Hard To Love You

22 Let her go - Mason -

Hailey is just sitting there staring at me. I’m not sure she even heard what I said. “Hailey?”

She starts shaking her head back and forth and then all of a sudden the tears start. I try to fight back my own tears. “I blacked out last night, Hailey. I went to the bar and just drank until I passed out. I was pissed and hurting. I needed something to stop those feelings. My fucking world is crashing around me. When I woke up this morning Lily was in my bed.” I hear Hailey gasp but I don’t dare look over at her. I need to be able to finish telling her what happened. “I swear I don’t even remember seeing her in the bar at all. I was so fucking pissed off that she made you believe I was cheating on you with her that I wanted to fucking kill her. So I’m pretty sure I would have remembered her last night. I don’t remember much after running into Cole.”

I wasn’t sure if she was still listening because she was crying so hard, but I had to tell her. “I’ve never lied to you and I’ve always been honest. You deserved to hear this from me, no-one else.”

When Hailey calms down enough to speak, she asks, “But regardless, there is a chance that you slept with her?”

I nod.

“But you blacked out, right?”

I nod again.

“How the hell did you even get it up Mason? We’ve tried the drunken sex when we were both three sheets to the wind and your dick never worked. There is no way you slept with her.”

I scrub my face with my hands. She doesn’t think that I slept with Lily even though I woke up next to her after binge drinking myself into oblivion, but she thought it was possible before when the only proof was nothing more than two bitches spewing lies? I’m agitated, I can’t even sit. I stand up from the couch. Hailey stands and I stop in front of her, “You want to think she’s lying now? Really Hailey? You couldn’t believe in us before?” I yell at her.

Her anger flashes in her eyes, making them brighter, and her cheeks flush. “I don’t know what to believe Mason!”

I’m breathing hard, trying to keep my anger under control as much as possible. “I guess our relationship isn’t as strong as we thought, huh? You know Lily tried to sink her teeth into Hunter once before, why wouldn’t she try her hand again with me?”

Hailey screams, “I don’t know what to fucking believe!”

She’s lying to me. I know she believes me deep down but she just can’t admit it. “So if I told you she was better in bed than you. You would—-”

Slap!

Hailey slaps me across the face. “I fucking hate you Mason!” Hailey turns and runs down the hallway.

I run after her and grab her by the waist. “Let go of me, Mason.” Hailey sobs.

I grip her a little tighter. “I’m so sorry, Hailey.” I say as I kiss the side of her head. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it, Hails.” I repeat over and over again until she stops fighting me. With her back pressed to my chest I walk us to the sitting room in the front of my mom’s house. Everyone hates this room, l the bad shit happens in here.

I sit and pull her to sit on my lap. I reach up and pull Hailey’s hand down from her face. Her mascara is running down her cheeks and her eyes are all red. “I didn’t mean it, Hailey, I’m sorry. I was an asshole.”

Hailey buries her face in my neck and just cries and cries and cries. We both know that it’s over between us. Neither of us wants it to happen but our feelings are hurt. We aren’t the couple that we used to be. I’m not the same Mason that I once was. I put everyone else before myself; I was trying to protect my family but at the same time I hurt Hailey. This girl has a list of insecurities that mostly stem from her father; it’s hard for Hailey to trust anyone and now she’s lost her trust in me. She never should have, but somewhere along the way it happened.

“I love you Mason.” Hailey whispers a while later.

My heart breaks all over again. This is her goodbye. Our love for each other isn’t enough. “I love you Hailey. I always will.”

I don’t want to let her go so I hold on for as long as she’ll let me.

I remember the first time I saw her. Her mom was out riding her bike and little Hailey was following behind her on her own bike with training wheels. Hailey’s blonde, almost white, hair was up in pigtails. Her mom was riding in the street so she could keep an eye on her daughter who was riding on the sidewalk. I was standing in the front yard playing catch with Cooper when I caught a glimpse of her heading our way. Hailey was starting to pick up speed. There was a pretty big crack in the sidewalk right before our house; I’d wrecked a few times when I hit it just right. I threw the ball to Cooper and just as it left my hand I saw Hailey hit the crack on the sidewalk. Her hands were trying to steady the handle bars but she wasn’t quick enough and tipped the bike over.

I dropped my glove and ran over to the little girl in pigtails. She was crying and holding her elbow. I dropped to my knees in front of her and saw that her knee was scraped up as well. Hailey’s mom ran over and helped her daughter up.

“Shh, it’s ok Hailey, it’s just a little cut. We’ll get you home and get you cleaned up.” Her mom told her.

“I have a band-aid in the house I can go get.” I said to her mom who then noticed that Hailey’s cut knee was still bleeding.

