Myth-Chief

TWENTY-SEVEN

Massha, Nunzio, and I bounced into the office. Bunny smiled up at us from the book she was reading and reached for the ledger.

"Not that," I said, holding up a hand. "I don't have any income to report at the moment. In fact, I have a complaint."

"A complaint?" Bunny asked.

"Gleep!" My dragon had heard my voice, and came running to express his joy that I was home again. He charged into the room, and before I could yell "No!" he had launched himself in the air and knocked me flat on my back. He held me down with both forepaws as he slathered my face with his long, stinking tongue.

"I hope this contest is over soon,' Bunny said, shaking her head disapprovingly. "He never behaved like that in the inn. Bad! Bad dragon!"

My dragon stopped sliming me and sat back on his haunches. He favored Bunny with a reproachful look.

I sat up. I wiped my face with one hand and scratched the dragon behind his eye ridges with my other. Gleep crooned.

"I almost wish I was back there now," I said. "Look, when everybody agreed that the contest was to amass the greatest wealth possible for our respective clients, right?"

"Right," Bunny said. "What's the problem?"

"Aahz is sabotaging us," I said. "He's interfering with practically everything we're doing to try and earn money for Hermalaya. Someone told a toymaker here in the Bazaar he could make dolls in her image. Somebody went around selling the idea of ripping off the Cake ceremony. All of that points to Aahz,"

"That's a pretty hefty accusation," she said. "Do you have any tangible proof? Has anyone actually named Aahz?"

I grimaced. "Well, no, not used his name ... but I know it's him! Who else would have all the details of Hermalaya's life at their fingertips so he could lie about them?"

"Well, anyone who has a copy of her diary, for one," Bunny said. She held up the book on her desk. It was The Princess's Diary. "This is a third printing. We're probably talking about thousands of copies across the dimensions. And Hermalaya doesn't spare the ink when it comes to setting down her thoughts. I know everything about her except her lingerie sizes. As for the rest of the copycats, you have been getting a lot of publicity. People talk. And people who want to make money use new ideas. Didn't you?"

"Yes, but..."

BAMF!

"There he is!" Aahz pointed a claw at my nose. "What do you think you're doing, making a mess of my assets like that?"

"What?" I goggled, "I never touched your assets. What assets?"

Tananda, Matfany, and Guido all appeared behind Aahz, looking at me reproachfully.

Aahz turned to Bunny. "It's like I don't have enough problems trying to revive a has-been resort town in a hick kingdom in a backwater dimension. And it's not like I don't have enough problems dealing with people who can't take no for an answer, or poker-up-the-rear bureaucrats, or angry peasants throwing last year's produce section at me. that I have to deal with YOU short-circuiting my efforts to make things work for my client." The finger came around and poked at my nose again.

"Me?" I knew my voice went up to a squeak.

"Yeah, you! Who else would want to ruin the displays when I finally got everything negotiated to run like a top'? Who has a stake in seeing my enterprise fail? You."

I felt steam come out of my ears.

"I would never do anything like that." I protested. "I never saw your displays. In fact. I have spent the last week trying to deal with the damage you did to me and MY client. Poor Hermalaya hasn't been so embarrassed in her life. People ate calling her a phony. She's the most genuine person in the world! She used to be a respected head of state, and now she's an action figure. I fee! responsible for setting her up—for putting her in a position where someone i used to trust more than anybody could make her feel like a fool."

"Used to trust?" The veins in Aahz's eyes burst into relief. "Listen, you Klahdish pip-squeak

A piercing whistle burst in my eardrums. Both of us stopped talking. Bunny removed two fingers from her mouth.

"Gentlemen! If I may use that term without bursting into cynical laughter. You." she pointed at me. "I already heard from you. You!" she pointed at Aahz. "What is Skeeve supposed to have done to you?"

