Out of Bight, Out of Mind

Chapter Seventeen

Ford sat up as a message icon blinked on the command console. Aaron hadn’t been to the bridge in days. He was holed up in the hydroponics lab. Caph could barely function and would spend hours sitting on the bridge with Bucky in his hand as he stared at the vid screen. Ford had taken to slipping antidepressants into Caph’s morning juice to keep him vertical and out of bed.

Ford couldn’t remember the last time either of the other two men spoke.

Ford, however, refused to let go of his hope that they would find her one day. That she would come back to them.

But he had quit speaking of it. It angered Aaron and saddened Caph, both of whom wanted to sink into their grief and guilt.

Still, he wouldn’t accept it. Not when he felt in his soul she was alive.

He opened the message. They were to proceed to the Robards Alpha space station for supplies and a debriefing. A DSMC psychologist would meet them there to evaluate them so Graymard could decide if they would be pulled from duty or not.

Aaron originally swore he would refuse to relinquish their ship, wanting to keep searching for Emi, but Ford knew the new truth—Aaron might not have the heart to stay. The Tamora Bight was full of memories, everywhere they turned, of Emi. Ford was the only one who could set foot in the sick bay. Caph refused to go to the hydro lab, where she’d spent a lot of time working and enjoying the plants.

Ford couldn’t look at the Java Max Excel 10k coffeemaker without wanting to cry when he made his coffee every morning. Several mornings he had caught himself before he fixed Emi’s cup first, like he used to do.

Ford confirmed receipt of the message and signed Aaron’s command code. Aaron had, in every way but officially, turned over his captaincy to Ford. Caph had already changed the log to appoint Ford the first officer and himself the mate.

How did he keep the two men going?

At least when Kels had died, they had a focus, Caph and him, to keep Aaron alive and heal his body and mind. Without that, they were all adrift.

The station was too close to make a jump practical. Ford set course. It would take them nearly two months to get there.

He didn’t bother to tell Aaron about it. He’d find out eventually.

Ford sat in the command chair while Caph manned the nav console. “Robards Alpha Dockmaster, this is DSMC Vessel Tamora Bight. Where you want us?”

“Welcome back, Captain. We’re putting you in berth A-12 because you’re a full heavy and it’s the only berth I’ve got available right now that’s big enough to hold you. Congrats, you get the VIP quarters.”

Ford didn’t bother correcting the dockmaster’s use of “captain.” “Say again?”

“We have to put you next to the Beyant emissary vessel, B’autachia. They’re a battle cruiser. Be prepared for a pretty significant security presence in the station, but they’ll be gone in a few hours. They’re heading for Mars after they pick up a diplomatic escort convoy and some supplies. Our newest treaty race. Well, they will be once they get to Mars and sign on the line.”

“Roger that. Locking on nav beacon now.”

Ford sat back and let the auto systems take over. Caph passively watched the vid screen and said nothing.

In his hand he held Bucky.

Caph hadn’t said anything in the past week. Ford had consulted with the computer references and tinkered with his med doses, wanting him fully functional for their talk with the shrink, but he thought he might have to bump the dosage up even more after today.

Caph was a large man with an even larger well of grief.

Aaron had taken to sleeping in the hydro lab. They hadn’t seen their other lover in nearly two weeks. Ford only knew he was okay because he checked him with the scanners several times a day, tracking him through his chip. Aaron timed his galley visits for when they were on the bridge, and left messages for them for when he would take watches. He always waited until they left the bridge, and he departed the bridge before the next man went on duty. Baskets of fresh fruit and vegetables would appear on the galley counter once or twice a day.

Ford wasn’t looking forward to the confrontation he knew was coming.

An hour later they were docked, and their umbilicals and main and cargo gangways had been connected and secured.

“Feel free to debark when you want,” the dockmaster said, “but you will find a guard when you come out. He’ll escort you to the office here so you can get special security access passes.”

“Roger. Tamora Bight out.”

Ford took a deep breath and headed for the hydro lab. When he entered, he found Aaron sitting on a mattress in the back of the room. He was staring at the ceiling, which was barely visible now for all of the vines growing up trellising wires that crisscrossed the room.

