Purrfect Revenge

Chapter 2

I was glad we’d accomplished our mission, even though the awakening hadn’t been as gentle and pleasant as I’d hoped. Odelia obviously wasn’t a fan of cat choir, or Justin Bieber, or either. We probably needed to practice more. Then again, with Brutus at the helm we might never get to be as good as the Wiener Sängerknaben, my inspiration to start cat choir in the first place. Especially if Brutus kept hogging the spotlight to impress Harriet. It didn’t impress the other choir members. And it didn’t impress me.

We trudged down the stairs and padded into the kitchen, waiting for Odelia to join us, fresh from the shower and ready to start preparing breakfast. We didn’t have to wait long. She breezed in, wearing ultra-short Daisy Dukes, pockets showing on the bottom, a canary yellow T-shirt that announced she was ‘Crazy Cat Lady’ and pink Converse sneakers. She started up the coffeemaker and switched on the TV to watch the news.

“Ugh. The Kenspeckles are still in town,” she said as she dumped Corn Flakes into a bowl and poured milk on top of it and a few spoonfuls of sugar. “I keep hoping they’ll leave, but that obviously isn’t happening.”

“Who are the Kenspeckles?” asked Dooley.

We’d all hopped up on the kitchen counter barstools and were watching Odelia’s breakfast preparations intently. As soon as she’d finished preparing her own breakfast, we knew she’d start on ours.

“Just some family whose lives have been turned into a reality show,” she said. “The only reason I’m interested is because they decided to spend the summer in Hampton Cove and Dan keeps pushing me to do a piece on them. I’d rather poke my eye out with a fork than to come anywhere near them.”

“Why Hampton Cove?” I asked.

She shrugged. “Cause it’s the Hamptons. Cause it’s the place where all the cool people hang out. Cause after shooting a gazillion shows in LA they like to shake things up. I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m not a fan.”

That much was obvious. “You don’t like the Kenspeckles?” asked Harriet.

“Nope. Too much talk. I like a show with a little action and a great story.”

“Like Game of Thrones,” said Brutus, nodding.

“Yuck. A show where people’s heads get chopped off? No way.”

“I know what you like,” said Brutus. “You like to watch the game.”

She stared at him. “Game? What game?”

“Football, of course! At Casa Chase we watch it all the time.”

“At Casa Odelia we watch The Voice,” I said.

Brutus made a face. “The Voice? Are you crazy?”

“It’s all about singing, Brutus. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

“I like singing,” he said with a quick glance at Harriet. “In fact, I love it. But The Voice? I thought you said you liked action and a great story, Odelia?”

“It doesn’t get any better than Blake and Adam,” she said, taking a seat and scooping up her flakes. “Add in some great songs and I’m hooked.”

Brutus shook his head. It was obvious he didn’t agree. “To each his own.”

The sliding glass door in the living room opened and Odelia’s mom walked in. “Good morning, family. And what a glorious morning it is.”

A slim woman with long blond hair just like her daughter, Marge Poole was wearing hers in a messy bun this morning. Her white polka-dot shirt was belted with a thin leather sash and she was donning skinny black slacks. She gazed at us through horn-rimmed glasses and gave us a smile and a wave.

“Hey, Mom,” said Odelia. “Aren’t you the sight for sore eyes?”

“Oh, just my work clothes,” said Mom with a deferential gesture.

Marge Poole was a librarian and ran the Hampton Cove library.

“I’d certainly borrow a book from you, Mrs. P,” said Dooley.

“Dooley!” Harriet hissed.

“What? I would,” said Dooley.

“She’s a human and you’re a feline. That’s just wrong.”

He frowned. “Why can’t I borrow a book from her? I know my ABCs.”

“Oh, you mean an actual book?”

“Of course. Why else would I go to the library?”

“I just thought…” She rolled her eyes. “Never mind.”

“We were just talking about Chase,” said Brutus.

“No, we weren’t,” said Odelia. “We were talking about the Kenspeckles.”

“Chase is such a nice young man,” Marge said. “And such a blessing for this town. Your uncle Alec keeps telling me he’s so glad Chase decided to stay put instead of going back to New York to shoot with the big boys.”

“Run with the big boys,” Odelia corrected automatically.

“That’s what I said. He could have had any job he wanted with the NYPD but he chose to stay in Hampton Cove. Isn’t that just wonderful?”

“Super,” Odelia murmured. “They should give him the keys to the city.”

