Wedded in Scandal

Chapter 21

Helaine woke slowly, her body unfamiliar only because it felt so content. Usually her mind was working furiously before she opened her eyes, planning the day, thinking of dress designs, and worrying about countless little details. This morning was marked by a complete absence of those thoughts, and it made her smile with pleasure. More than that, it made her stretch like a well-fed cat.

“Now, that’s a sight to wake with.” Robert’s voice rumbled through her consciousness, the perfect complement to her very delightful morning.

She opened her eyes. He was looking at her, his face creased by the pillow but his chocolate eyes heating as he smiled a lazy grin. The covers only came to midbelly on him, so she got to look at his bare shoulders and chest as sunlight turned his skin to gold.

“Mmm,” she said as she reached out to stroke him from shoulder down to lean, narrow hip.

His grin turned wicked, but he didn’t move. He just watched her, his gaze roving over her body. It took her a moment to realize that she, too, was naked, her upper body exposed to his view. And as the thought registered, she also felt her nipples tighten, her belly go liquid, and that sweet hunger stir her blood. Meanwhile, her stroke had reached his hip and was about to wander deeper beneath the covers, except he caught her hand. He drew it to his mouth, pressing his lips to her palm.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

“Happy,” she answered.

“Sore?”

She frowned. There were aches in places that were new, but they were minor. Something else was bothering her, something that lingered on the edge of her awareness but she held off by sheer force of will.

“The past is gone,” she said to that part of her that wanted to ruin this moment. “The future is for tomorrow.” He raised his eyebrows, wondering at her bizarre comment. So she smiled and pulled him close enough to kiss. But just before their mouths connected she whispered an explanation. “Right now is all that matters. And right now, I want you.”

He needed no more prompting. They kissed, he conquered, and after an exquisite interlude, they were again building toward that sea of bliss. No, not bliss. It was love. Sweet, joyous love. And at that moment, the fear hovering on the edge of her mind crashed through.

She loved Robert. Finally, she was in love. It was a state that she’d all but given up on, and now here it was. Love from the innermost, secret part of her soul. For the man who was her protector and would never, ever be her husband.

Pain from that thought cut through her. He was deep inside her, still pressing her heavily into the mattress, so she was able to grip him both inside and out, holding on to him like an anchor as a storm of emotion blew through her. It merged with the sensations he built as he thrust into her. And soon she lost all fear as she tumbled over the cliff.

But when the bliss faded, she was left with a melancholy kind of joy. After all, she was with him. He was kindness itself for the moment. And she was sure he cared for her, perhaps even deeply. Nothing else mattered, or so she told herself over and over while he collapsed onto his side, pulling out as he fell.

“My God,” he breathed, “this has been the best night of my life.”

“Mine, too,” she said, pleased that the words were true. Then she let him tug her tight to his side and gratefully closed her eyes. She would sleep with the man she loved. For an hour, perhaps. Maybe more.

He was asleep within five minutes. She lay awake for a good deal longer. In the end, she slipped out of his arms. Unlike him, she really couldn’t waste the day in bed. She had responsibilities to Gwen, if no one else.

She dressed quickly, careful not to make a sound. Or so she thought. But as she was struggling to fasten her gown, she heard his voice, a low rumble that heated her blood.

“Come here. I’ll get it.”

She looked up, seeing that his hair was tousled, his eyes sleepy, but his expression was anything but. Did he really want to make love again? And was her body heating again?

“You’re insatiable,” she said, speaking as much to him as to her.

“Only with you,” he answered.

She nodded, dismissing his comment as the usual flattery. But as she neared the bed so he could fasten her gown, he touched her arm and waited until she looked into his eyes.

“It’s true, Helaine. I cannot look at you without wanting you. And that has never happened to me before. Why do you think I pursued you so vehemently?”

“Because that is who you are. Doggedly persistent.”

He shook his head. “Because of you, Helaine. Because you are worth everything.”

She smiled, but the gesture was forced. In the end, she gave in to the whisper of sadness and asked the question. “But you have me now,” she said. “How long will you still want me?”

He lifted her hand and pressed his lips to her palm. She shivered in delight at the feel, but that did not stop her from waiting for an answer. Eventually it came. He looked up at her and shrugged.

“I cannot imagine a time when I won’t want you.”

She had no answer to that. Common sense told her that whatever he felt now, eventually their time would end. But common sense was hurting her mood, so she forced the thought away. She bent down, gave him a searing kiss, then straightened up and presented him with her back.

“Tease,” he said without heat. Then she felt him slowly button up her gown, taking his time as he stroked her skin before covering it up. By the time she was dressed, she wanted to strip it all off again.

