This Heart Of Mine

Chapter 5

Molly's eardrums rang from the blast of the toy whistle clamped between Phoebe's teeth.

"That's enough!" Her sister marched forward. "Molly, you are offside! Roo, let go! Kevin, get your hands off her. Now, everybody sit down!"

Kevin dropped his arm. Dan rubbed his chest. Roo released Kevin's pant leg.

Molly felt sick. Exactly what had she hoped to accomplish? She couldn't bear looking at anyone. The idea that her sister and brother-in-law must know by now how she'd attacked Kevin while he slept was beyond humiliating.

But she was accountable for what had happened, and she couldn't run away. Taking a cue from Daphne's fans, she grabbed her lovey for comfort and carried him to an armchair as far away from the rest of them as she could get. He gave her a sympathetic lick on the chin.

Dan took a seat on the couch. He wore the same stubborn expression that had unglued her. Phoebe perched next to him looking like a worried Vegas showgirl wearing mommy clothes. And Kevin…

His anger filled the room. He stood next to the fireplace, arms crossed over his chest, hands locked beneath his armpits, as if he didn't trust himself not to use them on her. How could she ever have had a crush on someone who was so dangerous?

That's when it sank in. Phoebe, Dan, Kevin… and her. The creator of Daphne the Bunny was up against the NFL.

Her only strategy lay in a strong offense. She'd look like a bitch, but it was the kindest thing she could do for Kevin. "Let's make it snappy. I have things to do, and this is just too boring for words."

A dark blond eyebrow shot to the middle of his forehead.

Phoebe sighed. "It's not going to work, Molly. He's too tough to scare off. We know Kevin is the father of your baby, and he's here to talk about the future."

She whirled toward Kevin. He hadn't told them! Phoebe would never be talking like this if she knew what Molly had done.

His eyes gave nothing away.

Why had he kept silent? Once Phoebe and Dan knew the truth, he'd be off the hook.

She turned toward her sister. "The future doesn't involve him. The truth is, I-"

Kevin sprang away from the fireplace. "Get your coat," he snapped. "We're going for a walk."

"I don't really-"

"Now!"

As much as she hated facing him, talking with Kevin alone would be easier than dealing with him in front of the Calebow Mafia. She set her lovey on the carpet and rose. "Stay here, Roo."

Phoebe picked up the poodle as he began to whine.

With her spine ramrod straight, Molly marched out of the room. Kevin caught up with her in the kitchen, gripped her arm, and hauled her into the laundry room. There he shoved Julie's pink and lavender ski jacket at her and snagged Dan's brown duffel coat from a hook for himself. He threw open the back door and gave her a none-too-gentle nudge outside.

Molly pulled on the coat and tugged at the zipper, but it didn't come close to meeting in the front, and the wind cut through her silk blouse. Kevin didn't bother fastening Dan's coat, even though he only wore a summer weight knit shirt and khakis. The heat of his fury was keeping him warm.

She reached nervously into Julie's pocket and found an old knit cap with a faded Barbie patch. The remnants of a glittery silver pompon hung by a few threads at the top. She yanked it on over her hair. He pulled her to a flagstone path that led to the woods. She could feel the anger rolling off him.

"You weren't going to tell me," he said.

"There was no need. But I'm going to tell them! You should have done that when Dan showed up and spared yourself a long trip."

"I can just imagine his reaction. This isn't my fault, Dan. Your perfect little sister-in-law raped me. I'm sure he'd have believed that."

"He'll believe it now. I'm sorry you had to be… inconvenienced this way."

"Inconvenienced?" The word was a whiplash to her. "This is a hell of a lot more than an inconvenience!"

"I know that. I-"

"This might be an inconvenience in your rich-girl's life, but in the real world-"

"I understand! You were a victim." She hunched her shoulders against the cold and tried to fit her hands into the pockets. "This is my situation to deal with, not yours."

"I'm not anybody's victim," he snarled.

"You were mine, and that makes me responsible for the consequences."

"The consequences, as you call them, add up to a human life."

