Myth-Chief

EIGHTEEN

"Hey, Aahz, good to see you." The Geek, a snappily dressed Deveel, started to stick out a hand, then thought better of it when he glanced up at Tananda and Guido. unobtrusively holding up the wall. He sat down in his upholstered office chair and waved us to a couple of seats. "[ don't owe you any money that I know of."

"Not to me," I agreed, after a quick shuffle through my memory. No sense in letting a debt slide if there was one. but there wasn't. The walk through the Bazaar had cleared my head. I'd deal with the concept of Skeeve's working directly against me later. "I'm here with a business proposition for you. You'll thank me for thinking of you first." The Deveel shook his head.

"It means you think I'm the biggest sucker you could think of, you mean." the Geek said.

"Now, how can you say that?" I asked, mellowing my voice out to the smoothest consistency I could.

"I know how Perverts think."

"That's Per-vect!" I corrected him with a snarl, then moderated my tone. You could catch more dragons with meat than a punch in the snout, I reasoned.

"Who's your friend?" the Geek asked.

"I'd like you to meet Matfany," I said, ushering the Swamp Fox forward to shake hands. "Prime minister of Foxe-Swampburg. Nice guy. Runs everything. This is the Geek."

"You run everything, huh?" the Geek asked, with a grin.

Matfany gave him an uneasy look up and down. "I guess so," he said. "Right glad to meet you, sir. It's an honor." He gave a courtly bow. The guy seemed to have an inexhaustible supply.

The Geek eyed him suspiciously. "Is this a put-on?"

"They have manners in Foxe-Swampburg," I said. "Not like here. Listen, I didn't bring this guy here so you can insult him. He's got something for you you've never had before—brand recognition."

"You want to apply hot iron to my posterior, or someone else's? Not interested, Aahz."

"Not that kind of brand," I said. "The Geek brand. I want to set it up so that when people see your name, they automatically think of your style, your business savvy."

The Geek looked even more suspicious.

"And what is going to make people think I'm savvy and stylish?"

"When they see your name associated with a great place like Foxe-Swampburg."

"Foxe-Swampburg? Wasn't that the dimension that got hit with that insect plague about two years ago? I heard the place is a desert—culturally speaking."

I should have known he would have heard all about it. Well, when you can't hide something, minimize it. I shrugged.

"Just a hiatus. They like to think of it as a chance to clear out the old public-relations material and come up with something new. That's why they want to align themselves with notable businesspeople such as you."

The Geek sighed and rested his chin against his fist. "I presume this is gonna cost me money. So, what do I get for it?"

"Naming rights," I said, proudly. "Landmarks with your name on them. Anyone who sees them will think of you as a Deveel of importance. You get your choice of any prominent location in Foxe-Swampburg: mountains, rivers, beaches, buildings. Anything you want—first come, first served, of course. That's why I brought Matfany here before anywhere else. We are offering you, and nobody but you, first crack."

"Naming rights?" The Geek looked thoughtful. "I dunno, Aahz."

"What's the problem? You get to be famous."

"I've already got all the recognition I can handle. But in a tourist spot, which as you admit hasn't been much of a tourist spot lately? I don't want to be associated with insect hordes and bad food."

Matfany glowered at him. "Sir, our food is the top-rated by Dragon Rotay and the Witchelin Guide. We've got five four-star restaurants and four five-star restaurants."

"Yeah yeah," the Geek said, dismissively waving a hand. "Until some rival restauranteur sticks a cockroach in the canapes. And what about those bugs?"

I snorted. "The bug problem's under control. It's still a beauty spot. Everyone knows it's spawned a million cheap oil paintings. And you could have your name all over it. Think of it. Geek's Peak. Geek Lake! Geekville! It's only limited by the level of your imagination—and your investment." I whipped out the portfolio from my inside pocket and unrolled the map, full-color with magikal three-dimensional images, that we had bought from one of the waterfront shops. In spite of himself, the Geek looked intrigued. "The longest white-sand beach in any civilized dimension. Crystal blue waters. Even the fish are friendly.

Picturesque cliffs. Rivers. Canyons. And all a wagon's ride from the center of town which, as my pal just reminded you, has a bunch of live-star restaurants. What do you think? Sounds like the perfect investment for a guy on his way to the top."

I could tell the Geek was tempted, but no Deveel ever parted with a coin without examining every side of a negotiation.

"I dunno. It's not just me, Aahz. My capital's tied up at the moment. I've got partners. What about them?'"

"Well, what about them?" I asked. "How much do you want to cut them in for? There's a mountain range just south of town. It's visible over the whole resort area. You could name the biggest peak after yourself and let them have the lower hills. And if you want to handle the transaction," I added, lowering my voice confidentially, "you could take a piece of the action as a carrying fee. I don't have to know anything about that. We don't have to be worried about anything except the bottom line."

The Geek's eyes brightened. I never knew a Deveel who didn't like the idea of a piece of the action or adding him-self as a middleman where there was a fee involved.

