Wedded in Scandal

Chapter 19

What if it’s love? Robert’s words reverberated in Helaine’s mind, echoing over and over until she could think of nothing else. What if he loved her? What if Robert, Viscount Redhill, future Earl of Willington, was in love with her? This man who had tortured her, threatened her business, and ultimately revealed his heart to her in a brothel might indeed love her. He was arrogant, opinionated, and flawed. And yet he was also brilliant, kind, and generous to a fault. She knew better than most how much a place like this would cost. But he supported it out of his own pocket. He worried about the children of the miners. And he worried about her.

What if it’s love? The idea seduced her as much as his hands on her body, his mouth on her flesh. Because she so wanted to be loved. By any man, but most especially by him.

Love…

“Yes,” she said again because that was the only word she could manage.

His hands were trembling as he caressed her face. “I’ll be careful,” he whispered as he rained kisses across her cheeks, eyes, and nose. “I swear it, Helaine. I’ll be—”

She stopped his words. She didn’t want to hear about careful. So she lifted her face and met his lips, her mouth open, her tongue questing for his. She felt his gasp of surprise, quickly followed by a shift in his body. She didn’t understand what he was doing at first, but then she felt her legs swept out from beneath her. He lifted her up, carrying her effortlessly to the bed. And as he moved, she kept their mouths joined, their tongues intertwined.

A moment later, they were at the bed, but he didn’t release her. He just stood there holding her while his mouth played with hers. Oh, sweet heaven, how could any man kiss so beautifully? All thrusting power one second, then teasing withdrawal followed by tiny nips next before he rushed inside again. It was fun, and she found herself smiling from the sheer joy of it.

He took that moment to break away from her with a gasp. He bent down, slowly setting her on the bed, but he stayed with her, his forehead pressed to hers. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer, and soon he was sitting beside her on the bed. Thankfully, his hands were deliciously busy. They slid down her back and were undoing her buttons, loosening her gown even as she was the one now to kiss his mouth, his cheeks, his very strong nose.

“I love your nose,” she said as she skated her lips across it. Would his fingers never finish? Her gown was too tight. She could barely breathe.

“My nose?” he asked. “Why ever would you love that?”

“Because it is strong. It is aristocratic. I even love the bump right on the end.”

He pulled back and tried to stare cross-eyed at his nose. “A bump?”

“Absolutely,” she lied. In truth, there was no bump, but her heart was beating so fast, her body so alive, she had to say something to calm herself down. Some nonsense to cool her fire or she swore she would burn up.

“Truly?” he asked as finally, wonderfully, he finished with the buttons of her gown.

“No, silly. It is perfect.” And just to prove it, she pressed a kiss right on the tip. She would have done more except at that moment he pulled back, his eyes dark with mischief.

“So you think to tease me, do you? Then perhaps I should tell you what about you that I like.” He leaned forward and began kissing her cheek, his tongue making little swirls along her skin as he drew lower on her body. Her cheek became her jaw, then her neck, and soon he was pulling her gown forward and off so he could kiss her shoulder.

“You’re not talking,” she gasped. It was silly of her, but she wanted to know. What about her did he find so attractive?

“I haven’t gotten there yet,” he said. The gown she wore was one of her own designs with the shift sewn into the bodice. That meant there was nothing to stop him as he pulled it away from her torso, nothing to interrupt his gaze of her now bared breasts.

“Oh,” she whispered as her skin heated. All men loved breasts, she supposed. But he wasn’t looking at her there. He was drawing the gown off her arms and she was torn between covering herself back up or just closing her eyes to feel the soft caress of the air on her sensitive skin. She did neither, her gaze going to his dark eyes. Never had she seen him look so intensely. He hadn’t lost control like before. This time, he was just looking, his expression adoring rather than possessive.

“Robert?”

“I love your shoulder,” he said as he stroked a single finger from her neck down across the top of one shoulder. “The line is so elegant.”

“My what?”

“Specifically, this little mole right here.” He leaned forward to her left shoulder and stroked his tongue over a dark dot just beside her collarbone. She barely remembered that it was there. She never thought a man would like it, much less stroke his tongue across it in a way that made her blood sing.

“Oh, my!” she gasped.

“You have been tormenting me with that mole all evening long, you know,” he said against her skin. “It kept taunting me from your skin. All that creamy expanse of flesh and one mischievous mole begging me to kiss it.”

He was pressing her backward into the pillows, following her down as he continued to press kisses to her mole and collarbone. She giggled, her happiness coming out in the odd sound. “How can a mole be mischievous? That doesn’t even make sense.”

“I don’t know,” he said. “But yours is.” He straightened up to look at her with mock seriousness. “From now on, you cannot wear gowns that reveal your shoulders or I shall be forced to strip you naked and ravish you.”

