The Return of the Killer Cat

7: Splat!!!

SPLAT!!!

Straight into Melanie ‘s little straw basket.

Okay, okay! No need to sob in your pillow! I may have splatted some of the not-so-cuddly little creepy-crawly things that were scurrying about on the cushion. I didn’t actually end up picking any tiny crushed corpses out of my fur; but still, it would amaze me if all those ants who saw me coming got away in time.

Hearing the thwack! of my landing, Melanie broke off her prayer. She opened her eyes, and, seeing me in her straw basket, looked up to heaven.

‘Oh, thank you! Thank you!’ cried Little Miss Stupid and Soppy ‘Thank you for sending me exactly what I asked for – something all soft and furry to cuddle, just like Tuffy.’

Just like Tuffy?

Did she think I was sent from heaven? How soft is this girl?

But hey! Let’s not be nasty about Melanie. I could have fetched up in a lot worse places than a cosy soft cushion in a little straw basket.

She carried me inside and kept her promise. Cream! Tuna! (Were you expecting me to slide off home to nose through some three-day-old pellets of catfood?)

Then she sat down and stroked my fur while she chose a name for me.

‘Pussywussykins?’

Sure, Melanie. If you want me throwing up on your pillow each time you say it.

‘Little Baby Munchywunchykins?’

Just try it, and I’ll scratch you. Hard.

‘I know. I’ll call you Janet!’

Janet? What planet is she from? For one thing, I’m a boy. And, for another, have I – have you – has anyone, anywhere – ever heard of a pet cat called Janet?

But the cream was fresh. The tuna was delicious.

So Janet was staying. Oh, yes. Janet was warm, well fed and comfortable.

Janet was staying.