The Perfect Husband

CHAPTER 2

I met my wife when I stopped to take a piss in the parking lot before entering the bar. I couldn’t concentrate enough to pee with all that yelling going on, so I marched over to that car and tried to come up with the words to make them quiet down. The guy kept cursing me until he got out and tried to punch me.

I don’t understand why people think they can abuse me just because my brain don’t fire on all cylinders. He was in my face, so I just broke his nose with my forehead. I don’t feel pain too good, but it must have hurt or he wouldn’t have cried so much.

This tiny girl crawled out her window and kicked him like a soccer ball. I’m good at soccer, so I joined in. When I got him between the legs, he even rolled up like a ball, so clearly he liked playing as much as we did. She let him drive away once he apologized.

“Thank you for stopping that man from raping me. I’ve had blind dates, but never a deaf one before.”

“No man should ever hit a girl.”

Her eyes got big and she looked at me for the first time. Her clothes were all ripped and one of her tits hung out, so I couldn’t help but stare. She asked me questions that I couldn’t answer — hell, she was so pretty all I could do was smile at her. I showed her the bracelet which explains my condition. She read it twice, just to be sure. Most people slowly back away, but my affliction didn’t bother her at all.

“I’d rather have ’em dumb than domineering,” I’d later hear her tell her friends.

I was still smiling down at her. When she smiled back, I lit up like a Christmas tree. I felt like I won the lottery. Nothing in the world compares to learning that someone you really like, really likes you back.

I’m a pretty big guy. I like heavy labor because all that other stuff just confuses me. But I was no match for her. She jumped up and down when she saw the tent I pitched in my pants. She pulled down my sweats and my underwear looked like someone stuck a spear in them. Her face was all eyes and smiles — for a second I think she lost her nose.

She reached up to kiss me and my lips never felt anything so smooth. I got tired of stooping over, so I picked her up so we could continue making out. I don’t know for how long, but long enough for her to take the time to feel every muscle in my arms.

“Your arms are bigger than my legs,” she told me.

“You’re so tiny you could use my shoes to ski.”

I don’t know why, but she thought that funny. Except for grandpa, I’ve never made anyone laugh before. Not on purpose.

Back at my truck, she made me park away from the lamps, then had me lay back. The way she looked at me, I thought she was going to tickle me like grandma used to. But no, she fondled my private parts instead, laughing as my penis kept growing larger and larger.

“I didn’t know they made them this big,” she whispered excitedly before swallowing the head.

“That’s what the nurses keep saying.”

Other girls have tried that, but they all gave up in order to mount me. Not my pretty little Mexican. My prick challenged her, and she spent a really long time meeting that challenge. She put my hand between her legs and I tacked that bait while she squirmed like a fish on a rowboat. I pushed the middle finger in and out really fast cuz I like it when girls holler. That’s my second favorite part of being naked.

She must have been running before because her breathing became heavy and her skin flush. The way her lips rubbed the head of my penis head curled by toes.

“You keep doing that and I’m gonna blow,” I warned her. Unlike other girls, she kept going, only faster and deeper. I heard her grunting like this little piglet I used play with. “I ain’t kidding. You’re about to get a mouthful of juice!” Now she grunted louder than me! Something deep inside her grabbed my finger and pulled. It must have flipped a switch because I blew like a volcano. “Look out!” My new best friend didn’t even pause, though, except to swallow.

When I recovered, she looked at me like I was one of them new cars. Even with my spunk splashed on her face, she was unbelievably beautiful.

“I’ve never had anything like this before,” she said, holding my meat like a stick shift.

“Oh. I didn’t know you’s a virgin.”

She had the best damn laugh in the world. Loud, unrestrained, and full of life. “You are the funniest man I’ve ever known.”

I looked around me, but wasn’t nobody in the back seat. Which made her laugh even more. I’ve been called a lot of things, but never funny.

“Sure wish I could stay with you,” I tell her. “I could look at you forever.”

I don’t know how, but she seemed to like everything I say. She pointed to a motel and suggested we get a room. I’m not so good at talking to people, so I just said “okay” and handed her my wallet.

