Pelican's Landing

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Annie yawned, then glanced over at Loraine apologetically. “Sorry.”

“Are you not sleeping well?”

Annie felt herself blush, and she turned to look out the window, hoping Loraine didn’t notice. “I’m sleeping fine,” she said.

When they took time to sleep, that is. God, what an awesome night it had been. She had been positively insatiable, her hands and mouth going to Jordan time and again. She lost count how many times they’d loved each other. Sleep was intermittent at best.

“I slept fitfully during my pregnancy with Jordan,” Loraine said. “Completely different with Matt. If I got two hours with Jordan, I was happy. With Matt, I could sleep nine or ten hours,” she said with a laugh. “Maybe I was making up for lost sleep with Jordan.”

Annie glanced over at her. “I normally sleep very well,” she said.

Loraine nodded, then turned her attention back to the road. She had offered to drive and Annie had been thankful. She doubted she’d had more than three hours sleep. Jordan had already been gone when her alarm woke her. She didn’t remember setting it on her phone and thought Jordan must have done it for her. She had to force herself to get up and shower when all she wanted to do was roll over and go back to sleep. By the time Loraine had shown up, she’d barely made it through her first cup of coffee.

“Jordan mentioned that you had lunch with your mother.”

Annie nodded. “And did she mention how it went?”

“I’m sorry, Annie. I don’t know what your mother is thinking.”

“For one, she’s embarrassed by my pregnancy,” she said. “I mean, that I’m not married. She’s very traditional that way.”

“That still doesn’t excuse how she treats you.”

“I know. I keep thinking she’ll come around. Her big thing right now is that she wants me to move back home with them.”

Loraine nodded. “Because of Jordan.”

Annie turned in her seat, facing Loraine. “She’s afraid people are going to start…talking about us,” she said, making quotation marks with her fingers. “People in her church.”

“You and Jordan?”

“Yes.”

Loraine shook her head. “You would think that people would have more important things to worry about than that.” She glanced at her. “Or is that what your mother is really worried about? That you and Jordan are…more than friends?”

Annie met her gaze, wondering if Loraine suspected how far their relationship had evolved. She nodded.

“Yes. I think the fact that Jordan is gay is the root of her problem. When I first moved in with Jordan, that was her main objection.”

Loraine smiled. “Well, as far as I know, gay isn’t contagious. You either are or you’re not.”

Annie nodded again, then turned her gaze out the window, afraid to look at Loraine. You either are or you’re not. Yes, it should be that simple. But was it? Annie thought back over the years, back to high school. Before that, even. She had innocent crushes on boys, just like her friends did. She was in the ninth grade when Derrick started paying her attention. They hung out after school, they went to the movies together, they went to football games on Friday nights. And they went parking and made out. It was what everyone else was doing. Her world was small, and she never wondered what it would be like with someone other than Derrick. Not until she was older and already married did she question it. Even then, she never once considered she might be gay. She just assumed she hadn’t met the right guy yet. Little did she know, she was waiting to meet the right woman.

A hand on her arm startled her and she turned, finding Loraine watching her.

“If you need to talk, I’m a good listener,” Loraine offered.

Annie met her eyes, seeing a gentleness there that reminded her of Jordan. She realized that Jordan must get her compassion from her mother. Annie smiled quickly.

“You know, don’t you?”

Loraine squeezed her arm, then put her hand back on the steering wheel. “They say women have a radiance about them when they’re pregnant. But I say it’s because they’re in love.” She looked at Annie. “Why else would both you and Jordan be glowing?”

“Oh, God…you do know.”

Loraine smiled. “I suspected, yes.” She held her hand up. “And it’s absolutely none of my business. You’re both adults.”

Annie clutched her hands together nervously. “I think maybe it is your business,” she said. “Because I’m pregnant with Matt’s baby.” She turned toward her. “I should explain. Truthfully. I should tell you exactly what happened.”

“Annie, I’m not judging you.”

“Thank you. But you deserve to know.” She smiled. “You did say you were a good listener,” she reminded her.

“So I did.”

Annie swallowed. “Jordan and I…well, we have this connection between us. Ever since the day we first met, we’ve had it. And it’s come to this. All summer, we got closer and closer and now…now we’re lovers.” She met Loraine’s gaze. “And it feels so good to say that out loud.” She tilted her head, watching her drive. “Please don’t think poorly of me…or more importantly, Jordan.”

“I don’t, Annie. I love my daughter. I won’t interfere in her personal life.”

“I guess you don’t know my history. I married right out of high school—Derrick—dated him all through school and got married. I knew it was a mistake right away. I wasn’t in love with him. I wasn’t attracted to him. Yet I stayed married to him for six years. I didn’t want to have sex with him. I didn’t want to sleep with him.” She turned her gaze away from her, knowing how this made her sound. “I know what you’re thinking. If I didn’t love him, why did I get married?”

“I was eighteen once too, you know.”

Annie laughed. “Yeah, I blame it on my age. My mother adored Derrick. There was never a dissenting voice to be heard.”

“It took you six years to work up the courage to leave?”

“Yes. I kept thinking something was wrong with me and that I would change. But after I divorced, I never wanted to be with anyone…like that. I wasn’t interested in dating, I wasn’t interested in sex. I wasn’t attracted to anyone.”

“Not even Matt?”

Annie shook her head. “I’m sorry. No.”

“Then how—”

“It was a rainy night and I didn’t want to go home to my parents. I was…so lonely.” She thought back to that night, remembering how desperate she’d been for someone’s touch, anyone’s touch. “Matt, he flirted with me all the time, always teasing with me. And that night, I gave in to it because…well, because I thought something was wrong with me. I had no desire for anyone, nothing. I thought surely something was wrong and if I just…did it, maybe it would be all right.” She paused. “And I got pregnant. That was the result of that one night.” She leaned her head back. “Now Jordan…she’s turned my world upside down. I’ve never…I’ve never felt like this before.” She glanced over at Loraine. “A part of me is so afraid though. She makes me feel things I only dreamed of feeling.” She took a deep breath. “So please don’t be mad or upset. It’s just something that happened…something we couldn’t deny.”

“Are you in love with my daughter?”

“Yes. Surely this is what love feels like.”

Loraine smiled sweetly. “Then that’s good enough for me.”

“There’s just…one other thing.” She felt tears in her eyes and she blinked them away. “The night I got pregnant…”

Loraine nodded. “That was the night Matt died.”

Annie let her tears fall. “Yes. I’m so sorry.”