Robert B. Parker’s Damned If You Do

55

“So you got wasted,” Dix said.

“Yes,” Jesse said.

“Why did you get wasted?”

Jesse didn’t say anything.

“Because of this woman’s death.”

“I think so.”

Jesse took a sip of the coffee that Dix had made for them. He didn’t really care much for Dix’s coffee. He was debating whether or not to tell him.

“You don’t agree,” Jesse said.

“I didn’t say that.”

“You think I was using Clarice’s death as an excuse to get drunk?”

“Were you?”

“No.”

“Is there another answer,” Dix said.

“I got drunk so as to help me blot out the pain.”

Dix didn’t say anything. Jesse didn’t say anything.

“You’re not to blame,” Dix said.

“Easy for you to say.”

“You think her death was your fault?”

“I don’t know.”

“Try not to lose sight of your hyperactive sense of responsibility.”

“She wouldn’t be dead if it weren’t for me.”

“You think Walker wouldn’t have brought her to the mall if it wasn’t for you?”

“I do.”

“And that Nelly wouldn’t have killed her?”

Jesse didn’t say anything.

“As much as you’d like to assume the burden of guilt for this, Jesse, it’s not gonna fly. You had no control over what happened. Walker did what he did. Nelly did what he did. You were irrelevant.”

“What about Clarice,” Jesse said.

“What about her,” Dix said.

“She died because of me.”

“She died because she was with Thomas Walker when Nelly took him down. You don’t really believe that Walker was out to kill her, do you? Do you really believe that, had Walker suspected Nelly might be lying in wait for him, he would have placed himself and Clarice in harm’s way?”

Jesse didn’t say anything.

“He may have been out to teach her a lesson, but certainly not to kill her. Or, more significantly, not to kill himself.”

“He wanted her watching when he took me down.”

“You bet he did. Testament to his self-presumed omnipotence.”

“And Nelly upset his plans.”

“Big-time.”

“I think Nelly wanted to kill her right from the start,” Jesse said.

“Why?”

“Because she was in his way.”

“How?”

“He saw her as a threat to his taking control of the Mob’s prostitution operations. He knew that it was she who really ran the show. That Thomas was her front. She knew all the players and all the secrets. It was she who Gino pointed me to when he was looking to help me solve the murder.”

“And?”

“Nothing would change as long as she stayed in place. Nelly understood that.”

“And you think that’s why he killed her?”

“Yes.”

“So then you surely can’t hold yourself accountable for what went down,” Dix said.

Jesse didn’t say anything.

“Despite your neurotic need to do so.”

Jesse didn’t say anything.

Dix didn’t say anything.

They stayed that way until the session came to an end.