White Trash Damaged

9

GOOD GUYS FINISH last.” Terry laughed, hitting Eric on the chest. “Ain’t that right, Cass?”

“Um . . . I don’t know.” I shrugged.

“Don’t be such a fucking pervert,” Sarah scolded him before her gaze landed on Eric. “They do if they want to hit it again.” She winked, and he grinned wickedly back at her as Tucker slid between them. His hand gripped the side of my neck, and he pulled my lips against his in a sensual kiss. My knees went weak and his other hand looped around my lower back and he held me against him as his tongue slid across my lower lip.

“How am I supposed to keep my hands off you when you wear things like this?” He cocked his head to the side as his eyes danced over my barely concealed body.

“It was Sarah’s idea.” I tucked a curl behind my ear.

“Smart girl.”

Sarah patted Tucker on the back as she and the guys walked by us to head backstage. His hand slid lower onto my butt, and he gave it a gentle squeeze.

“You’re going to miss your party.” I looped my arms around his neck, desperate to be closer.

“Fuck the party.”

I pushed my lips against his, letting my fingers tangle in his dark messy hair. He groaned against my mouth, and I could feel how badly he wanted me as he pushed his hips against mine.

“If she won’t fuck you, I will, Tucker,” a crazy fan screamed from the other side of the guardrail, effectively ruining our romantic moment.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered in my ear with his cheek pressed against mine. I closed my eyes, inhaling coconut and soap before taking a step back. I hated not being able to hug and kiss my boyfriend in public. It was definitely something that would take some getting used to.

Tucker gave me an apologetic look as he took my hand, lacing our fingers together and pulling me toward the door to backstage.

The party was in full swing, and bodies spilled into every hall. Tucker placed his arm over my shoulder and kept me tucked into his side as we navigated our way to the main room. It didn’t take long to locate the band. Chris was standing on a chair and yelling out dirty jokes to anyone who would listen, which, unsurprisingly, was a lot of girls in skimpy clothes. I suspected that he could recite the dictionary and they would still be in awe.

My self-consciousness flew out the window as I watched a woman bouncing topless on the shoulders of Derek from Filth. My heart sank, and I hoped that Sarah was not anywhere near him.

“What’s wrong?”

I realized I was squeezing Tucker’s hand and relaxed my grip.

“Just worried about Sarah.”

Tucker nodded, running his hand over his hair from back to front.

“What is it?” I asked, angling toward him so I could read his face.

“Nothing.”

“What?”

Tucker sighed and took a step back from me, his eyes going to the drop ceiling before landing back on me.

“She’s an awesome chick, and I am glad you have found a friend.”

“But?” I took a step closer to him.

“She’s had it rough, and she can get kind of . . . intense.”

I laughed and I saw his face change from concerned to downright confused.

“She’s had it rough?” I asked, making sure I had heard him correctly.

“Look, I know you didn’t have it easy either, and you turned out just fine. More than fine. But not everyone handles stress and heartache the way you do. I’m not saying she is a bad person. She’s a cool chick.”

I cocked an eyebrow at his choice of words and he rolled his eyes.

“You know what I mean. She’s a nice person. Just be careful. She tends to push people away.”

“I’ll be careful.” I leaned forward and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Thanks for looking out for me.”

“That’s my job.” Tucker looped his arm around my neck and pulled my head to his as we continued to navigate through the crowd.

“I don’t need anyone to take care of me,” I reminded him as my eyes fell on Sarah and Eric.

“Yeah, I know. You have told me that before,” he joked as he followed my gaze, and the smile slipped from his face.

“You have a problem with those two getting together?”

His arm flexed behind my neck and I knew the answer to my question.

“Those two are a ticking fucking time bomb, sweetheart. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he nodded to Eric who returned the gesture. “Let’s go watch the train wreck.”

On our path to the others we grabbed a few beers from some random groupie who had no problem running her hand over the front of my boyfriend’s jeans while his arms were around me. He took a step back out of her reach. I raised my glass and Tucker placed his arm in front of mine, keeping me from spilling my beer all over her, but the look on his face was one of amusement.

“She has it coming.” I tipped the cup to my lips and downed half the contents in a single gulp.

