This Heart Of Mine

Chapter 21

Lilly leaned back into the chaise and listened to the tinkling of the wind chimes hanging from the redbud tree that grew next to the patio. She loved wind chimes, but Craig had hated them and wouldn't let her hang them in her garden. She closed her eyes, glad the guests at the B &B seldom visited this quiet spot just behind the house.

She'd finally stopped asking herself how long she was staying here. When it was time to leave, she'd know. And today had been such fun. When she'd slid into home plate, Kevin had almost seemed proud of her, and at the picnic he hadn't deliberately avoided her the way Liam had.

"Hiding out from your adoring public?"

Her eyes snapped open, and her heart skipped a beat as the man she thought about far too much came out the back door of the B &B. His hair was shaggy, his clothes the same rumpled khaki shorts and navy pocket T-shirt he'd worn earlier at the picnic. Like her, he hadn't yet cleaned up from the softball game.

She gazed into those dark eyes that saw too much. "I'm recuperating from this afternoon."

He sank into the cushions on the redwood chair next to her. "You're a pretty good softball player for a girl."

"And you're a pretty good softball player for a sissy artist."

He yawned. "Who are you calling a sissy?"

She stopped herself from smiling. She did too much of that when they were together, and it encouraged him. Every morning she told herself she'd stay in her room until he left, but she'd go downstairs anyway. She still couldn't believe what she'd done with him. It was as if she'd been under a spell, as if that glass-enclosed studio had been part of another world. But she was back in Kansas now.

She was also mildly irritated by how much he'd enjoyed himself without her. If he hadn't been laughing with Molly, he'd been flirting with Phoebe Calebow or teasing one of the children. He was a gruff, intimidating man, and the fact that they hadn't been frightened of him somehow annoyed her.

"Go get cleaned up," he said. "I'll do the same, then take you out to dinner."

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry."

He gave a weary sigh and rested his head against the back of the chair. "You're hell-bent on throwing this away, aren't you? You're not going to give us a fighting chance."

She eased her legs over the side of the chaise and sat straighten "Liam, what happened between us was an aberration. I've been alone too much lately, and I gave in to a foolish impulse."

"Just time and circumstances, is that it?"

"Yes."

"It could have happened with anyone?"

She wanted to agree, but she couldn't. "No, not with anyone. You can be attractive when you put your mind to it."

"So can a lot of men. You know there's something between us, but you don't have the guts to see what it is."

"I don't need to. I know exactly why I'm attracted to you. It's an old habit."

"What do you mean by that?"

She twisted her rings. "I mean that I've been there and done that. The alpha male. The stallion who rules the herd. The take-charge prince who makes all Cinderella's troubles go away. Men like you are my fatal weakness. But I'm not a penniless teenager anymore who needs someone to take care of her."

"Thank God. I don't like teenagers. And I'm too self-centered to take care of anyone."

"You're deliberately minimizing what I'm trying to tell you."

"That's because you're boring me."

She wouldn't let his rudeness distract her, especially since she knew it was calculated to do just that. "Liam, I'm too old and too smart to make the same mistake again. Yes, I'm attracted to you. I'm instinctively drawn to aggressive men, even though it's their nature to run roughshod over the women who care about them."

"And here I thought this conversation couldn't become any more infantile."

"You're doing it right now. You don't want to talk about this, so you're belittling me to try to get me to shut up."

"Too bad it's not working."

"I thought I'd finally gotten smart, but obviously I haven't, or I wouldn't be letting you do this." She rose from the chaise. "Listen to me, Liam. I made the mistake of falling in love with a controlling man once in my life, and I'll never do it again. I loved my husband. But, God-sometimes I hated him more."

She hugged herself, astonished that she'd revealed something to him she could barely admit to herself.

"He probably deserved it. He sounds like a son of a bitch."

"He was just like you!"

"I seriously doubt that."

"You don't think so?" She jabbed her hand toward the redbud tree. "He wouldn't let me have wind chimes! I love wind chimes, but he hated them, so I wasn't permitted to hang them in my own garden."

"Good judgment on his part. The things are a nuisance."

Her stomach clenched. "Letting myself fall in love with you would be like falling in love with Craig all over again."

"I really resent that."

"A month after he died, I hung a set of wind chimes outside my bedroom window."

"Well, you're not going to hang them outside our bedroom window!"

"We don't have a bedroom window! And if we did, I'd hang as many sets there as I wanted!"

"Even though I've expressly asked you not to?"

She threw up her hands in frustration. "This isn't about wind chimes! I was just giving you an example!"

"You're not getting off that easily. You're the one who brought the subject up." Now he was on his feet. "I've told you I don't like the damn things, but you've said you're going to hang them up anyway, is that right?"

