Surviving Chaos

11

James was about to do something really stupid. Or really smart.

Either way, it was risky.

He’d walked for two hours, going farther than he knew he should have. The woods never ended. He never came to another road. He just walked straight, heading away from the road.

He was far from the campsite. As far as any of them had gone. He was way past the squirrel traps they’d set up.

James had marked the trunks of trees with his knife as he’d passed, leaving himself a trail so that he could find his way back. He had a compass with him, and he made sure that he was always heading due south.

To get back, all he’d have to do was head due north.

In theory, at least.

James was well aware that the woods could be deceptive. He’d learned it from his mother, who’d told him stories of her early hunting days, getting lost deep in the woods when she thought she knew exactly where she was.

At least James was aware of the possibility of getting lost. At least he was well aware of the risks. He was taking every precaution he possibly could.

Except for what he was about to do.

He was sitting cross-legged on the forest floor. Dead leaves were under him and all around him.

In front of him, there was a huge patch of wild mushrooms. They were growing out of an old log that had fallen years ago and partially rotted away.

They were good-sized mushrooms, a couple inches across at the cap. The caps were a light brown color.

But that was where James’s identification process began to break down. The field guide he had in front of him talked about cap size and color, but also about things like spore prints, and a dozen other characteristics that James couldn’t even pronounce.

From what James could make out, the mushrooms in front of him were either common honey mushrooms, or deadly Galerina mushrooms.

Both were common in Pennsylvania. Both looked superficially similar. Both were often mistaken for one another.

The only thing was that the honey mushrooms were edible. And the deadly Galerina mushrooms were extremely toxic, capable of killing four adult men with a small portion of flesh.

James was over his head. And he knew that. He’d racked his brains for anything he knew or had heard about mushrooms. But there was nothing there. They’d never been mentioned in biology class in school, except that he’d had to memorize the fact that fungi actually outnumbered all other forms of life by some huge margin. It had been on the test, and he’d passed, but it certainly didn’t help him now.

James had never learned anything about mushroom identification. Apparently, from what the field guide was saying, it took many years of study to be able to accurately distinguish look-alike mushrooms from one another.

He’d never been more frustrated. He had the guide, but it wasn’t much good to him.

The only way to know for sure was to test the mushrooms.

He’d take a bite and he’d either drop dead or have something edible in his stomach.

If the mushrooms were the poisonous ones, he’d suffer liver failure very quickly. He’d likely never make it back to camp, dying alone in the woods. Maybe his mom, sister, and Mandy would never find his body. They’d never know what had happened to him.

But James had already made up his mind. He was going to do it. He had to do it.

He was doing it for his mom and his sister. And for Mandy. They needed food. The occasional squirrel simply wasn’t going to be enough. If they were going to be at the campsite for a long time, they weren’t going to survive without more sustenance.

Mushrooms weren’t especially calorically dense, but there were enough here that they could provide at least a day’s food for everyone. The field guide said that mushrooms actually contained protein. Not a huge amount of protein, percentage wise, but the guide claimed that the protein was easily assimilated, and very high quality. They also contained high concentrations of vitamins and minerals, which James imagined would be good for his mother’s recovery.

If these mushrooms proved to be edible, it was likely that James could find another patch of them. Maybe mushroom hunting could save them all from starvation.

His mom needed the food most of all, if she was going to recover and grow strong again.

If James gathered up the mushrooms and took them back to camp, he knew that Mandy would never in a thousand years let him try them. She’d tell him that it was simply too dangerous and that they’d have to go hungry rather than eat the mushrooms.

Neither James, his mother, Mandy, or even Max was a mycologist. None of them, as far as James knew, knew anything more than he did about identifying wild mushrooms.

James reached out and picked the mushroom closest to him. He held it to his nose and smelled it. It had a strange smell, sort of like an old shoe.

It was time to do it.

James took a small bite, chewing it thoroughly. It didn’t taste particularly good, but it didn’t taste bitter or particularly odd either.

James swallowed the piece and waited.

