Myth-Chief

THREE

In between dive-bombings, Bunny and I concentrated on hiring a couple of Deveel youths to distribute my cards to places where customers who had unanswerable questions were likely to turn up. Most of them were targeted to inns and taverns, but a few stacks went to places like the Merchants Association office, the Deveel Tourism Board, and Madam Zizzi's See the Future in Living Color emporium.

Once the first cards went out, the street outside the modest little tent was packed with would-be clients. I peered out through the flap at the crowd. Just behind me, Bunny sat at a modest-looking desk that was actually bolted to the floor with magikal rivets that would withstand even a Troll's charge. I looked again at the gathered mass. My stomach did flip-flops.

"Well?" Bunny asked.

"Better than I hoped," I said.

"Remember, most of them won't have a problem that's right for you."

"I know that." I took a deep breath. I returned to the inner office and sat at my desk, a secondhand, heavily gilded number that we had picked up for a small handful of silver coins from a traveling circus from Mexumalita. It had the benefit of looking very impressive while being inexpensive enough to be easily replaced if an overwrought client happened to damage it beyond repair. It, too, was bolted down. I had been in this dimension for a good long time.

With a flick of magik, I caused the outer tent flap to lift and darkened my office so I could see what was going on without being observed. A group of Deveels crowded in, each trying to be the first in line. Bunny stopped them with an upheld palm and a devastating smile.

"Do you have an appointment?" she asked, pertly.

The cluster of red-skinned beings came to a halt and shuffled uncomfortably.

"Uh, no," one of them finally admitted.

"The Great Skeeve sees people by appointment only," she went on. She opened a datebook that she had filled up with names and times. "I have three openings now, then another one in an hour and a half. Would any of you care to make an appointment?"

The Deveels started yelling at once. That didn't alarm me. Deveels usually do business at the top of their lungs. Bunny kept smiling as she jotted their names down. A skinny specimen named Rokra, who had managed to get his name in first, grinned triumphantly at the others as Bunny gestured him toward my door. Three of the others followed him. One of them yanked Rokra back and scrambled to take his place.

"Just a moment!" Bunny said. "Will the rest of you please sit down?"

A free-for-all started, as the four each tried to push past one another.

Time for my secret weapon.

"Gleep!"

My pet dragon shot from the fireproof pad where he had been lying in the corner of Bunny's reception room to interpose himself between the Deveels and my doorway. I smiled to myself. He might still be a baby of his kind, no more than fourteen feet long from nose to tail tip, but a dragon was a dragon. The Deveels paled to dirty pink and backpedaled. As neatly as a sheepdog, Gleep cut Rokra out of the quartet and herded him in my direction. The rest started to follow, but he whipped his head around on his long neck.

"Hissss!"

A baby dragon's flame is modest in size, but his breath could knock a charging rhinopotomos unconscious. The Deveels halted in their hoofprints.

"Uh, we'll just come back later," the Deveels agreed. They pushed their way out through the throng gathered around Bunny's desk.

Rokra still looked nervous as he walked through the illusionary darkness and emerged into my office.

"Greetings," I said, making my voice echo hollowly off the walls. The Deveel gulped, but he sat down in the thickly padded leather chair I gestured him into. "Now, what can I do for you?"

It took seconds for Rokra to get over his shock at finding a youthful, blond Klahd behind the massive desk. I waited, poised, eager to give my first new client the benefit of my experience and wisdom. What would he ask me? I could hardly wait. I hoped it was something deep. I had been doing a lot of thinking recently on why there was an "up" and a "down."

The Deveel glanced around as if to make sure the room wasn't bugged. It wasn't; I had swept it again for Shutter-bugs and Earwigs just a few moments before.

"You don't have to worry," I said austerely. "Our conference is private. Tell me what kind of problem I can help you solve."

Rokra leaned forward with an oily smile on his face.

"Well, Skeeve, I can tell you're the kind of guy who likes to get right down to business. I need you to help me take out my business partners. We started this ... er, import business together, and now I think they're planning to freeze me out. So, I want to dispose of them first."

"Murder?" I sputtered. "I don't kill people!"

"Okay, okay, don't think of it as killing them," Rokra said, hastily. "Maybe as a surprise departure from this life? Or how about this—dump them off in a dimension without magik. That'd make us both happy. They don't die, but they won't be around anymore to bollix up my business. How about it?"

"Sorry," I said, coldly, standing up. "I can recommend a couple of Guild assassins I know. Standard rates. You don't need me."

"But they're sneaky!" Rokra insisted. "Look, I heard you're the best. I need the best."

"Sorry," I repeated, a little more firmly. I beckoned, and Gleep strode into the room, preceded by an almost visible exhalation of sulfur-scented breath. "That's not what I do."

"No one knows what it is you do do," Rokra said.

"Maybe so," I agreed, "but what you want is not it. Thanks for dropping in."

Rokra tried holding on to the arms of the chair, but Gleep was good at winkling grubworms out of stumps on Klah. He wriggled his nose under the Deveel's tail and heaved upward.

Rokra shot out of the chair. "You guys, living on your reputations!" he raged.

That's all I have, I thought, as my dragon escorted him out.

The next would-be client had a proposition. Cardenilla, a tall, willowy Deveel, fluttered red eyelids at me.

"You look like the kind of guy who would understand a girl's problems," she said.

"I'll try," I promised. "What kind of question do you need answered?"

"Well," she began breathily, leaning forward so I got a generous glimpse of cleavage, "All I want is a little peace and quiet. I made a mistake, I admit it. I rented out my roof to a Gargoyle. Whenever I go past him, he dumps water on me. He's a pain in the tail. I want him gone."

"Have you tried talking to him?" I asked. This started to sound intriguing. I had a buddy who was a Gargoyle. The solid-stone guys always struck me as pretty easygoing. I wondered what had set him off. Could Gargoyles go insane? Was he interested in Cardenilla?

"Talk to him? Of course I've talked to him!" the woman said. "Big, ugly oaf. He just says that that's what Gargoyles do. He said he thought I knew. I can't stand it anymore. Please, pretty please, Mr. Skeeve. Get that beast off my roof."

"Er..." It was tempting. It would give me a chance to get to know a little more about Gargoyles. But, no. "Let me give you a referral, no charge. Try M.Y.T.H., Inc. They're really good at that kind of job. They're right here in the Bazaar. I can give you directions."

Cardenilla waved a hand. "I already talked to them."

"You did? Then what are you doing here?"

She opened large, outraged eyes at me. "They had the nerve to quote me four gold coins for the job. Four! So, I came to you."

I shook my head. "Well, my price for the job is ten."

"Ten! You're just one Klahd! Why do you cost more than twice what they're asking?"

"You pay for my time and experience," I said severely. There was no way I was going to undercut my friends.

"Well, forget it," the Deveel woman said, rising to her hooves. I could see steam trickling out of her pointed red ears. "I'm going back to them! You've got some kind of nerve! Ten gold coins, just for throwing one big, fat Gargoyle off one roof!"

She stormed out past Gleep. I sighed. His big blue eyes fixed me with a puzzled look.

"Skeeve ... okay ... ?" he asked.

Did I mention that my dragon can talk?

Gleep may only be a baby, but he's far more intelligent than anyone else realized. Even I didn't know he was that smart for a long time. Now we keep the secret between us. Not even Bunny knew. That made him my real secret weapon.

"Yes, I'm okay," I said. He lolloped over to me and slimed my face with a swipe of his long tongue. "I miss my friends."

"Still... friends," Gleep assured me. I scratched vigorously behind his ears with both hands, which caused his eyelids to droop happily. "I know. I just hope that they know it."