Waist Deep

33

I pushed the grocery cart down the aisle, staring absently at the shelves and thinking that I should just head to the macaroni and cheese aisle, load up and be done with it.But I walked slowly up and down every aisle, enacting my monthly ritual.

I passed through the coffee aisle and threw in a small can of Western Family ground coffee.That made me think of Clell, the security guard who took me in out of the cold.It had been a simple act of human kindness, but I didn’t think that he realized how rare instances of that kindness had become.Which, I suppose, made him all the more extraordinary.

Then I thought of Kris again and pushed my cart forward.I wondered where the hell she was and what I could do to find her besides wait for Adam.Since I didn’t have a phone, I certainly didn’t own a computer or have an Internet hookup.I couldn’t very well go down to the public library and start surfing porn sites looking for her.

Or could I?

As I passed the mustard, ketchup and mayonnaise, I tried to remember what the latest ruling on library access had been.The First Amendment Nazis had gone on a rampage a few years ago, saying that any filter on the Internet at library workstations was tantamount to a free speech violation.This had been in response to a parents group asking that content filters be in place for juvenile users.As soon as the wacko liberals stepped in and cried free speech violation, the wackoconservatives answered the call, saying that all of the library computers should have content filters and they knew just where to set them.

It had gone to the city council, which passed an ordinance for juvenile filters unless the kid had parental consent for unfiltered access.But the council hadn’t put any filter on access for adults.

So were adults at the library right now, cruising porn sites on the Internet?I didn’t know.I didn’t relish the idea of sitting at a work station doing that, especially since the odds of me hitting the right site were infinitesimal.On top of that, I was sure that the library had some sort of tracking for child pornography.And, Adam pointed out, that’s exactly what any site featuring Kris would be.

I almost walked right by the mac ‘n cheese, but stopped at the last minute.I grabbed a handful of the slim boxes and dropped them into my cart.

When it came to searching for Kris online, the truth was, I was grateful that I didn’t have to do it. I didn’t want sit and weed through what was considered disgusting only a decade ago and was now seemingly becoming an acceptable hobby.

“Stef?”

I looked up and saw Cassie.She had a basket in one hand and her work smock from the Rocket draped over her arm.

“I thought that was you,” she said with her mysterious smile.

I managed an awkward smileof my own in return.“I didn’t know you shopped here,” I said and instantly felt like a dork.

She nodded.“Yeah.Work, live, shop and go to school all in the same square mile.Pretty boring.”

The smile on her face was genuine andfor a moment, the darkness in my gut faded.

“Me, too,” I answered, still a dork.

She pointed to my eye and cut beneath it.“I was going to ask you about that when you came in for coffee, but I didn’t get a chance.”

My fingers touched the small cut, felt the scab.“Yeah.Uh…it’s a long story.”

She accepted that with a nod and gestured toward my basket.“You must have stock in Western Family.”

“How’s that?”

“Coffee and Mac ‘n cheese.Both Western Family brand.You must be a shareholder in the company.”

I smiled.“If I could afford stock in any company, you’d be looking at Maxwell House and Kraft.”

She grabbed two boxes of Western Family Mac ‘n Cheese for herself.“Kraft’s overrated,” she said.“But Maxwell House is good.”

“Coming from a barista, I’ll take that as expert opinion.”

She nodded.“You can.”

We both fell silent.At first, it was a nice comfortable silence, maybe even a hint of affection there.I thought about asking her out, but the words stuck in my throat.When I didn’t say anything, the silence started to turn awkward.

“Well, I better finish shopping,” she said.“I’ve got some studying to do.”

“Yeah,” I said.

She gave me a faint smile.“Okay.Seeya.”

She walked down the aisle. I watched her go, screaming at myself inside.

“Cassie?”

She turned and looked over her shoulder at me.Her eyes were soft.

“Uh, would you like to get some coffee sometime?”

But she just smiled.“We get coffee all the time already.”

”Yeah,” I muttered.

She shrugged.“Maybe we could go for some ice cream instead?”

I smiled.“Sure.That’d be nice.”

“Okay,” she said.“Let’s do that sometime, then.”

She turned around and strolled away.I watched her go, admiring her long braid and the sway of her hips.Then she went around a corner and was gone.

I looked down into my shopping cart.Right then I decided I deserved to have a nice steak and a beer with the money Matt had paid me.

I started toward the meat department.On the way, I swung back down the coffee aisle and threw in a large can of Maxwell House.