He didn’t start hiking back. If he was going to die from the mushroom, he wanted it to be out here, away from his family. He didn’t want them to have to see him suffering through liver failure, if that was what was going to happen. He’d die alone in the woods like a man. He was taking the risk for a good reason and he was prepared to deal with the consequences.

James waited and waited.

He felt a slight discomfort in his stomach. He tried not to let his imagination run wild with this.

He knew that it was better to cook mushrooms, even the edible ones. Raw edible mushrooms could provide mild stomach discomfort. That was what was happening now.

James waited for about an hour.

He was still alive. Nothing had happened to him.

James didn’t waste any time. He didn’t celebrate. He knew it’d been a serious risk that could have easily gone the other way.

He set about gathering as many mushrooms as he possibly could, stuffing them into his pockets and his nearly-empty pack. Within an hour, he’d gathered every single mushroom that he could see.

Now all James had to do was find his way back.

He’d been away from camp for a large part of the day. The sun was getting lower in the sky. He needed to get a move on it, or he’d be stuck out there in the dark.

At first, it wasn’t too hard to find his way. He held his compass in front of him as he walked, making sure that he was heading south.

But as he walked, he began to second guess himself.

Hadn’t he been this way before? He could swear that that moss-covered boulder looked too familiar. Hadn’t he passed it already? Hadn’t he seen that tree with the strange branch just a few minutes before?

Was he walking in circles?

It didn’t make sense. The compass was pointing the right way, and James could see the marks in the trees that he’d left with his knife.

He sat down, setting his pack to the side, and closed his eyes. He concentrated on his breathing, trying to calm himself.

As part of his school’s initiative for newfangled physical education, the gym teachers had introduced a meditation course.

James and his buddies had laughed and scoffed. Hardly any of the students had taken it seriously.

James had used the meditation time to crack jokes and generally just annoy the teacher.

He’d thought it was a waste of time then, and maybe it still was. But it was the only thing he could think of.

His mind kept wandering, and he kept pulling it back to his breathing, which he was noticing was ragged and intense with the anxiety of getting lost in the forest.

James opened his eyes after ten minutes, feeling calmer.

The sun was noticeably lower now than when he’d left the mushroom patch.

He re-approached the situation mentally, this time from a new angle.

Sure, it seemed like he was wandering in a circle. But that was probably just because James knew that everything rode on his ability to get back to his family. If James got lost, his mother and sister wouldn’t have any food, not to mention what else would happen.

Walking in circles was very common in the woods. So common, in fact, that James had convinced himself that that was what was happening to himself. Even though he knew it wasn’t.

He was heading south. There was no way he could get lost. He was following the marks he’d put in the trees.

James shouldered his pack and set off again, this time with a renewed confidence in his abilities.

Maybe the meditating from gym class was hippy nonsense, but it had worked.

It was more likely, though, that James had simply taken some time to think things through. It hadn’t really been the “meditation.”

James tucked that knowledge away for the future. Next time he was doubting himself, he promised himself to stop and think about it.

The problem was that since the EMP, there usually wasn’t enough time to think things through.

Of all of them, Max was the best at making decisions on the fly. But he wasn’t there.

James tried to push Max out of his mind. It was possible that he’d never see Max again. And James felt that he would have to step up and fill his place.

James hiked through the woods for another hour or so before arriving back at camp. Darkness was just setting in, and Mandy had gotten the fire roaring. There was plenty of wood to burn, and since there seemed to be no one around for miles and miles, they didn’t have to worry much about someone spotting them. Of course, the possibility, though, was always on their minds.

“James!” called out Mandy, looking up to see James as he trudged into camp. He was tired from the journey, and his stomach had never felt emptier.

Before the EMP, he wouldn’t have thought twice about a walk of that length through the woods. He certainly wouldn’t have been sore. But his body was running on pure adrenaline, rather than calories. His muscles already ached and he knew it would be worse tomorrow when he woke up.

“Hey,” said James, tossing the bag down into the dirt around the fire, and flopping down on the ground himself.

“We were getting worried about you.”

