The Second Fredric Brown Megapack

Millennium

Hades was hell, Satan thought; that was why he loved the place. He leaned forward across his gleaming desk and flicked the switch of the intercom.

“Yes, Sire,” said the voice of Lilith, his secretary.

“How many today?”

“Four of them. Shall I send one of them in?”

“Yes—wait. Any of them look as though he might be an unselfish one?”

“One of them does, I think. But so what, Sire? There’s one chance in billions of his making The Ultimate Wish.”

Even at the sound of those last words Satan shivered despite the heat. It was his most constant, almost his only worry that someday someone might make The Ultimate Wish, the ultimate, unselfish wish. And then it would happen; Satan would find himself chained for a thousand years, and out of business for the rest of eternity after that.

But Lilith was right, he told himself.

Only about one person out of a thousand sold his soul for the granting of even a minor unselfish wish, and it might be millions of years yet, or forever, before the ultimate one was made. Thus far, no one had even come close to it.

“Okay, Lil,” he said. “Just the same, send him in first; I’d rather get it over with.” He flicked off the intercom.

The little man who came through the big doorway certainly didn’t look dangerous; he looked plain scared.

Satan frowned at him. “You know the terms?”

“Yes,” said the little man. “At least, I think I do. In exchange for your granting any one wish I make, you get my soul when I die. Is that right?”

“Right. Your wish?”

“Well,” said the little man, “I’ve thought it out pretty carefully and—”

“Get to the point. I’m busy. Your wish?”

“Well…I wish that, without any change whatsoever in myself, I become the most evil, stupid and miserable person on Earth.”

Satan screamed.