Out of Bight, Out of Mind

Chapter Eighteen

Yanna sat across the mess hall table and smiled with amusement as Erin closed her eyes and slowly chewed, savoring the Terran food.

“This. Is. Heaven,” she whispered.

“Good?”

“Great! You are the best big brother ever.”

“Ever?”

“Ever.”

“You can’t remember if you had a big brother or not. How do you know there’s not one better than me?”

“Any brother who would do this for me has to be the best ever.” She finished her food and let out a burp. “Excuse me.”

“That sounds like an approval.”

“You have no idea how good that was. Not that your food isn’t good,” she quickly added, “but…” She shrugged.

He nodded. “I completely understand, a’tein. I am sure I would feel the same way in your situation.”

She accompanied Yanna to the bridge for a little while, then went to her cabin to take a nap and sleep off her full tummy. They were on their way to Mars, finally. Possibly on the way to finding out who she was. As soon as they had the treaty signed, she would be protected, as would the Beyants, by the treaty. Then she wouldn’t have to worry about the men facing any sanctions for not turning her over immediately.

And if she couldn’t figure out who she was, or didn’t like what she found out, she would be free to remain with them for as long as she wanted. No one could force her to stay on Mars if she didn’t want to. She was officially a Beyant.

Maybe selfish on her part, but she wasn’t about to give up a sure thing for a wispy, scary what-if past.

Ford belatedly realized maybe the whiskey had played too much of a part in his decision. As he sobered up, his head throbbing with pain from the hangover, he realized how badly he’d fucked up. They were under way. A few times he’d heard crew walk past his hiding spot.

Aaron and Caph had to be panicked by now.

But that woman was Emi. He was sure of it.

The only way to know is to find her for myself.

He carefully moved the filters out of the way and listened at the locker hatch. Silence. Working slowly, he carefully opened the hatch and climbed out into the deserted corridor.

He had no idea where to go, and the occasional placards on the walls were written in Beyant. Praying they wouldn’t kill him outright or dump him out an air lock before he found Emi, he slowly made his way down the large corridor until he rounded a corner and nearly walked headlong into a Beyant crew member.

Ford didn’t know who was more shocked, himself or the Beyant.

Ford held up his arms in what he hoped was a universal sign of surrender. “Emi. Dr. Hypatia. Please, take me to her.”

The Beyant looked terrified. He screamed at him while pointing at the floor. Ford slowly sat, keeping his arms over his head as the guy ran over to a panel and paged someone. Within a minute he was surrounded by armed Beyant guards who nervously trained their weapons on him.

“Emi,” he begged. “Please. Just let me see her. I know she’s here. Please?”

One of the guards stepped forward. “English standard?” he said, his accent thick.

Ford nodded, relieved. “Yes, I speak English standard.”

More agitated jabbering amongst themselves in Beyant before another man showed up. The new guy pointed to himself. “Pabo.” He pointed at Ford. “Your name?”

“Ford Caliban.”

“Ford?”

He nodded.

More jabbering and conversing over their com system between Pabo and someone else.

Finally, Pabo pointed at him. “Up. Now.”

Ford kept his arms up and slowly stood. They frisked him and let him keep his wallet, handheld, and picture card, but they kept their weapons trained on him.

“Arms down,” Pabo said, waving at him.

He lowered his arms. “Please, take me to Emi.”

“Who?”

“Emi.”

Pabo looked confused. “Who Emi? No Emi here.”

“She’s a woman. A human woman. I know she’s on board, I saw her.”

Pabo shook his head again. “Only one woman. No Emi.”

“But I saw her with you guys on the station. I know it’s her.” He pointed to his left hand, where he still wore his wedding band. “Emi. My wife. She has to be here. I saw her get on board with some of your guys.”

Pabo’s eyes widened. He grabbed Ford’s hand and stared at the ring as he jabbered at another Beyant guard. Then, in standard, he asked, “What this mean?”

“It’s my wedding ring. The woman with you, Emi. Does she have one, too? Like this?” The distinctive and unique pattern was a matched set. Emi’s ring matched all three of their bands. He pulled out his picture card and scrolled through it, stopping at one that showed all four of them. He pointed to her. “That’s Emi.”

The man shook his head as he stared at it. “No Emi. Erin.”

