The Old Genie Hottabych

SHIPWRECKED?

However, it soon became clear that there was a very tangible difference between the “Ladoga” and a rest home. Apart from the Crimean earthquake, old-timers at rest homes do not recall having been tossed out of their beds in their sleep. The passengers had just fallen asleep when a sharp jerk threw them from their berths.

That very moment the steady hum of the engines stopped. In the silence which followed, one could hear the slamming of doors and the sound of running feet, as the people rushed out of their cabins to find out what had happened. There were shouts of command coming from the deck. Volka was lucky in tumbling out of the top berth without major injuries. He immediately jumped to his feet and began to rub his sore spots. As he was still half asleep, he decided that it had been his own fault and was about to climb up again when the murmur of anxious voices coming from the corridor convinced him that the reason was much more serious than he thought.

“Perhaps we hit an underground reef?” he wondered, pulling on his clothes. This thought, far from frightening him, gave him a strange and burning feeling of anxious exhilaration. “Golly! This is a real adventure! Gee! There isn’t a single ship within a thousand kilometres, and maybe our wireless doesn’t work!”

He imagined a most exciting picture: they were shipwrecked, their supplies of drinking water and food were coming to an end, but the passengers and crew of the “Ladoga” were calm and courageous — as Soviet people should be. Naturally, he, Volka Kostylkov, had the greatest will power. Yes, Vladimir Kostylkov could look danger in the face. He would always be cheerful and outwardly carefree, he would comfort those who were despondent. When the captain of the “Ladoga” would succumb to the inhuman strain and deprivation, he, Volka, would rightly take over command of the ship.

“What has disturbed the sleep so necessary to your young system?” Hottabych asked and yawned, interrupting Volka’s day-dreams.

“I’ll find out right away, Hottabych. I don’t want you to worry about anything,” Volka said comfortingly and ran off.

Gathered on the spardeck near the captain’s bridge were about twenty half-dressed passengers. They were all discussing something quietly. In order to raise their spirits, Volka assumed a cheerful, carefree expression and said courageously:

“Be calm, everyone! Calmness above all! There’s no need to panic!”

“That’s very true. Those are golden words, young man! And that is why you should go right back to your cabin and go to sleep without fear,” one of the passengers replied with a smile. “By the way, no one here is feeling at all panicky.”

Everyone laughed, to Volka’s considerable embarrassment. Besides, it was rather chilly on deck and he decided to run down and get his coat.

“Calmness above all!” he said to Hottabych, who was waiting for him below. “There’s no reason to get panicky. Before two days are out, a giant ice-breaker will come for us and set us afloat once again. We certainly could have done it ourselves, but can you hear? The engines have stopped working. Something went wrong, but no one can find out what it is. There will surely be deprivations, but let’s hope that no one will die.”

Volka was listening to himself speak with pleasure. He had never dreamt he could calm people so easily and convincingly.

“O woe is me!” the old man cried suddenly, shoving his bare feet into his famous slippers. “If you perish, I’ll not survive you. Have we really come upon a shoal? Alas, alas! It would be much better if the engines were making noise. And just look at me! Instead of using my magic powers for more important things, I…”

“Hottabych,” Volka interrupted sternly, “tell me this minute: what have you done?”

“Why, nothing much. It’s just that I so wanted you to sleep soundly, that I permitted myself to order the engines to stop making noise.”

“Oh, no!” Volka cried in horror. “Now I know what happened! You ordered the engines to be still, but they can’t work silently. That’s why the ship stopped so suddenly. Take back your order before the boilers explode!”

“I hear and I obey,” a rather frightened Hottabych answered shakily.

That very moment the engines began to hum again and the “Ladoga” continued on its way as before. Meanwhile, the captain, the chief engineer and everyone else on board were at a loss to explain why the engines had stopped so suddenly and mysteriously and had resumed working again just as suddenly and mysteriously.

Only Hottabych and Volka knew what had happened, but for obvious reasons they said nothing. Not even to Zhenya. But then, Zhenya had slept soundly through it all.

“If there was ever an international contest to see who’s the soundest sleeper, I bet Zhenya would get first prize and be the world champion,” Volka said.

Hottabych giggled ingratiatingly, though he had no idea what a contest was, and especially an international one, or what a champion was. But he was trying to appease Volka.

Yet, this in no way staved off the unpleasant conversation. Volka sat down on the edge of Hottabych’s berth and said:

“You know what? Let’s have a man-to-man talk.”

“I am all ears, O Volka,” Hottabych replied with exaggerated cheerfulness.

“Did you ever try counting how many years older you are than me?”

“Somehow, the thought never entered my head, but if you permit me to, I’ll gladly do so.”

“Never mind, I figured it out already. You’re three thousand, seven hundred and nineteen years older than me — or exactly two hundred and eighty-seven times! And when people see us together on the deck or in the lounge they probably think: how nice it is that these boys have such a respectable, wise and elderly gentleman to keep an eye on them. Isn’t that right? What’s the matter? Why don’t you answer?”

But Hottabych, hanging his unruly grey head, seemed to have taken a mouthful of water.

“But how do things really stand? Actually, I find that I’m suddenly responsible for your life and the lives of all the passengers, because since it was me who let you out of the bottle an since you nearly sank a whole ice-breaker, it means I’m responsible for everything. I deserve to have my head chopped off.”

“Just let anyone try to chop off such a noble head as yours! Hottabych cried.

“All right, never mind that. Don’t interrupt. To continue: Pi sick and tired of your miracles. There’s no doubt about it, you’re really a very mighty Genie (Hottabych puffed out his chest), bi as concerns modern times and modern technical development; you don’t know much more than a new-born babe. Is the clear?”

“Alas, it is.”

“Well then, let’s agree: whenever you feel like performing some miracle, consult other people.”

“I’ll consult you, O Volka, and if you won’t be on hand, or : you’re busy preparing for a re-examination (Volka winced), the I’ll consult Zhenya.”

“Do you swear?”

“I swear,” the old man exclaimed and struck his chest wit his fist.

“And now, back to bed,” Volka ordered.

“Aye, aye, Sir!” Hottabych answered loudly. He had already managed to pick up some nautical terms.