Stoneface

Chapter Sixteen

Gwen retreated to the safety of the RV to work. She put on her headphones, the expensive noise-cancelling ones Liam had given her that Christmas, plugged them into her iPod, and hunched over her laptop at the table. She lost herself in her work, finally escaping into her latest fictional world where maybe she couldn’t totally shape things to her liking if the characters rebelled, but it allowed her a chance to quit thinking about Jack and Tim and Pete’s eternal grief and guilt.

That’s why she screamed when she felt a touch on her shoulder several hours later and looked up to find Liam standing there, and surprised to see it was nearly dark.

Heart racing, she slid her headphones down around her neck. “Jesus H. Christ, you scared the crap out of me.”

“Sorry. Tim said dinner’s almost ready.”

She glanced out the window and realized Jack’s truck now sat in the driveway. “How long’s he been home?”

“About an hour.”

She stewed. “Nice of him to not come say hi,” she muttered.

Liam slid into the other side of the booth. “Okay, quit that, right now. Stop the passive-aggressive bullshit. That’s the kind of stuff Mom likes to pull. He asked me if it would be okay if he came out here, and I told him I thought you were working so maybe he should wait until you took a break so he wouldn’t interrupt your work.”

She wanted to get petulant, grouch back at him, but knew he was right. “Sorry.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell him sure, go ahead and interrupt her, but I thought after the morning you had you needed to blow off some steam.”

She switched off her headphones and her iPod and slid them across the table, out of her way. “What do I do? Do I tell him about Pete?”

“I can’t tell you that. I don’t know. This is one thing I wish to hell I could fix for you, sis, but I can’t.” He reached over and grabbed her hands and squeezed them. “Believe me, if I could wave a magic wand over it for you, I would. I hate like hell seeing you hurting. At some point, you have to quit being scared to take a chance and go for it. That’s what you told me, isn’t it?”

“I took a chance and it got my heart broke once already by him.”

“Yeah, and he’s apologized, right?”

Part of her wanted to avoid the risk of getting hurt again. Just hide out in the RV for a few days and then leave when Jack and Tim were at work. Not say good-bye, just put them in her rearview mirror as a “lesson learned” chapter of her life.

She also knew that would hurt just as bad as Jack’s words to her that afternoon.

“Why didn’t you tell me you called Jack and chewed him out?”

Liam shrugged. “Honestly? I was really pissed at him. And I figured if I told you, considering all the shitstorm of stuff we were dealing with about Amy, you might have gotten pissed at me, too, for interfering.” He smiled. “It’s hard for a big brother not to look after his baby sister.”

That earned him a smile. A few months ago, she would have been pissed. He was absolutely right about that. “Thank you, bro,” she softly said.

“Hey, anytime. You ready to go inside and quit hiding now?”

She saved her work, shut the laptop down, and followed Liam into the house. Tim had outdone himself. The house smelled delicious. She didn’t spot Jack, but Tim grabbed her as soon as she walked into the kitchen and pulled her into his arms where he gave her a long, sweet kiss.

Gwen fought the urge to break down and cry. She didn’t want to lose them.

Tim guided her down the hall to the smaller guest room and pulled her inside. “Talk to me, sweetie,” he softly said. “Please?”

She rested her forehead against his chest. “I can’t right now. I’m sorry. I just need to sort stuff out.”

“He does love you, babe—”

She pushed away. “He needs to tell me all this himself. He also needs to decide why he loves me.”

“Does it matter?”

She whirled on him. “Yes it fucking matters! Put yourself in my place and then imagine looking forward ten, twenty years from now wondering still if you’re loved for who you are, or for who you look like!”

She started to push past him to retreat to the RV when the guest room door swung open. Jack stood there, freshly showered and a dark, unreadable expression on his face.

“Tim,” he said in a soft voice that didn’t sound like him, “can I have a few minutes alone with her, please?”

“Yeah. Sure.” He planted a kiss on top of her head before walking out.

Jack stepped in and closed the door behind him, leaning against it. She wished he didn’t do that, so she had an easy escape route back to the RV.

She shouldn’t feel like this, like a rabbit in a snare. That’s not what love was supposed to be about. At least, that’s not the way it was in her books.

In her books, when the heroine felt like this it was a clue to run like hell without a look behind.

“I do love you,” he insisted when he finally spoke.

“You can’t answer my question yet, though, can you?”

