The Faeman Quest

Forty-Three

‘I’d never met Lord Hairstreak,’ Mella said. ‘Not before today.’ She looked at her sister, who looked back at her like a reflection in a mirror. The dammed-up memories were flooding in now, leaving her excited to the point of breathlessness. ‘My parents both said he was a very bad man. After the war, they thought he was dead to begin with: for a long time too – over a year, I think. Then, when they found out the only bit of him left was his head, they took pity and decided to forgive and forget and leave him alone.’

‘Big mistake,’ murmured Mella II.

‘We never visited him. At least I didn’t. I suppose Blue and Henry thought I’d be squeamish about talking to a head with all its veins and sinews and yucky bits dripping into a cube. They think I’m still a child. You wouldn’t believe how over-protective they can be.’

‘You call your parents by their first names?’ Mella II exclaimed in obvious surprise.

‘Not usually,’ Mella told her. ‘Do you?’ She realised abruptly what she’d said and added hastily, ‘Would you? Might you? Will…?’ She tailed off.

‘I suppose your parents are my parents, sort of,’ Mella II said a little sadly. ‘If I had real parents, if I knew my real parents, I’d call them Mother and Father. Or Mummy and Daddy. I’d never call them by their first names, not even sometimes.’

‘So we’re not really so much alike,’ Mella said.

‘Yes, we are!’ Mella II told her fiercely. ‘We’re absolutely identical. It’s just that we were brought up differently. I miss having parents. I miss having a childhood.’

To change the subject, Mella said, ‘You’d better tell me what Lord Hairstreak was up to. With you, I mean. Do you know?’

‘Of course I do.’ Mella II still sounded a little heated. ‘He talked to me about everything. He thought I was his obedient little creation, ready to do absolutely everything she was told. It never occurred to him that being you, all my sympathies would be on your side.’

After a moment, Mella prompted, ‘Go on.’

‘It’s funny. I keep thinking you should know all this. But of course you don’t.’ Mella II reached out and took Mella’s hand. ‘Lord Hairstreak made me so he could have you killed.’

‘What?!’ Mella stared at her.

‘He came up with the plan before he got his new body; while he was still just a head on a cube. He knew the Realm would never accept him as King – he was just too creepy. The original idea was that he would kidnap you and have you killed in his Keep, then substitute me for you and send me back as you to take my place in the Purple Palace. I was supposed to do everything he told me, of course.’

Mella stared at her. ‘But what about Mummy and Daddy?’ she asked.

‘Oh, they were going to be killed too.’

‘Assassinated? Like me?’

‘Not exactly. Actually, not at all. He had too much time on his hands while he was just a head on a cube.’ She hesitated. ‘Not that he had any hands then, but you know what I mean.’

‘Oh, go on!’ Mella told her impatiently.

Mella II grinned at her. ‘He came up with the idea of having Haleklind attack the Realm. The old wizards would never have done it, of course – they were peculiar, but they weren’t interested in international politics and they certainly had no territorial ambitions – so he financed a coup and had them overthrown and set up the Table of Seven. They were supposed to be the new Revolutionary Ruling Council, but actually they took their orders from Lord Hairstreak when it came to the things that mattered.’

‘Wait a minute,’ Mella said. ‘Whoever was in charge, Haleklind would never have stood a chance of invading the Realm. Not successfully anyway. They only have a smallish army: even I know that. The whole country is just one big magic industry. All they’ve ever thought of for centuries is selling their spells.’

‘Quite right,’ said Mella II. ‘But Lord Hairstreak’s idea was for them to develop a magical army. He wanted them to breed manticores.’

‘Manticores?’

‘They’re great mythic beasts, half lion, half scorpion, half -’

‘Yes, I know what manticores are. But you can’t breed magical beasts. You have to make them one at a time. Everybody knows that.’

‘And apparently everybody is wrong,’ Mella II told her emphatically. ‘The plains of Haleklind are swarming with manticores now and that’s Lord Hairstreak’s secret army.’

After a long moment Mella said, ‘So the Haleklinders attack the Realm with manticores and kill Mummy and Daddy…’

‘… then Lord Hairstreak steps in and negotiates a truce, hero of the hour, applause, applause, and you become Queen, only you’re dead so it’s really me, and Lord Hairstreak runs the Realm through me because, of course, I’m his sweet little creation so I’ll do what I’m told and then, when I’m old enough, he marries me and -’

Mella almost choked. ‘He does what? ’

‘Marries me,’ Mella II repeated. ‘He can do that quite legally because I’m supposed to be you, remember, and he’s not a blood relative, so he marries you and becomes King. He’s wanted that for years and years.’

‘I think I need to sit down for a minute,’ Mella said. She propped her back against a thick tree trunk and sank down to the mossy forest floor. ‘What a pervy pervert! ’

Mella II sat down beside her. ‘He hired an assassin to get you, but you ran away and that spoiled his plans.’

Mella held her head. Between the flood of memories and the fresh information, she felt as if it might explode at any minute. ‘But then I played into his hands by ending up in Haleklind.’

‘Yes, you did,’ Mella II confirmed. ‘The original idea was for us to be swapped at his Keep, but when the Table told him they had you in their Kremlin, that was even better. He packed me into his ouklo at once. I was supposed to wait until he’d confirmed it really was you, then he was going to kill you and make the switch. Or make the switch and kill you, I forget which. I was trying to figure out a way to save you when you made the escape yourself – I should have known you’d manage perfectly well: you’re very resourceful, just like me.’

‘Why is Aunt Aisling helping him?’ Mella frowned. Nothing Aunt Aisling did was making much sense.

Mella II glanced at her in surprise. ‘I didn’t know she was. What can she do in the Analogue World?’

‘She’s not in the Analogue World: she came here with me and now she’s helping him for some reason.’

‘I didn’t know that,’ Mella II repeated.

Mella pushed the mystery from her mind – there were obviously far more important things to think about. She pushed herself abruptly to her feet. ‘We have to get back to the Palace and warn everybody what’s going on.’

‘I was going to say that,’ Mella II told her. ‘The only thing -’

‘What? What’s the only thing?’

‘The only thing is how we’re going to do it. We’re lost in a forest somewhere in Haleklind, probably being chased, and even if we find our way out we won’t know how to get to the Realm, and even if we find out how to get to the Realm I know there are all sorts of guards and security spells at the border because Hairstreak once told me. So how do we do it?’

‘Perhaps I can help you with that,’ said a weird, growly voice behind them.