She stopped walking and looked up at him. The wind snatched a lock of his hair and slapped it against his forehead. His face was rigid, his too-handsome features uncompromising.

"I know that," she said. "And you have to believe that I didn't plan any of this. But now that I'm pregnant, I want this baby very much."

"I don't."

She winced. Logically, she understood. Of course he wouldn't want a baby. But his anger was so fierce that she crossed her arms protectively over her waist. "Then we haven't got a problem. I don't need you, Kevin. Really. And I'd very much appreciate it if you'd forget all about this."

"Do you really think I'm going to do that?"

To her this was personal, but she had to remember this was a professional crisis for him. Kevin's passion for the Stars was well known. Phoebe and Dan were his bosses and two of the most powerful people in the NFL.

"As soon as I tell my sister and Dan what I did, you'll be off the hook. This won't affect your career at all."

His eyes narrowed. "You aren't telling them anything."

"Of course I am!"

"Keep your mouth shut."

"Is this your pride talking? You don't want anyone to know you were a victim? Or are you that afraid of them?"

His lips barely moved. "You don't know anything about me."

"I know the difference between right and wrong! What I did was wrong, and I won't compound it by bringing you any further into this. I'm going back inside, and-"

He caught her arm and gave her a shake. "Listen up, because I'm jet-lagged and I don't want to have to say this more than once. I've been guilty of a lot of things in my life, but I've never left behind an illegitimate kid, and I don't intend to start now."

She drew away and clutched herself tighter. "I'm not getting rid of this baby, so don't even suggest it."

"I'm not." His lips tightened into a bitter line. "We're getting married."

She was flabbergasted. "I don't want to get married."

"That makes two of us, and we won't stay that way for long."

"I won't-"

"Don't waste your breath. You screwed me over, lady, and now I'm making the calls."

Normally Kevin enjoyed the dance club, but now he wished he hadn't come. Even though his confrontation with the Calebow clan had taken place yesterday afternoon, he still wasn't fit to be around other people.

"Kevin! Over here!"

A girl with glitter on her eyelids and a cellophane dress called to him above the noise. They'd dated for a couple of weeks last summer. Nina? Nita? He no longer remembered or cared.

"Kevin! Hey, buddy, come on over here and let me buy you a drink!"

He pretended he didn't hear either of them and made his way back through the crowd in the direction he'd just come. This had been a mistake. He couldn't deal with friends now, let alone fans eager to talk about the championship game he'd lost.

He claimed his coat but didn't button it, and the cold air of Dearborn Street hit him like a fist. On his drive into the city, the car radio had announced that the mercury had dipped to three below. Winter in Chicago. The valet spotted him and went to get his car, which was parked in a prominent space less than twenty feet away.

In another week he'd be a married man. So much for keeping his personal life separate from his career. He handed the valet a fifty, then slid behind the wheel of his Spider and pulled away.

You have to set an example, Kevin. People expect the children of clergy to do the right thing.

He shook off the voice of the good Reverend John Tucker. Kevin was doing this to protect his career. Okay, so the idea of an illegitimate child made his skin crawl, but that would bother anybody. This sure as hell wasn't some leftover preacher's kid thing. It was all about the game.

Phoebe and Dan weren't expecting a love match, and the fact that the marriage wasn't going to last long wouldn't surprise them. At the same time, he'd be able to hold up his head around them. As for Molly Somerville, with her important connections and her careless morality, he'd never hated anyone more. So much for marrying the silent, undemanding woman Jane Bonner loved to taunt him about. Instead, he had a snooty egghead who'd take big bites out of him if he gave her the chance. Luckily, he didn't intend to give her one.

Kevin, there's right and there's wrong. You can either walk through your life in the shadows or you can stay in the light.

He ignored John Tucker and accelerated onto Lake Shore Drive. This had nothing to do with right and wrong. It was career damage control.

Not quite, a small voice whispered inside him. He shot into the left lane, then the right, then the left again. He needed speed and danger, but he wasn't going to get either on Lake Shore Drive.

