The Greenhouse

Seventy-three

I’d be willing to share my experiences with someone, and yet I’m not the type of guy to divulge what’s going on between a woman and me to someone else. When someone is frank with you and tells you something a bit personal, you can’t go around telling anyone about it. What happens between Anna and me is between her and me. But I don’t feel I’m betraying her trust by popping in to consult the expert on divine love in room seven of the guesthouse. I’m helped by the fact that I’ve acquired more experience in various areas since I last discussed issues related to this with him some ten days ago.

I sit with my daughter, wriggling on my knees in her striped stockings, while we talk together; and because I’m visiting Father Thomas on a formal matter, my daughter and I sit on one side of the desk and the priest on the other. He offers me a shot, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to be drinking when I’m with the child. I notice a porcelain doll in a blue knitted dress has been placed on the middle of the desk. I get straight to the point.

— How does a man know if a woman loves him?

— It’s difficult to be certain about anything when it comes to love, says the priest, pushing the doll toward my daughter.

— What if the woman says she’s scared you won’t come back when you go out to the shop?

— Then it could be that she is the one who actually wants to leave, alone.

I notice him observing the child playing as he’s talking to me.

— And when a woman is miles away in her thoughts, does that mean she’s not keen?

— It can both mean that and mean that she is keen.

— But if a woman tells a man that he can’t fall in love with her?

— That can mean that she loves him. It reminds me of an old Italian film that you might like to watch, which deals with similar problems. The director shows little faith in dialogue as a means of settling feelings.

— But if she says she’s not ready for a relationship?

My daughter hands me the doll; she wants me to take its knitted dress off.

— That could mean that she is ready but doesn’t know if you’re ready and is afraid you might reject her.

— But if she says she wants to go away and be alone?

— That could mean that she wants you to come with her.

The priest has stood up and is looking through his shelves.

— There’s such a thing as wise love, as verse reminds us, he says from the other side of the room with his back turned to me, but there’s no such thing as wise passion. But if life were solely to be based on wisdom, you’d miss out on the passion, as they say in here somewhere, he says, and I know he’s not quoting from the Bible.

My daughter wants me to put the knitted dress back onto the doll again. Squeezing the arms into the sleeves takes the longest.

— There, he finally says, walking toward me with a tape in his hand. You can learn a lot about women’s feelings by watching Antonioni. Have you got a video player yet?