“I’m not going to lie to you. Does it matter why this happened? Really? I love you for who you are. That’s what I realized while you were gone, that I missed you and loved you. You. I made the worst mistake of my life by sending you away, and I’ve regretted it ever since. If I could take it back, I would. Yes, I’m a stupid jerk. I admit it. Yes, we all rushed into this, but I don’t regret that we met you, and I do love you. What do I have to do to convince you how I feel?”

Part of her wanted to blurt it out right then about meeting and talking to Pete. She couldn’t bring herself to do it. “Why can’t you open up about Melodie? About Pete?”

“Because it hurts too fucking much, that’s why. What difference does it make this many years later when it can’t change anything? She’s dead, he’s in jail, and it ruined my life.”

They stared at each other for a long moment. “I’m sure Tim doesn’t think of your life together like that,” she said. “As ruined. According to him, you’re the center of his universe.”

“He was the first good damn thing to happen to me after losing them. Her. After losing her.”

Gwen had an epiphany. “Do you still love Pete?”

His jaw tightened. “I wake up every fucking morning hating him for taking her away from me.”

“That doesn’t answer my question. You can hate someone and still love them. God knows that’s the way I feel about my sister and father.”

He started to answer her, his mouth opening, then snapping shut again, shock on his face. He stared at her for a long time in silence. Then without speaking, he turned and left.

She stood there with her heart racing, waiting to hear him slam the bedroom door shut. Instead, she heard the front door open and shut and his truck start. Before she could run outside and stop him, she spotted his taillights disappearing down the driveway in the dark.

Tim rushed into the foyer. “What happened? Where is he?”

“He’s dealing with a revelation,” she softly said. She would have simply thought he was trying to deal with his anger except for what she saw just before he left.

Tears in his eyes.

Jack pounded his fist against the steering wheel as he drove. He didn’t bother wiping his tears away.

He’d spent all these years ignoring what sat right in front of him. The deep pain, the ache that refused to go away. More than wanting vengeance or justice.

Wanting them back.

Wanting him back.

Everyone from his mother to the counselor who’d tried to help him harped on forgiveness, not for Pete’s sake, but for his own. Unfortunately, his anger encased his heart and what little charity remained in him, preventing him from offering any forgiveness, even just to give the idea lip service. No chance of faking it until he could really mean it.

How could he forgive the man who, in one stupid instant, left him alone and grieving?

A man who, yes, he still loved. With that one question, Gwen had forced him to admit the one thing he desperately avoided thinking about all these years.

He still loved Pete. Even if Pete walked through his door he wouldn’t get back together with him, but there was still a part of his heart and a locked room full of memories in his brain that missed the fun times, the passion-filled nights.

The man he thought he’d spend the rest of his life with. Pete, and then the three of them together after they fell in love with Mel. And all those years, he’d fought against grieving those good times because Pete was the same man who’d taken it away from him. Pete didn’t deserve his grief. He only deserved his anger.

He damn sure didn’t deserve his forgiveness.

Did he?

He drove for a while before pulling off in Keystone, near Rushmore, where he could look up and clearly see Washington and a little bit of Jefferson. Tim called him Stoneface. Most of the past years, he’d felt more like Stoneheart. Afraid to give anything away.

How had Tim put up with him? When faced with possibly losing Gwen again, why the hell couldn’t he do this? Why couldn’t he put the past to rest and enjoy the present? Tim and Gwen both wanted to love him, and he loved them.

Why couldn’t they be enough for him to turn his back on that time in his life? On his anger?

After pulling himself together he turned the truck around and drove home. Gone nearly an hour, Tim would probably be going crazy worried about him. He’d left his cell phone on the counter and they couldn’t get hold of him. He pulled into his usual place in the driveway and had almost reached the front door when it flew open and Tim rushed out.

“Are you okay?”

He nodded and let Tim pull him in for a hug. “I need to talk to Gwen. I’m sorry I ruined dinner.”

“It’s okay. We waited for you.”

Gwen looked up from the couch when he walked in. He tipped his head toward the hall and she understood. She stood and followed him back to the guest room, where he closed the door behind them and pulled her down to sit with him on the bed.

He didn’t release her hands. “I do love you,” he said. “Yes, maybe the fact that you look like her played a role in how fast we all got together. But you’re not her. I know that, and I love you for who you are, not for who I wish you were.”

She nodded, but didn’t interrupt him.

He took a deep breath. “You’re right,” he softly admitted. “I do still love Pete. Not like I used to, obviously. But there’s a part of me who never quit loving him and that hurt more than anything.” He looked into her eyes and was surprised to see her smiling. “What?”