But she really needed to get her day started. She needed to be buried in dress designs and fabrics and Gwen’s happiness. And maybe if she managed it, she would also find time to sit and talk to Wendy about everything that had happened. More than anyone else, Wendy understood the different roles she juggled in her life.

So she stepped away, shooting Robert an arch look. “You’re calling me a tease? When you lie there in bed looking like that?”

He spread his arms wide, inviting her to join him. “It’s only a tease if you say yes then leave. I am not going anywhere.”

“But I am. I have to think of something for Gwen’s new mother-in-law to wear to the wedding, and I have to approve the shoe ideas. Penny’s good, but it all must match. Irene wants me to inspect a shipment of velvet to see if it will suit, and Mama…well, Mama will want to talk to me about something. Always something.”

He listened, his eyes never leaving her face. “Is there any amount of money that would induce you to give up the shop and stay in my bed forever?”

She bit her lip, part of her wondering if she would give up the shop for a wedding ring. But that was not what he’d asked. His question was about money.

“No, Robert. There isn’t.”

He shrugged. “I didn’t think so. Forgive me for wishing it anyway.”

She smiled. “Forgiven. And now I really must go.” So she did. She turned her back on him and the haven he’d created in this room. She walked steadily down the hallway past the women who looked at her. They all knew she had spent the night. They knew what she was now, and she was startled to see envy on their faces. And an undercurrent of warning. They were protective of their “Sir.”

She smiled as best she could, acknowledging their message. Only Chandelle greeted her with any warmth. Then Helaine made it outside to hail a waiting cab. To her shame there were many hansoms loitering here, ready to take the lords back from the brothels. Twenty minutes later she would thankfully, blessedly be back at home where she could bathe, dress in her normal clothes, and finally start her day at well after noon.

Robert felt the world go flat after Helaine departed. He busied himself as he always did at the Chandler. He dealt with patients, shared a meal with Chandelle, and generally occupied himself with whatever he wanted. Except what he wanted was Helaine.

So he began planning. He wanted to let rooms for them. Something close to her shop and near the Chandler. She would need a staff, of course. Butler, maid, cook, all very discreet. He wasn’t truly certain that he could afford to support both the Chandler and another household. Certainly not the kind he envisioned for Helaine. But he would find the money. She deserved that much at least.

It was midafternoon when the thought struck him. He was reading an article about cowpox and its similarity to smallpox. He wanted to make a note to contact the author of the article and reached into his desk to find paper. What he touched instead was his tin of French letters.

French letters. Condoms. The bulwark against pregnancy and disease that he purchased in large quantities for Chandelle to give away. He had her lecture the women ad nauseam about how these simple devices could quite literally save their lives. But only if they used them.

And he hadn’t.

Helaine could right now be pregnant.

Helaine slipped inside the shop and tried to dash upstairs. It didn’t work. Her mother saw her. In fact, the woman was probably hovering about the doorway waiting for just this moment. Either way she was right there, her expression anxious.

Helaine didn’t even speak. She just gave her mother a warm kiss on her cheek. “I’m fine. It was wonderful. And…” Dare she say it? No, she couldn’t quite confess it all right then. So she went for the easier truth. “I think I’m happy, Mama.”

Her mother released a breath in relief, then gestured to the workroom. “Wendy and Penny are in there. They need to talk with you, but I’ll delay them.” Then she quickly spun Helaine around and undid her dress fastening. “Go and change. We will talk more later.”

Would they? She wasn’t sure. This was all so new to her. She wanted to hold it tight inside, savoring each second before she shared it with anyone. But she took the excuse while she could, rushing upstairs. She came down twenty minutes later, as clean and pressed as she could manage. Then she pushed her way into the workroom, ready to tackle whatever problem presented.

Wendy and Penny were bent over a table discussing which fabrics would match best between shoes and gowns of different colors and textures. A quick glance told her they were working on Francine’s newest order. The girl had ordered three new party gowns and was happier than Helaine had ever seen her. To the opposite side of the workroom sat her mother, playing a drop and catch game with Tommy. It looked to Helaine to be an exhausting game where the boy dropped something and her mother picked it up. But the two were laughing in delight, and so she supposed it was a good game. Thank goodness she wasn’t a mother. She didn’t know what she’d do if she had to add rearing a child into the mix. But at least that was one thing that…

One worry…

Oh, God.

She stopped dead in her tracks, her mouth dropping open as she stared at Tommy. For the first time ever in her life she did have to worry about having a baby out of wedlock. She could have gotten pregnant last night.

Her knees went out from beneath her and she stumbled, barely catching herself on the table. Everyone looked up, but her mind was still in the grips of terror. A child? She could have a child.

The idea of having Robert’s baby was not so awful. She could imagine an impish little boy with his chocolate eyes and the devil’s own determination to get into mischief. The idea was not so repellent. In truth, she rather liked it. But they weren’t married. They’d never be married. And the idea of raising a baby alone had her looking over to Penny in horror.

