My Blood Approves

Chapter 8

For the first time ever, I woke up before Milo but not by choice. I had been dreaming something about Peter’s emerald eyes and gnashing teeth, but by the time I woke up in a cold sweat, I couldn’t really put it together. My heart pounded horribly and my head was swimming. It had taken forever for me to fall asleep last night, and I couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom. They wanted me to be one of them? What kind of horror movie crap was that? Did they expect me to marry into the family (and if so, was I supposed to marry Jack… or Peter?)? Or was it something more horrific, like they were in a cult or something? Was I expected to be some kind of virgin sacrifice?

While taking a shower, I tried to wash away my trepidation. Despite all the unusual and sometimes frightening occurrences, I couldn’t imagine that Jack would ever hurt me. Mae and Ezra seemed sincere in their unexplained affection for me, and even Peter had shown a reluctance to hurt me. So the virgin sacrifice thing seemed pretty unlikely, as would any choice that would end with me being maimed or seriously injured.

All of it reminded me of a story I had read once. A young rather unattractive girl climbed a mountain and accidentally stumbled into a village of the most beautiful people she’d ever seen. Everyone in the entire town was absolutely perfect and amazing, but since everyone looked that way, they had grown bored with it. Being perfect was ordinary, but all the things about her that made her ugly in her old life made her stand out as beautiful and revered.

Everyone fell in love with her and had sex with her, and eventually she died of exhaustion and depression. There was some kind of moral to the story about how everyone just used her for the way she looked, and being liked for the way you looked is worse than not being liked at all.

That wasn’t what stood out to me about it now. Jack and his family were completely flawless, and I was just ordinary and boring. Maybe they spent too much time keeping to themselves, and my general homeliness was new and refreshing for them. It was the only explanation I could come up with for why they’d even want to be around me. But then, how exactly would I go about becoming one of them? And why would they even want me to? Just what the hell did he even mean by “one of them?” One of them what?

By the time I got out of the shower, I had used up all the hot water. I muttered an apology to Milo, but he shrugged and said he didn’t mind cold showers. Going to school had never seemed so much like a chore, but at least it was Friday. I could stay out as late as I wanted tonight, and I would spend every second of the night interrogating Jack if that’s what it took. I wouldn’t stop until he told me everything.

The day went by surprisingly fast, but that was in a large part due to the fact that I slept my first three hours. Over my lunch break, I text messaged Jack and asked him when we were going to hang out. Even though he usually responded to me within seconds, he didn’t this time, but that’s what I had mostly expected since he tended to stay up all hours of the night. Still, I couldn’t help but check my phone every ten minutes and feel a twinge of disappointment that he hadn’t answered.

When I got home, I turned the TV onto old Speed Racer cartoon reruns, but I didn’t even really pay attention to it. My phone was on my lap with the volume turned up full blast, and I kept bouncing my foot anxiously up and down.

I crossed my arms tightly over my chest to keep from biting my nails, but it was a very hard battle.

“Are you going over to Jack’s tonight?” Milo sat on the couch, absently watching the cartoon. He glanced over at me, and even in my distracted frame of mind, I couldn’t help but notice the pained expression on his face.

“Probably.” Then I looked down at my phone and sighed. “Maybe not.”

“I could make us supper if you stayed in,” Milo offered hopefully.

When he got like that, he was just like a puppy with big adoring eyes, and it killed me to know that I was going to have to say no to that. I really had been neglecting him a lot lately, and it had to be horrible sitting in this tiny apartment all by himself night after night. But I had to get to the bottom of things with Jack or die trying.

“That’s a nice idea, but not tonight.” I let him down as gently as I could, but his face crumbled anyway, and he looked away. Even though his voice had already changed, his face still carried all that baby fat that made him look like a little boy, and I couldn’t wait for him to grow out of that. Then it wouldn’t hurt so much when I broke his heart. “Maybe we can another day this weekend.”

“You’re gonna be out all night with Jack.” Milo tried to keep it matter-offact, but there was a bitter edge. “It’s the weekend and you’re seventeen. I really shouldn’t expect any different. And pretty soon you’ll be out on your own and have your own life and all that. I should just get used to it now.”

“Come on, Milo. You know you’ll always be a part of my life.” Before I had met Jack, I would’ve said that with a 100 % certainty. Milo was my brother and a huge part of my life, and there wasn’t anything that could take him out of it. At least that’s what I thought until Jack had half-warned/half-promised me that my life was going to change, that I was going to change. There might be someplace that I would go that Milo couldn’t follow, and as much as it would kill me to leave him behind, the thought of life without Jack and Peter and his family sounded far worse.