“Choose your battles wisely. We have had enough to last us a lifetime.” He tilted his cup to his lips and took a drink.

“I know. I’m sorry. This is a lot to get used to.”

“Trust me. I get it.” We had made our way to Sarah and E and we both said hello politely. “Just remember who is bunking with me tonight.”

“Oh, shit. I don’t want to listen to that shit.” Eric looked revolted.

“You can stay on our bus,” Sarah suggested as she took a drink from her cup.

“Yeah, I’m sure Derek would give you a warm welcome,” Tucker said to no one in particular. He was right. Sarah and Derek had a volatile relationship, and the last thing Damaged needed was a rift between them and their opening act. We still had to finish out this tour in some measure of peace.

“Fuck Derek,” Eric replied, and Tucker clenched his jaw. Eric was the type of guy that went against the grain and refused to listen to reason.

“‘Fuck Derek’?” a voice called from behind us, and I was thankful that it was Terry and not another member of Filth.

I could tell it rattled Sarah who slid farther away from Eric.

“You need a refill?” I asked over the music that began to fill the awkward silence.

“Sure.” She smiled as she grabbed my hand, tugging me out of Tucker’s arms. I didn’t want to have any part of Damaged’s heated conversations, and I knew Sarah had realized that she had placed Eric in a bad position.

“What are you doing?” I asked when we had gotten far enough away that we weren’t in danger of being overheard.

“I just want what you and Tuck have. It’s not fair.” She was clearly already drunk, but she still grabbed a bottle of Jack and poured a few shots into her glass, holding the bottle up to offer me some. I shrugged and let her fill my solo cup about halfway with the amber liquid.

“I get it.” I took a small drink, cringing at the nasty warmth of the alcohol.

“My ex is dictating my happiness. It’s not fair. I just want to be able to live my life and be happy.”

“I’ve been there. Trust me. I had a pretty rocky relationship before Tucker.” I relaxed my throat and took a bigger drink, wishing I hadn’t brought up my past.

“Yeah? How’d you get him to leave you alone?”

“Tucker killed him.” All of the air left my lungs, and I immediately regretted my words.

“You are so twisted.” She laughed and downed her shots in one sip.

I was thankful she assumed I was joking and I wouldn’t have to go into the horrid details of that final night with Jax.

“Another?” She grabbed the bottle, shaking it in her hand as the contents sloshed against the glass.

I glanced back at the guys who looked like they were still in the middle of a heated conversation, and I had no desire to play referee to a bunch of angry rockers.

“Absolutely,” I yelled over the music as I held out my cup. A hand slinked up the back of my dress and caused me to jump, and the brown liquid poured over my hands. “What the hell?”

“Jesus, Cass, I’m sorry!” Sarah apologized for the mess, oblivious to why I was upset. I spun around and was face-to-chest with a man covered in tattoos and with a bull ring dangling from his nose.

“What the hell is wrong with you, asshole?” I yelled, gathering the attention of a few bystanders.

“Since when do groupies get upset when someone wants some ass? You don’t have to be a fucking bitch.” He laughed, sticking out his pierced tongue between his teeth.

“I’m not a groupie, you fucking pervert!” I pulled back my fist, fully intending to hit him right on that stupid target dangling from his face when Sarah shoved me aside and cracked him across his cheek. The sound of her slap was so loud that even the tattooed freak looked to me in stunned silence as he tried to figure out what the hell had just happened.

“Who’s the bitch now?” Sarah was laughing like a maniac as she continued to taunt the guy. Tucker and the rest of the band had shoved anyone who was in their way aside and now were standing behind the ass-grabber looking positively livid. Great.

“It’s fine. It’s over,” I yelled, holding out my hands to keep them back, but the guy had a death wish and turned around to face them, wiping his lip that had split against his teeth.

“Did he touch you?” Tucker looked around the man to me, not the least bit fazed by the way the guy was staring him down.

“Tucker . . .”

“Answer the question.” He wasn’t in the mood, and I certainly didn’t want to be on the receiving end of his bad attitude, but I also wasn’t going to let him get thrown in jail over this douche bag.

“It was a misunderstanding, and it’s over.” I looked to Sarah who nodded in agreement.

