The Greenhouse

Forty-four

After my conversation with Anna I knock on Father Thomas’s door. He’s started to watch the movie without me, because I was late, and pulls a chair out for me. I get straight to the point.

— Something’s come up, I say. The thing is, I have to take care of a child, my nine-month-old daughter, in fact, just for a while, probably for three or four weeks. Could she stay with me in the guesthouse and be with me in the garden during the day? I’d probably have to reduce my workload a bit.

Father Thomas turns off the TV and stares at me in disbelief, as if he were wondering if he’d heard me right.

— I’d find a bed for her, I say; it would only be temporary, I add.

There is a prolonged silence in room number seven. Father Thomas finally speaks.

— There is no space for a child within the framework of monastic life. It would disturb the tranquility and prayers.

— I wouldn’t exactly be taking her into the monastery, I say, just to the garden. Her mother says she sleeps three hours after lunch, so she could sleep in the carriage while I work in the rose garden.

— No, no, and no. The child would disrupt everything. When a baby babbles, it can be heard. What do you think Brother Jacob would say?

— It would only be temporary, I say, starting to repeat myself and sensing that my arguments bear little weight. I don’t know why he specifically mentioned Brother Jacob.

— Are you going to take a babbling child to the refectory? For soup and a jar full of baby food? He looks at me with a mixture of horror and amazement. This isn’t a hotel, it’s a monastery. The men who are here have renounced family life to serve God. Are you going to set up a nursery in that world? Only Christ comes first in here.

— But didn’t Christ say come all you…, I hazard feebly, but immediately sense my sarcasm is out of place. I feel like I’m rapidly losing ground.

— Christ said and Christ didn’t say, are you so infantile as to think you can argue theology with me?

— There now, he says in a milder tone. Let’s have a drop of apricot liqueur.

He grabs a bottle and glasses.

— You never mentioned you had a child. Just that your mother had died and that you were pondering about death and the body.

— One can’t always cover everything. I thought I’d told you about it, though, when we were discussing death.

— It isn’t always easy to know what you’re getting at.

Although the matter is formally closed, I attempt to play my final trump card by showing Father Thomas a photograph of my daughter. I choose the older picture, the one of her straight out of the tub in her bath gown, because I think it’ll have the greatest impact. She has a cordon tied around her waist like a monk and wet curly locks on her forehead. The bare toes that protrude from the hem of the gown are the size of peas.

He examines the photograph, impossible to decipher what he’s thinking.

— To be honest, I thought you weren’t interested in women. It even occurred to me that you might have a crush on me, he says with a smile. I’m relieved that’s not the case. I was going to shake you off, but I don’t have to now, says the priest, leaning back on his chair. The matter is settled, as far as he is concerned. He tells me I’m welcome to stay on and watch the rest of the film with him; he can fill me in on the story so far, the first twenty minutes. The theme is faith this time for a change, a quarter-of-a-century-old picture by Godard.

— We don’t just have a need to know everything, but also to believe, says the priest, setting the tone for the content of this masterpiece. If a girl who is expecting a child says she hasn’t slept with anyone, it may well be true. It is by no means necessary to see to believe. Unless she defines the act differently. And the word became flesh, as the text says. Thus every woman carries the mystery of genesis within her, the light of divine conception.

I slip my daughter’s photograph back into my pocket. There is little else to add. I watch the film distractedly for half an hour, then stand up and say good night.

— Don’t worry, you’ll find a solution to your problem with God’s help, he says, the Lord be with you and your child.