"You've lost your mind."

"Is that right or not?"

"Yes!"

"Fine." He gave a martyr's sigh. "If it's that important to you, go ahead and hang the damn things. But don't expect me not to complain. Bloody noise pollution. And I'll expect you to give in on something that's important to me."

She clutched her head. "Is driving me crazy your idea of seduction?"

"I'm trying to make a point. One you seem unable to understand."

"Enlighten me."

"You're not going to let any man run roughshod over you, not anymore. I just tried, but you wouldn't let me, and if I can't do it, no one can. You see? We don't have a problem."

"It's not that simple!"

"What about me?" He touched his chest, and for the first time he looked vulnerable. "What about my fatal weakness?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Maybe if you'd think about someone other than yourself, you would!"

His words didn't sting as Craig's would have. Liam's were intended to goad her, not to wound. "You're impossible!"

"What is a man like me supposed to do, tell me that. I don't know how to pull my punches, and I'm too old to learn, so where does that leave me?"

"I don't know."

"Strong women are my weakness. Tough women who don't fall apart just because a man doesn't always say what they want to hear. Except the strong woman I'm falling in love with doesn't want to put up with me. So where does that leave me, Lilly?"

"Oh, Liam… You're not falling in love with me. You're-"

"Have a little faith in yourself," he said gruffly. "In the woman you've become."

She felt trapped by his brutal honesty. He didn't know what he was saying. The person he saw when he looked at her wasn't the person she felt like inside.

He moved to the edge of the patio, his hands in his pockets. "You've been slamming doors in my face for long enough, I think. I love you, but I have my pride, too."

"I know that."

"The painting's almost done, and I'd like you to see it. Come to my house on Thursday evening."

"Liam, I-"

"If you don't show up, I won't come looking for you. You're going to have to make a decision, Lilly."

"I hate ultimatums."

"I'm not surprised. Strong women usually do." He walked away.

Kevin spent most of the next two days trying to catch Molly alone, but what with his trips into town for bikes, attending to the guests, and the kids who kept popping up every time he stuck his head out the door, he didn't have the opportunity. Twice Dan tried to talk to him, but the phone interrupted once and a guest's dead car battery the other time. By Tuesday evening he was so grouchy and out of sorts that he couldn't concentrate on the game film he'd stuck in the office VCR. Five weeks to training camp… He nudged Roo off his lap and got up to go to the window. It wasn't even seven o'clock, but a few rain clouds had rolled in and it was getting dark. Where the hell was she?

Just then his cell phone rang. He snatched it from the desk. "Hello."

"Kevin, it's Molly."

"Where have you been?" he snarled. "I told you I wanted to talk to you after tea today."

"I spotted Phoebe coming up the front walk, so I dodged out the back door. She's getting more persistent. Then I ran into Tess, and she started talking to me about a boy who likes her."

Yeah? Well, what about the boy who likes you?

"The thing is… after Tess left, I decided to take a walk in the woods by myself, and I started thinking about this idea I have for Daphne. One thing led to another, and the next thing I knew, I was lost."

For the first time all day he relaxed. "You don't say." As he loosened his grip on the phone, his stomach rumbled. He realized he hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, and he headed into the kitchen to fix himself a sandwich. Roo trotted along.

"Lost in the woods," she said with emphasis.

"Wow." He tried to keep the smile from his voice.

"And now it's getting dark."

"It sure is."

"It also looks like rain."

He glanced out the window. "I was just noticing that myself."

"And I'm scared."

"I'll bet." He tucked the cell phone under his chin and pulled some lunch meat from the refrigerator, along with a jar of mustard. "So you found a nearby convenience store and called me?"

"I happened to bring Phoebe's cell phone along."

He grinned and grabbed a loaf of bread from the pantry. "Smart of you."

"At camp we were taught to wear a whistle around our neck if we went walking alone. Since I didn't have a whistle…"

"You took a cell phone."

"Safety first."

"God bless the power of telecommunications." He went back to the refrigerator for some cheese. "And now you're lost. Have you looked for moss on the tree trunks?"

"I didn't think of that."

"It grows on the north side." He began to assemble his sandwich, enjoying himself for the first time all evening.

"Yes, I believe I remember hearing that. But it's a little dark to see."

"I don't suppose you tucked a compass in your pocket, or a flashlight?"

"That didn't occur to me."

"Too bad." He slapped on some extra mustard. "You want me to come look for you?"

"I'd really appreciate it. If you bring your phone along, I might be able to direct you. I started out on the path behind Jacob's Ladder."

"That'd be a good place for me to start then. Tell you what-I'll call you from there."

