The Killer Cat's Christmas

4: Surprise, surprise!

SO THAT’S HOW I ended up sitting like Goody-Two-Shoes on the sofa in the front room, while Lucilla and Lancelot drooled and drivelled over my brains and beauty.

‘Oh, Tuffy! You’re so lovely.’

‘Your fur’s so soft.’

‘And you’re so clever.’

‘I wish we had a cat.’

‘Oh, Ellie! You’re so lucky!’

It just went on and on. I stood it for about a minute or two, and then I reckoned it was time to leave, so I stood up.

Quick as a flash, all three of them reached out to stop me. I was trapped.

‘No, Tuffy! We promised!’

‘Just to keep you safe!’

‘You have to stay!’

I tried to wriggle free. Lucilla shut the door and Lancelot checked the window latch. Ellie could see that I was getting nervous, so, ‘Never mind,’ she soothed. ‘Let’s think of something to play.’

Play? What does she think I am? Some newborn fluff ball? But it is always best to know what’s going on, so I stopped struggling long enough to listen. What was it going to be? Hide and Seek? (I hoped not. Most of the hiding places in this house are mine, mine, mine.) How about Murder in the Dark? (Step on me by mistake, and I will scratch a good chunk out of you!) Perhaps they’d choose Tiddleywinks. (Better take care. Flick just one wink at me, and you are dead.)

Surprise, surprise!

‘Let’s put on a show!’ Lucilla said.

‘Yes!’ Lancelot echoed. ‘Let’s put on a little show!’

Ellie was bouncing up and down, clapping her hands. ‘Oh, goody gumdrops! I love doing special little shows!’

I was embarrassed. (Ellie’s such a drip.) But I did think I might at least be left to sit up on the dresser and sneer. I mean, you can’t train cats to act or dance. No one would even try. You might be able to boss dogs about. But never cats.

So I thought I’d be safe with special little shows.

Well, more fool me.