Why You Were Taken

Journal entry 27 January 1988

Westville

In the news: Guerrillas open fire on a police vehicle in Soweto and injure three policemen and a civilian. The first reviews are in for Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical ‘The Phantom of the Opera’ which debuted last night on Broadway.

What I’m listening to: Pop Goes the World (the babies like it!) Men Without Hats

What I’m reading: Bill Cosby’s ‘Fatherhood’ – hilarious.

What I’m watching: The Running Man with Arnold Schwarzenegger

P went to the nursery today and bought us a few trees and plants. He’s trying to make the house as homely as possible for us. I hope he is not missing his old life (his wife).

I’ve never really been interested in gardening but we worked a bit together today – I just planted some flowers and watered, really – and I enjoyed it. (Petunias? Pansies?) I think I’ll spend some more time in the garden. It’s a nice break from taking care of the twins.

They are doing really well. Me, less so. In the beginning I didn’t mind the sleep deprivation too much but I think it’s building up now. It is starting to impact on my mood, and my memory. And my day-to-day functioning: I do ridiculous things like put the teabag canister in the fridge. The other day I answered the front door with my shirt unbuttoned! I don’t know who was more embarrassed, me or the neighbour! My God I would do anything for a full night’s sleep. Amazing what we take for granted! Sometimes I just get one of the twins to sleep and the other one starts crying and wakes up the other, then the other way around, and I just want to sink to the floor and cry.

They are both good eaters. Thank God. Sometimes I feel like I’m a walking, talking (leaking!) boob. Sam is a frowny, focused feeder, who goes in with closed eyes and gets the job done. Kate, always hungry, starts off quickly but then takes her time. She stares at me with her big slate-grey eyes and I hope that she can feel how much I love her.

They have very distinct personalities, even at this age. Sam is serious and independent and seems to always be thinking about something, working something out in his head. I’d love to know what babies think about. And Kate is always smiling and likes being with people. They seem to get on with each other, too, which is great. Hope it carries on that way!

Sometimes strangers stop us to look at the babies, say how cute they are, ask who is the ‘oldest’, say they look like me, or if P is with us, that they look like him.

I tell myself every day how lucky I am. I look in the mirror, at my pale skin and the dark circles under my eyes, and smile. I’ve learned to put on a good smile.