“Sure, that would be great. I’m Mrs. Taylor and this brave little girl is Hailey.” Mrs. Taylor said.

“I’m Mason and that over there is my brother Cooper.” I stood up and brushed the gravel off my knee.

“Hi Mason.” Hailey said, still hiccupping from crying.

From the very moment Hailey fell off her bike, all those years ago, I knew that I’d fallen for her.

Hailey’s hand slides down my chest to rest over my heart. “I think it’s time I go.”

I nod, not trusting my voice. The panic starts to set in that this will be the last time I ever hold Hailey like this. My breaths are coming in slow and shallow. I’m losing a piece of what I thought was mine forever.

Hailey hugs me one more time and I wrap both my arms around her, holding on to every last second that we have together.

Hailey starts to pull away. She places her legs on the floor in between mine. She looks over her shoulder before standing and says, “Remember that time when you told me that I lost my mirror?”

“Yeah.” I remembered it exactly. I’d told her that when she was ready for it that I would be here for her.

She looks straight ahead out the bay window, “You told me before that I was your mirror Mason, but the thing with mirrors is they shatter all the time.” Hailey sits for another few seconds and then stands up out walks to the front door leaving.

My mirror has officially shattered and I’m sure I’ll be cursed for the next seven years.

- Hailey -

When I left the Cahill’s house I decided to just go home, I really didn’t need to be dealing with Tara and her bullshit, but I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

“Hailey?” Mom calls out from the kitchen.

I drop my keys in the glass bowl that’s on the table by the front door. “Yeah it’s me, Mom.”

“Come in here Sweetie.” Mom practically sings. If Tara wasn’t here I would think she had my favorite Vodka poured in the biggest glass that we own, but I knew this wasn’t going to go well.

I walk to the kitchen and decide that Chocolate Vodka sounds good right about now. I open up the cabinet above the sink and grab the bottle, then I reach into the other cabinet and get a glass.

“Honey, is that such a good idea?” Mom asks. Tara is just watching me move about the kitchen. She hasn’t said two words to me and I’m not saying shit to her.

I fill the glass halfway with Coke and ice and then finish it off with the Chocolate Vodka. I mix it around with my finger and take a sip, letting the first taste settle into my stomach and warm me up.

“So we have some news.” Mom says as she continues to stir the sauce that she is making.

I take a seat on the other end of the table, opposite Tara, and keep my eyes trained on my glass. I can feel her staring holes into my head. I’m not letting her get to me. I’m barely holding my shit together right now as it is.

“Oh yeah? What’s the news, Mom?” I finally ask since she doesn’t seem to want to tell me until I’m paying attention.

Mom says without missing a beat, “Tara is pregnant.”

My eyes fly to my sister’s. She is sitting there, looking down at the table like she’s trying to figure out how all that wood was made into a table. I’m not surprised by this; actually I’m kind of shocked it took her so long.

“Congratulations, I hope he or she turns out to be just like Satan.” I say to Tara and then get up from the table to head to my room and drink this night away.

Mom is staring hard at the sauce, “And she’s moving home.”

I walk over to where I left the Vodka on the counter, pick it up and start walking to my room. “And I’m moving out.” I throw over my shoulder.

I hear Mom cry out in protest but I don’t give a shit. How could she allow Tara to move back in with us? Mom knows Tara and I don’t get along, we are like oil and water. Plus, how would we all fit in a two bedroom house? I push my bedroom door open, start my iPod, take off my bra and shorts and then climb in bed with my new best friend, Vodka. I want to forget about Mason, mirrors, my sister, my mom, all of it. Tomorrow I will come up with a plan, but tonight I just want to drown in this bottle.

The next morning, while I’m at work, I put in my two week notice. I knew I needed to get away, start fresh somewhere else for a while. I called Bentley and took him up on his offer to come for a visit. I told him everything that had happened and he offered for me to stay for however long I needed, but he said he had to talk to the guys first. Apparently Logan had moved in a few weeks ago. Bentley said there was plenty of room in Hunter’s old room for Zeke and Logan to share, or they could fix up the basement and make a room down there for Logan. To be honest, after I’d found out Logan was there I started to hesitate. Logan was Brittany’s cousin and I had a little fling with him in my freshman year of college. I told Bentley he didn’t have to go through all that and I would figure something else out. He told me to think about it and I promised I would. Ten minutes later, after hanging up with Bentley, Logan was calling me and telling me he had no problem moving around and things wouldn’t be weird. I made him promise that he would never invite Brittany over while I was staying there. He agreed, and I agreed to move in. Everything was set. I was moving and transferring back to ODU in the fall.