“Whatever you say,” Milo replied, and he was completely unconvinced.

Maybe it was starting to show on my face, that I already had one foot out the door.

I considered arguing with him more about it, but what was the point?

Things were changing, and we both felt it. I didn’t want to lie to Milo, so we sat in silence, watching the TV. I expected him to get up and go in another room, or at least somewhere else to mourn my impending absence, but he stayed out there with me.

When my phone finally jingled Jack’s ring tone, my heart skipped a beat and I jumped at it, but Milo just rolled his eyes.

When do you wanna hang out? Jack texted me.

As soon as possible. There was no need to play games with him anymore0. I was going to put myself out there in hopes that he would do the same thing.

You know what I think would be fun? Why don’t you bring Milo with? Jack messaged back, and I felt a wave of conflicting emotions run over me.

Bringing him along would definitely satiate my guilt, but it would also mean even less alone time with Jack where I could drill him for answers. Plus, I still hadn’t figure out what they wanted with me, let alone what they could possibly want with Milo. But he would like them, especially Mae. Finally I decided that there was only one way to make a decision.

“Milo, do you wanna come with me to Jack’s tonight?” I tried hard not to sound reluctant about asking him, and I even smiled when I turned to look at him, trying to make the offer sound somewhat enticing.

“What do you mean?” His eyes lit up and his voice raised an octave, but he wanted to make sure he understood what was transpiring before he agreed to it and got full blown excited.

“Just go over to Jack’s house and hang out. He has Guitar Hero and stuff like that.” That would be an added bonus for Jack. He’d have someone to play video games with him that didn’t get totally irritated by it or just sucked really bad at it.

“Do you really want me to?” Milo hesitated, and I smiled reassuringly at him.

“Yeah, of course I do.” I wanted to be around him, but I wasn’t sure that this was the best idea. However, it was the best idea I could come up with, and nothing bad had happened to me when I’d been with Jack. In fact, he’d saved my life twice. There shouldn’t be anything to worry about. So why was I worried?

“Then okay. Yeah. That’d be great.” He was practically beaming when he jumped up and ran into his room to change his clothes. He still had that crush on Jack to contend with, and I’m sure he’d be developing fresh new ones on Peter and Ezra.

He’s in. When are you picking us up? I replied to Jack.

Five minutes. I’m already on my way. There was Jack for you, not being psychic.

“You better hurry!” I shouted at Milo and then hurried into the bathroom to fix my make up. The clothes I was wearing would have to do, but at least I wouldn’t go there with smudged eyeliner. “He’s gonna be here in five minutes!”

“Ready!” Milo responded a second later. I peeked out the bathroom door to see him wearing almost the exact same outfit he was before — a long sleeved white shirt with a green polo over it and a pair of jeans. That was pretty much his standard uniform, but whatever floats his boat, I guess.

“You’re sure you want to come with?” I asked him, once I had finished getting ready. We walked out of the apartment, and Milo doubled check to make sure the door was locked and that he had his house keys in his pocket, something that I never did.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?” Then Milo shot a nervous look at me. “Do you not want me to?”

“No, that’s not what I meant!” I insisted quickly and smiled at him. “Of course I want you to come with.” I pushed the call button for the elevator and turned back to him. “There’s just a few things you have to know before we go.”

“Okay?” Milo raised an eyebrow at me, but I thought it’d be best if he was prepared. The elevator doors sprung open and we stepped inside. Thankfully, we were alone, because I would feel silly saying this stuff in front of complete strangers.

“First, his brothers are really hot. I mean, like movie star hot, except even hotter. I know that you think Jack is amazing, but his brothers blow him out of the water.” I looked over to gauge his response, but for the most part, he just looked skeptical. “Second, his family is super rich. One of their cars easily costs twice as much as Mom makes in a year, and they have five of them and this super fancy house. It’s really intimidating.”

“Like how rich?” Milo started to look nervous, so my point was getting through. “Like Bill Gates rich?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask.” That was one thing I hadn’t asked Jack about.

Their wealth was really inconsequential to me. There were too many other curious things about them that over shadowed their fortune.

“Well what do they do for money then?” Naturally, Milo wanted to know all the practical reasons for everything. I had actually meant to ask what they did, but I always got sidetracked by something else.

“I didn’t ask that either,” I sighed, and the elevators opened to the lobby.

“Is there anything I should know about them?” Milo asked as we walked out.

“Um, Jack drives super fast, but he’s perfectly safe.” I pushed open the glass doors that led outside.