He’d set the window sims to show Bozeman, Montana. Emi’s favorite setting.

Ford sat on the floor in front of him and waited for Aaron to finally look at him.

“What?” Aaron softly asked.

“We’re here, Cap.”

“Where?”

“Robards Alpha station. Talk with the head shrinker. You need to get your head on straight, or we’ll end up losing the TB and getting a one-way return ticket to Earth.”

Aaron’s eyes swiveled back to the ceiling. “Em loved it here.”

Ford knew now was not the time to have an in-depth discussion with him. “If you want to keep it, for her, I need your help. I’ve got to get the big guy talking again. I’ve already got him dosed up enough to make an asteroid sing and dance, but it’s not working. I can’t do this without you. You’ve got to pull your weight, Aar. I need you. Caph needs you.”

Aaron slowly nodded. “I’ll be up in a while.”

He’d also said that three weeks earlier, the last time Ford had tried to coax him up from the hydro lab.

This time, Ford was pleasantly surprised when Aaron showed up on the bridge fifteen minutes later. His eyes looked red, like he’d been crying. He walked over to Caph and laid a hand on his shoulder. “How you doing, buddy?”

Caph stared out the front vid screens and shook his head. Tears rolled down his cheeks.

Aaron knelt next to him. Ford knew it was an award-winning act Aaron put on for their lover. “Hey, Caph,” he gently said, “I need you. Motormouth has been pulling our share of the weight. But as bad as this is, I don’t want to get stuck on a rock. We can’t do anything for her stuck back on Earth. We can’t let Ford down, okay?”

Caph nodded. Aaron hugged him as Caph cried against his shoulder. “I miss her so much, Aar. I dream about her every night. I wake up thinking about her.”

Ford forced himself not to join their group hug. He stood back and watched, his own tears flowing.

“I know, buddy,” Aaron soothed. “Me, too. I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you. I’m here now, I promise.”

“Can we…can we get her a place by Kels? On Mars? I mean…” He sobbed. “I know she’s not there but it’s something.”

Ford spotted Aaron’s tears as he stroked the large man’s hair. “Yeah, of course we can. Absolutely. Whatever you want, big guy.”

Caph’s anguished cries ripped Ford’s heart. He sensed his two lovers needed this together, would never heal if it was simply him trying to bring them back together.

Eventually, Aaron looked at Ford and held out a hand to him. Ford took that as his cue to join them.

Aaron kissed him. “I’m sorry, man,” Aaron whispered. “I’m sorry I checked out. What would we do without you taking care of us?”

Ford closed his eyes. Maybe now they could heal together. It would always hurt, and Ford would never give up hope, but maybe a tentative healing was possible. “I love you guys. I can’t not take care of you.”

They all debarked, received their passes, and went to their appointment with the shrink. After three hours, he deemed them duty-worthy and released them. Graymard had left word to allow them another two months of search time, if they wanted to take it, before their next assignment. Or if they wanted R&R, they could spend it at the resort.

To accomplish that feat, the three men had lied through their teeth and told the shrink what Ford had prompted them to say, the key points he knew the shrink would look for to determine emotional fitness, but it worked.

Aaron and Caph returned to the Tamora Bight, while Ford wanted to explore. The station was a distraction. He needed to look at something besides the same walls.

He really needed a fucking drink.

Erin nervously clung to Yanna’s side as they were led through the space station. Things looked familiar in shops. She could read many of the signs in standard, but nothing jogged her memory even though it felt like she’d been there before.

They met with the representatives from the Interstellar Treaty Coalition in the station commander’s office. Despite the growing feeling she’d definitely been there in that office before, Erin ignored her increasing discomfort while she and Yanna translated for the ambassador. She noted the confused stares of the men on the coalition committee, as well as the station’s commander, and felt their overwhelming curiosity over her appearance.

“Is there a problem, gentlemen?” she finally asked. Only one of the ISTC representatives, the one from Earth, was Terran, although they all spoke excellent English standard.

The Earth representative spoke. “You’re…not Beyant. Are you?”