Ford struggled against his hangover and frustration. “No, that’s not Aaron. That’s Emi.” He pointed at Aaron. “That’s Aaron.” He pointed at Emi again. “Emi. She’s my wife.”

“No. No Emi. Erin,” Pabo said.

Ford’s patience hung by a thread, compounded by his throbbing headache. It’d be worth attacking these guys just to get himself killed and put out of his misery, but he had to find out for sure. “Eh-meee,” he slowly said, tapping the picture card again. “Not Aaron. Emi. A Terran woman. Aaron’s a man. Emi is my wife. Aaron is my husband. That male there.”

Pabo shook his head. “No,” he said with every ounce of the conviction Ford was feeling. “I tell you. No Emi.” He pointed at Emi. “Erin. Erin Cafford Raoulx.” He frowned, looking suspicious. “What you want with Erin?”

Ford cried, unable to hold back any longer. “What the fuck is wrong with you people? That’s not Aaron! Aaron is on our ship. He’s a man, with a dick and testicles.” He shook the picture card. “This is Emi. Please, Emi is our wife. A human woman. We thought she was dead. If she’s here, take me to her. Please.”

“I know what woman is. I know what man is. Erin is ambassador’s daughter. Woman, not man.” Pabo herded Ford along the corridor ahead of him. “Come now. This way. Bridge. Talk to Commander Raoulx.”

When the guards led Ford to the bridge, the tall man Ford had seen on the station was pacing the deck. Up close, Ford could tell the Beyant stood even taller than Caph.

And he wasted no time crossing the bridge and getting in Ford’s face, towering over him. “Who are you? How dare you stow away on our ship?” His English standard was far better than the other man’s.

Ford held up his hands. “Please, I just want to see Emi.” If he was wrong, he’d let them kill him. He didn’t care anymore. “My wife, Emi. I know she’s here. I saw her with you on the space station.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the photo card again. “See? Emi.” He glared at Pabo. “That idiot keeps asking about Aaron. Aaron’s our husband. This is Emi. My wife. A Terran female. Woman.”

He didn’t miss the look of shock in the Beyant commander’s face as he stared at the picture card. Before Ford could react, the Beyant grabbed Ford’s shirt and hauled him up to his toes. “What do you want with Erin?” he growled in Ford’s face. “Why do you want her?”

Ford felt what little remained of his control dissolve. He either wanted to be reunited with Emi…or he wanted these guys to just put him out of his misery. “Fuck! What the hell is it with you people? Why do you keep calling Aaron a woman? You speak standard. I’m a man. Aaron is a man. Emi is a female, a woman.” Tears streaming down his face, Ford babbled out the story as best he could, ending with seeing Emi with them on the space station. As the story progressed, the Beyant’s expression softened. He eventually released Ford and turned away from him.

Ford sank to his knees, holding the picture card up to the commander as if in prayer. “Please! If she’s here and she’s alive, please, take me to her.” He pointed at the picture of all of them. “This is our family,” he said, showing it to the guy. “That’s me and Emi and Aaron and Caph.”

The Beyant turned, his brow scrunched. “What was your name again?”

Ford struggled to hold on to his fraying sanity. “My name is Ford, for chrissake. I’m Ford.”

“And the other two men? What did you call them?”

“Aaron and Caph.”

He looked thoughtful. “Aaroncaphford?”

Ford nodded. Finally, this guy was starting to get it. “Yes! Aaron, Caph, and Ford. I’m Ford.”

The Beyant walked over to one of his men and spoke to him. The man nodded and his fingers flew over the console. Ford heard his own voice, and Emi’s, drift from a speaker.

That afternoon before all hell broke loose, when he was explaining the jump engine to her. She’d recorded it to play back later.

He nodded, his heart racing. “Yes! That’s me talking to Emi. Please, where is she?”

The Beyant spoke again, indicating he wanted the playback stopped. Then he pointed at a video screen. Ford watched the video. On it, their auxiliary lifepod was slowly and carefully brought into one of the Beyant hangar bays. He watched as a team of armed Beyants surrounded it, led by the commander. Ford held his breath as he watched them remove an unconscious Emi from it. It looked like the Beyant commander personally carried her from the pod, handling her gently and with care as they laid her on a stretcher.

Sobbing, Ford scrambled to his feet and ran over to the screen, pressing his hands to it as the picture froze.