"Er, how many people can I bring in as partners on that?" he asked.

I didn't ask him how many partners he had. I knew that was an elastic number. Instead, I turned to Matfany. "How many peaks in that range?"

"Visible from town? Well, sixteen you can really see, only some of em's not real impressive...."

"There you go, Geek," I said, slapping Matfany on the back to make him stop talking. "Fifteen not counting yours. Naming rights for the whole massif will run six hundred and forty gold coins. Renewable every year."

The Geek nearly coughed out his own teeth. "How much? You want me to starve? You have to be crazy! Six hundred and forty gold coins for a nontangible asset?" "it's for immortality, Geek," I said. "You're out of your mind, Aahz! A hundred is too much."

"We're talking about a whole mountain range!"

"For that much money I ought to get mineral rights, too!"

"Well, you don't," I snarled. "You get to name it. That's it"

"How much are you putting into this project?"

"My precious time," I snarled, "which you're beginning to waste." I grabbed Matfany and hauled him to his feet. "I can see you're not ready for the big time. Look, I'll just go over and talk to Gribaldi Enterprises. Grib knows a good thing, and he deals in souvenirs. It'll mean more to him than it does to you."

"Wait a minute, Aahz!" the Geek shouted. I could see that the image of a mountain with his name on it was still dancing before his eyes, not to mention lining up fifteen investors to buy the rights to the other peaks whose fees would no doubt cover the Geek's mountain and then some. "How long's this offer good for?"

"Until I get out the door," I said, towing the protesting Swamp Fox with me.

"Now, Mr. Aahz, just what's all the hurry?" Matfany asked.

"What's the hurry is that we've got a lot of stops to make. I thought the Geek would be happy to get first chance at naming rights. I'm not wrong that often, but, boy, did I blow it this time."

"No, you didn't, Aahz," the Geek said, lurching forward and grabbing my arm. "C'mon. Don't go away

mad. We're old friends. Come and sit down." He gave me an ingratiating smile. "I mean, it sounds like a great idea, but where's the return on my investment?"

My mood changed in one second from fury to graciousness. I dragged the Swamp Fox back to his chair and dropped him in it.

"I'm glad you asked me that," I said. "Foxe-Swampburg's gonna come roaring back to life. You can get in on the ground floor. You've got business interests in the Bazaar. Maybe you've got some merchandise that the tourists can't resist. I'm sure Matfany here can fix you up with office space, vendors, whatever you need to make capital out of your investment. I don't have to tell you how. Telling you how to make money out of something like this is like teaching my grandmother to suck eggs."

The compliment wasn't lost on the Geek, but he was still hesitating. I leaned up and stretched out a hand for the doorknob.

"All right!" he blurted. "You have a deal."

I turned and extended the hand to him before he could change his mind.

"Pleasure doing business with you," I said. "Let's sign some papers. Half payable in advance."

Matfany loped alongside looking worried as I strode toward my next best prospect. Having the map marked up with the Geek's signature was the best spur I could put in front of another buyer. If they saw the good stuff disappearing, they would want in. I jingled the bag of coins in my pocket. The sound added to my good mood.

"Three hundred and twenty gold coins," Guido said. "That is a very nice hunk of change for the kitty."

"Pretty good," I smirked. The Geek had negotiated me down to half, but that was to be expected. "I bet I'm winning. Skeeve couldn't possibly earn that much that fast. He just isn't the operator I am."

"Don't count him out too fast, tiger," Tananda said, catching up with me and winding her arm into mine. "He's pretty creative."

"Yeah, but would he come up with a way to make something out of nothing like we just did?" I asked. "And we're about to milk that nothing for a lot more money. All for the sake of Foxe-Swampburg, of course," I added, for the sake of the client.

Matfany's troubled expression finally broke out in words.

"Mister Aahz, I'm not sure I like this too much. The people in Foxe-Swampburg—they've always gotten by just calling things by their names."

"You don't have to use 'em," I pointed out. "No matter what you heard me say back there, naming rights doesn't convey any other rights to the sponsors. They get to put their names on a map. Whoop de doo. You don't hear about people trying to get ownership of the points they name in the Interdimensional Star Registry, do you?"

"Never heard of that," Matfany said. "Kinda the same thing, is it?"

"You bet. Some bright thinker—I bet he was a Pervect— promised some sucker that if he gave him a couple of gold pieces, that he could pick out any star on the map except the fancy ones and name it whatever he wanted. By the last count there were about a million named for girlfriends, a hundred thousand named after pets, and ten million named for NASCAR."

"What's NASCAR?" Matfany asked.

"Never mind," I said briskly. "Look, the point is that we've earned three hundred and twenty gold coins, half of it in hand. How much does the kingdom need to get out of debt?"

"About twenty times that much to start with," Matfany said, gloomily. "Mr. Aahz, there just isn't enough to sell to get that kind of capital.

"Leave that to me," I said confidently. "I've got some more ideas."

"That, sir, is what I fear," Matfany said.