She threw her arms around him and hugged him. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For trying.”

He hugged her harder. “Does this mean you won’t leave?”

“As long as you promise to keep trying and don’t shut me out again.”

“I promise, baby.” He kissed her, wanting to cry at how sweet she tasted and how good she felt in his arms. “I promise I won’t stop trying. You and Tim may need to give me a nudge here and there to remind me if I’m shutting down again, but I’ll keep trying.”

“That’s all I ask.”

Gwen wanted to sob with relief but somehow held it together. He couldn’t have given her a more perfect answer if she’d written it for him. With her heart feeling a thousand pounds lighter, she let Jack lead her down the hall to the kitchen where Tim had put dinner out. Thank god it was stew and vegetables, along with a huge salad, so nothing was ruined by the delay.

Tim acted nervous, glancing at the two of them. Even after she sent him a reassuring smile, which he returned, he still seemed on edge. They’d just finished eating and she was helping him clear the table when the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it.” Tim rushed toward the foyer.

Her intuition pinged. Tim had acted not at all surprised to hear the doorbell, but as if he’d expected it.

A horrible feeling rolled in her gut, confirmed when she heard male voices in the foyer. She stuck her head out the doorway and glanced down the hallway. Behind Tim walked Pete Sacher.

She jumped when Liam laid his hand on her shoulder. “What’s wrong?” he softly asked. She shook her head, staying his questions.

Jack had stood and was also helping clear the table, his back to the kitchen. “Who is it, Tim?” he called out.

Tim, followed by Pete, walked into the kitchen. Tim’s expression when he briefly met her gaze screamed, “I’ll tell you later.” Pete just looked ready to bolt.

She couldn’t blame him.

Tim cleared his throat and stood next to Pete. “Jack,” he softly said, “you can hate me later, but I asked him to come over.”

Jack turned. It was only because Liam had walked back to the table and grabbed the salad bowl as Jack let go that it didn’t hit the floor and shatter. Jack stared at Pete in shock for a long, silent moment.

“What are you doing here?” Jack finally asked, his voice sounding shaky.

Tim intervened. “I told you, I asked him to come by.” He looked at Gwen. “I’m sorry. I eavesdropped on you and Liam earlier. You left your purse in here, and I found your notepad and called him.”

Jack looked torn between grief stricken and murderous. “What the hell are you talking about? Why would Gwen have his number?”

She decided Tim needed a little help and stepped forward on his other side. “Your mom wasn’t having a confused moment when she said Pete visited her in the hospital. He showed up again this morning while Tim and I were there. I convinced him to talk to me.” She took a deep breath. “This isn’t how I would have handled it, but Tim’s right. The two of you are long overdue for a talk.”

Pete stood silently, his head down and gaze fixed on the floor.

Tim stepped over to Jack. “Please? Just hear him out.” He guided Jack toward the living room while Gwen touched Pete’s arm.

“It’s okay,” she said, leading him. “It’s time the truth comes out.”

Jack stood, his body rigid, by the back sliders. He didn’t speak to Pete. Liam had already taken over finishing the dishes while Gwen retreated to the doorway. Tim stood with Jack, softly pleading with him.

“Please, babe, you need to put this behind you. Talk to him.”

“What do you want me to say?” Jack choked out. He finally turned and looked at Pete. “He killed her. What more is there?”

“There’s more,” Tim assured him. He looked at Pete. “You need to tell him.”

Pete, still unable to look at Jack, repeated the story he’d told her in the hospital. Both men cried as he talked, and even Tim looked close to tears.

When he finished, Pete took a deep breath. “It’s still my fault, regardless,” he said. “I take the blame. No, I wasn’t behind the wheel, but I still killed her. You’re right about that. Every morning I wake up hating myself for destroying our lives like that.”

Jack had listened in silence, Tim standing close. Gwen didn’t know if he stood there for comfort or to quickly intervene if he thought Jack would go after Pete. Jack stared at the floor, tears silently rolling down his face, his fingers clenching and flexing as he struggled to maintain his composure. Then Jack crumpled to his knees with a loud sob.

She thought Tim would comfort him, but he waved Pete over. As Pete knelt next to Jack, the two men embraced, both crying and talking too softly for her to hear.

Now Tim was crying, too. He walked over and caught her hand and led her from the room. Back in the kitchen, he hugged her. “I think Jack won’t kill him,” he whispered in her ear. “And I think we need to leave them alone for a while.”

