Hard To Love You

29 Everything has changed - Hailey -

“Hailey?”

I try to turn over but my body aches. I groan as I try to sit up.

“What the hell are you doing sleeping in the bath tub, doll face?” Zeke holds out a hand, offering his assistance to help me up.

I reach up and grab a hold of it. “What time is it?” I place one foot flat on the floor. “I can’t feel my ass.” I raise my other foot and plant it on the floor next to my other one. My back screams as I try to stand up straight. Damn! It was a bad idea sleeping in there.

Zeke sees me struggling; he bends at the waist and throws me over his shoulder. I yelp in surprise, “I can walk you know.”

“Yeah, you were doing a real good job of that.” Zeke quips back.

I relax and just let him carry me. Never again will I sleep in the tub. Lesson learned. He opens my bedroom door and Jaylinn is perched on the end of my bed.

When she notices me she jumps up, “Hailey? What the hell happened to you?”

Zeke sets me on my feet. “You good?”

I shake my head yeah. I look over at the cable box and notice its ten thirty. “Why are you here so early? I wasn’t expecting you until tonight.”

Jaylinn picks up a Cosmo magazine that I had thrown on the floor earlier in the week. “Yeah well MacKenzie and I wanted to have a girls’ night tonight so pack your shit and let’s go. You’re driving back.”

An hour later, and lots of bitching from Jaylinn, we are buckled in her car and pulling onto the highway, heading to Jersey with coffee in our hands. The butterflies in my stomach refuse to calm and I’m seriously jittery, the coffee probably wasn’t the best idea.

I still can’t believe that Logan was so pissed off that I was going back to Jersey that he needed to bring a girl home last night. Was he trying to ruin our friendship again?

Jaylinn is playing with the radio, trying to find something to listen to. “Aw, I love this song. Have you heard it before?”

I shake my head no.

Jaylinn turns it up, “It’s, Everything Has Changed by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran.” Then puts her sunglasses on, sits back and relaxes while singing along.

I slip my own sunglasses on and play with the promise ring that Mason gave me. I still can’t seem to take it off, in a way it still makes me feel close to him.

Christmas morning last year started off not so well. Tara had a fight with her on-again-off-again boyfriend and she stayed the night on the couch at Mom’s house. If I would have known I would have stayed the night at Mason’s house but I didn’t want Mom to wake up alone on Christmas day.

I walked downstairs and Tara was in the kitchen cooking pancakes, Mom must have still been asleep. I was happy just to ignore her like I’ve done for years.

“Morning.” Tara greeted me as she flipped a pancake.

“Morning.” I grabbed the orange juice from the fridge and poured myself a glass.

Tara flipped another pancake. “No one wanted to spend Christmas with you?”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. She’s such a bitch! “Actually, for your information, yes there are people but I didn’t want Mom alone on Christmas.”

Tara’s face twisted in disgust. “Who the hell would want you?”

Her words stung a bit but I’ve gotten used to them. Tara still blamed me for my parent’s divorce. I’ve grown used to it; it didn’t bother me as much anymore, now that I haven’t seen my dad in a few years.

“Funny, Tara, I could say the same about you.” I placed the orange juice back in the fridge and shut the door.

Tara caught me by my ponytail and yanked me back, spilling my orange juice all over me. “You stupid bitch. If it wasn’t for you Mom wouldn’t have to be alone on Christmas.”

I whirled around and shoved Tara hard, her back crashed against the counter. “It wasn’t my God damn fault that I was born, asshole.” I turned on my heel and walked back to my room. I sent Mason a quick text and asked if he could swing by and pick me up in a half hour. He responded right back that he would. I took a quick shower, got dressed and grabbed the presents that I bought for the Cahills and left without a word to my mom or Tara.

Mason was outside waiting for me, when he noticed my hands were full he jumped out and helped me. I was still upset and pissed off that Tara had started her shit on Christmas day. Mason and I climbed in the car and we went back to his place. He knew there was something wrong but he didn’t question me. He knew me well enough to wait until I was ready to talk about it.

