Out of Bight, Out of Mind

Chapter Nine

By the end of the fourth week, Emi struggled to maintain a professional façade when outside their quarters. She swore she’d suck it up and deal with it.

Forget sharing my feelings. They know how I feel. I need to deal with it.

They’d finished testing Kayehalau’s equipment on the first stop, and had left orbit the night before. This afternoon, once Kayehalau finished confirming his readings, they would jump to the next destination, do the testing there, and then they could dump him at Mars.

Four more weeks. I can make it four more weeks.

She hoped.

She also told Aaron not to order the guy to stay in cargo, but to please ask him to avoid the hydro lab and sick bay whenever possible.

It wasn’t easy. No matter how hard she tried, she felt a sickeningly dark aura from the F’ahrkay anytime she was within close proximity of him. She was the last one out of their quarters that morning, Aaron having taken the night watch. From the galley drifted the delicious aroma of bacon, eggs, and something she couldn’t place her finger on, but that had a decidedly fruity aroma.

With her stomach now grumbling, she dressed and headed out to the galley. But when she got there, she stopped cold in the doorway. Aaron and Caph were sitting at the table and eating.

Kayehalau stood at the stove, cooking. Eating cookies or other food he’d made for them ahead of time was one thing. Having to stand there with him cooking was more than she could handle.

She turned on her heel, but Aaron was faster. “Emi, come on and eat with us.”

She froze, the muscles in her neck and shoulders tensing up. “I’m good, thanks. Going to do inventory—”

“Come on, babe,” Caph chimed in. “You can grab breakfast with us. Please?”

She closed her eyes and only through sheer force of will did she force back her tears. The hopefulness she felt from Aaron and Caph barely overriding the nasty darkness she felt from Kayehalau.

Slowly turning, she kept her gaze directed at the floor so she didn’t have to look Kayehalau in the eye. “Really, guys, I’m okay. I’m not hungry.”

“It is all right,” Kayehalau said. “I shall take Ford’s plate to him on the bridge.” He picked up one large plate, and a mug of coffee, and headed out the other way.

She took a deep breath as the darkness left with him, only looking up once she knew he was gone.

Aaron’s brown gaze held concern, while Caph’s green eyes had filled with worry.

She started to head for the counter to grab herself a bagel when Aaron stood. “Em, please. Sit down. I’ll fix you a plate.”

“No, it’s okay, I—”

“That wasn’t a request, sweetheart.”

She swallowed hard and looked at him. I will not cry. I will not cry, dammit!

“Please? I would be so proud of you if you did.”

Not wanting to disappoint him or make herself feel even worse for not being professional, she gave in. Aaron walked over to her and gently led her to the chair next to Caph. When she sat, Caph immediately slung an arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek. “It’s okay, babe. Please eat with us.”

“He cooked?”

“He’s a good cook. Not the first meal he’s cooked for us, either. You’ve liked the other stuff he made. We just never told you he made it.”

She’d deal with that betrayal later. “I didn’t have to stand there while he made it, either.” Aaron brought her over a plate. She studied it. “What is it?”

“Bacon, eggs, and crepes with fruit and cream cheese fillings. He’s obviously not poisoning us.”

She glared up at him.

“He’s trying. He’s really, really trying. He understands how you feel, and he’s completely sympathetic to it. Under the circumstances, I’d say he’s being damn generous. You’ve done nothing but avoid him, and he’s cooking breakfast trying to make you feel more comfortable.”

She clenched her jaw to hold back the scathing retort she wanted to scream at him. That they weren’t feeling what she felt. That they had no idea what she was going through around him.

And how much she hated herself for not being strong enough to just put those same feelings aside and ignore them. She felt worse than guilty.

She felt like a failure as a doctor and an officer.

Aaron sat back down with them to finish his food. The three of them were still sitting there eating when Kayehalau returned from the bridge. She felt his approach before he ever entered the galley.

He didn’t smile or make any other facial expressions at them, which she’d learned was normal for their kind, but he did slowly bow his head in her direction.

“I hope it is to your pleasing, Dr. Hypatia.”

She also noticed he used the men’s first names, but always addressed her by her title or last name.

