Thongs

— 4-

When I finally came to consciousness the next day, I was in bed. He must have been sitting, waiting. He was, as usual, impeccably dressed and he looked very severe.

He spoke at once when he knew I was awake.

"You are no longer a virgin."

"No."

"You are simply a prostitute."

"Yes."

"A sailor's whore."

"Yes."

"A cunt!"

"Yes."

"And what do you expect me to do now?"

"Send me back to the brothel," I said in a tired voice. "I was happy there."

"You were happy. Have you forgotten Pain?"

"No. I didn't intend it to happen. First I was raped. I liked it. Then it didn't matter. What else could I do?"

"You should have come back at once before you were seen by Prince B."

"What difference does it make?"

"It makes a great deal of difference."

I shook my head without comprehension.

"Do you not understand," he said, leaning forward and speaking in an intense voice, "that I will allow nothing, nothing, to stand in the way of your crucifixion?"

I shook my head hopelessly.

"I am no longer a virgin, Miguel."

"But if only you and I knew it? That is why Prince B. should never have known!"

"Does it make no difference to you?"

"Not a whit!"

"But why? How could I become the Virgin Death?"

"I told you once, my dear, that you were too pure for us, the worldly people. I am interested in the Order in the world. Last night, in secret conclave, I was elected. I became Pain. Nothing now stands in the way of the crucifixion. Nothing, that is, except your stupidity."

"We waited too long, Miguel. You should have crucified me years ago."

"That was not possible before I became Pain."

"Why not? Are you the only one in the Order who wishes a Virgin Death?"

"Not at all, my dear. But from the beginning I decided that I, and I alone, would drink of it. And it is the privilege of Pain, of no other."

"And that's why you kept me waiting?" I smiled at him. "I would have liked you to be the one to drink, Miguel." I closed my eyes. "So I was right. The Order is corrupt from top to bottom."

"Corrupt? What is that? Everything is relative, my beloved Carmen, except death. Death alone is absolute and that is why you, the purest of us, lust after it."

"Someone else said that — that everything was relative. Do you remember Harry Prentice?"

"The man was no diplomat. He lost you."

"And you are, and you didn't?"

"That is correct. But for this one slip, this foolishness of letting Prince B. know that you had become a sailor's whore, everything would have been straightforward."

"What about the sailors, the dwarf, the other whores? They saw me fucked, too."

"They are not important. They had no idea who you were. For them you were simply an amusing lady who had become a nymphomaniac. It is Carmencita de las Lunas who matters, and everyone knows that she has never known a man. Why do you think you are the most famous courtesan in Madrid? Simply because you are unobtainable."

"Prince B. knows."

"Yes, Prince B., knows, but of course he has told no one, not even his closest acquaintances. You, he, and I possess the secret. You will die without revealing it on the cross. I will be Pain magnified by the last passion of the Virgin. As for B., I first thought of killing him. I am very sorry I did not aim to kill in the duel. But at the time there was no necessity for it. It was a stupid affair of honor. But to murder him or even to challenge him to a second duel would be dangerous. He is an important man, and in a duel he might well betray our secret in his last words. I could not be sure of killing him outright at twenty paces. And anyway, we have both been warned. Dueling is not popular with the Court. No, that is why I have evolved a better idea…"

"What is that?"

"We have a great advantage. B. is madly in love with you. Thus he is capable of being bribed."

"How!"

"With you, little Carmen."

He got up and stood by the fireplace in his usual posture. He looked across at me, his eyes flickering.

"I intend to make Prince B. a proposal," he said. "I will offer him you as a doting mistress, to do with as he will, until the light of the full moon in February, at which time he must surrender you to me and to your sacrifice. In return for those idyllic weeks, I will pledge him to eternal silence. He will agree because he loves you and is very near to suicide, and he will keep his word as a gentleman. So you see, little Carmen, all is not lost!"