James didn’t say it, but he thought, “and there was good reason to be worried.”

“How’s Mom doing?”

Sadie grunted something unintelligible.

“She’s doing about the same. I think she’s going to recover completely, but it’s going to take a little while.”

James didn’t say anything. His thoughts had been turning to his mother all day. He was worried about her, and it was frustrating that there was little he could do. It wasn’t like he could take her to a hospital.

“Did you find anything?” said Sadie.

James took one look at her, turning his head. She seemed to have calmed down a bit compared to when he’d left camp. But she was still upset. James knew she was relieved to see him, but her bad mood stopped her from expressing her feelings.

“I got something that’s going to put you in a better mood,” said James.

“Yeah? I don’t believe you. What’d you find? Another measly squirrel?”

“Something better.”

“What?”

“Check the bag yourself.”

Sadie couldn’t help herself. She got up quickly and opened the pack.

“Mushrooms?” she said, pulling out a thick handful. “What good are these?”

“I know you hate mushrooms,” said James. “But they’re food. I thought you’d be happy about getting something to eat.”

“Did you identify them, James?”

James nodded.

“Let me see them.”

James reached into his pocket and pulled out one for Mandy, who took it from him.

“I found them in the guidebook and everything.”

He looked up at Mandy to see a worried expression on her face.

“You don’t believe me?”

“It’s not that. It’s just that mushrooms are really tricky. I don’t know anything about them, except that you can easily confuse dangerous mushrooms with edible ones.”

“It’s fine,” said James, exhausted, lying flat on his back. “I tried them already.”

“You ate one?”

“Yeah,” said James. “I found the picture in the guidebook. It was either an edible one or a poisonous one. I tried it to make sure.”

He hadn’t wanted to tell them this. He just didn’t want to get into it all. But there was no way around it now.

“You thought you might be eating a poisonous mushroom?” said Sadie, her voice rising, her disdain and disbelief apparent.

“That was really dangerous, James,” said Mandy.

“Well, it’s over now. We can eat them. I’m alive, and we’ll have something to eat. The guidebook said they’re nutritious.”

Mandy looked like she was trying hard not to scold James, trying hard not to act like his mother.

Not another word was said about it, but the atmosphere had changed, growing even more despondent and depressing.

James rested while Mandy and Sadie started boiling the mushrooms. If there was one thing they had, it was plenty of water.

James lay there, wondering if he should go check on his mom. The truth was, he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to see her injured, and he had to admit to himself that he had been avoiding visiting her. She’d always been such a strong woman, self-assured, and above all else healthy and vital. To see her confined to the Ford Bronco, unable to move and take care of herself, well, that was quite a downturn.

The night was dark now, and it was getting colder. James moved himself closer to the fire to stay warm, letting the warmth soothe his aching muscles.

After the mushrooms finished boiling, Mandy wordlessly served them.

The truth was that, even after all that physical effort, the mushrooms didn’t look appetizing at all.

James stared down into the little aluminum camping bowl at the murky brown liquid in which the mushrooms floated. No matter how he tried to convince himself otherwise, he just didn’t want to eat them.

Sadie, on the other hand, had somehow already finished hers, and she was slurping down the liquid broth. “Wow,” she said. “That’s delicious.”

“Plenty more where that came from.”

“Actually we should ration them,” said Mandy. “And your mother needs some. I’ll go take them to her.”

“I can find more,” said James, even though he wasn’t sure. “I’m sure there are plenty out there in the woods. It’s just a matter of finding them. Have all you want, Sadie.”

He’d noticed that Sadie had already perked up quite a bit. The food was making her feel better.

“You eat, Mandy,” said James, standing up. “I’ll take these to my mom and then get another bowl for myself.”

“Thanks.”

James nodded at her, but she probably couldn’t even see the gesture in the darkness.

James started off towards the Bronco, which was a little ways a way, carrying the bowl of the soup that he didn’t want to eat. He turned his head back to look at his sister and Mandy sitting around the fire. It almost looked like a normal campsite, from before the EMP. But things had changed. James had changed. He’d never be the same again.