“Really?” Milo wrinkled his nose. “Like how fast?”

“You’ll probably see,” I told him offhandedly, and then hurried over to Jack’s Jeep and jumped inside before Milo could ask anything more about it. As soon as I realized what I’d done, it dawned on me why Jack had invited Milo along; he knew I wouldn’t say as much in front of Milo. He was trying to get off the hook about what he had said last night.

“Hey,” Jack smiled at me, then turned back to Milo, who looked very confused as he got in the backseat. “Hey, Milo. It’s good seeing you again.”

“Yeah, you too,” Milo replied. He stared at Jack for a moment, but he was much better at controlling his crush on Jack than most people. I wondered if it had to do with the fact that he was gay, or maybe just that he was so young. Or maybe he just had really amazing self control.

“So what did you have planned for tonight?” I asked as Jack sped off down the highway towards his house.

“I don’t know,” Jack shrugged. “I just thought it was time that your family met my family.”

“Why?” I really didn’t plan on asking him much in front of Milo.

Someday, I’d probably have to tell Milo everything, but that day definitely wasn’t today. Maybe when I had the answers myself, and I could actually explain everything. Until then, I didn’t feel like letting that much out in the open.

“Why not?” Jack countered.

“I don’t know. We haven’t known each other that long, and its not like we’re getting married or something.” That would be the logical time for families to mingle, not when two people have known each other for a couple weeks and are just friends.

“No, it’s definitely not like that.” Jack breathed deeply, and then turned up the stereo, blasting out the Violent Femmes. That was apparently all he was going to say on that. I’m not sure if it was because of Milo, or if it was just another thing he would explain someday.

We were silent on the short car ride, but when we pulled up in front of his house, I heard Milo gasp in the back seat and whisper, “Its like a castle.” I’d already been there a couple times, and it still felt breathtaking. The turret really set it off, but it completely suited them. After meeting Ezra and knowing that he designed the house, it all seemed even more perfect. If he had been a piece of architecture, this would be it.

“Is Mae gone?” We had pulled into the garage, and I noticed her black Jetta gone. Every other time I’d come here, the garage had been full, and her empty spot stood out.

“Yeah, but I thought she would be back by now.” Jack’s face flashed confused and concerned, but he instantly smoothed it out with a broad smile for me and Milo. “She’ll be back soon. And Ezra and Peter are still here.” He got out, and we followed suit.

“Hey, wait.” I lowered my voice then grabbed onto Jack’s arm to stop him.

Milo was a little bit behind us, admiring the Lamborghini. He’d never been much of a car person before, but the Lamborghini had that power over anyone. “Is Peter going to be nice to Milo?”

“Oh, yeah, he’ll be fine,” Jack nodded casually.

“So it’s just me that he has a problem with?” My heart tightened. I had been hoping that Peter’s icy demeanor had something to do with the fact that I was an outsider, but if he had no problems with Milo, then it had to do with me.

As in there being something inherently wrong with my person that he didn’t like.

“You are far more complicated,” Jack whispered.

“Is complicated like you’re ‘go to’ word or something?” I retorted crossly, making him laugh.

“Why are we just standing in the middle of the garage?” Milo piped in. He wasn’t that into cars, so it hadn’t held his attention for long, and he stood behind us looking confused.

“We’re not.” With that, Jack quickened his pace towards the house, and Milo and I followed more slowly. Jack threw open the door, and he was instantly greeted by Matilda jumping into him. Without Mae there to stop her or dampen her enthusiasm, she was free to jump and slobber all over Jack as much as she wanted.

“Oh, and they have a dog too,” I told Milo and gestured to the giant white ball of fur in Jack’s arms. Jack remembered that Milo was there, and he put her on the ground much sooner than he had last time.

“Yeah, I get that,” Milo mumbled dryly.

“This is Mattie!” Jack scratched her head roughly, but she pulled away from him to sniff Milo. She grew bored easily and returned her attention to Jack.

“She’s a good girl. She’s just a big baby.”

“I can tell.” Milo stood awkwardly off to the side, watching Jack wrestle with his dog.

“Oh, it’s just you.” Ezra had magically appeared in the doorway, and after taking a moment for myself to admire him, I looked back to see Milo’s reaction.

His eyes had widened and his jaw had even gone a little lax. I wondered if I looked that awestruck when I met Ezra.

“Thanks,” Jack replied sarcastically and stood up, temporarily ending his roughhousing with Matilda.

