The Return Of The Killer Cat

5: Genius!

HE WENT IN the garage, fetched out a length of tow rope and came back under my tree. Climbing on the stool, he tossed one end of the rope over my branch.

‘Right!’ he said grimly. ‘Slip knot!’

I yowled. Was he planning to hang me? I don’t often wish I could talk, but I admit that at that moment I wished I could rush back to the other side and drop a suggestion to Melanie: ‘Hey, Sugar! Give over praying for something soft and cuddly, and phone the cops. This vicar is trying to kill me.’

He muttered his way through the slip knot. ‘Round and through, then round and through again.’

(I kept up the yowling.)

He tugged the knot tight, then pulled on the rope. I dug in with my claws. The branch came down, but not quite far enough for him to reach me.

He tried again. This time, he managed to pull the branch a little further down. (I nearly fell.) But it still wasn’t quite far enough.

‘Jump!’ he said. ‘Jump the last bit, Tuffy!’

I gave him the blink.

‘Jump, Tuffy!’ he said again.

I glowered at him. (If you had taken a rolling pin to my eyes, and flattened them, they couldn’t have got any slittier. The look I gave him could have crawled through a closed Venetian blind.)

‘Chicken!’ he said.

Okay, okay! So I spat at him. What are you going to do? Throw your woolly at me? He called me a chicken! He was practically begging for it. He as good as said, ‘Spit in my eye, Tuff!’

So I did.

He glowered back at me.

And then – oh, creepy, creepy! The glower turned into a little smile.

‘Ah-ha!’ he said.

I’ll tell you something. People who don’t really like you shouldn’t say ‘Ah-ha!’ It makes those who know they aren’t liked very nervous.

Especially if they’re stuck up trees.

‘Ah-ha!’ he said again, and hurried back to the garage.

The next thing I knew, he was backing the car out. For one horrid fur-shivering moment I thought he was planning on knocking my tree down. But then he stopped, put on the brake and got out again.

He stood at the back end of the car and knotted the other end of the rope round the bumper.

‘Right!’ he said, admiring his handiwork. ‘I think that’s so strong it’ll pull the branch down low enough.’

I stopped my pitiful yowling. I suddenly had hopes of getting down before I died of old age in that tree.

If I am honest, I thought he’d hit upon a brilliant idea to rescue me.

I thought the man was a genius. I was impressed.