A few days after Phoebe and Dan's ambush, Molly met Kevin to take care of the wedding license. Afterward, they drove separately downtown to the Hancock Building where they signed the legal papers that would separate their finances.

Kevin didn't know that Molly had no finances to separate, and she didn't tell him. It would only make her look loonier than he already thought she was.

Molly tuned out as the attorney explained the documents. She and Kevin hadn't said a word about what role he'd take in her child's life, and she was too dispirited to bring it up. One more thing they needed to work out.

Leaving the office, Molly gathered her courage and tried once more to talk to him. "Kevin, this is crazy. At least let me tell Dan and Phoebe the truth."

"You swore to me you'd keep your mouth shut."

"I know, but-"

His green eyes chilled her to the bone. "I'd like to believe you can be honorable about something."

She looked away, wishing she hadn't given him her word. "These aren't the 1950s. I don't need marriage to raise this child. Single women do it all the time."

"Getting married won't be anything more than a minor inconvenience for either one of us. Are you so self-centered you can't give up a few weeks of your life to try to set this straight?"

She didn't like the contempt in his voice or being called self-centered, especially when she knew he was doing this only to keep himself on good terms with Dan and Phoebe, but he walked away before she could respond. She finally gave up. She could fight one of them, but not all three.

The wedding took place a few days later in the Calebow living room. Molly wore the winter-white midcalf dress her sister had bought her. Kevin wore a deep charcoal suit with a matching tie. Molly thought it made him look like a gorgeous mortician.

They'd both refused to invite any of their friends to the ceremony, so only Dan, Phoebe, the children, and the dogs were there. The girls had decorated the living room with white crepe-paper streamers and tied bows on the dogs. Roo wore his around his collar, and Kanga's perched crookedly on her topknot. She flirted shamelessly with Kevin, shaking her topknot to get his attention and batting her tail. Kevin ignored her just as he ignored Roo's growling, so Molly knew he was one of those men who believed that a poodle threatened his masculinity. Why hadn't she considered that in Door County instead of looking for burps, gold chains, and "You duh man"?

Hannah's eyes shone, and she gazed at Kevin and Molly as if they were the central figures in a fairy tale. Because of her, Molly pretended to be happy when all she wanted to do was throw up.

"You look so beautiful." Hannah sighed. Then she turned to Kevin, her heart in her eyes. "You look beautiful, too. Like a prince."

Tess and Julie let out whoops of laughter. Hannah turned crimson.

But Kevin didn't laugh. He smiled instead and squeezed her shoulder. "Thanks, kiddo."

Molly blinked her eyes and looked away.

The judge conducting the ceremony stepped forward. "Let's begin."

Molly and Kevin moved toward him as if they were passing through a force field.

"Dearly beloved…"

Andrew wiggled loose from his mother's side and shot forward to wedge himself between the bride and groom.

"Andrew, come back here." Dan reached out to retrieve him, but Kevin and Molly simultaneously snatched his sticky little hands to keep him right where he was.

And that was how they got married-underneath a makeshift bower of mismatched crepe-paper streamers with a five-year-old planted firmly between them and a gray poodle glaring at the groom.

Not once did Molly and Kevin look at each other, not even during the kiss, which was dry, fast, and closemouthed.

Andrew looked up at them and grimaced. "Yucky, mush, mush."

"They're supposed to kiss, you baby," Tess said from behind.

"I'm not a baby!"

Molly leaned down to hug him before he could get worked up. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Dan shake Kevin's hand and Phoebe give him a quick embrace. It was awkward and awful, and Molly couldn't wait to get away. Except that was a problem all in itself.

They made a play of sipping a few drops of champagne, but neither of them managed to eat more than a bite of the small white wedding cake. "Let's get out of here," Kevin finally growled in her ear.

Molly didn't have to fabricate a headache. She'd been feeling increasingly ill all afternoon. "All right."

Kevin murmured something about getting on the road before it snowed.

"A good idea," Phoebe said. "I'm glad you're taking us up on our offer."

Molly tried to look as if the prospect of spending a few days in Door County with Kevin weren't her worst nightmare.