“See, just a misunderstanding,” the guy chuckled. “Turns out she fucking liked it.”

As the words left his mouth so did a spray of blood, followed by what looked like a tooth, but I couldn’t be sure it wasn’t the barbell from his tongue. Terry was on top of him the second he hit him, grabbing his shirt and yanking him toward the back door. A security guard pushed his way through the crowd of onlookers and grabbed the guy by the arm, yanking him away from Terry. Another joined him and together they hauled the jerk out of the back entrance. I didn’t know what they did with him from there, but I was sure I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.

“Is this going to happen after every concert?”

Sarah laughed and shook her head, and we both looked at the band.

“I guess that means the party is over.” Tucker ran his hand over his hair the way he always does when something is on his mind.

“We can hang out a little longer if you want.” I shrugged, and Tucker gave me one of his heart-stopping smiles.

“Yeah? You haven’t had enough of this yet?”

“That’s what she said!” I yelled with a laugh and Sarah snorted.

“No, Cass. Just no.” Eric put up his hand with a dead-serious look as he shook his head in mock disappointment.

“Whatever. That was a good one.” The other guys laughed at me as they refilled their cups. I held mine out for a few more shots, my body already warming as the liquor spread throughout my veins.

Tucker wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder.

“I love this dress on you, but maybe it isn’t such a good idea to have you walking around like that at the after-parties.”

“I can take care of myself, Tucker.” I rolled my eyes, knowing I was sounding like a broken record. He was only concerned for my safety, but he didn’t need to be. I needed to learn how to be independent, fierce, like Sarah. He wouldn’t always be able to stand up for me.

“I know you can take care of yourself.” He turned me around in his arms. “But I don’t want you to ever get hurt again. That motherfucker got off easy. I should have beaten his ass.” His fingers slid along my jaw and over my lips. His gaze dipped to my mouth. I could feel the anger rolling off him in waves, but he tried to conceal it.

“Fine.” I leaned in close to whisper in his ear. “You can take it off of me later.” I pulled back just enough to see his expression. His eyes darkened and his eyes hooded and the muscle in his jaw ticked under the surface.

“You sure you’re not ready to go back to the bus?” His mouth hovered over mine so I was breathing his air.

“Soon. I promise.” I gave him a quick peck on the lips and took a step back.

Tucker emptied his cup and poured more alcohol inside. A song that I recognized came on the radio and my liquid courage had kicked in. I began to sway my hips and nod my head to the beat as Sarah grabbed my arm, nearly throwing me off balance.

“Let’s dance!” she yelled a little too loudly in my ear. I winced in pain.

“I’m not much of a dancer.”

“Come on. I want to show Eric what he is missing,” she whispered as she looked around me to Eric who was chatting up a groupie. “And who cares what anyone here thinks? Enjoy life. No one gets out alive.”

“Fine. But don’t have high expectations. I don’t think I could walk straight, let alone keep rhythm.”

“Are you kidding me? Look how some of these nutbags are wiggling around out there. I’m not sure if they are dancing or if we should call an ambulance.” I let her tug me along as she made fun of the crazy outfits and questionable piercing choices of the other partiers. I was laughing so hard I was nearly in tears as she stopped, causing me to run into her back.

“Maybe you are a little too drunk for this.” She turned around, looking at me like I had sprouted a horn.

“That’s it. I’m going to have to break it down.” I narrowed my eyes as I rotated my hips. Sarah laughed so hard no sound came out of her mouth.

“See how much fun you can have when you let your hair down? This is what it’s all about. Screw what anyone else thinks or does. Make yourself happy. Live in the moment.”

I stopped moving, absorbing all of the things she was telling me as alcohol fogged my brain.

“Ughh . . . dance!” Her fingers wrapped around my hips and she pulled me closer, guiding my body with her hands. I threw my hands above my head and yelled as I tossed my head to the side, curls falling over my face. I’d never let loose like this before, and I couldn’t believe how good it felt to feel so free.

“This is so much fun!”

“See! I told you.” She grabbed my hand and twirled me around playfully. My eyes caught Tucker’s, and he still looked like he was dwelling on the asshole who had grabbed my ass. He also looked like he had drunk a few shots too many.