Her skin had darkened a little due to the minerals in their water, but was nowhere near the orange tint of the men. “No, I’m not.”

“Terran?”

Yanna spoke up. “But she is my sister. Adopted. She is part of the official diplomatic party, as defined by treaty protocols.”

“And your name?” the Earth ambassador asked her.

“I am Erin Cafford Raoulx. Ambassador Raoulx’s daughter. Why?”

Commander Dobros, who ran the station, shook his head. “You look vaguely familiar.”

He, however, didn’t personally ring any bells in her memory despite her feelings about the office itself.

She had asked her new “family” not to mention how she’d come to be with them, and they respected her wishes. Erin wanted nothing to interfere with the Beyant treaty process. She feared the revelation of how she’d joined them would at the very least be a distraction. At the worst, it could potentially derail the process, regardless of how good their intentions had been.

Especially if it turned out she’d been on the run, an interstellar criminal. She suspected she’d been running from something. That was one of the few things that felt certain in the nebulous dark region of her mind that refused to give up its secrets.

And the uneasy feeling that filled her from being in the station commander’s office only reinforced that.

She wanted to wait until they reached Mars to reveal the truth to Terran authorities and research her past. Then she would be protected no matter what she discovered.

The trip to Mars would take four months Earth time, and in her heart it felt like a safe place to go. Perhaps even a familiar place. She couldn’t explain why it seemed that way to her, but she didn’t want to be separated from her new family in space. Surely she could stay missing a little longer.

These men had taken a huge risk saving her life. She wanted to pay them back by helping them sign the treaty and join the ISTC.

She remembered all too well the nasty taste of fear in her mouth when she first awoke on board the B’autachia. She had felt no fear since, except when trying to coax meaning from her hazy early memories. And when racing to save the ambassador’s life.

She felt safe with the Beyants.

She felt like she was home.

She felt like she had a family.

She wasn’t willing to trade her safety and the love of these men for anything. Not even for the disembodied voice of the man called Ford that she couldn’t bear to listen to anymore because it hurt too much to miss someone whose face she couldn’t even recall.

She still wore her rings. She’d confirmed it meant she had likely been married. Who knew if her husband was even alive?

These men needed her. Her fluency in Beyant and in English standard meant their final negotiations would go much faster and easier and with far less risk of misunderstandings or delays.

The ambassador returned to the ship while Yanna wanted Erin to have a chance to see the station in the hopes it might help jog her memory. On their way through the station, she smelled something, stopped, and grabbed Yanna’s arm. “Yanna, wait.”

Everyone stopped. “What, a’tein?” he asked.

She deeply inhaled, a word magically coming to mind. “Cheeseburgers!”

He laughed, obviously amused. “What?”

Their Terran security escorts watched as she excitedly discussed the restaurant in Beyant with Yanna. Then he turned to the guards. “She wants to eat. There. Is that permissible?”

The men quickly conferred with their commander, who said as long as the Beyants didn’t interact directly with anyone but their guards, they would allow it. They had already set up an expense account funded by Beyant money and converted to coalition currency.

Erin clung to Yanna’s arm as she read the menu, her eyes wide with excitement. She realized she recognized all the offerings. She spoke to the security officer in charge. “A cheeseburger, rare, with cheese and mayo and ketchup. And french fries! Oh, and a salad! And a vanilla shake and water!” She laughed. “Oh my gods, I can’t believe it. I know these things!”

The security officers didn’t try to make sense of her joy. They simply ordered for her. She knew a few of the things were safe for Yanna and let him taste those while she savored her meal.

Yanna sat across the table from her while the security force stood around, keeping a perimeter around the Beyants. The Beyants watched her eat, amused by her joy.

“If you enjoy these things, a’tein, I will never begrudge you having them,” Yanna said.

She chewed and swallowed a french fry. “You don’t like it?”

He shrugged. “It is all right. It is not what I am used to.” He thought for a moment, then turned to the security officers. “Can you add items our cargo list?”

“Sure.” He pulled out a handheld to make notes.

“Can you arrange to get us a variety of Terran food for her? I am sure she would love that.”