“No, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” Ezra’s face broke out into a smile that made it hard for me to breathe. “I just thought that you might be Mae.” At the mention of her, his lips got tighter, and he and Jack exchanged a pained look. “But I guess she’s not back yet.”

“I don’t know what could be taking her so long,” Jack added, growing irritated. Ezra dismissed him and turned his attention to Milo.

“This must be your brother.” Ezra returned to his smile and walked over to Milo so he could shake his hand. He took it readily, and I watched to see if Milo noticed how weird (but good) their skin felt. If he did, it didn’t register on his face. He just smiled dumbly at Ezra. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Ezra.”

“I’m Milo.” It was difficult for him to form the words and he sounded out of breath. It was nice not being the only one gawking at everyone for a change.

“So, Jack,” I said when the silence bordered on awkward, “Milo really loves video games.”

“Really?” Jack’s face lit up and I half expected him to throw Milo under his arm and dash off into the next room. In fact, he all but did that. “Come on. I’ve got like everything, and I mean everything. From Grand Theft Auto to Pong, I’ve got you covered.” He started to hurry into the living room, and Milo gave Ezra one last longing look before following him.

“Really? You have Pong? Why?”

“Cause it’s awesome!” Jack was apparently offended that Milo didn’t feel the same way.

“Finally, someone for him to play with.” Ezra smiled gratefully at me, and I looked away so I wouldn’t blush. “You wouldn’t believe how much time he spends on those damn things. Mae’s always trying to get him to go out and do something, anything, but it’s near impossible. She was so relieved when he met you and then he’d actually leave the house.”

“Well, I’m glad that I could help,” I replied timidly. It was really weird being complimented by people that were so much better than me. “Where is Mae?”

“Um, she’s out.” Ezra’s normally open face closed up a bit, and it was a familiar expression that I’d seen written on Jack’s face every time he didn’t want to tell me something. “She really ought to be home soon.”

“I just wanted to make sure Milo meets her.” I rubbed my arm nervously, afraid that I had encroached on territory they’d rather I didn’t. “I know he’d really like her.”

“Everyone really likes Mae,” Ezra grinned, and then I felt stupid. Obviously everyone really liked her, so it was a silly thing to point it.

“Oh, yeah, of course,” I fumbled. He laughed, and it was a tremendous laugh, but it wasn’t as spectacular as Jack’s. I doubted that anyone could ever match his, though, not even someone as perfect as Ezra.

“I am a lucky man.” He looked wistful for a moment, thinking of Mae, and I longed to have something like that. To have someone be filled with that much yearning at the very thought of me. It was pure, unadulterated love. Then, his expression changed as he thought of something. “Peter’s upstairs, if you wanted to talk to him.”

“Oh.” I hadn’t really planned on talking to Peter, since he had this horrible way of simultaneously making me want to run to him and run away crying. But Ezra had said it in a way where I felt obligated to do it, and part of me really enjoyed the way Peter made me feel, even if it was usually wrapped in pain and confusion. “I’ll go see him then.”

“I’m just going to wait down here for Mae.” Ezra stood by the door, watching me as I went, looking a bit like a lost puppy.

I passed through the living room, but Jack and Milo were too entranced by some war video game to even notice me. As I slowly made my way up the stairs, I was reminded of the first time I had met Peter, and the way he had glared at me from over his book. I hoped desperately that this wouldn’t be a repeat of that, but since Ezra had sent me up here, I had to believe that it wasn’t.

Peter’s bedroom door was open, and I leaned in the doorway, peering around for him. When I found him, my breath stopped and a burning flush went over me. Wearing only a pair of jeans, he was drying his hair with a fluffy white towel. He wasn’t overly muscular, but everything was smooth and perfect. A thin trail of dark hair started just below his belly button and traveled downwards, and my eyes had never been so tantalized by the prospect of what fell below the waist of his jeans. When he noticed me staring at him, he tossed his towel on his bed and just looked back at me, his green eyes shooting through me. I ached for him in ways I had never imagined. My body was literally in physical pain because I couldn’t touch him.

“I just took a shower,” Peter explained quietly.

His lyrical voice somehow managed to dampen the trance I had been under, but nothing could fully break it. He looked away and grabbed a white shirt off his chair, and much to my chagrin, he pulled it on.

“I didn’t mean to disturb you,” I mumbled lamely.

“No, you’re okay.” He sat back down on his bed and tousled his thick, damp hair with his hand.

I waited in the doorway for him to say more, but that was a struggle. It felt like there was something inside pulling me towards him. Like there was a rope attached to my heart and someone was physically yanking on it. He looked at me with an expression I couldn’t read, but his eyes definitely looked pained.