"It's the best thing to do," Dan agreed. "The house is far enough away that you'll avoid the worst of the media stir when we make the announcement."

"Besides," Phoebe said with phony cheer, "it'll give you a chance to get to know each other better."

"Can't wait for that," Kevin muttered.

They didn't bother changing their clothes, and ten minutes later Molly was kissing Roo good-bye. Under the circumstances she thought it best to leave her dog with her sister.

As Molly and Kevin drove off in his Ferrari, Tess and Julie wrapped crepe-paper streamers around Andrew while Hannah cuddled up to her father.

"My car's at an Exxon station a couple of miles from here. Turn left when you get to the highway." The idea of being closed up together for the seven-and-a-half-hour trip to northern Wisconsin had been more than her nerves could handle.

Kevin slipped on his silver-framed Revos. "I thought we'd agreed on the Door County plan."

"I'll drive there in my own car."

"Suits me."

Kevin followed her directions and pulled into the service station a few minutes later. His arm pressed her waist as he leaned across her to open the passenger door. Molly took the keys from her purse and climbed out.

He roared off without a word.

She cried all the way to the Wisconsin border.

Kevin made a detour to his home in one of Oak Brook's gated communities, where he changed into jeans and a flannel shirt. He picked up a couple of CDs by a Chicago jazz group he liked, along with a book about climbing Everest that he'd forgotten to stick in his suitcase. He thought about fixing himself something to eat since he wasn't in any hurry to get back on the road, but he'd lost his appetite along with his freedom.

As he headed north into Wisconsin on I-94, he tried to remember the way he'd felt when he'd swum with the reef sharks only a little over a week ago, but he couldn't recapture the sensation. Rich athletes were a target for predatory women, and the notion that she might have gotten pregnant on purpose had occurred to him. But Molly didn't need the money. No, she'd been after kicks instead, and she hadn't bothered to consider the consequences.

North of Sheboygan his cell phone rang. When he answered, he heard the voice of Charlotte Long, a woman who'd been his parents' friend for as long as he could remember. Like his parents, she'd spent her summers at his family's campground in northern Michigan, and she still returned there every June. He'd been out of contact with her until his mother's death.

"Kevin, your Aunt Judith's attorney just called me again."

"Terrific," he muttered. He remembered Charlotte talking with his father and mother after the daily service in the Tabernacle. Even in his earliest memories they'd all seemed ancient.

At the time of his birth his parents' well-ordered lives had centered on the Grand Rapids church where his father had been pastor, the books they'd loved, and their scholarly hobbies. They had no other children, and they didn't have a clue what to do with a lively little boy they loved with all their hearts but didn't understand.

Please try to sit still, sweetheart.

How did you get so dirty?

How did you get so sweaty?

Not so fast.

Not so loud.

Not so fierce.

Football, son? I believe my old tennis racket is stored in the attic. Let's try that instead?

Even so, they'd attended his games because that's what good parents did in Grand Rapids. He still remembered looking up into the stands and catching sight of their anxious, mystified faces.

They must have wondered how they hatched you.

That's what Molly had said when he'd told her about them. She might be wrong about everything else, but she sure had been right about that.

"He said you haven't called him." The note of accusation was strong in Charlotte's voice.

"Who?"

"Your Aunt Judith's attorney. Pay attention, Kevin. He wants to talk about the campground."

Even though Kevin had known what Charlotte was going to say, his hands tightened on the steering wheel. Conversations about the Wind Lake Campground always made him tense, which was why he avoided them. It was the place where the gap between himself and his parents had been the most painful.

The campground had been established by his greatgrandfather on some land he'd bartered for in remote northeastern Michigan during the late 1800s. From the beginning it had served as a summer gathering place for Methodist religious revivals. Since it was located on an inland lake instead of on the ocean, it never acquired the fame of campgrounds like Ocean Grove, New Jersey, or Oak Bluffs on Martha's Vineyard, but it had the same gingerbread cottages, as well as a central Tabernacle where services had been held.