How many days lately had she looked at the girl and shaken her head, wondering how she would survive? A woman alone with a baby? At least she was getting work now with Helaine, but that was precious little income at the moment. Barely enough for food, but not for anything else. Now that could be Helaine. Increasing while she tried to speak with clients. Trying to nurse a child while sketching dress designs. It couldn’t work.

“’Ey, now! Sit down. Sit down.” That was Wendy, her long fingers catching her arm. Penny rushed to her other side, and soon they guided her to a chair. She collapsed into it, her body unable to do more than stare at the floor. What was she going to do?

“Mrs. Mortimer?” Penny crouched down in front of her. “Do you need some water? Are you dizzy? What’s—”

Helaine gripped the girl’s arm. “How do you do it? A babe and no family? How do you face the day?”

Penny blinked, her expression shifting from concern through confusion only to end with a resigned shrug. “I have you,” she answered honestly. “This work and your mother.”

“But we’re not enough.” She looked to her mother. “Not nearly enough.”

Her mother understood. Helaine could see it in her eyes, the fear and the confidence all mixed together. But in the end, she appeared resolved as she lifted Tommy into her arms. “Of course we’re enough,” she said firmly. “Right here, we’re four strong women with a place of business. Of course we’re enough.”

“But—”

“No buts, Helaine. We are enough. You are enough.”

It was then that Wendy caught on. Her eyes widened, and she touched Helaine’s arm. “Coo, you went and did it.”

Helaine nodded.

“And was it everthing you thought?”

Her mouth curved into a smile as she remembered. “More. It was so much more.”

And then Penny figured it out. “With his lordship? Redhill?” She let out a low whistle. “He’s a handsome one. And he’ll take good care of you and a babe.”

“At the time, I wasn’t thinking about a child,” she whispered. Truthfully, she hadn’t been thinking much at all except that it all felt so wonderful.

Meanwhile, her mother patted her hand. “We’re looking too far ahead. There isn’t any baby yet.”

“But what if there is?”

Penny released a light trill of laughter. It was surprising really how carefree the sound was. Given everything she faced in life, she sounded so lighthearted. Enough that it caught Helaine’s attention. But before she could ask what was so funny, Penny answered.

“Never ask that.”

“What?”

“That’s how I get by. I never ask, ‘what if.’ I always ask, ‘what is.’” She smiled. “So are you pregnant now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then don’t ask. Ask what is the problem today.”

It sounded like ridiculous advice to Helaine, but a moment later it was clear that Penny hadn’t intended it as advice. One look at Wendy’s face and she saw that there was a problem today.

“What happened?”

Wendy snorted. “That baroness and her sister happened, that’s what.”

Helaine frowned. “Lady Gwen’s future in-laws?”

Penny nodded. “They’ve changed their minds on everything. Different colors, different styles, different shoes. Everything.” She pointed to a different side of the workroom where a pile of fabrics and sketches lay scattered about. It was the baroness’s pile and apparently it had all changed.

Helaine pushed up to her feet, her mind wholly distracted. “Why would they do that?”

“We don’t know,” said Penny. “That’s today’s problem—”

“And wot we need you to find out,” said Wendy. Then she corrected herself before anyone else could. “What you need to find out.”

Helaine frowned, mentally working through the different dress designs that had already been selected. “They want more frills, more bows, don’t they? Brighter colors—”

“And gems and lace everywhere.”

Helaine groaned. “That will look awful on them.”

“We know!” said both Wendy and Penny at the exact same time.

“All right,” Helaine said as she pushed to her feet. Her fears had lost their grip. Penny was right. As far as she knew, she wasn’t pregnant now. So she would deal with today’s problem. And that meant heading off certain fashion disasters before they happened. “Do you have any of their gowns ready?”

“One each.”

“And how long for you to make five big bows of loud colors?”

Penny and Wendy glanced at each other. “Fifteen minutes,” they said almost at the same instant.

“Do it. And I’ll wrap up the dresses. I will do what we did with Francine. Dress them up how they want, then do it how I want.”

“Will it work, you think?”

Helaine bit her lip, running over all her experiences with the entire party, including Gwen. “I think so,” she finally said. “I think they are bored and looking for fun wherever they can.”

“So you’ll set them to rights?” asked her mother. “Before they drive all of us to distraction?”

Helaine shrugged. “I can certainly try.”

And then after it was done, she would have a long conversation with Robert. Whether or not she was pregnant, they had to make provisions for the future. Or take measures to prevent it. Either way, it required a quiet tête-à-tête with him. And given the way the last one ended, she was abruptly very interested in getting on with her day. The sooner she finished with Gwen’s relations, the sooner she could find some very private time with Robert.