“She is alive! You found her!” Without thinking about the implications, he turned and raced over to the commander and threw his arms around the Beyant’s neck, hugging him. “Thank you! Oh my gods, thank you! Thank you!”

The Beyant peeled Ford off him and handed him over to Pabo. “You wait here. I will return.”

Yanna’s head spun as he stormed off the bridge. He had no reason to doubt the Terran’s story. Any man crazy enough to sneak onto a military vessel in search of a woman, and then hug his captor, must be desperate.

The picture didn’t lie, either. It looked like Erin in a much happier time, with a beautiful smile on her face, surrounded by three men.

Including the crying one now blubbering on his bridge.

And he wore a matching ring. That could not be mere coincidence.

He hated to disturb her nap but knew he couldn’t let this wait. He owed it to her, not to mention he worried that if kept waiting too long, the silly Terran man might accidentally hurt himself or one of his men in his quest to find Erin.

Her soft voice replied to his page. “Come.” She sat up, sleepy, as he walked in. “What’s wrong, Yanna?”

“I need to bring you to the bridge to show you something, a’tein.”

A tired smile curled her lips. “More food?”

“Not quite.”

He held her hand for the walk to the bridge. How would she react? When they reached the bridge, he stopped before they entered. “I want you to hold on to me if you need to, a’tein. All right?”

She nodded, obviously confused. “Okay.”

They walked in.

Ford thought his heart would stop. Her hair looked different, and her skin had turned a different shade, and she’d definitely lost a lot of weight, but it was her.

Her unmistakable grey eyes.

His jaw gaped. “Emi!” he gasped. He started to step forward, but Pabo grabbed his arm and held him.

“She recalls very little before she arrived,” the commander told Ford. “Her memory is almost completely gone about her past.”

She froze, then started speaking in fluent Beyant to the man Pabo had told him was Commander Raoulx Yanna.

The commander spoke with her as she stared at Ford. The commander walked with her, holding her hand as she took a few tentative steps closer.

She asked Ford something in Beyant. He shook his head. “I don’t understand, babe.” She looked like she was in shock.

He could sympathize.

The commander made a motion and Pabo released him. Then the commander spoke. “She asked who you are.”

“Babe, I’m your husband, Ford. Ford Caliban. The drugs that guy slipped you, it made you lose your memory.” He pulled his handheld out of his pocket and scrolled through it to the notes, then held it up to show her. “I can synthesize the antidote, but I don’t know if it’ll work this many months later. He left the instructions before he killed himself.”

Alive! She was alive!

She stared at him.

“Emi, I love you. I never gave up hoping we’d find you. Me and Aaron and Caph, we’ve missed you so much.”

She released the Beyant’s hand and stepped closer, studying his eyes. “Aaroncaphford.” She said it as if one word, like the Beyant had earlier.

He nodded and showed her the picture card. “Aaron, Caph, Ford. Aaron Lucio, Caphis Bates, and me, Ford Caliban. We’re your husbands.” He held up his hand, pointing to the rings on hers.

She grabbed his hand and looked at his wedding band as tears spilled down her face. She said something in Beyant.

He didn’t miss the fact that she still wore her rings.

The commander translated. “She said tell her about the jump engine.”

Okay, weird, but anything she wanted, he’d talk about. In his shock, he couldn’t recall what had been on the audio playback the Beyant had provided earlier. He tried to remember what he’d said to her that day, all the other times he’d patiently explained it to her. Her eyes locked on his as he talked, her hand tightening around his until he’d finished.

“Ford?” she whispered.

He nodded, his vision blurring through his own tears. “That’s right, babe. Ford. When they first paired us, after the original DSMC sim and we realized you were real and you realized we were real, you said to me, ‘Give me some sugar, baby.’ Do you remember that?”

Her brow furrowed as she concentrated. “Hurry up, Cap. There’s a line.”

“You said that to Aaron later.”

She threw her arms around him, sobbing. He held her, wanted to never let her go, and sank to the deck with her protectively cradled against him as they cried together. “Oh, gods, babe, I love you so much. I worried I’d never see you again, but I knew you weren’t dead, I just knew it.”

The commander knelt in front of them and dropped his voice. He spoke in standard. “Not here. Bring her. I will take you to her cabin.”

Ford helped her to her feet and kept an arm around her as he followed the commander. Ford thought the Beyant would leave them alone, but he entered the cabin with them and apparently ordered guards to stand by outside. He took a seat on a chair on the other side of the cabin.

