The Faeman Quest

Thirteen

‘I think of Hodge every time we come down here,’ Henry murmured a little dreamily. Hodge – Mr Fogarty’s old tomcat – had always enjoyed hanging around the House Iris Portal Chamber and Henry still missed him.

‘Mmm,’ Blue said, her mind clearly on other things. She looked around. ‘Where’s Chief Portal Engineer Peacock?’

‘Dunno,’ Henry said. ‘Listen, Blue, I think it’s time you told me what you have in mind.’

Hodge had been an elderly cat when he first moved to the Realm, but something in the air suited him and he lived another twelve years before dying at the venerable age of twenty-eight. During a frisky moment in the interim, he surprised Madame Cardui’s translucent pedigree queen, Lanceline, and the result was four kittens who looked exactly like Hodge and were now, as adults, beginning to show Lanceline’s ability to talk. One of them appeared from behind the portal controls and polished Blue’s ankle. ‘Back in five minutes,’ it said.

‘Which one are you, darling?’ asked Blue, who was almost as enamoured with Hodge’s offspring as she was with Henry.

The kittens had been christened Rodge, Splodge, Podge and Emmeline. ‘Splodge,’ said this one. ‘Hello, Henry.’

‘Consort Majesty King Henry to you,’ said Henry, grinning.

‘Cat may look at a king,’ said Splodge philosophically. ‘Five minutes. Good hunting.’ He started to walk off, looking even more like Hodge from the rear than he did from the front.

‘Don’t go,’ Blue called quickly. ‘Who’s back in five minutes?’

‘Old Peacock,’ Splodge told her over his shoulder. ‘Gone to bandage his stump.’ He disappeared behind the portal again with his tail twisting into a high question mark.

‘Listen,’ Henry said quickly, ‘I’m glad we have a bit of time. I understand you didn’t want to say much when there were people about, but why do you think Mella may be in the Analogue World?’

Blue looked at him in surprise. ‘What makes you think I think that?’

‘The way we’re dressed for one thing.’ They both had on Analogue clothing – jeans and shirt for Henry, jeans and T-shirt for Blue. ‘The fact we’re in the Portal Chamber, for another. I didn’t really think you were planning a holiday.’ A thought occurred to him and he added, ‘No one else will either, if you’re hoping to keep this a secret.’

‘Oh yes they will,’ Blue told him. ‘Well, they won’t, but you know what I mean. This will stay a secret all right, at least until we find Mella. C.P.E. Peacock hasn’t really gone off to bandage his stump. I asked him to set up a lethe spell field round this chamber – I thought he’d have been back by now. But once we’ve gone, nobody will remember we’ve ever been here, including Splodge and Mr Peacock himself. With our dopplegangers in place, it will seem like business as usual.’

‘All right.’ Henry nodded. He’d suspected something of the sort. ‘But what makes you think Mella’s in the Analogue World?’ he asked again. ‘Madame Cardui isn’t looking there.’

‘Madame Cardui is checking out the political implications as her first priority,’ Blue said imperiously. ‘As she certainly should, of course. It’s just that I had reasons to believe Mella might have taken herself off to the human realm.’

‘What reasons?’

‘Reasons,’ Blue repeated stubbornly.

‘Which you didn’t pass on to Madame Cardui?’

‘No.’

‘Even though she is in charge of the investigation into our daughter’s disappearance?’

‘Yes.’

‘Why?’ Henry asked.

For the first time Blue looked embarrassed. ‘I wanted to be sure,’ she muttered.

‘No you didn’t,’ Henry said.

‘No, I didn’t,’ Blue agreed. ‘I’m sure enough. I found Mella’s diary.’

‘I didn’t know she kept one.’

‘Neither did I until she disappeared. It was very well hidden. Guardian spells and everything. Very grown-up.’ She glanced across at him. ‘Talking of which, I didn’t know you kept a private journal.’

Henry blinked. ‘How do you know I keep a private journal?’

‘Mella mentioned it in her diary. Apparently she’s read it.’

For a heartbeat he couldn’t believe it. ‘Mella’s read my private journal?’

Blue nodded and touched her top lip briefly with the tip of her tongue. ‘Oh, yes.’

‘She can’t have!’ Henry gasped. ‘There’s private stuff in there. Very private. I mean personal. Like my underwear and that thing you found I liked last summer. That’s very, very private.’

‘Not any more,’ Blue said.

‘She shouldn’t be reading my private journal,’ Henry moaned. He still couldn’t believe it. There were things in there he’d be embarrassed about Blue reading, let alone their own daughter.