“You can come in, if you want,” he mumbled huskily.

It didn’t feel so much like I walked to his bed as I just gave in and let myself be pulled over to him. My feet seemed to glide over, and then I was sitting on the bed, dangerously close to him. I breathed in, and he smelled sweetly of apples. That was most likely his shampoo, but there was something tangy and wonderful underneath that was all him. Then, like a complete idiot, I told him, “You smell good.” He smiled the first genuine smile I’d seen him have, and it struck me heavily with its utter perfection. Then softly, he laughed, sending astounding tingles radiating throughout my whole body. I almost shivered with pleasure.

“It’s probably just my shampoo.” Peter leaned in closer to me to tell me that, is if he was sharing a secret. He was so close that when he exhaled, a damp tendril of his hair blew back and brushed against my cheek. My skin trembled expectantly, demanding more touch from him.

“Apples?” I questioned, wondering how I managed to find the strength to speak.

I knew the conversation was utterly pointless and dull, but most of my brain had become occupied by him. And I don’t mean by thoughts of him, I mean him. It was as if he’d somehow become a part of me, and I was desperate to have all of him.

“Yeah.” He smiled crookedly, and then leaned back a little, away from me.

Without any thought on my part, my body moved to correct the distance between us. I would’ve preferred that I stayed where I was, but my body insisted that I tilt closer to him. I couldn’t stand to be away from him. I knew that eventually I’d have to get up and walk away, and I didn’t imagine how that could be possible.

“Why do you hate me?” The words came out of my mouth, but I couldn’t believe that I’d asked them. Inside my mind, I screamed Shut up! Shut up! You can’t say that to him! But somehow, he’d managed to cut off the blood flow to the part of my brain that controlled my inhibitions. If I wasn’t careful, I’d very quickly be confessing my innermost secrets to him.

“I don’t hate you.” He looked embarrassed and lowered his eyes. There was an awful pain at not being able to see into his eyes, but there was also some relief, like I’d be able to think a little bit more clearly.

“Then why do you act like you do?” I pressed.

What the hell was I doing? I was normally an absolute coward, and now at the worst possible moment, I suddenly decided to be brave and corner this amazingly stunning man into hating me. He had said he didn’t, but after I shamed and irritated him like this, I’m sure he would.

“I don’t know.” He looked up, staring straight ahead, but he wasn’t really looking at anything. His beautiful features stiffened to a painful mask.

“You want to hate me, though.” My voice was almost inaudible, but he’d heard me. I’d thought I hadn’t had the strength to speak, but the words kept relentlessly tumbling out.

“That’s not exactly true.” His face softened again, and he turned to look at me.

His eyes were smoldering through me, and I felt my heart pound loudly in my chest. Very gently, he placed his hand on top of mine, and I felt that same electrical surge that I had the day before, but more intense this time. Pleasure rippled through me, and reflexively I closed my eyes.

Then suddenly, he pulled his hand back, and my eyes flew open. His face was a few inches from mine, and there was something in his eyes that looked completely ravenous. They never wavered and he never moved, but when he spoke, his voice had gone into a very low snarl. “Go before I do something very bad to you.”

“You can do whatever you want to me,” I whispered, and he flinched at that.

“Go!” Peter growled.

His voice stung, but it managed to get me moving. Using all my strength, I looked away and stood up. He still hadn’t moved, but I could see the tendons in his neck and his arms standing out sharply. It wasn’t until I had started down the stairs, and I had started to really breathe, that I understood why his body looked so tense. He was using all his might not to move. That’s why he’d insisted that I leave. He couldn’t move or he’d lose control of himself.

When I got downstairs, I felt dazed and I was panting. There was a very real chance that I had just barely averted being killed. And the worst part was that I would’ve happily let him murder me. In fact, part of me still wanted to rush back upstairs and let him do whatever he wanted with me as long as I could still be with him.

“Alice?” Milo asked, sounding worried. He and Jack were standing in the middle of the living room, holding plastic guitars, but I could barely even see them. The whole world felt hazy and I couldn’t tell if I was dreaming or not. “Are you okay?”

“You were with Peter?” Jack had stopped playing the game and turned to look at me. He eyed me over, and he saw something that he didn’t like. “Come here.” I felt frozen in place, so he commanded again, “Come here.” This time I did as I was told and walked over to him.

“Did something happen to her?” Milo’s voice got higher the more scared he got.