She nodded and closed her eyes, her heart racing. This was what she wanted, for Jack to face his past and cleanse his emotional wounds so he could finally move on for good. But now a worrying thought struck her: What if he wanted Pete back?

As if reading her mind, Tim buried his face in her hair. With his lips next to her ear he whispered, “No matter what, babe, you never lose me. Ever. I have faith in him and how he feels about us, but in case I’m wrong, you never lose me. I swear it.”

Liam walked over. Keeping his voice low, he said, “Why don’t you two go on out to the RV for a while? I’ll make sure they don’t get into it. I’ll finish cleaning up dinner.”

Tim agreed. Together, they went outside and curled up in the large bed in back. She felt safe in his arms, secure, even as her heart wondered if they would ever hold Jack again.

As if reading her mind, Tim spoke. “A lot of water has passed under that bridge, babe,” he said. “Too much, I think, for him to ever go back. But he needs to face this once and for all or we’ll never have him all to ourselves. We’ll always be sharing him with his memories and his hatred.”

She couldn’t fault that logic.

She had dozed off in Tim’s arms when a soft knock on the RV door startled her awake. Tim called out. “Yeah?”

Liam stuck his head inside. “It’s okay for you guys to come back in now, I think. They’re still talking, but they’re sitting in the living room.”

“Thanks,” Tim said. He looked at her. “Ready?”

She nodded. “I have to be, don’t I?”

With her stomach a mass of jumbled nerves, she let Tim lead her inside. Jack looked up from where he sat on the sofa as Tim and Gwen stood in the living room doorway. He stood, walked over to them, and hugged them both. “Thank you.”

Tim voiced the question she was afraid to ask. “Everything okay?”

He kissed Tim. “Everything’s fine.” Then he kissed her. “Please sleep inside tonight? If not with us, at least in the house.”

She smiled. “Okay.”

“In the house?” Jack asked.

She kissed him back. “In your bed.”

His happy smile nearly broke her heart. Could he finally find the peace that had eluded him for so many years?

They joined Jack on the couch, flanking him. Pete, looking much less uncomfortable than upon his arrival, sat in one of the chairs. Pete offered Tim and Gwen a mild smile. “Thanks for this. I appreciate it.”

Jack reached to either side and took Tim and Gwen’s hands. “I don’t think I stand a chance against these two. Oh, hold on a minute.” Jack stood and disappeared into the back of the house, to their bedroom, she imagined. He returned a few minutes later carrying two photo albums.

Pete’s eyes misted over. “Oh, man. You kept them.”

Jack smiled, but she didn’t miss the sadness lining it. “Yeah. Of course I did. Haven’t looked at them in years, though. I couldn’t bear to.” He returned to the couch and sat between Tim and Gwen again as he laid the albums on the coffee table and opened the first one. Pete left his chair and sat on the floor by the coffee table so he could see them.

They spent an hour going through the albums, Jack and Pete even laughing a few times over some memories, both men shedding plenty more tears. Liam joined them, commenting on Gwen’s resemblance to Melodie. “It’s spooky.”

Jack looked at her and smiled. “But it’s a good kind of spooky.”

Close to midnight, Pete glanced at the time. “I’m sorry I kept you all so late. I need to head home.”

Jack readily embraced him, the two men silently holding each other for a long, melancholy moment. Jack whispered something to him, too low for Gwen and Tim to hear.

Pete nodded, looking close to tears again, and whispered back. Jack walked him out to his car while Gwen and Tim remained in the living room.

Tim pulled her into his lap. “See? This is good.”

Exhausted mentally and emotionally, she nodded as she let him hold her close. “Yeah.”

When Jack returned a few minutes later, he gathered up the photo albums with a wistful look on his face. Instead of returning them to wherever he’d stored them, he made room for them on a shelf holding other photo albums.

Then he turned to them. “You were right,” he admitted to her. “Part of me does still love him. I miss him and I love him, but you two are my life. I quit being ‘in love’ with Pete a long time ago. Even though I know the full story now, that doesn’t change the fact that I love Tim, and I love you. Pete was part of my past. You two are my future.”

Tim kissed her. “See? I told you so.”

Gwen led the way to the bedroom.

Their bedroom.

Jack stood in front of her as Tim pressed against her back. “I love you, babe,” Jack said. “For who you are.”

She smiled. “I know. I believe you.”

