PANIC

Chapter Nineteen - ROOK

I blow through the doors of Best Buy on College Ave on my way home from tutoring and before the greeter guy can ask me what I need I bark out, “Laptops?” I’m already moving down the aisle he’s pointing to before he can get the words out. Back in computers another kid wants to help me so I manage to say, “The best laptop you have, now.”

Ten minutes later I’m cruising back down College, my mind racing with wild imagery of my friends committing murder. I need to do some serious research and a phone browser just isn’t cutting it. Hence the laptop purchase.

I played it cool with Gage earlier. “Oh, that,” I snorted. “I know the inside story, it’s nothing.”

I’m pretty sure he saw through me because I’m a terrible liar, but it was all I had in me. My head was spinning the whole time. I told him I’d do the test tonight on his computer if he left me alone so I wasn’t tempted to cheat. I did take the test, but I definitely failed. That’s because the only thing on my mind was the fucking search page I pulled up and was glancing at on and off while I was trying to subtract negative numbers.

How the fuck did I never think to Google these guys? How? After all I’ve been through, how the hell did I not even once get curious?

Because Gage was not lying. I found an article almost immediately, but I didn’t want to leave a search history on his computer, and I don’t have my own computer at Spencer’s, I just use his.

So manic shopping spree through Best Buy at eight forty-five PM was in order.

I do not even know how I got myself back to Spence’s house, but here I am, sitting in the idling truck in the driveway.

The outside light goes on and Spencer peeks out the door. “Hey, comin’ in or what?”

I turn the truck off and grab all my shit and go inside.

“What’s all that?” Spence asks as I struggle with all the bags. I got an extra power cord and a battery and pretty much everything else the salesman said I needed just so I didn’t have to fight with him about it.

“Just a computer, you know I should have my own, right? I’ll need it for class.” I smile and make my way towards the stairs. “Well, I’m beat and we have a big day tomorrow, so I’ll see you in the AM. Night, Spencer!”

“Night, Blackbird,” he calls out softly to me. It’s like he knows. Something’s off with me.

Shit, shit, shit.

But when I get downstairs to my apartment and look back, he’s not following me, so I push through the door and dump all my shit on the new couch and then start tearing into the bags. An hour later my computer’s up and running and connected to the house wireless.

I wonder if they can see my browsing history remotely?

I’m a paranoid freak because of Jon. But I don’t have the patience. And besides, what would they do if I found out? I mean, seriously? They have to know that I’d stumble onto it eventually.

I plug their names into the search bar and I swear my heart skips when I see what the headlines actually say.

Brutal Slaying by Local Golden Boys

Boulder Seeks Grand Jury Indictment of Aston, Flynn, and Shrike

Golden Boys Walk!

I lean back on the couch after reading more than two dozen articles and let out a long breath. “Well, Rook. You sure can pick them.”

What should I do? Should I leave? Should I confront Ronin? Should I ignore it?

I run through each one—it would be stupid to just leave. I could, I have plenty of money, but these guys have been very good to me. And Ronin’s never lied about anything before. He told me all about Mardee and he admitted that they set Jon up. And I can’t confront them. I’m not a confrontational person, it makes me sick, actually. I can’t even imagine doing that.

So ignore it?

How? How can I ignore the fact that some millionaire businessman up in the Boulder hills was brutally killed a few years ago and my fucking boyfriend and his BFFs are the ones who were accused?

And the article says straight up the DA had the evidence but they couldn’t use it in court because they obtained it illegally.

But this is Ronin, Rook. Do not overreact.

I clear my browser, cookies, and cache just in case.

Just in case what?

Shit, I’m doing it again! I’m acting like I was back in Chicago with Jon.

But I shut the computer down clean all the same, then take it in my room with me as I sit on my bed.

The bed that Ronin purchased for me, along with all the other stuff in this apartment. It’s way more than ten thousand dollars’ worth of stuff. The TV, the surround sound, the furniture, the kitchenette supplies.

But he did lie to the police about Jon. And he was quite convincing. They left me alone all afternoon before asking for my statement. I didn’t need to lie, actually. Everything I said in my statement was true. Ronin said he saw the threatening texts on my phone, but I never saw them, and that’s what I said. But then Ronin was right there next to me, saying he hid them from me so I wouldn’t get scared.

The cops never even blinked at his lie.

And Ford hired Gage to help me in math and enrolled me in college. He’s been so good to me.

Actually, he hacked me into that college. Sure, I paid the fees and everything, and it’s even out-of-state tuition because I haven’t lived in Colorado for a year yet. But still, he cheated to get me in because I was supposed to take a test to see which classes I was eligible for, and I never did that. He faked my test scores because he’s a super hacker genius or something. I’m not really one hundred percent sure what Ford is, I just know he can do that shit like Jon. Only better, because we won and Jon lost. And it was all because of Ford.

And Spencer is so nice. I’ve spent a lot of time with Spencer, very close and intimate time, and he was never anything but nice. I love the hell out of Spencer.

Of course, he does have guns stashed everywhere. Like everywhere. In the kitchen drawers, in the couch cushions, in the fucking towel cabinet in the upstairs bathroom. I found that one looking for washcloths last summer when I stayed up here on the weekends.

He’s obsessed with guns. When he told me he stashes them everywhere and forgets them, he was not kidding. And he’s got a huge safe down here on the other side of the basement where he says he keeps the ‘good ones’, whatever that means.

My phone buzzes inside my purse and I jump up to get it.

Ronin.

Sorry for being so busy this week, Gidge. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow. Night, baby.

He’s not a bad guy. He’s not. I’d know. I mean, I was very discerning when we first met. I looked for signs and signals at every turn. I found them even when they weren’t there. But still. Ronin has secrets. They all do. And I know nothing about them, really.

But what I do know is good.

This is a useless battle. I get up and run the water for a shower, then strip and get inside. I let the hot water beat the day off me and when I’m done, I feel warm and tired.

I’m gonna ignore it. I’m not gonna say anything because I have no idea if they’re guilty but I do know there’s no way I’m gonna ask them about it.

I do not want to know.

I don’t. Period.

I’m ready to play dumb for a while and just let life move forward. These guys are not killers, they’ve done nothing but give me opportunities and love. So as long as I don’t see anything weird, I’m gonna let it go.

I text Ronin back after I turn the lights out and climb into bed.

Miss you. See you tomorrow night! xxoo Rook