She studied my face a while, then smiled at me.

“Shucks, little lady, your smile done give me goose bumps.”

And she liked that, too! How come everyone don’t love what I say?

In the room she told me to strip. I’m used to people telling me what to do, so I did. For some reason, she jumped up and down again. She got out her phone and took a bunch of pictures.

“I can’t believe I found someone even better looking than me. The girls back home aren’t going to believe this. Do you model?”

“I used to make model airplanes, but the kids blew them up.”

“How do you get your tummy so flat? I could bounce a quarter off it.”

I shrugged. Later she would conclude that it was all the climbing up trees I did using a rope.

“How much you make?”

I’m not good with numbers, so I showed her my last paycheck. Again, she laughed.

“You make this much chopping wood?” she asked, astonished.

“The boss says I’m the best he’s ever seen. I can use a chainsaw all day.”

“You could support a family on this,” she said quietly.

“Oh, I love kids. I bet you’d give me really smart ones. Before my accident, I was the smartest kid in school.”

“And you’d never hit me?”

“Oh, I can’t hit girls. Even when they deserve it, like when Karen O’Malley left me naked in the river. I had to walk twenty miles in the cold in my bare feet. I’ll prove it: slap me.” She didn’t know whether to take me serious. “If ol’ Rusty Smithers couldn’t break my jaw with his bat, I doubt you could, either.”

So she slapped me.

“What was that? Come on, you hit like a girl. Stop playing around and slap me.”

She did it again.

“I can barely feel you. Grandma is gonna have to show you how to do it right. She once knocked a trucker out cold with her first punch. Oh, heads up: don’t ever call her a crazy bitch.”

“You gonna boss me around like other men?”

“I’m not good at figuring things out, so I need someone to tell me what to do.”

That seemed to floor her. “You need a woman to tell you what to do?” she asked slowly, unable to believe her luck.

“Grandma does that now, but she says she was just diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s, so I better find someone else to take care of me. Grandpa is too busy running a bunch of companies. Daddy once knocked grandma down cuz she wouldn’t let him whip me no more and I guess that flipped a switch in me. I don’t remember what I did, but in the hospital, mama said her and daddy couldn’t live with me no more. They say I’m going to hell cuz I don’t understand what that guy Jesus is talking about. They say he’s the light, but I ain’t never seen him.”

I guess that made her sad. I didn’t like seeing her sad. But then she told me her story, about how her drunk father beat her and her mother on his rare visits, and now I was sad, too.

“As long as you’re with me, not nobody will ever hit you again,” I promised her. “Grandpa let’s me use the guest house, but I don’t cook much. I’m good with chores, but you’d have to be in charge of everything important.”

She beamed like a lighthouse. “You, a big strong white man, would let me be in charge of everything important?”

“Well, sure. I need someone really smart to keep me from doing ‘inappropriate’ stuff.”

There, I somehow made her laugh again. “You really think I’m smart?”

“Of course. I can see it in your eyes.”

“No man has ever called me smart before.”

“Not many men like me,” I said simply.

“That’s exactly what I was thinking,” she replied, fondling my junk and considering the possibilities.

“Don’t pop my cork unless you’re gonna finish the bottle.”

“You wanna see me naked?”

Now it was my turn to jump up and down. She turned on the clock radio and did a strip tease. Laying on the bed, my prick nearly slapped my face. I liked everything I saw. The long black hair, the brown skin, the sexy curves.

“You better get it now before I blast a hole in the ceiling,” I warned her.

She sucked me for lubrication, then slowly mounted me. She had trouble getting my huge penis head in. She seemed worried it wouldn’t fit. When it finally slid in, her eyes rolled up in her head and she swayed like a skyscraper in an earthquake My hands held her waist to steady her — I didn’t want another one to faint like Mrs. Wilson. She got louder the more she worked her way down. I like loud women. At least naked ones. Once her pussy swallowed it all, she looked at me like a god.

“I have never felt so complete.”

“Then not being with me would make you feel incomplete.”

She stopped fucking to stare at me for a long minute. “Are you sure you’re dumb?”

