The Hanging Girl

35

Saturday, May 10th, 2014

After Shirley had confided in Valentina, and Valentina had told Shirley about her dream, they drifted apart, which was definitely not what Shirley had wanted.

“Couldn’t we meet up tonight and have a little chat?” she asked her in the days that followed, but after several rejections Shirley got the message.

Valentina’s dream had made an impression, so Shirley had started looking at Wanda’s belt on the windowsill with renewed and strengthened suspicion. Was it really out of the question that it was Wanda’s belt? When they’d last spoken, Valentina had mentioned other incidents here at the Nature Absorption Academy that seemed suspicious.

And why had Valentina so suddenly and irrevocably rejected her? To her, the complete change of heart almost made it seem like she was under the influence of something or someone.

Could she have talked to Pirjo? Was that really possible, given that Valentina’s dream specifically accused Pirjo, and that Malena’s sudden disappearance from the hospital preoccupied her so much?

Could Valentina and Pirjo have a new, hidden agenda? Shirley tended to think they might, since Valentina preferred to sit at the opposite end of the assembly hall now, as far away from her as possible, where Pirjo entered.

She had a surprisingly strong feeling that a kind of bond had been formed between the two, beyond what was normal for a relationship between Atu’s right-hand woman and one of the common disciples.

At the same time, Shirley could sense Pirjo’s eyes resting on her in a completely different way whenever their paths crossed. Eyes seeking information but not contact. In fact, Pirjo didn’t speak to her at all during that period. She might greet her with a nod, sometimes even feign a smile, but that was all.

Shirley had thought several times that she’d have to talk to Atu about it, but that type of request always went through Pirjo, so how should she go about it?

Once in a while she both feared and believed that Pirjo was out to get her. And if she was, Shirley had no future at the Nature Absorption Academy.

That was why she found herself in a terrible dilemma. Because no matter what her position was, and regardless of what means Pirjo used to mark her territory, she’d decided to stay at the center, whatever the cost. What else should she do with her life?

Should she go back to London and certain unemployment, lousy housing, the same habits and mischief as before—casual, bad sex with strange men whom she didn’t even want to wake up next to? No, that wasn’t going to happen, under any circumstances. And would anyone lament the fact that she didn’t return? No, that wasn’t going to happen either. Actually, she couldn’t think of anyone except her parents who would have any idea she’d been gone. And looking at it objectively, not even her parents wanted anything to do with her. They’d made that quite obvious. During her stay here at the center, she’d written to them at least ten times, and the only answer she’d ever received was a postcard that stated in a few, precise words that as long as she stayed at this unchristian place, she shouldn’t bother writing again.

Her decision deeply rooted inside, Shirley tried to catch Pirjo’s eye at the Saturday assembly, so she’d know that she needed to get in contact. Only for a moment did she succeed, when Pirjo looked directly at her without noticeable aversion.

Perhaps for a second, there was even a hint of a reconciling smile on her lips.

Shirley went cold all over when the smile froze.

Was she looking at a female spider that felt her web vibrating?