengths ahead. A frog.

“Do you want to catch it?” Sun Shadow whispered.

“I’m not the greatest hunter,” she admitted.

“If you miss this one, we’ll find another.”

Moth Flight glanced at him, suddenly aware of how comfortable she was in his company. “Micah would have liked you,” she murmured.

“I think I would have liked him too.” His eyes glowed as he returned her gaze.

She turned toward the frog and dropped into a hunting crouch. Lift your tail. Gorse Fur’s words rang in her ears. She crept forward, pleased that the soft moss absorbed her paw steps. A tail-length from the frog, she paused and fixed her gaze on its glistening green body. She forced herself not to shudder.

The frog hopped another muzzle length and paused. They’re dumber than rabbits, Moth Flight thought. Can’t it smell me?

She wondered if the pine-scented air was disguising her scent.

“Hurry up!” Sun Shadow hissed. “They’re not as slow as they look!”

Moth Flight kneaded the moss with her hind paws, preparing to jump. Then she leaped, her paws slapping the moss a whisker behind the frog. It jumped, tracing a high arc across the ditch.

Moth Flight blinked as it soared away. Bounding over the ditch, she tried to catch it again, her paws sending up water-spray as she splatted the ground half a tail-length behind it. It jumped again, changing direction. Moth Flight spun and tried to knock it from the air, but it had swerved and she landed flat on her belly.

Black fur flashed past her as Sun Shadow flew across the ditch and landed expertly on the frog. He held it down as it squirmed, its flippers churning desperately. “Do you want to give the killing bite?”

Moth Flight screwed up her nose. “No, thanks.”

Sun Shadow ducked and killed it, snapping its spine with a crunch. As he straightened, she saw his whiskers twitching with amusement.

“What?” She ruffled her fur.

“You looked funny, that’s all,” he purred. “I can tell you’ve never hunted frogs before.”

Moth Flight sniffed. “I bet you couldn’t catch a rabbit.”

“Probably not,” he meowed warmly. “But you still looked funny, like a kit chasing its tail.”

Moth Flight purred, pleasure rising in her without warning. I must have looked pretty dumb. Then she stiffened. Her purr dried in her throat.

Sun Shadow watched her, his gaze darkening. “Come on,” he mewed briskly. “Let’s take this back to camp and you can taste it.”

“I’m not hungry.” Moth Flight turned toward the camp.

“A mouthful won’t hurt.” Sun Shadow picked up the frog between his jaws and padded after her.

They padded back to camp in silence. How could I have purred? Guilt ripped her belly. It’s like I’m already forgetting him. Suddenly she wanted to cling to her grief. It was all she had left of Micah now. She ducked first through the bramble entrance.

“You caught one!” Tall Shadow greeted them, lifting her tail happily as she crossed the clearing toward them.

Sun Shadow dropped the frog. “Moth Flight doesn’t want to taste it.”

Tall Shadow padded around her. “We can’t send you back to your Clanmates without having tasted frog,” she meowed.

“What will you have to boast about?”

Moth Flight lifted her gaze wearily to the ShadowClan leader. “I don’t want food.” She padded across the clearing and nosed her way into Sun Shadow’s den. Curling deep into her nest, she closed her eyes and let sadness sweep over her. So what if Sun Shadow had gotten used to his new home? How could she betray Micah by getting used to life without him?