Growing up, Kevin had been forced to spend summers there as his father conducted daily services for the dwindling number of elderly people who came back each year. Kevin was always the only child.

"You realize the campground is yours now that Judith has died," Charlotte said unnecessarily.

"I don't want it."

"Of course you do. It's been passed down through the Tucker family for over a hundred years. It's an institution, and you certainly don't want to be the one to end that."

Oh, yes, he did. "Charlotte, the place is a sinkhole for money. With Aunt Judith dead, there's no one to look after it."

"You're going to look after it. She's taken good care of everything. You can hire someone to run it."

"I'm selling it. I have a career to concentrate on."

"You can't! Really, Kevin, it's part of your family history. Besides, people still come back every year."

"I'll bet that makes the local undertaker happy."

"What was that? Oh, dear… I have to go or I'll be late to my watercolor class."

She hung up before he could tell her about his marriage. Just as well. Talking about the campground darkened an already black mood.

God, those summers had been agonizing. While his friends at home played baseball and hung out, he was stuck with a bunch of old people and a million rules.

Not so much splashing when you're in the water, dear. The ladies don't like getting their hair wet.

Worship starts in half an hour, son. Get cleaned up.

Were you throwing your ball against the Tabernacle again? There are marks all over the paint.

When he'd turned fifteen, he'd finally rebelled and nearly broken their hearts.

I'm not going back, and you can't make me! It's so damn boring there! I hate it! I'll run away if you try to make me go back! I mean it!

They'd given in, and he'd spent the next three summers in Grand Rapids with his friend Matt. Mart's dad was young and tough. He'd played college football for the Spartans, and every evening he threw the ball around with them. Kevin had worshipped him.

Eventually John Tucker had grown too old to minister, the Tabernacle had burned down, and the religious purpose of the campgrounds had come to an end. His Aunt Judith had moved into the bleak old house on the grounds where Kevin and his parents used to stay, and she'd continued to rent out the cottages in the summer. Kevin had never returned.

He didn't want to think anymore about those endless, boring summers filled with old people shushing him, so he cranked up the volume on his new CD. But just as he left the interstate behind, he spotted a familiar chartreuse Beetle on the shoulder of the road. Gravel clicked against the under-carriage as he pulled over. It was Molly's car, all right. She was leaning against the steering wheel.

Great. Just what he needed. A hysterical female. What right did she have to be hysterical? He was the one who should be howling.

He debated driving away, but she'd probably already spotted him, so he got out and walked toward the car.

The pain stole her breath, or maybe it was the fear. Molly knew she had to get to a hospital, but she was afraid to move. Afraid if she moved, the hot, sticky wetness that had already seeped through the skirt of her white woolen wedding dress would become a flood that would sweep away her baby.

She'd attributed the first cramps to hunger pangs from forgetting to eat all day. Then a spasm had gripped her that was so strong she'd barely been able to pull the car over.

She folded her hands over her stomach and curled in on herself. Please don't let me lose this baby. Please, God.

"Molly?"

Through the haze of her tears, she saw Kevin peering through the car window. When she didn't move, he rapped on the glass. "Molly, what's wrong?"

She tried to respond but couldn't.

He jiggled the handle. "Unlock the door."

She began to reach for it, but another cramp hit. She whimpered and wrapped her arms around her thighs to hold them together.

He rapped again, harder this time. "Hit the lock! Just hit it!"

Somehow she managed to do as he asked.

A wave of bitterly cold air struck her as he jerked open the door, and his breath made a frosty cloud in the air. "What's wrong?"

Fear clogged her throat. All she could do was bite her lip and squeeze her thighs more tightly.

"Is it the baby?"

She managed a jerky nod.

"Do you think you're having a miscarriage?"

"No!" She fought the pain and tried to speak more calmly. "No, it's not a miscarriage. Just-just some cramps."

She could see that he didn't believe her, and she hated him for it.

"Let's get you to a hospital."

He ran to the other side of the car, opened the door, and reached through to shift her into the passenger seat, but she couldn't let him do that. If she moved… "No! Don't… don't move me!"