Jack didn’t answer him. Instead, he looked me over with this odd expression on his face, a cross between disturbed and jealous. Then, he put two fingers underneath my chin and lifted it up, revealing my neck. He turned my head this way and that, inspecting me carefully. When he was done, his expression had softened and he looked satisfied.

“Come here,” he repeated, but this time, he looped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. I threw my arms around him, hugging him tightly and relishing the safety of his arms. I sobbed into his chest, unable to hold it back anymore, and he kissed the top of my head. “You’re okay.”

“What happened?” I heard Ezra’s melodic voice boom behind me, but I hadn’t seen him when I came in the room. He seemed to have suddenly materialized at the sound of me crying.

“I don’t know! She just came downstairs crying!” Milo explained plaintively. He was upset, and I wished somebody would just tell him that everything would be okay. Why wasn’t Mae here when I needed her?”

“Did something happen?” Ezra demanded, and there was an edge to his voice.

“No,” Jack murmured softly, stroking my hair.

“Are you sure?” Ezra persisted.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Jack replied, growing irritated.

“I’m going to go talk to Peter.” I didn’t hear Ezra leaving, but I knew he had anyway. The warmth he brought into the room had lessened.

“What’s wrong with her?” Milo was on the verge of tears now.

“Nothing.” I pulled away from Jack a little but made sure to keep his arm around me still. For some reason, I knew I wouldn’t feel as safe or sturdy without it. Wiping at my tear stained cheeks, I forced a smile at Milo. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine!” Milo insisted with wide, worried eyes.

“It’s just… girl stuff.” I tried to shrug it off, and I couldn’t tell if he saw through it or not.

It was a perfectly reasonable explanation that while I was upstairs, alone with a very attractive guy, he had said or done something to offend me, and that’s what had upset me. In fact, that would be much more plausible than what had actually happened, which was that I had become so entranced with somebody that I almost let him slaughter me. And I was pretty sure that this attempted-murder had happened not because he hated me, but because he was attracted to me.

“Like what?” Milo narrowed his eyes.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” I just shook my head and looked away.

“What’s going on?” Mae shouted suddenly, and my heart soared at the sight of her standing in the doorway. Somehow, she’d make everything all right.

Then she rushed over to me, placing her hands her firmly on my shoulders to look in my puffy, red eyes. “What happened?”

“She was upstairs with Peter,” Jack explained, and Mae’s expression change from one of worry to shock, and she turned to look at Jack sharply.

“Nothing happened.”

Her expression changed again, and she looked sympathetically at me.

Before she pulled me into a hug, it finally dawned on me. Whatever had happened or almost happened with Peter, they knew it. When Ezra had sent me upstairs, he’d known exactly what would happen. Meaning, he had sent me to my probable death. What the hell was going on here? And why didn’t I feel as terrified as I should? In fact, as Mae stroked my hair, and murmured words of comfort in her soft British accent, I felt nothing but safe. What was wrong with me?

“I’m okay, really,” I insisted, and she finally released me. She smiled sadly at me and pushed strands of hair back from face, then straightened up.

“I hope you mean that.”

“I do.” I nodded firmly, and Jack playfully ruffled my hair, as if to reaffirm that everything was okay.

“And who is this?” Mae turned her attention to Milo. Just looking at her made his anxiety disappear, and he returned her open smile.

“I’m Milo, Alice’s brother.” He looked a little embarrassed by the look she was giving him, and I knew the feeling. She reached out and touched his face gently (his chubby cheeks were hard to resist) and grinned warmly.

“I’m Mae, Ezra’s wife,” Mae told him. “You’re so much cuter than I’d thought you’d be.”

“Thanks?” Milo replied unsurely.

“Have you had a tour of the house yet?” Mae had already started looping her arm through his, and I realized that Mae had missed her calling as a real estate agent. Milo shook his head no, and she laughed a little. “I didn’t think so.

The boys are really terrible about showing anybody anything. But you know how boys are.”

As soon as they were out of earshot, I turned to Jack and hissed, “What the hell happened?”

“You tell me,” Jack countered evenly, and I might have overestimated how much he knew.

“You have an idea of what happened, don’t you?” I pressed. He didn’t answer me, so I continued, “You have suspicions. There was something that you were afraid happened.”

“I wasn’t afraid,” he answered quietly, but the fog of Peter was wearing off and I could feel how unnerved he really was.

“Jack, I trust you,” I whispered fiercely. “Don’t betray that trust.” An amused but pained expression flitted across his face, and he shook his head.

“He’s not gonna hurt you, Alice.” Then he turned to look at me. “None of us are.”