Erin was too busy slowly chewing her cheeseburger to pay much attention.

“Yeah. We can do that. That shouldn’t be a problem. How much and what?”

Yanna pointed to Erin. “Whatever common Terran foods someone might enjoy, enough to well supply her for our journey to Mars and then some. And a portable Terran water filtration system, if possible.”

“You got it.” He tapped notes into his handheld. A moment later, he nodded. “Confirmed. They’re compiling an order for you now. Do you want to approve it before it’s finalized?”

“No, that is not necessary. Thank you for your assistance.” Yanna smiled at Erin. “It is good?” he asked her.

She sighed, happy and quickly growing full. “It’s very good.”

Ford found a bar and quickly drowned his sorrows. He kept enough senses about him not to get so drunk he couldn’t get himself back to the Bight alone.

On his return stumble to the hangars, he encountered a crowd in one of the shopping and dining districts. He asked one of the men standing on the outskirts what was going on.

“Beyants. Apparently one of their gang loves Earth food. They’ve taken over a restaurant. Security’s keeping a cordon around them since they’re pre-treaty. They’re almost done.”

Ford edged around the crowd, trying to get past, not caring about the stupid political bullshit. As he moved by the last guard, he thought he caught the sound of a woman’s voice.

His heart nearly seized in his chest.

Emi.

As he listened, he realized it couldn’t be her. The voice wasn’t speaking English. He didn’t know what she was saying. While the sound crushed his soul, he knew it couldn’t be her.

However, he still found himself unable to resist seeing who she was. He turned and watched the Beyant party, surrounded by both Beyant guards and station security forces, leave the restaurant. A tall Beyant man walked in the middle if the group, his head bent as if listening to someone much shorter walking with him on his far side.

The woman’s voice grew louder, clearer.

“Emi.” He realized he’d spoken out loud. It had to be her.

He spotted the woman, finally, but…

Part of him wanted to dive into the group and get a better look. Same height, but her hair was a different color and shorter, her skin tone different.

But she even gestured the same way Emi did as she talked. The Beyant man smiled and hooked an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to him and laughing as he did. She was Emi’s height and build, although looking far thinner and more gaunt around the face.

As if Emi had lost a lot of weight. Maybe from time spent starving in a lifepod?

Stupidity won out. Ford took a step toward the group, but a station security guard stopped him. “No way, buddy. Diplomatic party. No contact with them until they get their treaty signed.”

“I’ve got to talk to her!”

“To who?”

“That woman!”

The guard looked at the departing group. “Her?”

“Yeah! That’s my wife, I know it! She’s been missing over five months!”

The guard snorted with amusement as he got a whiff of Ford’s breath. “Go sober up, buddy. That’s Erin Cafford Raoulx, the Beyant ambassador’s daughter.”

The guards let people through after the diplomatic group had left the area via the VIP high-security lifts. Ford raced to the hangars and got there in time to watch as the group disappeared into the Beyant vessel.

Before they did, he heard the woman laugh.

Emi. He’d swear it.

His security pass allowed him to freely move about the docking area. He had to get into the Beyant ship, find her, talk to her.

And he didn’t have time to get Caph and Aaron.

He spotted one of the dockhands, one he’d met before during their last stay at the station, bringing a large cargo palette into the docking area. Ford tried to look nonchalant as he walked over.

“Is that for us, Max?”

“Naw, this is for the Beyant vessel. Weird last-minute order of Terran food and supplies.”

“Here, let me help you.”

“Thanks, Ford. I appreciate it.” Ford, walking on Max’s far side, helped him navigate the large palette up to the cargo gangway. The security guard glanced at Max’s pass, didn’t look closely at Ford’s, and waved them in.

The Beyant cargo bay was deserted. Desperate, Ford looked around as he helped Max move the palette over to a glowing position beacon next to several other cargo stacks. “Is this the only one?” Ford asked.

Max glanced at his holo tag. “Two more besides this one.”

“Hey, look. Why don’t I grab one while you get the other? Get it done faster.” He forced a laugh. “Means you can get us loaded more quickly.”

Max smiled. “I wondered what was up. You in a hurry to blow this pop stand?”