"I have to. I won't hurt you. I promise."

He didn't understand. It wasn't she who'd be hurt. "No…"

But he didn't listen. She gripped her thighs tighter as he reached beneath her and awkwardly shifted her into the other seat. The effort left her gasping.

He raced back to his car and returned moments later with his cell phone and a wool stadium blanket that he tossed over her. Before he slid behind the wheel, he threw a jacket on the seat. Covering up her blood.

As he pulled back onto the highway, she willed her arms to keep their strength as she clamped her legs together. He was talking to someone on the phone… locating a hospital. The tires on her tiny Bug squealed as they hurtled down the highway and around a bend. Reckless, daredevil driving. Please, God…

She had no idea how long it took to reach the hospital. She knew only that he was opening the door next to her and getting ready to pick her up again.

She tried to blink away her tears as she gazed up at him. "Please… I know you hate me, but…" She gasped against another cramp. "My legs… I have to keep my legs together."

He studied her for a moment, then slowly nodded.

She felt as though she weighed nothing as he slipped his arms beneath the skirt of her wedding dress and lifted her so effortlessly. He pressed her thighs tightly against his body and carried her through the door.

Someone came forward with a wheelchair, and he hurried toward it.

"No…" She tried to grip his arm, but she was too weak. "My legs… If you set me down…"

"Right here, sir," the attendant called out.

"Just show me where to take her," Kevin said.

"I'm sorry, sir, but-"

"Get moving!"

She rested her cheek against his chest and for a moment felt as if she and her baby were safe. The moment evaporated as he carried her into a curtained cubicle and carefully set her on the table.

"We'll take care of her while you go to registration, sir," the nurse said.

He squeezed Molly's hand. For the first time since he'd come back from Australia, he looked concerned instead of hostile. "I'll be right back."

As she gazed into the flickering fluorescent light above her, she wondered how he'd fill out the paperwork. He didn't know her birthday or her middle name. He knew nothing about her.

The nurse was young, with a soft, sweet face. But when she tried to help Molly off with her bloody panties, Molly refused. She'd have to ease open her legs to do that.

The nurse stroked her arm. "I'll be very careful."

But in the end it didn't do any good. By the time the emergency room doctor arrived to examine her, Molly had already lost her baby.

Kevin refused to let them dismiss her until the next day, and because he was a celebrity, he got his wish. Through the window of the private room she saw a parking lot and a line of barren trees. She shut her eyes against the voices.

One of the doctors was talking to Kevin, using the deferential tone people adopted when they spoke with someone famous. "Your wife is young and healthy, Mr. Tucker. She'll need to be checked by her own physician, but I don't see any reason why the two of you won't be able to have another child."

Molly saw a reason.

Someone took her hand. She didn't know if it was a nurse, the doctor, or Kevin. She didn't care. She pulled her hand away.

"How are you feeling?" Kevin whispered.

She pretended to be asleep.

He stayed in her room for a long time. When he finally left, she rolled over and reached for the telephone.

Her head was fuzzy from the pills they'd given her, and she had to dial twice before she finally got through. When Phoebe answered, Molly started to cry. "Come get me. Please…"

Dan and Phoebe appeared in her room sometime after midnight. Molly thought Kevin had left, but he must have been sleeping in the lounge because she heard him talking to Dan.

Phoebe stroked her cheek. Fertile Phoebe, who'd given birth to four children without mishap. One of her tears dropped onto Molly's arm. "Oh, Moll… I'm so sorry."

When Phoebe left her bedside to talk to the nurse, Kevin took her place. Why wouldn't he go away? He was a stranger, and no one wanted a stranger around when her life was falling apart. Molly turned her head into the pillow.

"You didn't need to call them," he said quietly. "I would have driven you back."

"I know."

He'd been kind to her, so she made herself look at him. She saw concern in his eyes, as well as fatigue, but she couldn't see even the smallest shadow of grief.

As soon as she got back home, she tore up Daphne Finds a Baby Rabbit and carried it out to the trash.

The next morning the story of her marriage hit the newspapers.