The Hanging Girl

39

Sunday, May 11th, 2014

“A penny for your thoughts, Shirley,” said Pirjo. She took her arm and leaned into her. It felt good. “Are you happy?” she asked.

“Happy? Yes, I think so.” She nodded.

It all felt so strange. Only nine months ago, she’d walked up the staircase in one of the flashiest houses in the exclusive Chelsea area with Wanda by her side, excited like a child before Christmas. And what she’d experienced there had been wondrous, a big leap forward in her life. That day she’d really felt that for once it wasn’t just some silly fad, like doing courses in stress management, or trying to communicate with spirits, or something like that. This time she’d decided that she was really going to challenge herself, and listen to the ideas and instructions of a great man about how you could turn your life around completely. And afterward, back in the apartment, she’d been joking with Wanda about the fabulous impression Atu had made on her. She’d really felt in mind and body how the encounter with Atu’s world had satisfied her expectations, but for Wanda there’d been more to it than that. In fact, she’d been completely absorbed.

And now she, Shirley from Birmingham, was the one who’d walk those stairs every day. Now she was Atu’s appointed one, who’d welcome new applicants like Wanda had once been welcomed. She was the one who’d arrange Atu’s stays and make him feel comfortable when he visited the London office.

Wasn’t that reason enough for her to feel proud and happy? Yes, why not? And yet, there were still some big, unanswered questions. Where was Wanda? What had become of all her dreams of lasting change?

And what about herself? Was this what she’d wanted most, only a few hours ago? After all, she’d hoped to be invited permanently into their circle here at the Nature Absorption Academy. But then again, wasn’t it true what Pirjo had made her so painfully aware of—that it wasn’t for her?

When you thought about all the unjustified words and the suspicion, all the venom she’d brought to this glorious place, it probably was true.

And still they’d shown incredible faith in her with this assignment. Was she really worthy of it?

She thrust her lower lip forward, and looked at Pirjo. Seeing her there, so fine and immaculate, how could Shirley ever have thought she could have done the things she’d suggested? Done what? Shirley didn’t even know. All she knew was that Wanda had gone missing, and that a belt that looked like hers had been found. Why would she ever have pestered these wonderful people with her unfounded and horrible ideas? Why would she even have pestered herself with them?

And now they rewarded her with this trusted assignment.

Shirley grabbed the bag, which they’d packed together, looked over her shoulder, and said good-bye to her small room. Side by side, they stepped out into the sea air, and headed for the place that would help Shirley achieve a purer attitude toward life.

From this moment on, she would do anything to deserve Atu and Pirjo’s trust, and put all her strength into developing spiritually and rising to the occasion. From now on, she’d simply be as irreproachable and loyal as the cream of the crop here at the center—no more, no less. She promised herself that.

She put her hand on Pirjo’s arm. “Yes, I’m happy, but that’s such a small word. I can hardly describe my true emotions.”

Pirjo smiled. “Then don’t, Shirley. I can tell by looking at you.”

She pointed out toward the meadow area, where a cluster of pointed houses were being built. In this area, they would be building a second center with its own timber circle, assembly room, and eating facilities. This would enable them to accept more than twice as many course participants, explained Pirjo. And the plan was that the course members and permanent residents in the old center would only meet those in the new center during the morning assembly. It was a wide-scale project.

“They’ll soon have the timber circle finished over there,” said Pirjo, pointing at the half-finished roof that rose above the grass field.

She nodded with contentment. “And when they’re finished in just over a month and a half, the team will continue finishing the houses and the assembly rooms down here. For the time being, you’ll actually only need to stay in the finished purification house in the new quarters. And it’s a very nice house, let me tell you. At least, no one’s made any complaints yet. Perhaps because you’ll have the privilege of breaking it in.” She let out a little laugh.

And it was indeed a privilege; Shirley clearly sensed that. Still, she had to stop for a moment and compose herself when Pirjo unlocked the door to the high-ceilinged, wood-clad room.

“Yes,” said Pirjo. “The light streaming in from the ceiling, the light woods, the beautifully colored tiles, and all the details are fantastic, don’t you think?” asked Pirjo. “And it’s thermally built, so it preserves heat in winter.”

“Yes, it really is very beautiful,” said Shirley quietly. She’d already noticed the things Pirjo was talking about, but she’d also noticed that apart from the skylights about seven or eight meters above the floor, there was no light coming into the room. In other words, she’d be spending weeks without being able to see what was going on outside. Every day, no other colors than these yellowish walls and grey-speckled tiles.

“It’s pretty bare,” she said, slightly worried.

Pirjo gently patted her shoulder. “You’ll be all right, Shirley, I’m sure you will. Your senses can rest here. By the end of your stay, you’ll look back at this as one of the best times in your life. Find peace, read your texts, meditate on the creeds, and think about your life. You’ll see. Time will pass much quicker than you think.”

Shirley nodded and put down her bag on the small bunk, beside which there was only an unpadded chair and a round pinewood table in the room. At least there was somewhere for her to play solitaire. “You’ve got the toilet and shower out here, and it’s also where you get your water from,” said Pirjo, pointing at a door. “We’ll bring clean clothes, towels, and bedding once a week. And like the rest of us, you’ll eat three times a day. I’ll probably be the one who brings food over to you, although it might also be someone from the kitchen team.” She smiled, taking Shirley’s hand and putting a small blue, handwritten notebook in it.

Shirley opened it carefully, letting one finger, as light as a feather, slide across a page.

“It doesn’t look like Atu’s handwriting,” she said.

“No, it isn’t, but Atu dictated it all, word by word. All his clear instructions to the purification period rituals are here,” said Pirjo. “They’re very easy to follow, as always when it comes to Atu’s thoughts. If for some reason you should have any questions, it isn’t unknown for Atu himself to come over here to ease the way to a better understanding.”

Shirley pulled her head back. She was astonished. Would Atu really do something like that?

“Well, in that case there’ll probably be a lot I don’t understand.” She allowed herself to shake her head slightly and smile at her own joke.

Pirjo smiled, too. “I think you’re good to go, don’t you, Shirley?”

Shirley hesitated. “Yes, but what if I can’t go through with the purification. Can I stop?”

“Let’s not meet trouble halfway, Shirley. I’m sure you’ll manage. Otherwise Atu wouldn’t have appointed you. He knows things like that. He has seen you, Shirley.”

She smiled. Had he really? It felt so good.

“Give me your watch, Shirley. Otherwise you’re just going to look at it every fifteen minutes for the first day. I’d like to spare you that.”

Shirley took off the watch and handed it to Pirjo. She felt so naked now that time had also been taken from her.

“I’m just thinking, Pirjo . . . what if I get sick? I mean, not that I plan to,” she said with a smile. “But can I get in contact with someone? Will anyone be able to hear me from outside if I shout when they walk past?”

Pirjo put the watch in her pocket, stroking Shirley’s cheek. “I’m sure they will, sweetie. Take care till I see you again.”

And then she said good-bye and left.

She locked the door behind her, turning the key twice, which seemed a bit exaggerated.

Shirley was all alone.