Sarah pressed her lips together in a thin line and cocked her head to the side when she saw my look of concern.

“He’s fine. The guys party like this all of the time. Stop worrying so damn much.”

I turned my back to her, pressing my bottom into her as we shimmied together. Tucker leaned back against the drink table, taking small sips of his drink, his eyes locked onto mine. Derek made his way through the crowd, bobbing his head to the music.

“You always knew how to move, Sarah.” He shook his hair from his face. Sarah’s body slowed behind me, and I heard her suck in a deep breath. “Can I cut in?”

I glanced over his shoulder to Tucker who slammed his cup down on the table and stood. The last time I had seen that look on his face, he was face-to-face with Jax.

“I’m gonna grab a drink.” I glanced over my shoulder, looking for confirmation from Sarah that she was okay. She nodded slightly, and I slipped by Derek and made my way to Tucker.

“What was that about?” he asked before I could reach him.

“He wanted to dance with Sarah,” I replied, irritated at what seemed like jealousy. Her name got the attention of Eric who spun to look at me before his eyes searched the dance floor. My stomach churned as he located her with her ex.

“I’m sorry, E.” I let my shoulders sag as I gave him an apologetic glance.

“Why are you sorry?” He shrugged and drank the contents of his cup before crushing it in his fist. “She ain’t shit to me.” He flung the cup on the ground and slipped through the crowd of bodies.

“That really sucks.” I turned my attention back to Tucker who didn’t seem to register any of the conversation with Eric. “What is up with you?”

He took a deep breath as his eyes went unfocused.

“I feel like I can’t protect you with this lifestyle. Every guy I see near you I think is another Jax. This shit was a mistake.” He shook his head as he looked down at his sneakers. I knew he was just drunk and was overreacting, but so was I, and his words sliced through me. My chest felt like it had tightened, and I couldn’t breathe.

“A mistake?” I could barely choke out the words. I couldn’t believe he regretted being here with me. I pushed by him and rounded the table, needing to escape before my tears that threatened to fall spilled over. Everything had gone from great to shit in seconds. It didn’t dawn on me until I reached the darkened parking lot—illuminated by a few sporadic street-lights—that I didn’t have a place to call my own. Where was I even running to? I sighed heavily as I kicked at the loose gravel. It was time to be a grown-up and face my problems. I owed it to Tucker to hash this out and not just disappear.

“Hey,” Tucker called from behind me. I spun around to face him as the door to the back entrance slammed closed. He shoved his hands into jean pockets as he slowly walked toward me. “I know you’re pissed off at me for wanting to take care of you.”

“What? You think that’s why I’m mad? Tucker, you said this was a mistake. You called us a mistake.” My voice wavered as a tear rolled down over my cheek.

“Jesus, Cass. I didn’t mean us.” He closed the space between us with two large strides, wrapping one arm behind my back and gripping the back of my head with his other hand. I squeezed my eyes closed, breathing in a deep lung full of his scent. “I could never regret this. You are everything to me.”

“Then why did you say it?” I asked, looking up to him as I searched for the truth in his eyes.

“I meant coming on this tour. I should have just quit the fucking band like I had planned.” His grip tightened around me.

“What do you mean you planned to leave the band?”

“I told the guys before I left to find you that if you didn’t want to leave, I was going to stay with you. Even if you didn’t want me. I was going to wait for you.”

“Tucker. This band is your life.”

“Not anymore.” His mouth pressed against mine softly, and all of my anger and sadness evaporated with his touch. “I love you, Cass.”

“I love you, too, Tucker.”

“That’s all I need, sweetheart.”

“I think we should lay off on the drinking for the rest of the night,” I joked, and he wrapped his arm over my shoulders and guided me toward the bus.

“I think you should have suggested that a half an hour ago.” He laughed as he stumbled over his own feet. I placed my hand on his stomach to keep him steady.

As we approached the bus we heard a loud bang and what sounded like a growl. Our eyes met as we both looked at each other with confusion.

“What was that?” My feet froze to the ground.

“Wait here. I’ll check it out.” He waited for me to nod that I understood and wouldn’t move. I bounced on my feet nervously as he walked away.