He meant the words as a tease. She knew that, but her mood began to fade as fear crept in. “Is that what you are going to do to me? Am I to be ravished?”

He sobered as well, though the hunger burned in his eyes. It hadn’t taken over, but it was there. “I shall do only what you want, Helaine. You shall keep your virginity.”

She wasn’t sure she wanted to keep it. Not now, with her body bare to him while he spoke so honestly to her. But she didn’t say that. Instead, she nodded. A tiny dip of her chin while his hand stroked from her shoulder down across the swell of her breast until he cupped her boldly. She opened her mouth on a gasp, and then shuddered as his thumb stroked back and forth over her tightened nipple.

“You have the sweetest nipples ever,” he said as his gaze left her face to look at what he was doing. “Tight, dusky, and they make you do the most wonderful things.”

She licked her lips, trying to focus while her nipple seemed to tingle with fire under his strokes. “What things?” she asked.

“This,” he said. Then he grabbed her nipple between two fingers and rolled it back and forth.

She cried out in surprise. The tingling fire had abruptly shot flames straight to her core. Her head pressed backward and her back arched more fully into his hand.

“Exactly that!” he said as his other hand cupped her and began its own ministrations.

Good Lord, she had never realized how very wonderful her breasts could feel. As she lay there, her body burning, he stroked her breasts, shaping them, holding them, and yes, tweaking her nipples in the most amazing ways.

“No man has ever done this to you before me,” Robert said, his words half question, half statement. “Every time I touch you, it is like you are surprised by the pleasure.”

“No one,” she gasped.

He grinned, the possessive glint flashing briefly before he lowered his head. “Then let me show you more.” He put his mouth on her nipple and began to suck, pulling it deeply—rhythmically—into his mouth, where he stroked it with his tongue.

She lost herself to the sensations. Had he done this to her before? In the inn? She didn’t remember. She did know, however, that he’d never brought her to this place before. A sea of sensation where her body became a needful thing.

She felt his hands on her waist, pulling her gown down. She lifted her hips joyfully, helping him strip away the layers of velvet that only suffocated her. A moment later she kicked it aside such that she wore only her best stockings tied to her thighs and her half boots. His mouth continued on her breasts, one then the other, while his hands stroked over her belly and across her hips. Over and over he touched the edge of her stockings, toying with the ties, touching the edge where fabric met flesh.

Then his mouth left her nipple to press kisses to the underside of her breast, then lower and lower. Her belly shivered as the slight stubble of his chin rubbed against her. But it wasn’t unpleasant. In truth, it made a delightful contrast to his lips and his tongue.

“We are well above everyone up here,” he said against her belly button. “You may scream if you like.”

Scream? She never screamed. But she didn’t have the breath to speak as his fingers shifted on her legs. He was lying down beside her as he moved, but in the reverse. His legs were by her shoulder, his mouth traveling farther down her belly. She wanted to touch him, but his clothing was in the way.

“Stop, stop!” she gasped. “At least take off your boots!”

He paused what he was doing, pushing up enough to look at her. “Yes, of course,” he said. “But only the boots. I shan’t risk more.”

She didn’t understand what he meant. Or perhaps it was more accurate to say that she didn’t want to know what he meant so she blocked it from her mind. Meanwhile, he was drawing off his boots while the fire in her blood began to cool. She didn’t move, though. She was too afraid of disturbing the glorious mindlessness of what was happening. So she watched him, seeing the powerful lines of his body even through the covering of his clothes.

“Take off more, Robert,” she said. “Please let me see you as you are seeing me.”

He looked at her, and her body flushed again at the hunger in his gaze. “I am not so lovely, you know.”

She smiled. “Let me be the judge of that.” She began to push herself upright, but he stroked a hand across her shoulder. “Don’t move, Helaine. Not even an inch.”

“But—”

“I love looking at you.”

She had no answer to that. She had never thought herself to be ugly, but neither had she believed herself a beauty. There had never been a belief that her looks could catch her a husband even before her father had made his ridiculous blunder. But when Robert looked at her like that, she felt stunningly powerful. As if she were a goddess and he her worshipper. She hadn’t expected that. Not with a man as powerful as Robert. But that was how he made her feel.

“Your shirt, Robert,” she said, liking the way her voice sounded deep and commanding. “Let me see you.”

His brow arched at her tone, but he did as she bade. He held her gaze as he stripped, pulling off jacket, cravat, waistcoat, and then shirt. One by one he pulled them off, but his gaze never left her face. She, however, looked her full as bit by bit his muscular torso was revealed. Now she believed that he sometimes helped with the farmwork, the mine work, and the day-to-day difficulties with patients. She could see it in his body.

“No wonder you are handsome even in dull brown clothing,” she breathed. “Imagine what could be done if you made the tiniest effort in your attire.”