“I’m sure glad he stayed,” said Harriet, practicing her best starry-eyed look on Brutus. “I don’t know what I would do without my Brutus.”

“Me neither, honey bunch,” said Brutus.

Mom stood watching the syrupy scene with cocked head. “Aw, isn’t that sweet? Young love.”

“It’s the best,” muttered Odelia, not impressed.

“Shouldn’t you be home with Chase right now?” I asked Brutus.

“Yeah, he’ll wonder where you are,” said Dooley.

“I’m sure he doesn’t mind me spending the night with my girlfriend.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t,” said Marge. “Chase strikes me as a man who appreciates love and affection. For a police officer he’s very much in touch with his feelings.” She gave Odelia a meaningful look.

Odelia threw up her hands. “Don’t hold anything back, Mom.”

“Well, I won’t. Detective Kingsley is a wonderful young man, extremely handsome and very sweet and you could do a lot worse than him. And he’s single, which I’m sure he won’t be for long so you better move fast.”

“I told you already. I’m not interested in Chase Kingsley.”

“Someone else might snap him up. Alec tells me Blanche Captor comes into the office every day to file littering charges. She’s in there at the crack of dawn, demanding Chase take her statement. And she just had that boob job.”

“I’m sure it takes more than a pair of boobs to turn Chase’s head, Mom.”

“I’m not so sure. Chase might be a great guy but he’s still a guy. And you know what that means.” She directed a pointed glance at Odelia’s more modest chest. “The women in our family have to rely on other assets, honey.”

“Oh, for crying out loud, Mom,” Odelia groaned.

To be honest, I’ve never understood this obsession with boobs. I mean, I’m a guy and I don’t care one hoot about them. Then again, I’m not human, so maybe that’s why. Truth of the matter is that Odelia has dated a few lemons in the past, so she’s understandably cautious and I don’t blame her.

“I think Chase is dreamy,” said Harriet, contradicting her earlier statement that interspecies relationships are just plain wrong.

“And I think he’s a great cop, but that doesn’t mean he’s relationship material,” I said, deciding to put my two cents in. It seemed Odelia’s dating life was a free-for-all now, so why not share my opinion with the group?

Mom laughed. “Oh, Max. Since when did you become an expert?”

I shrugged. “Just looking out for my human. Someone has to.”

I like Marge, I really do, but I don’t like how she tries to foist this cop on Odelia. To be honest, my motives weren’t totally selfless. If Odelia hooked up with Chase, it wouldn’t be long before he moved in and so would Brutus. If there was a way to prevent this doomsday scenario, I was all for it.

Marge patted me on the head. “You’re doing a great job, Max.”

“Thanks,” I said dubiously. Compliments are a double-edged sword. You have to be careful or they blow up in your face. If it’s swords that blow up in your face. It might be plans. I don’t know. Hey, I’m a cat, not a dictionary.

“I think Odelia and Chase should hook up,” said Harriet. “Just like Brutus and I have found each other. That way we’ll all be family forever.”

“I think you should listen to you cats, honey,” said Mom. “They’re a sacred and ancient species known far and wide for their infinite wisdom.”

“I think Chase should return to wherever he came from,” said Dooley, giving Brutus a particularly dirty look.

Odelia held up her hand. “All right, Mom. I’ll listen to my wise cats.”

“Dooley is confused, that’s all. He is your grandmother’s cat, after all. Some of her traits are bound to rub off on him and dilute his innate wisdom.”

“I thought Gran wanted me to get together with Chase?”

"Gran wants to get together with Chase herself," said Marge with a tight-lipped smile. "Which is hardly appropriate for her age."

Odelia put her bowl in the sink. “You know what I think? This family is starting to resemble the Kenspeckles. If we’re not careful we’ll have our own reality show soon.”

“Ooh, I’d like that,” said Harriet. “I would love to be on TV.”

“Oh dear God, no,” said Marge. “Just imagine all those cameras filming everything we do. We wouldn’t have a life anymore—no privacy at all!”

“It’s all scripted,” Odelia said. “Nothing about that show is real, Mom.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure. Nobody behaves like that. It’s completely fake.”

“I think it’s all real,” said Harriet. “Especially the relationships. Nobody can fake all that love and affection. You can see it in their eyes.”

Dooley and I rolled our own eyes. Odelia was right. Maybe Keeping Up with the Pooles would be the next big thing. Though Keeping Up with Harriet and Brutus would be an even bigger hit. Nobody could fake that much ignorance.