She took a deep breath, her stomach threatening to rebel against the food she’d just eaten despite how good, in fact, it was. “Yes, Kayehalau. It’s very good. And…” She swallowed hard. “Please, you can call me Emi. I’m sorry I’m not handling this very well.”

“It is all right, Doc—Emi. Thank you. I understand. Aaron has explained to me your empath senses. I am truly sorry my presence causes you distress.”

Now she felt mega-guilty in addition to wanting to hurl, despite how his creepy, flat tone of voice always wigged her out. “I’ll get through it. It’s all right.”

He looked at her plate. “Oh. You did not get any of the compote.” He grabbed a small pot off the stove’s back burner and carried it over to the table, a small ladle in his other hand. “It is strawberry. From the ones you brought up from the hydro lab. It is supposed to go on top of the crepes. Would you care for some?”

She glanced first at Aaron, then at Caph. She nodded. “Thank you. That would be nice.”

He bowed his head to her again and ladled some of the compote over her remaining crepe. Under the table from either side of her, both Caph and Aaron patted her thighs. The happy feelings she felt from them for her making the effort almost helped counteract the ominous cloud.

Almost, but not quite.

She somehow survived breakfast. Yes, the food tasted great. Good, it didn’t poison her. But she still felt even more than out of kilter. As she sat in sick bay and tried to focus on reports, she had trouble pulling her thoughts together. Like she’d developed a sudden case of the scatterbrains.

Then again, she had felt out of sorts ever since leaving Robards Alpha.

Must be the stress of dealing with the guy.

It had grown more pronounced every day since their departure. She could walk down to get something from a storage locker, and then get there without a clue as to why she’d gone in the first place. To the point she’d started making herself little notes on her handheld.

She knew the paranoia was in no small part a result of the stress she felt over Kayehalau’s presence on their ship. But even she was beginning to wonder if maybe she needed a checkup of her own.

When she thought about her breakdown a few days earlier, after Kayehalau walked in on her little striptease, she sat back and closed her eyes and tried to firmly pull her mind into objective doctor mode.

If this were any other patient, experiencing symptoms that appeared to grow progressively worse, she’d order blood work, scans, and a complete physical to see if there were any abnormalities.

Okay. That I can do.

Having something to focus on made her feel a little better. She walked over to the exam room and prepped a few things. Then she shoved the sleeve of her sweatshirt up past her elbow and tied on a tourniquet. She quickly drew three vials of her blood, shaking each vial to mix the blood with the medium inside. Finished with that, she stuck a bandage on her arm and hooked the vials into the computer for testing.

One down.

It would take a couple of hours for the computer to complete the battery of tests she’d selected, over sixty, which would give her a thorough starting point.

Something deep inside her intuition told her the answer didn’t lie there, but she’d do it anyway.

Kayehalau didn’t appear during lunch, but he’d prepared them a delicious spinach and cheese quiche and left it cooling on the counter. Aaron had already taken a piece and headed back to the bridge. Emi eyed it with suspicion, waiting so long that Ford finally fixed her a plate and forced her to take it.

“You know, you need to take it easy, babe,” he said. “I can feel your tension, and I’m not even empathic.”

She glared at him as she sat at the table. With an acerbic retort on the tip of her tongue, she stopped, took a deep breath, and forced herself to relax. “I’m not feeling very good.”

Caph looked concerned. “You all right?”

“I don’t know.” She picked up her fork and stabbed at the end of the piece of quiche. “I did a blood draw on myself a little while ago. The computer’s crunching through it now.”

“What’s going on?” Ford asked.

“I. Don’t. Know.” She caught herself and tried again. “Maybe it’s more than just Kayehalau. Maybe there’s something wrong with me. I don’t know.”

Ford took her hand in his. “Hey, why don’t you come down to engineering with me after we finish eating? Kayehalau won’t be anywhere around, and I’ll go over the jump engines with you.”

She mustered a smile. “Again?”

He grinned. “Again. I’ll explain them to you a million times if you want me to.”

She took a deep breath and picked up her fork again. The quiche did taste delicious. “All right. Deal.”