“Yeah, you might say that.”

“Okay. I’ll get this one secured if you want to go grab the next one for me.” He handed Ford a holo tag key for the palette. “That one.”

On his way out of the cargo bay, Ford made sure his pass was lying backward against his shirt. He held up the holo tag key to show the guard as he walked out. “Gotta get another one.”

The guard nodded, unconcerned.

Ford quickly found the palette, passing Max on the way back to the ship. “I’ll go dump this one for you and then I need to get back to the Bight. I’ve gotta use the head really bad.”

“No problem. Thanks for the help, man. I appreciate it.”

Ford swallowed back his nerves. “No problem.”

The guard was busy talking with another guard and didn’t even look as Ford walked past him and into the cargo hold. Inside the cargo hold, Ford quickly positioned the palette, then ran for the far side of the cargo bay, near what he assumed was a bulkhead door leading to the rest of the ship. He tried it and found it open. No crew in sight, he spied a small hatch nearby in the interior hallway and found a storage locker. After confirming he wouldn’t get locked in, he crawled inside and buried himself behind a pile of what he guessed were spare air scrubber filters.

Then he turned off his personal com link and waited.

Aaron stared at the command console. Ford had been gone over four hours. This wasn’t like him.

He looked up as movement on the vid screen display caught his eye. The Beyant ship had been released from dock and was pulling out.

After briefly checking the ship’s scanners to make sure Ford wasn’t on board, Aaron paged Ford’s personal com link. “Aaron to Ford, over.”

Silence.

After a minute, he tried again. “Ford, this is Aaron. Where the hell are you? Over.”

Ten minutes later, and still no reply. Aaron paged the dockmaster’s office. “This is the Tamora Bight. Is my first officer there? Ford Caliban?”

“Sorry, Captain. Haven’t seen him.” Aaron heard muttering in the background. “Oh, wait, sorry. Max did see him. He said Ford helped him load a couple of palettes onto the Beyant ship, then said he was returning to the Bight.”

“Thanks.” He activated the ship’s scanners again. Still no Ford. Caph was taking a nap in their quarters, his exhaustion, grief, and copious amounts of antidepressants catching up with him.

Aaron didn’t want to do it, but he paged the station’s security office via video com. “This is Captain Aaron Lucio from the Tamora Bight. Do you have one of my guys there? Maybe sleeping one off?” Wouldn’t be the first time MPs had brought Ford or Caph back.

“No, Captain. Sorry. Why, you missing someone?”

Aaron didn’t want to admit it, but he’d run out of options. “Yeah, my first officer’s missing. It’s not like him to lose contact like this.”

“What’s his name?”

“Ford Caliban.”

“Hold on a minute.” The security officer looked something up. “I have record of his pass going out to C level, staying there for a while at one of the bars, then returning to the hangar over two hours ago.”

What the fuck? “Two hours ago?”

“Yeah.” The officer’s expression turned serious on the video com. “You’d better patch me in to your personnel chip array system.”

Aaron did, allowing the security officer emergency access to the frequencies on their chips. “I’m seeing you and a Caphis Bates on board your vessel. No Ford Caliban on your vessel. But…” The security officer frowned. “Who’s this other one?” he asked.

“What other one?”

“This other chip. Dr. Emilia Hypatia. We only issued you three security passes. Why wasn’t she listed on your crew roster?”

Aaron swallowed back a dangerous lump that threatened to choke him. “She is…was our wife and med officer.”

“Captain, that’s a serious security breach. You’re required to have all ship’s personnel registered with the dockmaster’s office. Regardless, she’s with Caliban. Well, they’re on the same vessel, anyway.”

Aaron couldn’t suck in air. “What?”

“Yeah.”

“Impossible.”

“Not according to my sensors. And…wait. Ford Caliban and Dr. Hypatia are no longer on the station. I’m catching a faint blip of his and Dr. Hypatia’s chips. Damn. They just left range.”

Aaron forced breath into his lungs. “What? That can’t be. She’s been gone for months.” He felt pain in his hand and looked down to see his fingers digging into the arms of the command chair. He let go and flexed his fingers.

