The Drowning Child

73

Caleb Veir’s steady gaze moved between Shannon Fuller, and his dad. Shannon, Aunt Alice, his mom, his dad... there were a whole load of messed-up adults in his life.

Shannon had asked him five times what had he done, what had he done to her baby. He hadn’t answered her.

He thought back to that day, sitting in a tree at the edge of the Fullers’ front yard where he could see into Shannon’s bedroom. He knew that asshole Aaron was at practice for another hour, he knew that. He figured if Shannon was going to take her clothes off and he was going to see those giant titties the boys all talked about, now would be a good time – when she was alone.

Then he heard it – the familiar sound of the engine of his father’s car, as it drove into the front yard. He watched as he parked, a little haphazard, never like he would at home, as if he was desperate, heading to an emergency, parking outside a hospital where someone was dying or heading to a fire because someone had to be rescued. He thought he was caught – he thought someone had told his father that he was there, in a tree, looking to see some loser’s mom’s titties. But that wasn’t what happened.

His father was there for Shannon Fuller, who was now rushing into the yard like a puppy dog. Caleb watched them come together like they’d been thrown in an explosion, and his father was walking her backward into the house as the rain fell, and neither of them cared, like they were in a fucking movie. His dad was old, and this made him sick to his stomach. He watched as they made it only as far as the shelter of the porch before his father had hiked up Shannon’s skirt and was kissing her so hard, he...

Caleb shuddered. He remembered the week before the school dance, telling Aaron what he saw, using it like a weapon. He told him his mom was a whore. He called her Shannon Fulfiller. And Aaron answered in the strangest way. He could still remember what he said, how easy it was for him to say it, how open he was, how he hadn’t even sneered.

‘At least my mom loves me,’ Aaron had said.

‘You fucking pussy,’ Caleb said. He had mimicked him. ‘“At least my mom loves me.” Pussy.’

‘Your mom fucking hates you,’ said Aaron. ‘She never wanted you. She tried to fucking drown you when you were a baby, you fucking loser. She couldn’t even stand you for that long, probably got sick of you soon as she saw your ugly fucking face.’

‘You’re full of shit,’ said Caleb.

‘It’s the truth!’ said Aaron. ‘Only reason you’re still alive is because my mom came along and saw what was happening. She took you off of your mom at Clearwater Creek. She was holding your stupid head under the water. I can’t believe my mom saved your loser fucking life.’

Caleb felt cold, shivery, like the world around him was warm and colorful, and he was black and white, and he was ice. Nothing that came to mind he could say to Aaron: But my mom loves me! My mom is the only one who loves me! We’re a team! We... we love each other! She’s... always there for me. You’re a liar, Aaron Fuller! Aaron Full of Lies! You’re a fucking liar!

But something had told Caleb that this was the truth. He sensed it in his pounding chest, his sick stomach, his burning flesh, his flaring pupils.

My mother tried to kill me. Why? Why would she do that?

He couldn’t bear to ask her. He couldn’t bear it. But he would. He would come back to her, and it would be different now. She would have missed him. She would be so glad he was back. All he needed to do was get his fucking father to stay the fuck out of everything. And Alice.

The night of the middle school dance, Caleb had watched Aaron Fuller staring at Molly Gardner. The prettiest girl in the class, Molly had a dark streak; she was fun, but she liked creepy stuff. Aaron had been telling the story of Lizzie, the girl who haunted Cabin 8 at Lake Verny, how he had seen her, how she had a huge slice out of her leg, how she would scream and nothing would come out.

Caleb took Molly Gardner’s cell phone when she was on the dance floor. He opened SnapChat and typed three things: an emoji ghost beside a house, a clock that read midnight, and a kiss. He sent it to Aaron Fuller. Then he deleted it.

And, of course, Aaron had shown up. And Caleb was waiting. And there was a barrel of rainwater. And drowning is silent. And easy. So easy with just a knee pressed into his back.

Suddenly, he felt the urge to answer Shannon Fuller, to tell her all that. So he told her everything.