The Diary of a Bookseller

SATURDAY, 22 FEBRUARY

Online orders: 4

Books found: 4

The first telephone call of the day was from Mrs Phillips, near Dumfries: ‘I am ninety-three years old and blind, you know.’

I went to value her books about two years ago – interesting collection in a very nice house. When I arrived, I discovered that she’d cooked lunch for me and her grandson, who was visiting. I had already eaten – a dry sandwich with an unidentifiable filling bought from the petrol station in Newton Stewart – but didn’t want to decline since she’d gone to the trouble. It was prawns in aspic. Today she was calling to order a book, Babar, for her great-granddaughter. She’s one of the few customers who still order books through the shop, rather than directly online from Amazon.

One of the shop’s Facebook followers came in to buy books today. She and her boyfriend want to move here and I overheard her whispering ‘Don’t say anything stupid or he’ll post it on Facebook.’ I will write something mean about her later. When I set up the Facebook account for the shop four years ago, I had a look at other bookshops that had done the same. The content seemed almost universally bland and didn’t really convey the full horror or the exquisite joy of working in a bookshop, so I took a calculated risk and decided to focus on customer behaviour, particularly the stupid questions and the rude comments. It appears to have paid off, and those who follow the shop seem to become more delighted the more offensive I am about customers. I recently checked to see who is following me, and a significant number of bookshops are on the list.

Till total £227.45

14 customers