They Thought I Was Dead: Sandy’s Story

107 March 2018

It was two weeks later when I was alerted by Stationsschwester Fekete that a man and a woman were here to see me. They had flown from England, apparently. She understood it was my former husband and his new wife and asked if I would be up to seeing them. If I did not wish to see them, she would tell them I was not well enough to receive visitors.

She clearly had no idea of the backstory here.

Roy and Cleo, here? In Munich? In this hospital?

So they both now know about me? They thought I was dead. What the hell do they think? What on earth can I say to them?

Why were they here?

How... How did they know? Was Roy angry... Happy?

‘Why do they want to see me?’ I asked.

I knew it was a stupid question.

‘Perhaps because they care and want to help you?’ she suggested.

I couldn’t cope with this, not how I was feeling. Nor how I imagined I must be looking. And yet I had a burning curiosity as to why they were here. How had Roy found me?

‘Please tell them I’m not great but if they want to come in, that’s OK.’

A few minutes later I heard the sound of the door opening. I kept my eyes closed, opening them just a fraction, very briefly, to check them out. Roy looked anxious — dare I say it, distraught? She looked nervous as hell. Less like a new bride now, more just — just plain girl-next-door.

Roy wore a leather jacket over a T-shirt. She had on a navy coat, black sweater, blue jeans and knee-high suede boots. And a large blue Mulberry handbag. They weren’t cheap.

She looked so damned, sodding, bloody perfect.

Then I heard his voice. ‘Sandy?’

I didn’t react.

‘It’s Roy. I’m so sorry — about your accident.’ God, his voice sounded so emotional, so choked. I stayed silent, feigning sleep when I heard him say the words that hurt so much. That he’s moved on. I heard the shuffle of feet and it sounded like he’d moved away a little. I risked opening my eyes just the tiniest fraction, and could make them out. He had his arm around his new wife. Then, as he turned back towards me, I closed my eyes tightly again.

I heard his footsteps, then I felt something touch my forehead. Stroking it. Then his voice again.

‘I... I can’t believe it’s you. It’s really you. After all this time.’

I still did not react. How did he sound? Pleased? Relieved? Hurt?

But not like he was exactly ecstatic to see me.

I maintained steady breathing, like I was asleep.

I knew I’d have to open my eyes and deal with this at some point, but keeping tucked away gave me some protection for a few moments.

Then I thought, OK, what the hell, and opened my eyes. That clearly startled them!

‘So you’re Cleo?’ I asked. ‘You’re the woman he married?’

She looked really uncomfortable, as if she wanted to be anywhere but here. Her voice was posher than I had expected but very nervous. ‘Yes, yes I am.’

‘Good luck,’ I said in the most acid tone I could muster, and closed my eyes again.

She’d be dwelling on that for a long time to come.

There was then the sound of the door opening again and I heard a nurse saying she needed to change some of my dressings, so could they step outside for a few minutes? She told them they could get themselves water or coffee just down the corridor.

As I heard them leave the room, I felt a flash of anger. Why the hell had he brought her with him? If he’d managed to track me down after all this time, didn’t he have the balls to come alone? Did he seriously think I’d be interested to meet the woman who had usurped me?

Maybe that was an indication of just how little he had changed and that I’d made the right decision in leaving him.

But as I lay there, while the nurse faffed around, I desperately hoped he would come back.

Finally she left and the door closed. It seemed an eternity before it opened again. To my relief, through my flickering lids, as I pretended to still be asleep, I could see it was Roy. Alone this time.