His lips quirked. “I believe my tailor said just that the last time I saw him. But truthfully, I have never thought about it before you.”

She lifted up from the bed despite his order not to move. She rolled to an elbow so she could reach him with her other hand, so she could stroke his golden skin. She even pressed a kiss to his shoulder. Then she gave him a devilish glance and abruptly shifted her position. Within a second, she was stroking her tongue across the tight nub of his nipple. After all, anatomy was not so different between man and woman. If she enjoyed it, she reasoned, he might also. A moment later she was rewarded with his gasp of surprise. Then his hand went to the back of her head, holding her against him as his body trembled beneath her ministrations.

“You learn fast,” he said, his breath shallow.

She smiled against his body, loving his scent and the slight dusting of his hair against her cheek. “A student is only as good as her teacher,” she said. Then she began to kiss along his torso as he had done for her.

And as she moved, so did he. He let her caress his skin while his hands once again returned to her. His fingers traced lines along her hip and over her thigh. And as she was stretching for his far nipple, his fingers slid between her legs.

She stiffened in surprise, but it was too late to stop him. His long index finger was pushing slowly, deeply between her folds and she was stunned by the pleasure she felt by his invasion. She wanted to say something. She wanted to form words or at least return to what she was doing for him. But she couldn’t manage anything more than a high squeak.

“Lie back, Helaine. Let me show you.” Then he didn’t wait for her response, but slowly pressed her shoulder backward. She didn’t have the coordination to fight him, and she didn’t really want to anyway. He was in control here, which left her free to feel, to enjoy, and to let her legs tremble as her knees rolled outward.

He had more room to move now, his finger slipping down before sliding back out. Her body arched with his slide, and her eyes drifted shut while tension coiled in her belly.

“How do you feel, Helaine?” he asked. His finger continued to stroke her below while, above, his free hand began to play once again with her breast.

“So much,” she gasped. “So wonderful.”

He grinned at her, his attention to her nipple making her gasp anew. “Trust me, Helaine. Trust me. I will not fail you.” So saying, he bent down to kiss her belly. He had to leave off what he did with her breast, but it didn’t matter. Her skin was so sensitive now that any touch, any sensation, whether the roughness of his beard or the soothing swirl of his tongue, heightened her pleasure.

She felt his hand on her thigh, pulling her leg a little higher and more open. She complied because she would do anything he wanted at that moment. And as she moved, she felt his finger slip inside her. A single press, deep, then deeper still. Her body tightened in surprise. Nothing had ever invaded her there, and yet she liked it. He pulled it out, then pushed back inside again. Two fingers, and she felt her body stretch around him.

His mouth was lower now, pressing into her curls. She didn’t understand what he intended until it was done. And once it was done, she did not want him to stop. He was kissing her deep down at that place that was so wonderful. She had no words then, nothing but a cry of astonishment.

A wave engulfed her, her whole body arching and contracting with the stroke of his tongue. Then more waves came, one on top of the other. Her body tightened and released, again and again. She arched in wonder and rushed into bliss.

Such bliss!

It lasted a long time and not nearly long enough. The waves faded to trembles, which left behind a sweet happiness that suffused her entire body. She lay there, feeling her breathing ease and watching Robert as he watched her. He had a silly grin on his face and if she had any strength she might have teased him about it. As it was, she could only grin back.

“How do you feel?” he asked as he stroked his hand across her belly.

She gasped at the tingles that followed his fingertips. Then she batted his hand away. “You know very well that I feel wonderful.”

“I just like hearing you say it.”

She released a happy sigh. “Is it always like that? Does it feel the same for you?”

He laughed, the sound almost as light and happy as she felt. “I cannot say. Perhaps we should try it again and see if there is any change.”

“Oh, yes!” she cried as she spread her arms wide. “I cannot believe I have waited this long to experience that! It was wonderful!” Then she shot him an arch look. “Even if it was so very, very scandalous.”

He was still, lying in the opposite direction, his bare chest pressing delightfully against her thigh. At her look, he pressed a kiss to the top of her leg and she gasped in surprise. It was almost a perfunctory kiss, and yet her body still reacted as if he were doing something a great deal more intimate.

“I think you should rest a moment before we begin again.”

She knew he was right but she just shook her head. “A moment, a day, an aeon more, doesn’t matter. I think I have been sensitive to your touch from the very beginning.”

“I like the sound of that,” he said as he pushed himself upright. She scooted sideways to allow him more room. Truthfully, she was beginning to feel cold, so she reached around to gather the covers. Then, of course, she remembered she still had her half boots on.