Aahz glanced sideways at Matfany, who was holding himself aloof from interacting with any of us. He looked pretty disgusted, not that I cared what he thought. I was glad that Hermalaya wasn't safely back in Possiltum.

"I ... made deals with a number of prominent businessmen who would take an interest in Foxe-Swampburg in exchange for financial consideration. It involves a certain amount of visible advertising on local landmarks."

"Glaring, vulgar displays," Matfany added.

"Yeah, it all depends on how you look at it!" Aahz snapped. I could see the honeymoon was long over between the two of them. "I conceded to local interests to ..."

"... Tone them down a little," Tananda put in, when Aahz had hesitated too long.

"Yeah! They were toned down!"

"To a dull roar," Matfany put in.

"Let me finish!" Aahz bellowed.

Bunny held up a thumb and forefinger and brought them together Everybody else closed their mouths.

"Go on," she said to Aahz.

He frowned. "From that point, they should have been fine. Then, all of a sudden, the images started fading right off the rocks and buildings. Whole billboards disappeared overnight! Salamanders started going out, or they lost their grip and fell. The Firedrakes' Union steward complained to the Geek, and he came to me. Matfany's guards questioned the protesters ..."

"Protesters?" I asked.

"Shut up," Aahz said. "They didn't have anything to do with it. The whole mess smacked of magikal interference." He glared at me. "And who has the greatest interest in seeing me fail? Skeeve!"

"I didn't do anything!" I said. "Bunny, you have to believe me. I haven't been in Foxe-Swampburg. I never got near any of his arrangements. What about Matfany? From what i hear, he's underhanded enough to cause trouble! Look what he did to Hermalaya''

The Swamp Fox was outraged. "Sir. you have no right to make such accusations."

"He's just trying to misdirect you," Aahz said. Typical behavior of someone who is guilty,"

"How could you, Skeeve?" Tananda asked, woe in her dark green eyes. "Attacking someone you don't even know. It's just so unlike you."

"It's unlike me because it wasn't me! I mean, I thought about it. Who wouldn't, after everything started to go wrong with our plans?"

"Your plans went wrong because you set them all up wrong," Aahz said, with grim glee. "Everything I ever taught you about exploiting a situation to the fullest, you seem to have forgotten. Sitting in that inn seems to have rotted your brain. Such as it is Klahds just don't have a lot of basic intelligence."

The whistle called timeout on our argument again.

"Enough with the personal remarks," Bunny said. "Some of the rest of us are Klahds, too, you know"

"No offense," Aahz said.

"I didn't sabotage anything," I said. "How can I prove that? I can't prove a negative. Look, I have been with Massha, Nunzio, Chumley, or Hermalaya almost every minute I haven't been in here."

Chumley raised a forefinger. "I say, he's right, but it doesn't take long to upset the apple cart, what? I have to be fair, Skeeve, old boy. I know you did dash in and out a few times. I'd be very disappointed if you were going off to interfere with the other side, what?"

I felt more alone than I had ever been before. "I don't know how I can convince you. I didn't do anything wrong. You have to believe me. I give you my word I wasn't involved in anything Aahz did failing."

Aahz was gloating. "If that's your story, then I didn't do anything wrong, either."

"All right, all right," Bunny said, holding up her hands. "Then, here's the new ground rules: both of you

stay away from the other. You don't interfere in what the other one is doing. You don't go near each other anywhere except here. Any conversations you have from now until the end of this contest will be held in front of witnesses, preferably in this office. Any more bad behavior means you automatically concede the contest to your opponent. Do I make myself clear?"

Very grudgingly, I choked out a yes. So did Aahz.

"Good. Both of you go away. You've been in here too long. Help your clients. Stay out of trouble. That's all. Beat it." Bunny sat down at her secretary desk and opened her copy of The Princess's Diary.

We all looked at each other. Aahz gave me a smirk.

BAMF! He, Matfany, Tananda, and Guido disappeared.

I regretted the day I gave him that D-hopper.