On the video screen, Aaron watched the security officer shake his head. “I’m showing Dr. Hypatia was in the station for several hours. She got here before you did, according to our security records. Never left the ship. She stayed on board the whole time, but departed when Ford Caliban did. Same vessel.”

Aaron’s composure fractured. Control escaped him. “She’s dead!” he screamed. “We lost her five months ago! What kind of sick fucking joke is this?”

“Calm down, Captain. She can’t be dead. The chip was active, although now that I’m looking at the readings, it looks like it might have been removed from her. But no doubt about it, it’s her chip.”

“Where. Is. Ford?” he demanded through clenched teeth.

The security officer checked his screen. “Looks like…oh fuck. Only one vessel it could be.”

“What?”

“Well, based on Dr. Hypatia’s time of arrival and on how they both left range together, they must be on the B’autachia.”

Caph, roused from sleep by Aaron screaming at him over the ship’s intercom, came pounding onto the bridge. “What the fuck? What’s wrong?”

“Prepare to leave. Now.” Aaron punched the com link to the dockmaster’s office. “This is the Tamora Bight. We need to depart now. Emergency.”

“Whoa, Captain. Cool your jets. You’re not scheduled to go for another hour.”

“Do not argue with me, dammit. We have to leave. Now. I don’t have time to explain.”

“Sure, calm down. We’ll get you unhooked. I’ll dispatch a crew. Give us fifteen and give the ’tude a chill, why doncha?”

Caph slid into his chair, set Bucky on the console in front of him, and started going over his assigned preflight checklists. “Where’s Ford?”

Aaron didn’t answer him as he overrode Ford’s terminal and frantically punched commands into the ship’s computer in preparation to depart.

Caph turned to him. “Aaron, did you hear me? Where the fuck is Ford?”

How do I tell him? That apparently Ford ran off on some sort of wild chase? It couldn’t be a coincidence that Emi’s chip was sensed on the same ship Ford left on. He couldn’t tell Caph that, not when the big guy was finally showing signs of coming out of his grief. “I think he cracked under pressure, got drunk off his ass, and found his way onto the wrong ship. We have to go after him.”

“Oh, fuck. What ship?”

“The Beyant battle cruiser.”

Caph stared at him for a moment, jaw gaping. “Holy fuck.”

Aaron and Caph quickly got under way. It took them two hours to catch up to the convoy’s trailing security vessel. “Pan, pan, pan. Emergency hail. This is Captain Aaron Lucio of the DSMC Vessel Tamora Bight to the rear ship in the Beyant escort security crew.”

A few seconds later, a man responded. “Tamora Bight, this is Commander Jared Logans, ISNC Vessel Praunglia. What can we do for you, Captain Lucio?”

“I’ve got a missing crewman who apparently found his way onto that Beyant battle cruiser. I need to get him back ASAP.”

Aaron heard a flurry of garbled talk before the commander returned to the com link. “Um, sorry, no can do, Captain. I doubt that happened, but even if it did, they’re untouchable until we get to Mars.”

“It did happen, because the station security office tracked his chip. And what do you mean they’re untouchable until Mars? I’ve got to get my man back.”

The other man’s voice grew hard. “They are not officially a treaty race yet. To prevent any misunderstandings they are required to maintain radio silence and be in a no-contact status, unless they have an emergency on their vessel requiring them to ask for assistance. Meaning only in the case they need to abandon ship. Likewise, we are not allowed to contact them for anything other than official communiqués. If you’ve got a runaway crewman, he’s stuck there until Mars. All we are allowed to do is transmit navigational info, coordinates, and docking info to them via official and secured channels.”

Aaron felt a tension headache threatening. A dangerous throbbing pounded behind his eyes. “How long until we get to Mars?”

“At this speed? Nearly four months. You’re welcomed to tag along behind our convoy, Captain. Or go ahead and meet us there, if you’ve got jump-cap. But be warned, if you try to interfere with this convoy in any way, we will be forced to disable your vessel and take you into custody.”

Aaron signed off and pounded on the arm of the command chair. “Fuck!”