Ford sat on the bunk with her, unable to keep his hands off her, wanting to touch her and assure himself she was real. He showed her the picture card again, pointing everyone out. “Aaron and Caph.”

She took it from him and stared, touching it. “Aaroncaphford.”

He’d wondered if she could really remember how to speak English anymore.

Then she spoke, disproving the theory. “I didn’t know what it meant. It was the only thing I could remember.” She looked at him. “What happened to me? Why can’t I remember anything? Why can’t I remember you?”

He told the story again, from the start, with all the details. When he finished, both of them were crying. “I’m so sorry we didn’t understand and believe you, babe. He was playing all of us to use you. We didn’t know.”

The Beyant spoke up. “All three of you are her mates?”

Ford nodded. “Yeah. That’s another long story. No offense, but I’d rather tell it to her alone first, and let her tell you the parts she wants to tell.”

The cabin door opened and an older man entered. He barked something in Beyant at the commander, who didn’t rise. The commander and Emi both spoke to the man in calming tones.

On top of everything else, her obvious fluency in their language surprised him. She was skilled in many areas, but as far as he knew, she’d only spoken English standard and very bare-bones Earth Spanish. And that she’d picked up from her time in New Phoenix and Tempe while at school.

When she finished talking to the man he seemed soothed but continued eying Ford with a less-than-pleased look. “We told him what happened,” Emi explained to Ford.

Ford couldn’t stop touching her, her arm, hair, face, ensuring she was real and not a dream. “What I’d really like right now is some time alone with you,” he softly said.

That’s when he caught the hint of fear in her face. He was still a stranger to her, even if his most cherished dream had finally come true.

Emi had told Ford to call the commander Yanna. Apparently also sensing her fear, he spoke. “Erin?”

They knew her as a different person. Erin.

It was funny in an ironic-twist-of-fate sort of way. And explained what he thought was idiocy on the part of the Beyants. For her new identity, she’d taken on the names of her three husbands.

She nodded and spoke to the Beyant men again. After a moment, Yanna stood and kissed her forehead in a brotherly way. Ford bit back his jealousy. Obviously the man cared a great deal about Emi. Even the way Ford had seen him carry her from the pod in the vid showed his tenderness.

But as Yanna left the cabin, he shot Ford an unmistakable look with a universal meaning—Don’t hurt her.

The older man, the ambassador, also kissed her forehead and glared at Ford before leaving the cabin.

Alone. He stared, drank her in. Now he understood what the hell that phrase meant, because he felt like he’d been thirsty for years and now she was the only thing to quench the unslakable craving.

“Emi,” he whispered, not daring to try to kiss her. “I love you so much. I never wanted to give up hope. I refused to believe you were dead. I could feel it in my heart.”

She touched his face, exploring. He’d shaved that morning, over ten hours earlier, before they docked. He knew she felt the stubble there. Her fingers brushed through his hair, feeling it.

Then she leaned in and laid her head against his chest. “Can we just lie here?”

They settled on the bunk together, Ford’s arms around her. “Yeah,” he said, his voice so choked with emotion he could barely speak. “I’d like that a lot.”

Erin closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the man’s heart pounding in his chest. The waves of emotions from him had nearly flattened her with their intensity when she stepped onto the bridge. He loved her, of that there was no doubt. His crushing grief exploding into brilliant joy when his eyes met hers on the bridge.

Her husband.

One of them.

Aaron. Caph. Ford. She silently rolled their individual names on her tongue. They felt right.

He was not lying. There was no way he could be lying, not from what she felt from him.

“Why can I feel emotions?” she quietly asked.

“You’re a trained Class 2 empath, babe. And a kick-ass Alpha-ranked healer. That’s a doctor. You graduated top of your class. You also have a degree in psychology.”

Erin took a deep breath. It would take time to get used to her new—old—name.

“What did you say my name is?”

He nuzzled his face in her hair. She could easily get drunk feeling his happiness. He slowly spoke as if savoring the words himself, pressing his lips to the top of her head with each word.

“Doctor. Emilia. Hypatia. We call you Emi, but Aaron calls you Em a lot of the time.”

“How do I love all three of you?”

He told her their story, starting when the men first met years ago and ending before her nightmare began. He hadn’t shifted position, his arms gently unmovable around her. She suspected she might have to beg him to let her out of his sight, much less his arms, as he was so desperate not to lose her again.