“Tucker!” I whispered loudly from behind him. He turned to look at me, his eyebrows pulled together. “Shouldn’t we just get one of the guards or something?”

Another loud noise came from inside, and it sounded like a wounded animal.

“Fuck.” Tucker ran his hand over his hair from back to front as he blew out a dramatic breath. “It’s E.”

“What is wrong with him?” My drunken memories grew clearer, and I remembered the hurt in Eric’s eyes as he saw Sarah dancing with Derek. “Great. This is my fault.” I threw my hands in the air and walked around Tucker.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked as he jogged to my side and gripped my elbow to stop me.

“I’m the one who upset him, now I’m going to fix it.”

“This isn’t your fault, Cass. This was Sarah. I told you how she was.”

“She didn’t do anything wrong. She just danced with a boy.” I crossed my arms over my chest as I became defensive of my friend. “I’m the one who drew attention to it.”

“Sarah and Eric were fuckups long before you came around. That ain’t changing anytime soon.”

“So what’s the plan?” I asked, glancing to the bus.

“I’m going to go in and see if I can’t get him to take his meds. You can wait by the door.” He pressed a kiss into my hair and opened the door to the bus. I took a deep breath and stepped inside.

“Leave me the fuck alone!” Eric was sitting on Tucker’s bunk with his legs on the floor. He was rocking with his hands holding his head.

“Cass, what are you doing in here?” Tucker turned to me. I held up my hands and shrugged. I should have stayed where he asked, but I wanted to help.

“Just fucking go!” Eric yelled, his voice strained. This was not the normal reaction to a broken heart.

“Calm down. We just want to talk to you.” Tucker’s tone was anything but sympathetic, and the last thing we needed was Eric turning his anger on him.

“Take your fairy tale happily ever after shit and get the fuck out of my face.” Eric’s eyes looked vacant.

“So what? No one can be happy if you’re not?” Tucker yelled back, his arms spread out like he was inviting a fight.

“I don’t think yelling at him is going to help anything,” I yelled, and both guys looked at me, surprised by my outburst. “Give me a minute?”

Tucker looked from me to Eric, unsure if he wanted to leave me alone with him while he was upset. Judging by the broken stereo at Eric’s feet, he had already gotten out most of his aggression.

“Five minutes and if I hear any yelling, I am coming in here and kicking his ass.”

Eric snorted at the threat, and Tucker narrowed his eyes, not finding any of this amusing.

“Thank you.” I gave Tucker a quick kiss on the cheek and waited for him to leave the bus. Eric stared at the broken and mangled plastic on the floor.

I wrung my fingers together as I stepped over the mess and took a seat on the bunk in front of him.

“I’ve actually been wanting to have a conversation with you, one-on-one.”

Eric looked up at me and dropped his gaze to the floor.

“I don’t want me being here to affect the band, and if that is the case, I’m happy to leave.”

He didn’t respond, so I continued to ramble nervously.

“You know, Sarah likes you. Things between her and Derek are complicated.”

“I’m aware of her situation with Derek,” he replied quietly.

“Maybe you could talk to him.”

“I know you are trying to help, but I don’t need it or want it. You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

This time I laughed.

“Which part don’t I understand? The jealous ex-boyfriend? Uncontrollable anger and violent tendencies? Or being in love with someone you can’t be with?”

He looked up again, nodding in understanding. There was a long pregnant pause as I pushed around a piece of the radio with my foot.

“She’s perfect for me. She’s funny and beautiful and she doesn’t look at me like I’m some raging asshole.”

“No one thinks you’re an asshole.”

He raised an eyebrow, and I giggled, nodding my head.

“Okay, that isn’t entirely true, but they all love you. You wouldn’t be a part of this band if they didn’t.”

“They won’t if I keep doing shit like this.”

“So stop.”

“It’s not that simple, Cass.”

“Yes, it is. Do you want to lose everything? Your band? Your friends?”

“This band is my entire life.”

“Then you need to act like it.”

The door to the bus opened, and Tucker stepped inside, clearing his throat. I pushed up from the bunk and placed my hand on Eric’s shoulder.

“Thank you,” he said, and I could see in his eyes he was sincere. I smiled and made my way to the front of the bus.