“Then…” I trailed off, trying to understand what was happening. “But Peter told me to go before he did something very bad to me.” Jack let out a long breath through his teeth and stared off at some point above my head.

“Well… I guess we all just have different definitions of what hurting you means.”

“Was that meant to be comforting? Cause it wasn’t,” I snapped, crossing my arms on my chest. Jack laughed again, but he’d finished the conversation.

He still had the plastic guitar hanging over his shoulder, and he unpaused the game and clicked out of the two-player level he’d been playing with Milo.

“Let me put it this way: You are a top priority for my family.” He had started playing “Lazy Eye” by the Silversun Pickups, and when I asked him what that meant, he completely ignored me.

I flopped back on the couch next to Matilda and stroked her long, white fur. Everything with Peter had exhausted me. My skin flushed with embarrassment at the thought of running into him. I had made a fool of myself, and he was in trouble with Ezra. But even with that, I still really wanted to see him. My very being wanted to be near him again, and it would be worth anything.

As I had predicted, Milo was completely enchanted with Mae. They seemed made for each other. She was all motherly love, and he was all motherless child. When they made their way back into the living room, Milo went back to playing video games with Jack. I curled up on the couch with Mae, resting my head on her lap, and let her play with my hair.

“I know you’re hurting now, but things will make sense, love,” Mae murmured, pushing my hair from my eyes. “Everything happens for a reason.”

The nights of barely sleeping had finally caught up with me, and the soothing comfort of Mae was too much. I drifted off to sleep, and it was filled with dreams of Peter. They were almost entirely X-rated, but they weren’t bad at all. In fact, they were probably the best dreams I’d ever had.

When I woke up, I felt good, but incredibly disoriented. The living room was dark, and I was completely alone, except for Matilda, who snored loudly on the floor next to me. I moved a little on the couch, preparing to start calling for Jack or Milo, but then I heard voices talking softly nearby. And then I heard my name, so I stopped moving and strained to hear.

“Well, we obviously can’t leave Alice alone with him anymore.” That was Jack, trying to protect me from Peter, and I knew there was a reason that I’d never doubted my safety when I was with him.

“No, I agree.” Ezra’s deep voice sounded like a lullaby when he kept it low. I imagined that it would be incredibly tranquil to have him sing me to sleep.

“But they’ll have to eventually.”

“But she’s not ready for it,” Jack grumbled. “He’s not ready for it.”

“You’re not ready for it,” Ezra countered. Ready for what? Me to die?

Nobody should be ready for that. Tell him, Jack!

“Maybe not,” Jack relented. “But he feels too conflicted for anything to work. He’s sending her mixed messages, and he’s just making everything harder on her than it needs to be. I mean, you saw her today.”

“It’s incredibly painful, rejecting it.” Ezra was calmly explaining to Jack, and I didn’t understand it at all. Rejecting what? Me? Killing me? What?! “And Peter’s showing a tremendous will just going against it, but eventually, he’ll give in. It’s impossible. Whatever pain he thinks he’s avoiding, this is far worse.”

“How do you know?” Jack asked him suspiciously. “You never rejected it.”

“I did at first,” Ezra said, then backtracked. “Well, not really. I just didn’t understand what it was at first, and I tried to ignore it, and that was brutal. And I saw Peter after what happened with Alice.”

“And?” Jack pressed Ezra when he didn’t say anything, and I was forever indebted to him. I was dying to know what Peter had been like after I left, but of course, I couldn’t ask.

“Its sheer torture denying it,” Ezra replied thickly.

“How much longer will this go on?” Jack asked quietly, and I couldn’t help but notice a hint of sadness in his voice.

“Not much longer.” Ezra breathed deeply. “We’ll just have to keep an eye on both of them.”

“Ezra!” Mae called from another room, sounding farther away than them.

“Come here! Milo’s beat me at chess twice already! You’ve got to try against him! He’s amazing!”

“I’ll be right there!” Ezra shouted back to her, then spoke quieter to Jack.

“You understand?”

“Yeah,” Jack said reluctantly.

I didn’t hear Ezra’s footfalls when he walked away, but that didn’t surprise me. I saw Jack’s silhouette appear in the doorway, and I quickly closed my eyes to pretend like I was sleeping. Matilda whimpered as he walked past her, and he patted her head before sitting on the couch next to me. As soon as I felt the couch moved, I stirred like I was just waking up.

“Did you sleep okay?” Jack asked.

“Yeah,” I nodded and moved so I was sitting on my knees facing him. My voice sounded thick, and it was because I was fighting off tears, but I hoped he would think it was just because I was tired.