“You’re not jealous of them?” she asked.

“No! Never. I love them, they love me, and we all love you. There’s nothing to be jealous about.”

“Do we all…sleep together?”

He chuckled. “Oh, yeah.”

She suddenly felt a wave of fear from him and immediately pinpointed its source. “No, I haven’t had sex with anyone,” she said. “No one’s harmed me. They took me in and saved my life. They treat me like one of their own. They’ve all been very sweet. I’m like a daughter or sister to them all.”

He laughed, the sound warming her heart even as she felt his warm breath against her scalp. “Gods, I missed that.”

“What?”

He shifted her in his arms so he could look into her eyes. “Your empath skills. Being able to almost completely read my mind like that. I can’t wait to talk to Aar and Caph. We have to call them right now. They’re going to be so happy.” He grinned and nuzzled her nose. “After we get out of bed.”

She hated to be the bearer of bad news. “We can’t.”

He sat up. “What? We have to! They’ve gotta be going crazy that they can’t find me. They have no idea where I am.”

“Not until after we reach Mars. We have to sign the treaty first.” Then she explained the situation to him.

His face fell. “Doesn’t this qualify as an emergency?”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry. Life-threatening emergencies only.”

He groaned. “I’m a stupid fuck, that’s what I am. But I saw you, heard your voice on the station. I couldn’t wait and knew I had to find you. I was afraid you guys would leave and that Aaron might overrule me trying to find you. I had to be with you.”

He was a handsome man. She reached out and touched his face. “I’m glad you came after me.”

His sweet blue gaze never left hers even as he pressed a soft kiss against the flesh of her palm. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She leaned in, closed her eyes, and kissed him.

Something exploded inside her. Not memories exactly, but more like experiences, emotions. Her body and soul remembered his love even if her mind didn’t. She felt desires she hadn’t felt since…well, ever, that she could remember.

He broke their kiss and touched his forehead to hers. “Babe…if you don’t want to do this right now—”

She shut him up with her mouth, her lips slanted over his.

He grabbed her and rolled her over onto her back, now desperate to love her, to make love to her, wanting not to satisfy himself she felt, but to show her his love for her.

He opened her shirt and kissed his way down her chest, between her breasts, his tongue lapping at her navel. “I’ve missed you so much.” She felt warm wetness against her skin that she knew were his renewed tears.

She wrapped her fingers in his hair. “I’m here. You’re here.”

They shed their clothes and he kissed her all over, tasting her, loving her. Even if her mind didn’t remember him, her body had obviously been eagerly yearning for this reunion. She responded to everything he did and instinctively loved him back as if it were the most natural thing in the universe. As if they’d spent lifetimes loving each other in this very way.

He slipped his fingers between her legs, filling her pussy. She arched her back, softly moaning as he caressed and teased her. Then he lowered his mouth to her sex, his tongue expertly flicking her clit. She exploded immediately, crying out, sobbing his name. As she came down from her climax he raised up on his arms over her and gently slid his stiff cock inside her.

She thought her heart would break from the joy she felt in him. His hope, living for this moment, her back in his arms, was the only thing that had kept him alive all these months.

Her.

His love for her.

His conviction that, somewhere, she still lived.

He held still, his blue eyes searching hers. “I love you,” he said, his voice sounding choked. “Even if I’d never found you again I would have loved you so hard it hurt until the day I died. I never would have given up hope. I never would have given up faith. And I never would have loved any other woman but you.”

She pulled his head down and kissed him as he slowly thrust, trying to savor it, but she wrapped her legs around his hips and held on. “Harder,” she whispered in his ear. “As hard as you want.”

He dropped his head to her shoulder and thrust, moaning when his release took him as he buried himself inside her one final time, holding still and relishing the feel of their flesh joined together.

“I love you,” she said. She knew as she spoke the words that they were branded on her soul. She did love him, and the other two men.

He burst into tears. With his face pressed against the side of her neck and his body wracked with sobs, he cried out his grief and fear as the truth of their reunion soothed the deep pain in his soul. She stroked his back, gently whispering his name in his ear. That, and, “I love you.”

Aaroncaphford. The one encompassing fact she did not forget, even if she couldn’t remember.

Her men.

She drifted to sleep in his arms.