The Drowning Child

75

Ren walked through Tate PD, and said goodbye to the team. Paul, Gary, and Sylvie had already gone to the airport. Ren left Ruddock until the end. She knocked on his door.

‘Come in,’ he said.

‘Hey,’ said Ren. ‘I’ve saved the best ’til last.’

He stood up.

‘Stay where you are,’ said Ren.

He didn’t.

I love your face. ‘Thank you for being so kind, Ruddock. And it was a real pleasure working with you.’

‘Thank you. You too, Ren. You take care of yourself.’

They hugged.

‘Any word on Jimmy Lyle?’ said Ren.

‘He’s still out there,’ said Ruddock.

‘I don’t like the ones who get away,’ said Ren. ‘Speaking of which...’

‘Keep in touch,’ said Ruddock.

‘I will.’ I definitely will. ‘Come to Denver some time,’ said Ren. ‘Please.’

‘I might just do that.’

Ren drove through Tate, but instead of heading for Salem, she took a detour. She pulled into Clyde Brimmer’s drive. She went up to the house and rang the doorbell. He came to the door, opened up, and once again, the smell of liquor surrounded him.

‘Clyde, there’s something I’d like to talk to you about,’ said Ren.

He looked at her, eager, but fearful. ‘What is it?’

‘Can I come in?’ said Ren.

‘Sure,’ he said. ‘Please excuse the mess.’

‘Don’t worry,’ said Ren.

He sat on the sofa, and she sat next to him.

‘It’s about your sister, Lizzie,’ said Ren.

‘OK,’ he said.

‘It might not be very easy to hear,’ said Ren, ‘but I think it might help you.’

‘OK. I trust you.’

Aw, maan. ‘Lizzie didn’t fall through that deck,’ said Ren.

‘What?’ said Clyde.

‘This is the difficult part,’ said Ren. ‘Have you heard about Roger Lyle?’

Clyde nodded.

‘I’m sorry to have to tell you that Lizzie was one of Roger Lyle’s victims. I’ve seen evidence of this. She wasn’t sexually abused, but she had been near-drowned by him on several occasions. He made it look like she fell through the deck that day, but I looked at all the evidence, the photos of the deck. There was an ax used on part of that. It wasn’t weak enough, and I’ve seen the photo of Lizzie – she wasn’t a heavy girl.’

Clyde was open-mouthed, silent. Tears poured down his face. Ren put her hands on his. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘I know this is hard for you to hear, but I hope it brings you some peace. You weren’t responsible for what happened to Lizzie. Roger Lyle was a very evil, and very clever man.’ She paused. ‘If you want further confirmation, Clyde, there is the option of—’

‘No,’ he said. ‘No – I don’t want her taken from the ground. I want peace for her too. I know you wouldn’t have come here to me today if you weren’t sure. Like I said, I trust you.’

‘Thank you,’ said Ren. ‘And thank you for everything you did for us.’ She paused. ‘Can I give you a ride anywhere, before I go?’

‘I’d like to visit the cemetery, please.’

‘Sure,’ said Ren. ‘That’s not a problem.’ I’d have taken you to the moon if you asked.

At Portland airport, Ren stood with Paul at his boarding gate – he would be flying back to DC with Sylvie.

‘See you,’ said Ren.

‘See you?’ said Paul. ‘Have I done something?’

‘No – not at all,’ said Ren.

‘“See you”? Who is this lady before me and what has she done with Ren Bryce?’

‘I’m sorry. And who you callin’ a lady?’

He tilted his head, narrowed his eyes. ‘Can I come see you? Or... you could come to DC?’

For what? ‘Hmm...’

He looked hurt. ‘Not quite the reaction I was hoping for...’

‘I’m sorry,’ said Ren. Don’t you know that your ‘Can I come see you?’ is really ‘Can you fix me?’ And that the answer is ‘No, I can’t.’

‘This is about Marianne...’ said Paul.

Ren laughed. He is clueless. ‘No – it’s not.’ It’s about you. ‘I’m sorry. I just... can’t be close to anyone right now, I don’t think. Honestly, I’m feeling like...’ you took advantage of me.

‘Like what?’ said Paul.

She looked away.

He laughed. ‘I love that you started the sentence with “honestly”, and then didn’t finish it.’

Ren smiled, turning back to him. ‘Says it all. Yes, I do not want to be honest about my feelings. Which really means: I don’t want to be dishonest about them. So I’m going to go for the trailing off thing, followed by silence.’

He hugged her.

Ren stepped back, looked up at him. ‘Look after yourself,’ she said. ‘Talk soon.’ She started to walk away. ‘Unless the plane goes down...’ She paused. ‘Merciful release.’

‘Ren?’ said Paul.

She stopped and looked around. ‘Yes?’

‘You do know that the world’s a better place with you in it, right?’

Ren laughed. ‘The bottom line is this – whatever your triumphs or tragedies, if a movie were made of your life story, someone would be eating popcorn as you die.’