“No. Grandma says some neural pathways fire and some don’t, which is different than being dumb.”

“Play with my tits.”

My fingers tweaked her large nipple. “Apollo! Come in, Apollo. This is Houston. What problem, over?”

I think I fell in love with her when she laughed. She leaned forward to kiss me and then kept kissing me for a really long time. I swear I think she was crying inside. No one has ever kissed me for five minutes straight before. Except that piglet I had as a kid. She looked so beautiful as she bounced up and down on my cock, eyes closed, hair flying.

“Except maybe my baseball mitt, you’re the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

She looked me in the eye when the orgasm hit her. I think the intensity surprised her, the way her eyes bugged out. I wanted to give her another, so I grabbed her waste and fucked her hard. I think she may have had the hiccups because she kept making an odd noise. Then she came again. Her scream woke the hotel clerk and sent a chill up my spine.

Next she turned around and rode me cowgirl style. I loved how her backside looked as my cock went in and out of her. Once she passed the point of no return, I held her tight and fucked her rough until she cried out again. Sure wish I knew what she was yelling about in Spanish. I threw her on her back before she recovered and spread her legs wide. Her eyes got big as bowls as I pounded her relentlessly. I needed to come so bad. My arms kept her legs spread and she scratched me for the very first time when she came again.

“Okay, you can come now.”

I didn’t know I needed her permission, but now that I had it, I picked her up and stood up, without my cock ever leaving her pussy. I planted my legs, held her tight, and fucked like I was dancing. The way her tits bounced up and down mesmerized me. She tried not to cum again — I saw the fear in her eyes. She now drinks Gatorade before we fuck a lot to avoid dehydration. When she went over the edge, her pussy gripped my cock like a farmer milking a cow. Locked and loaded, I shuddered as I emptied my mag into her.

Her legs wouldn’t support her, so she flopped on the bed and tried to catch her breath. The expression on her face scared me, like she just saw a ghost. Her limbs didn’t seem to work and I worried I broke her.

Then my phone rang. “Hey peaches,” I answered. “You said you passed the bar so I waited outside.” Peaches yelled at me. “Oh, okay. You’re buying? All right! We’ll be right there.”

I heard her yell “we?” but thought it better if I just hung up.

“Who the fuck was that?” my pretty Mexican demanded. That’s when I discovered she’s even better looking angry.

“Oh, that’s Peaches. She said she passed her test and can now be a lawyer. We’ve known each other since kindergarten.”

“Is Peaches your girlfriend!”

Well, that stumped me. I didn’t understand why she seemed so mad. “Her boyfriend is like my big brother. He’s always looked after me. Especially when those Conner kids picked on me. I imagine he’d be quite put out if I dated his girl.”

“But you fuck her.” It didn’t sound like a question.

“I have to. That was the deal. She helped me through school, but she gets to have me whenever she wants.”

Oh, she didn’t like that at all.

“Is she prettier than me?”

That was so funny I stomped my boot and slapped my leg. “Ain’t nobody prettier than you, sugar, and I know everyone in the county.”

That seemed to mollify her. “You don’t take her out on dates?”

I had to think about that. “I’m not good with money. I never know how much to pay. Dealing with money makes me feel stupid, and I’ve never trusted anyone ever since Lara Monagan emptied my bank account.”

“Then why did you hand me your wallet?”

Wow! I never thought of that. “I guess I must trust you. You’re not gonna take all my money, are you?”

“Your wallet is a mess, so I paid for the room.”

I shook my head to clear it. “I don’t understand. You spent money to be with me?” That really choked me up cuz nobody’s ever done that before. I never cry, except in movies. “Why would you do that?”

Now she had to think about it. “Actually, I’ve never spent money on a boy before. Hell, I never have money to spend. I guess I really wanted to be with you.”

“I’ve never had a girlfriend before. Would you like to be my first?”

She tried to tackle me, but I’m so solid it was more like running into a wall with arms. “I’d prefer to be your last girlfriend.”

I was not sure I understood that. “Well, as long as you start being my girlfriend tonight.”