The Killer Cat's Birthday Bash

2: ‘You talkin’ ’bout me?’

IT WAS A horrible day. Horrible. The rain was splattering against the window panes. The wind was howling. So Ellie lay face down on the rug and flicked over the pages of the album.

‘Oooh, Dad! Here’s one of you the day you tumbled in that muddy ditch.’

(Best place for the man, if you want my opinion.)

‘Oooh, Mum! Come and look at this photo. Your hair looks lovely.’

(On Planet No-Style, maybe. But not here.)

On and on Ellie went, squealing away like that baby mouse Tiger and I gave such a good fright behind the wheelie bin. In the end I decided I couldn’t stand it any more, and made for the door.

Just then she squealed again. ‘Oh, here’s one of Tuffy! Doesn’t he look sweeeeeeeet?’

I turned to give her one of my ‘you talkin’ ’bout me?’ looks. She didn’t even notice. She was too busy oohing and aahing and fussing and cooing. ‘Oh,

come and look at this, Mum. Tuffy looks so cute!’

I’m not going to hang my head in shame and make excuses for myself. Back then I was a ball of fluff. I was a kitten. Baby kittens are sweet.

Ellie picked out another photo. ‘Oh, look! Tuffy is gorgeous!’

I couldn’t help it; I was curious. So I strolled back to take a look. And sure enough, there was this photo of me, all huge and trusting eyes, and fur around me like a fluffy cloud. I looked like something off one of those soppy birthday cards your great-aunt sends to your mother.

I nearly threw up. But Ellie was pointing to the writing underneath the photo as she read it aloud.

‘Our enchanting new kitten. Born on 31st October.’

She looked at her mother. ‘It’s October now,’ she said. ‘That means it’s nearly Tuffy’s birthday.’

‘That’s nice,’ said Ellie’s mother.

I thought so too. But Ellie’s father had to introduce a sour note into this warm family moment.

‘31st October?’ he said. ‘Isn’t that Halloween? The time when everything evil and ugly and dangerous crawls out to stalk the land.’ He snorted. ‘A very suitable day indeed for Tuffy’s birthday!’

Rude man. But did I bother to give him the blink? No. I was too busy thinking.

31st October. My birthday, eh?

Then why not hold a party?

Well, why not?