Worn Me Down

Chapter 25 Austin

Gwen’s going to kill me.

I should feel bad about what I just did, but I can’t. The past two days have been nothing short of amazing – hanging out with Gwen and Emma, working together on some of the paperwork for her cases that she brought with her, playing Navy SEAL with Emma before bed and spending every night kissing every inch of Gwen’s body, showing her what I just can’t bring myself to tell her. I can’t regret the choice I made tonight while Gwen and Ellie gave Emma a bath. When I leave, I need to know Gwen and Emma are safe and that nothing will happen to them ever again. The only way to make sure that happens is to put William Stratford behind bars for a very long time.

“You got all the pages I emailed over to you?” I ask, as I pace back and forth in my room.

I can hear Mark shuffling papers through the line. “Yep, got everything – twenty photos and fifteen pages of notes. Jesus Christ, this guy is an asshole.”

I close my eyes and do something I’ve never done – I pray that Gwen will forgive me for violating her privacy. When she was busy packing up Emma’s things to come and stay here with me, I went into her bedroom and took the file documenting her abuse out of her dresser and shoved it in the waistband of my jeans against my back and under my shirt.

Looking through all of those photos again as I scanned each one and sent it off to Mark, convinced me that I was doing the right thing. She should never have to look over her shoulder ever again and I need to know there will never be another photo to add to that pile after I’m gone. The only way I’ll be able to walk out that door is by knowing she’s protected; that she and Emma can live a long, happy life.

“I’ll start filing the report against Stratford this morning, but you know Gwen’s going to have to stop by the station in Nashville and sign off on it. I’ll make sure to send them a copy of it, so you’re going to have to convince her this is in her best interest and get her in there as soon as possible,” Mark reminds me.

“I know, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”

I hear a muffled voice through the line and Mark telling someone to hold on before coming back to me. “Shit, I gotta go, there’s a call on the other line I have to take.”

I thank Mark for all of his help and end the call just as a knock sounds at my door. Pulling it open, I look down to see Emma standing there looking up at me with a smile.

“Can you tuck me in, Austin?”

Poking my head out of my room, I look down the hall and then back at her. “Where’s your mom?”

Emma grabs my hand and starts to pull me across the hall. “She’s taking a bath and I’m sleepy. Aunt Ellie already fell asleep.”

I smile as she tugs harder on my hand, following her to the bedroom. She scrambles up in bed and gets under the covers.

She looks up at me expectantly and I’m at a loss. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? How do you tuck someone in?

Leaning over her, I pull the covers up a little higher until they’re under her chin. “Uh, so… have a good night.”

I start to turn away when she giggles. “Austin! You have to sit next to me until I fall asleep. That’s what mommy always does.”

Scratching my head and looking behind me to the door, I wonder how long Gwen’s going to be in the bath.

Emma pulls one arm out from under the blankets and pats the bed next to her. With a sigh, I sit down on the edge of the bed. “So, how long does it take you to fall asleep?”

Emma laughs and shakes her head at me. “I don’t know, silly. Put your feet up and lay down like me.”

Figuring I might as well do as she says or it’s going to be midnight before she finally falls asleep, I pull my legs up onto the bed. Emma scoots over away from me and pats her hand against her pillow, signaling me to lie next to her.

Once I’m flat on my back, she moves closer to me, grabbing my arm and lifting it in the air. I hold it up for her with a confused look on my face until she slides closer and rests her head in the crook of my shoulder. I bring my arm down around her and wonder why this feels like the most natural thing in the world. I stare down at her face as she closes her eyes and wonder what she’ll be like when she’s ten, fifteen, twenty… I wonder if she’ll still be this sweet and trusting. I wonder if Gwen will have remarried by then and if the lucky bastard will cherish every single moment with these two women. I wonder if Emma will remember the man she lived with for a week when she was six who taught her how to create a diversion to get the innocent Barbies out of harm’s way.

A sad laugh bubbles out of me when I think about how Emma screamed at the top of her lungs that the couch was on fire so I could grab the dolls and chuck them into the kitchen. Gwen came running into the room with a cup of water from the bathroom in her hand, shouting about how she’d put the fire out. Emma and I fell to the floor laughing until we couldn’t breathe and Gwen stomped out of the room angrily when she found out it was a false alarm.

Emma shifts next to me trying, to get more comfortable, and brings her hand up to rest on my stomach. I can’t help myself; I wrap my large hand around her tiny one and hold on tight.

“I love you, Austin. Can you tuck me in to bed every night?” Emma whispers sleepily.

Closing my eyes, I don’t say anything in return. I’m afraid if I open my mouth now, I’ll cry like a fucking baby.

An hour later, the feel of my phone vibrating in my pocket wakes me up. I slowly slide out of bed, trying not to jostle Emma too much. She doesn’t even stir when I pull my arm out from under her. I quickly exit the room and pull my phone out, not at all surprised when I see who’s calling. He approved me taking some personal time off, but I knew he wouldn’t be patient for very long.

“Conrad, how’s civilian life?” Captain Risner asks.

“It’s good, sir.”

He gets right to the point. “I know you said you’d give me a call when things were wrapped up there, but we have an emergency in Kuwait that I could use you on. I need to know right now if you’re in.”

I lean back against the wall and bow my head. “How soon?”

“You need to be briefed before you fly out, so I’d need you here in Virginia by oh-eight-hundred on Wednesday.

Two days from now.

“Sir, things aren’t quite finished here yet. I’m not sure if I could make it to Virginia in time,” I tell him.

There’s no way in hell I’m leaving Gwen and Emma before Stratford is behind bars.

“Well, get it done, Conrad. If this mission goes well, I’ll be able to sign off on that Lieutenant paperwork you put on my desk three months ago.”

Shit. I forgot all about that. It’s what I’ve been working my ass off for, the only thing I’ve ever wanted – to be in charge of my own team. Cole was our lieutenant until he decided to take a leave of absence and Risner assured me the job would be mine if I kept my head in the game and kept doing what I’ve always done – live, eat and breathe Navy.

“I understand, sir. I’ll make sure I’m there,” I tell him before ending the call.

I knew this moment was coming, I just didn’t expect it to be here so soon. I’ve been preparing myself to leave them from the moment I got here. This is the only dream I’ve ever had and I seriously can’t believe I’m standing here in the hallway wishing for something else, something I can never have.

Without thinking about it, I place another call to Mark, telling him to get a BOLO out on Stratford immediately. This needs to be finished now so I can get on with my life the way I always planned.

Tomorrow, I’ll talk to Ellie and get her advice on breaking the news to Gwen about the fact that I completely violated her trust and gave her personal file over to the police without her knowing. Tomorrow, I’ll shut everything off and make myself remember what I’m here for – to do a job.

But right now, I’m going to spend one last night holding my girl close and memorizing the way she feels in my arms.