“Oh, good. Does that mean I don’t have to flatten the tires on the RV?” Tim teased.

“Touch that RV, and I’ll beat you,” she joked back.

“Don’t worry,” Jack assured him. “I promise I won’t screw up like that again.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. “And I promise I won’t screw up like that again, either.”

They quickly ended up in bed. Jack stared into her eyes, melting her soul in the process. She did believe him. She was willing to put herself out there and trust him the way she trusted Tim. To be honest, she’d known Tim longer than she’d known Jack. It was natural for her to have that easier relationship with him.

Jack was more than worth it, in her mind. “I think I need a good fucking from you, Detective Kelly,” she joked.

“Mmm. I think you do, too.” He crushed her lips with his. Heat flared deep within her as her world shrunk to encompass nothing outside the feeling of his hot flesh pressed against hers and Tim curled next to both of them, kissing any available flesh he could get his lips on.

“I second that motion,” Tim said, handing Jack a condom.

Jack smiled, further incinerating any remaining doubts. During one of their talks, Tim had confided in her that Jack had never looked as happy as he did when the three of them were together. Now, she could clearly see that. His smile held an easy, happy feeling.

She felt moisture pooling inside her pussy. Her clit throbbed, wanting to feel his hot shaft stroking inside her.

He pressed the head of his cock against her cunt. “You want me, baby?”

She dug her nails into his ass and greedily fucked her hips up toward him. “Does that answer your question?”

“Damn, girl.” He kissed her as he fucked her, hard and fast. “You’re ours, do you understand? I won’t let you get away again. If you really want to leave, say so, but our lives have been miserable since we lost you.”

His words more than his talented fucking were what drove her over. The sincerity in his husky tone.

The tears in his eyes.

“I love you both. I don’t want to get away. Just don’t push us away, Jack.”

He threw his head back and let out a loud cry as his orgasm hit. His cock rammed deep inside her, triggering her own climax. Tim leaned in and flicked her nipple with his tongue. “That’s it, baby,” he encouraged. “Come for him. Come for us.”

It wasn’t as strong as some of the orgasms they’d given her in the past, but it felt better than any of them because she knew exactly where she belonged.

Jack collapsed on her, taking her with him as they rolled to their sides. He clung to her. “I missed you so much.”

“Me too,” she agreed.

“Ahem,” Tim said, clearing his throat. “What about me?”

They looked at him and laughed as they held their arms open to him. “We wouldn’t be the same without you, Tim,” Jack said. “Who would take care of us and keep us in line?”

Tim moved in close and kissed Jack, then Gwen. “You two would be lost without me.”

“Absolutely,” she agreed.

Jack pushed Tim back and knelt over him. “I owe you a little special treatment too, I do believe,” Jack said. He bent down and sucked Tim’s cock into his mouth.

Gwen gasped, turned on beyond belief at the sight. “Holy crap,” she whispered in an awed tone.

“There’s room for two,” Tim said.

She giggled. Jack slid over, and she helped Jack work over Tim’s cock and balls with her tongue. Only when he was squirming on the bed and begging for relief did Jack sheath his lover in a condom and motion for her to climb on.

Jack knelt behind her, holding her as she rode Tim. Tim’s sweet blue gaze melted her. “Jesus, you’re so beautiful, babe.”

She felt beautiful. The men always made her feel hot and sexy.

He cupped her breasts in his hands as Jack reached around her and found her clit. She moaned, her pussy contracting around Tim’s cock as Jack chuckled.

“That’s the magic spot, isn’t it, baby?”

“Uh-huh!”

Tim’s thumbs brushed against her nipples, hardening them into taut peaks. “You like knowing we’re always panting after you, don’t you, baby?”

She ground her hips against Tim, enjoying the way he bottomed out inside her. “Yeah!”

Jack growled into her ear, “You belong to us, baby. Forever.” He nibbled on her neck and that was all it took to send her over the edge. Sobbing from the sheer relief of having both her men back, she collapsed against him as Tim grabbed her hips and pistoned his cock up into her until he exploded with a cry.

Tired and sated, the three of them collapsed onto the bed. Tim and Jack both wrapped their arms around her, creating a secure cocoon of love. “Sweet dreams, baby,” Jack whispered as he kissed the back of her neck.

She wiggled her ass against him. “I will, believe me.”

Tim kissed her lips. “Dream about us,” he said.

“Absolutely.” She pulled their arms tightly around her. “Forever.”