‘No, and I don’t suppose I should have read hers,’ Blue said. ‘But I’m not going to get all guilty about it in the circumstances.’ She gave an uncertain, but reassuring smile. ‘I’m not as worried about her disappearance as I was. Madame Cardui is checking out the possibilities of kidnap, assassination and all that sort of thing, but I’m fairly sure this is just Mella being Mella. Mella being a normal teenager, I suppose. She’s started to get curious about your background. It’s what girls do about their father sooner or later. You can’t blame her.’

‘But I’ve told her everything she needs to know about my life,’ Henry protested.

‘Apparently you didn’t tell her enough,’ Blue said drily. ‘Or maybe you told her too much. She’s fascinated by your mother.’

‘My mother?’ Henry echoed. ‘Why would anybody be interested in that old witch?’

‘Because she’s human,’ Blue said quietly.

‘I’m human,’ Henry pointed out.

‘Yes, but she’s used to you, and besides you don’t live in the Analogue World any more. Your mother is still making a life in a strange and wonderful world where they have trains and buses and porridge and don’t even believe in magic. You have no idea how exotic that is for a teenager living in the Faerie Realm.’

There was a long moment’s silence before Henry said, ‘Don’t be silly.’

To his irritation, Blue giggled. ‘I’m not being silly. I think Mella is curious. I think Mella is curious about her human grandparents, who are strange creatures who live in a strange world she’s never visited, and I think she’s doubly curious about her grandmother, who happens to sleep with another woman. She’s fifteen, Henry! We were all interested in sex when we were fifteen.’

‘I wasn’t,’ Henry said automatically. He thought about it, decided it was a lie and glared at Blue as if that was somehow her fault.

Blue ignored him. ‘And this isn’t just sex, it’s sex in the family. At her age, that’s irresistible. I’m not saying she wants to do it. I’m just saying she wants to meet her fascinating old grannie.’

Henry clutched his head with both hands. ‘Oh, God!’ he said. ‘You’re planning for us to visit my mother!’

‘Yes,’ Blue said. ‘Yes, I am. I think there’s a very good chance we’ll find Mella with her.’

‘And what do we do? Just take her back?’

‘Of course we take her back. What else would we do?’

‘Suppose my mother won’t let us?’

Blue stared at him in astonishment. ‘She’s our daughter. Your mother has no say in what we do.’

‘I don’t want to go,’ Henry told her stubbornly.

‘Why not?’

‘There’ll be a row. She doesn’t approve of me wearing jeans.’

‘Henry, you’re a grown man now. Stop acting like a twelve-year-old.’

He was acting like a twelve-year-old: he knew that. The problem was he was frightened of his mother. Actually no, he was terrified of his mother, a manipulative guilt-tripper who’d made his early life a misery. When he was younger, he couldn’t wait to get away from her. When he finally managed it, he hadn’t been to visit her in years. As far as she was concerned, he was stuck in the wilds of New Zealand and might never come home. Not that she cared much anyway: she’d always led her own life. ‘ You go to see her. You don’t need me.’

‘Of course I need you,’ Blue said crossly. ‘She doesn’t know me. She’s never met me, remember.’

Henry swallowed and looked around as if searching for an escape route. But it was no more than an empty reflex. He knew Blue was right. He knew he was behaving like a child. Above all he knew he had to go, knew he would go. And spot on time, as if in confirmation, Chief Portal Engineer Peacock limped through the door.

His peg-leg rattled as he snapped to attention before Blue. ‘All set up, Ma’am.’

‘Are we ready to go?’

‘Soon as I set the coordinates and press the button, Ma’am. Lethe will cut in automatically.’ He glanced across at Henry. ‘Looking forward to going home, sir?’

‘Not much,’ Henry muttered. He nodded towards Peacock’s leg. ‘How’s…?’

‘Fine, sir, fine. The new one’s grown and they’re attaching it next week. I’ll be glad to get rid of old Peggy here.’

‘Bet you will,’ said Henry sympathetically. He licked his lips. ‘Are you sending us directly to my old place?’

Peacock smiled self-effacingly. ‘Still using the old-fashioned node-to-node technology here, I’m afraid, sir. No node anywhere near your parents’ place, so we thought we’d send you via Mr Fogarty’s old house. There’s a node in the back yard, you remember.’

‘We can take a public ouklo,’ Blue said helpfully. She shook her head. ‘Oh, you don’t have them in the Analogue World. There must be something similar.’

‘Taxi,’ Henry muttered. Peacock had said we. Blue must have sorted the whole thing out. As usual. She probably had a pocketful of Analogue money to cover incidental expenses.

Peacock said, ‘Well, Ma’am, sir, if you’re ready…?’

‘We’re ready,’ said Blue, speaking for both of them. She moved towards the portal pillars.

Henry hesitated for a moment, then shuffled after her.