"It's getting dark fast. Would you mind hurrying?"

"Oh, sure, I'll be there before you know it." He disconnected, chuckled, and settled down to enjoy his sandwich, but he'd barely managed three bites before she called back. "Yeah?"

"Did I tell you I might have sprained my ankle?"

"Oh, no. How'd you do that?"

"Some kind of animal hole."

"Hope it's not from a snake. There are some rattlers around here."

"Rattlers?"

He reached for a napkin. "I'm walking by Jacob's Ladder right now, but somebody must be running a microwave, because I'm getting interference. I'll call you back."

"Wait, you don't have my num-"

He disconnected, gave a whoop of laughter, and headed for the refrigerator. A sandwich always tasted better with beer. He whistled to himself as he popped the cap and settled back to enjoy.

Then it struck him. What the hell was he doing?

He snatched up his cell phone and punched in Phoebe's number from memory. There'd be plenty of time later to teach her a lesson. This was the first chance he'd had in two days to get her alone. "Hey, Molly?"

"Yes."

"I'm having a little trouble finding you." He tucked the phone under his chin, grabbed the beer, along with what was left of his sandwich, and headed out the back door. "Do you think you could scream?"

"You want me to scream?"

"It'd be helpful." He took another bite of sandwich and hurried toward Jacob's Ladder.

"I'm not really much of a screamer."

"You are in bed," he pointed out.

"Are you eating?"

"I need to keep my strength up for the search." He waved at Charlotte Long with his beer bottle.

"I'm fairly sure I'm near the creek. At the end of the path that starts right behind Jacob's Ladder."

"Creek?"

"The creek, Kevin! The one that runs from the woods across the meadow. The only creek there is!"

She was beginning to sound snappish. He took a sip of beer. "I don't remember a creek. Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure!"

"I suppose I'll recognize it when I see it." Kids were running around on the Common. He stopped for a moment to enjoy the sight, then returned to his mission. "The wind's really started to kick up. I can hardly see the path."

"It's not that bad here."

"Then maybe I'm going the wrong way."

"You took the path behind Jacob's Ladder, right?"

He tossed the rest of his sandwich into a trash container and stepped onto that exact path. "I think so."

"You think so? Aren't you paying attention?"

Definitely snappish.

"Just keep talking. Maybe I'll be able to tell how close I'm getting by the reception."

"Can you hear the creek?"

"Which creek is that again?"

"There's only one!"

"I hope I can find it. I don't even want to imagine how terrible it'd be if you had to spend the night in the woods by yourself."

"I'm sure that won't happen."

"I hope not. Whatever you do, don't start thinking about the Blair Witch."

"The Blair Witch?"

He managed a choking noise, then a monster moan, and disconnected.

It didn't take long for his phone to ring again.

"My ribs are aching from laughter," she said dryly.

"Sorry. It was just a squirrel. But it was huge."

"If you don't play right, I'm going home."

"Okay, but you'd better not be wearing anything more than shoes and a hair ribbon when I find you."

"I don't own a hair ribbon."

"That'll be one less thing for you to take off, then, won't it?"

As it turned out, she was still dressed when he spotted her, but that didn't last for long. They tumbled naked into the soft meadow grass, and as the rain began to fall, their laughter faded.

He drugged himself on her kisses, and as he entered her soft, welcoming body, he glimpsed something that felt almost… holy. But the illusion was too fragile to survive the primitive demand of his body.

The rain drummed on his back. Her strong fingers dug into his shoulders-demanding. The rain… this woman… Her pleasure spiraled beneath him, and he lost himself.

As one day slipped into the next, Molly behaved like a woman possessed. On Wednesday she lifted her skirt for Kevin in the office while the guests gathered for tea. That same night she escaped another of Phoebe's arrangements for a private chat and met him in the woods behind the cottage. The following morning he dragged her into the pantry just as Troy was coming through the kitchen door, then had to cover her mouth because she started making too much noise. Later she hauled him into a deserted cottage, but as he lifted her onto the kitchen table, her muscles finally rebelled from the strain of so many awkward positions, and she winced.

He pressed his forehead to hers and took a shaky breath, struggling for control. "This is nuts. You've had enough."

"Are you kidding? I'm just getting started, but if you can't keep up with me, I understand."

He smiled and kissed her. Oh, she loved those slow kisses. He caressed her breasts and her thighs, trying to take more care, but they were dancing with danger, and she wouldn't let him. Before long she forgot all about her aching muscles.

That evening they sidestepped the Calebows' dinner invitation by announcing that they had to drive into town for supplies, but when they returned to the campground, they discovered their luck had run out. Phoebe and Dan were waiting for them on the steps of the B &B.