“Hey are you okay?” Jack sounded sad and worried. My eyes were starting to adjust to the dark, and I could just map out the concerned expression on his face.

“Yeah, just tired.”

“I gathered that when you just passed out.” He was trying to keep his tone light, but he was struggling. What Ezra had told him had gotten to him too.

When he felt anxious and worried, I felt it even worse. It wouldn’t be much longer before I started to cry.

“You sound upset,” I commented.

“Nah, I’m fine,” Jack insisted, shaking his head in the darkness.

“Jack, just promise me that I’ll be okay. You know I’ll believe anything you say, so just promise me that everything will be okay.” My voice sounded more nervous than I would’ve liked.

“I know you can’t understand right now, but you’ve got nothing to worry about.” Then he put his arm around me and roughly pulled me close to him. I rested my head on his chest, and he rested his chin on the top of my head. “I’m just upset because I care about you too much. The problem’s me, not you. You are gonna be better than fine. I promise.”

“You’re right. I don’t understand.” He stroked my hair, and I moved my head on his chest. Then I realized something odd. “I can’t hear your heart beat.”

“Just listen harder,” Jack suggested. Pressing my ear closer to his chest, I listened hard, and sure enough, there it was. But it was very faint and incredibly slow. I wasn’t timing it, but it couldn’t have been beating more than ten or twenty times a minute.

“It’s so slow!” I jerked my head back so I could look at him. “Are you okay? You’re not having a heart attack are you?”

“No,” Jack laughed, this time sounding more like himself. “That’s just the way my heart beats.”

171

“But that’s not the way hearts are supposed to beat.” I furrowed my brow, trying to understand. “That’s not how my heart beats.”

“I know.” He was mildly amused, but my confusion always seemed to entertain him. “I can hear your heartbeat.”

“How? You’re way over there.” He was actually sitting right next to me, but he was still too far away to hear my heartbeat. “You’re hearing isn’t that good.”

“It is for this one thing.” He reached out and put his hand gingerly on my throat.

At first, I didn’t understand what he was doing, but then I felt his thumb stroking my jugular vein. He was feeling my pulse, and a look of sheer pleasure passed across his face. A warm hunger radiated from him that I didn’t grasp.

“Jack!” Ezra’s voice broke into the room, and Jack instantly dropped his hand, as if he had been caught with his hand up my shirt instead of on my throat. “Its late. Milo’s tired. Maybe you should take them home. Unless you don’t feel up to it yourself. In which case, I’d be more than happy-”

“No, I’ve got it,” Jack replied gruffly and stood up.

Ezra gave Jack a disapproving look as we walked out of the living room, but Jack refused to look at him. For me, Ezra gave a reassuring smile and said he hoped that I would come back soon. Mae hugged me tightly at the door, but she hugged Milo even tighter. During the car ride home, Milo rattled on endlessly about what an amazing house Jack had and how great Mae was and all the fun things he’d done while I had been asleep. I rested my head against the cold glass of the window, and found that for once, I had very little to say.

I still didn’t know what Jack and his family were, but they definitely couldn’t be trusted. Peter wanted to hate me because for some reason, he was going to have to kill me. The reason he was being rude to me and keeping me at a distance was because he didn’t want to hurt me. He was trying to protect me.

Despite this, I loved Jack and Mae and even Ezra, and there was definitely something strong I felt for Peter. Even believing that they were going to kill me, I still felt like they really loved me too. And I knew that if being with them meant that I would die, I would still see them again. It would be worse to live without them.

When Milo and I went up to our apartment, I still felt dazed. I knew that part of it was coming to terms with my impending death, but most of it was just an after effect of being with Peter. He was like a drug, and I was still coming down from the high. I flopped down on the couch while Milo buzzed about the kitchen. Being over there had the opposite effect on him, and he was totally energized.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Milo asked from the kitchen. I heard pots and things banging, but I just buried myself deeper into the couch. “I’m starving. You know what’s weird? We were over them from five o’clock at night until after two in the morning, and I never once saw them eat or drink anything. In fact, when I wanted something to drink, Mae had to rummage around the kitchen for a glass and some water. You know, I don’t even think they have any food in that house.

They must order a lot of take out. Which is weird cause Mae really seems like the Suzie Homemaker type.”

Milo continued to ramble on but I was starting to drift to sleep. But then it all clicked. Everything that he said compared with everything that I already knew about Jack and Peter. I understood fully what they were. But before I could actually manifest the word and put it all together, I fell asleep, and lost it entirely.