Selected Cronicas

SELF-INFLICTED SORROW

Having been through the experience of having a skin-graft, I realize that any idea of a skin-bank is impracticable because a donor’s skin will not adhere for very long to the skin of another person. It is essential that the skin should be removed from another part of the patient’s body and then be grafted on immediately wherever needed. In other words, skin-grafting means donating one’s own skin to oneself.

This led me to consider other instances where people have to donate things to themselves. And this might bring solitude, riches, conflict. I began thinking about kindness which we would naturally like to receive from others. — Yet sometimes only the kindness we extend to ourselves exonerates us from a sense of guilt. Just as it is useless to win the acceptance of others so long as we are unwilling to accept ourselves for what we are. And as for our frailty, this is the strongest part of our nature, and brings us reassurance and satisfaction. And there are certain sorrows which only our own sorrow, if intensified, can, paradoxically, assuage.

Fortunately, when it comes to love, riches come with mutual donation. Which does not imply there is no struggle: we have to grant ourselves the right to receive love. But the struggle is worthwhile. Just as certain problems, simply because they are difficult, heat our blood, and fortunately this is something we can donate.

And that reminds me of something else we can donate to ourselves: artistic creation. For this also initially involves one in removing skin from one part to graft on somewhere else. And only once that grafting has succeeded can there be any donation to others. Perhaps I am getting confused. Artistic creation is a mystery which happily eludes me. Better not to know too much.