‘So, who would play you?’ said Paul.

‘Nick Nolte.’

She walked away to the sound of his laughter.

I love making him laugh. I love his laugh. Stop being mean to him.

As she went toward the bar, she passed Sylvie and Gary saying a passionate farewell in a dark corner by the coffee shop.

He looks like an amazing kisser.

Jesus.

Christ.

Ren went to the bar and sat down, ordered a vodka cranberry.

She checked her messages. The tally of ignored texts from Joe Lucchesi had reached six.

I’m a terrible human being.

She started to text back.

And say what? You are so fucking hot: goodbye. Thanks for the amazing sex: goodbye. I remind you of your dead wife: goodbye.

Something in her heart was overriding the thoughts, overriding the words.

Go away, heart. You’ve been nothing but trouble.

She smiled to herself. The bartender caught her eye. He smiled back.

‘I’m a million miles away,’ said Ren.

‘Well, wherever you are, it looks like a great place.’

‘It’s a fucking hellhole.’

‘So you’re the type who smiles on the road to hell...’

‘I sing and dance too,’ said Ren. And fuck.

She finished her drink, checked the time.

Gary walked in. ‘I knew I’d find her here,’ he said to the bartender.

‘Because I texted him where I was,’ said Ren.

‘On the road to hell,’ said the bartender, handing a beer to another customer.

Ren laughed. Gary sat down beside her. ‘Did you make a new friend?’

‘Every stop I take,’ said Ren. She checked the time on her phone. ‘I’m going to run to the ladies. Or maybe walk casually.’

‘Vodka cranberry?’ said Gary.

‘Yes, please.’

As Ren reached the door to the ladies’ room, Sylvie was coming out. Her eyes were red.

‘Oh,’ they both said at the same time.

‘You’re still here,’ said Ren. ‘Are you OK?’

Sylvie nodded. ‘Yes.’ She tilted her head back. ‘Well...’ She tried to smile.

‘I’m sorry,’ said Ren. ‘Is it...’

Sylvie let out a breath. ‘It is.’

Fuck. You are hurting. And I am judging.

Sylvie tried to smile. ‘Mistresses don’t have horns, you know.’

Their boyfriends, however...

‘I know you look at me and you don’t like me,’ said Sylvie.

I’m not sure that’s what it is, actually...

‘I’m your worst nightmare,’ said Sylvie. ‘You think women like me let other women down. And here’s the thing: I agree. Or, at least, I used to.’

‘I don’t think—’

‘You’ve never had an affair with a married man,’ said Sylvie, ‘am I right?’

Ren nodded.

‘Because you’ve never met one who blew your mind,’ said Sylvie. ‘It could be as simple as that. I’m bright, I’m strong, my self-esteem is not exactly in the toilet. I’m a psychologist, for Christ’s sake. Sometimes, I have no idea who this person is when I look in the mirror... except someone who is in love with Gary Dettling. I honestly don’t know how this happened. Have you ever fallen for someone who just takes your breath away, it makes no sense, there’s no logic, it goes beyond your beliefs, your expectations, your principles?’

I’m not sure. Jesus. I’ve been that in love... haven’t I? Maybe not. I don’t know.

Sylvie was still talking. ‘Your head is the same logical place it always has been and your heart is like something from the greatest romantic movie of all time – the type of movie you never got, where you’re watching and you’re like “There’s no way anyone would do that or say that or feel that strongly or...” And that logical mind of yours becomes this battleground, because, when I’m not with him, I think: what the hell am I doing? And when I’m with him, or talking to him, or hearing from him, the whole world is right.’

It can’t be!

‘Is it worth it?’ said Ren. ‘Really?’

‘Yes,’ said Sylvie. ‘Can you believe that? I don’t even think I can...’

Ren smiled. ‘I’m sorry, Sylvie – I haven’t been very kind to you. It’s—’

‘I understand, OK? I do.’

‘But, maybe you’re right – maybe I’ve never had that kind of loss-of-logic love before. Well, not with someone unattainable.’ But, then, I’ve never had logic to begin with. And, shit – that was terrible: unattainable? Maybe Gary is attainable. What do I know?

‘Just – I think you deserve more,’ said Ren. ‘Every woman does.’ His wife does too.

‘I never thought getting this little from a man could feel like so much,’ said Sylvie.

Oh dear God... you said that out loud. To me. And I hope you say it out loud to yourself later and hear how depressing it is.

I’m such a judgey asshole.

Ren hovered in front of Sylvie, then reached out, touched her forearm. ‘I’m sorry for being... not exactly friendly. Please... just look after yourself.’ Because whatever happens, I think Gary will be just fine.

‘Thanks,’ said Sylvie. ‘You too.’ She paused. ‘I’m so sorry about everything that happened to you, Ren. I... can’t imagine. I think you’re very strong.’

‘God,’ said Ren, ‘I’m so not. But, thank you.’

They hugged.

Well, well, well...