“Of all the ridiculous things!” She leaned forward to unhook her boots, then immediately felt self-conscious as her breasts swung with her movements. She pulled her arms tight to her chest as embarrassment heated her face. But when she glanced at him, she saw that he was far from horrified by the sight. If anything, he seemed disappointed when she covered herself up.

“I like the way you look,” he said softly. “Every single part of you.”

She didn’t know what to say to that, so she busied herself with her shoes. But of course her fingers got tangled, and she released a very unladylike curse. He chuckled as he put his hands over hers—large and soothing.

“Let me help. You may not realize this, but it is common to feel some embarrassment afterward. Please do not. This is new to you, and I can tell you that everything about it was perfect.”

She waited as he gently pulled off her boots. Then she untied her stockings, allowing him to draw them off of her until she was fully naked and could at last slip under the covers. It was bizarre that she was now completely undressed but felt more comfortable because she was fully covered. Only when she felt the warmth of the heavy blanket around her did she finally dare to say what was on her mind.

“You say it was perfect?”

“Absolutely.”

“But isn’t it usually more, um, shared?”

He arched his brows, humor shimmering in his eyes. But he didn’t laugh at her, thank heaven. “You told me before you understand the mechanics?”

He asked it as a question, so she nodded. “Schoolgirls talk, you know, after some of them have gotten married. And some of my friends were raised in the country. Between the two, I believe I have gleaned what happens.”

“Do you also know that the first time can be painful?”

She nodded.

“But there are ways to prevent that or at least minimize the pain. Helaine, are you now thinking that we can…that I can…” He looked so hopeful even as he struggled with his words.

“Yes, Robert, I am considering it.” She was smiling as she said the words, another silly blush heating her cheeks. “It is very wicked of me, but after what we just did”—she shrugged—“I want to learn more. I want to do more.”

He grinned and she could tell that he was very, very pleased with himself. “I am at your command, my lady. Whenever and whatever your heart desires.”

He meant it as a joke. He was teasing her as he sat there, all golden skinned and beautiful. But he used the words “my lady.” As a joke. But she was a lady in truth. Lady Helaine. And she had just shamed her heritage terribly. The thought had her burying her face in her arms, her shoulders stiffening as she imagined what her grandmother would say of a woman like her.

“Oh, no,” she heard Robert say. “Helaine, what happened? What are you thinking?”

He put his hand on her bare shoulder, large and warm where neither blanket nor pillows touched. She wanted to sink into his heat. Instead, she lifted her head and looked him in the eye.

“What would you think of Gwen if she were to do this?”

His hand remained on her shoulder, but the rest of him recoiled in horror. “Pray do not make me think of my sister in these terms.”

“Because it is wrong?”

“Because she is my sister.”

Her lips quirked a bit at his tone, but she quickly sobered. “Don’t misunderstand,” she said as much to herself as to him. “I would not choose differently, Robert. Tonight has been wonderful.”

“It is not done yet.”

She couldn’t help smiling a bit at that, but still her conscience pricked her. It was silly, of course. She had made her choice and did not regret it. Plus, no matter what title she’d been born with, her situation was vastly different from Gwen’s. And yet, it still bothered her. She had fallen. “We are both daughters of earls. And by all accounts, our fathers are similarly…er, flawed.”

Robert snorted. “Yes, though my father tends to make his mistakes a little more privately than yours.”

“He could hardly be more public.”

He nodded, and his hand squeezed her shoulder. “Helaine, it is merely a word. Mistress. Lover. Woman.”

“Tart.”

He winced. “No one will damn you for what we’ve done.”

She knew that. Her mother had all but thrown her into his arms. Her best friend, Wendy, would clap her hands and demand details. And as for her grandmother and even her father, they were all long gone. Their opinions mattered nothing. And yet…

“I feel as if I have cheapened myself somehow. And shamed my family name.”

He sighed and his hand went to her face to stroke a finger across her cheek. “Do you want me to take you home?”

She bit her lip, taking less than a second to decide. “No,” she said firmly. “I don’t regret what we’ve done, Robert. I really don’t. It’s just so hard to understand. It was wonderful, and now I’m…”

“As beautiful and wonderful as you were an hour ago.”

She snorted. “I doubt my priest would say that.”

He flashed her a rueful look. “If we are to look to the priests for our judgment, then I, for one, was damned a long time ago.”

She had no answer to that. They both knew as a titled lord, no priest would say a word against him. But she, on the other hand, could be cursed as a whore from many a pulpit. Not that it would happen. The priests had no interest in her at all. But it stung a little that as a titled man, he was given grace, whereas she would have to beg for forgiveness.

He searched her face, but she had no answers for him. So he shifted on the bed, putting his back to the wall before gathering her into his arms. She went easily. There was no place in the world that felt better to her than right here. She pressed her face to his chest and rubbed her cheek against his flesh while he held her tight.

And she did her best to hide her tears.