Mason picks up my hand and kisses it. “I love you.”

I look into his stormy, loving, blue eyes, “I love you too.”

Mason winked at me and then turned his eyes back on the road. “You know I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”

“I know.”

He led me into his bedroom and stripped me out of my clothes. He knew exactly what I needed, sometimes before I even did. I needed that bond that Mason and I share. Once I was completely naked he took his clothes off and we both climbed into his bed together. I snuggled up to him, my back to his chest and tangled my legs in his. Mason ran his fingers from my shoulder all the way down to my hip, causing my skin to pimple with goose bumps.

I’d finally relaxed enough and told him what happened in the kitchen with Tara. Mason swore and then told me that Tara was a cunt. I hated that word but that’s exactly what she was. Mason and I made love and he told me over and over again how much he loved me and he would always want me and that he had for years.

After we had showered, Mason went over to his dresser and pulled out a little black box. My heart beat hard in my chest thinking that he was about to propose. I loved Mason but I didn’t think we were ready for that. He came up behind me and looked at me through the mirror that I was standing in front of.

He kissed my shoulder, put his arms around my waist and placed the box on the dresser in front of me. I started shaking, nerves in high gear. “It’s not an engagement ring.” Mason placed a kiss on my other shoulder. “We’re aren’t quite ready for that just yet. I bought this for you as a promise.”

I looked at him through the mirror. He’s so handsome, his dark hair that is so silky, his pouty pink lips and his stormy blue eyes that changed color with his mood; his devilish smile that he used all the time to get what he wants.

He winked at me in the mirror and I smiled shyly. I reached down and opened the box. Tucked inside was a white gold, heart shaped ring with diamonds encrusted on the sides. It’s beautiful.

“I love you Hailey and I want you to wear this as a reminder of me and my promise to you. I’ll always be here for you. I’ll always protect you.”

I turned in Mason’s arms, “How did I ever get so lucky to have you in my life?”

He smiled and I turned into a puddle at his feet. “I’m the lucky one, Boo.”

I kissed his lips. Mason picked me up and set me on the dresser. We sat like this holding each other for a while. Both lost in our own thoughts.

I sigh loudly and Jaylinn coughs. I look over to make sure she’s okay and she smiles.

“You aren’t over him, Hails. Not by a long shot.” Jaylinn states.

She’s so right but I would never admit it, not now when everyone thinks that I have. “It doesn’t matter Jay.”

“Yup. Whatever you say.” Jaylinn pops the p.

She doesn’t believe me but she doesn’t say anything else about it.

“How are things with you and Cooper? You two talked yet?”

Jaylinn studies me for a few long moments. “Kind of.” She reaches forward and turns the radio down. “I’m not ready to talk in detail about what happened and he can’t forget what happened to me back in school. Nothing actually happened but he can’t seem to get over it regardless.” Jaylinn looks over at me. There is sadness in her eyes and I want badly to ask her what happened but I don’t dare push. This is the most she has ever said to me about her and Cooper. “I love him, Hailey. I love him so much and it scares that shit out of me.”

“I can see that, Jay. Just hang in there; he’ll open his eyes sooner or later.”

“Let’ hope its sooner.” Jaylinn leaves it at that as she reaches forward and turns the radio back up.

An hour later and she is fast asleep, she must have woken up at four this morning to get to me so early, so it’s no doubt she’s tired. It’s fine though, I don’t need her knowing looks, not while I’m trying to steel myself for a visit with the Cahills.

I’m sitting in the Cahill’s kitchen, talking to Elle and filling her in on everything that I’ve been up to since moving. We all pick up like I never left. No one treats me differently, no sadness in anyone’s eyes, no awkward situations. Being in the Cahills’ house is so peaceful, relaxing, familiar, calming and homely. Home, my heart aches. I miss being here. I miss being picked on by Jackson and I miss our girls’ nights. I missed Ryder crawling for the first time; I missed his first tooth, his first word. That little boy means so much to me. I miss my best friend, our late night calls, our bitching about the boys when they piss us off, I miss that I can’t just get up and go and visit her when I want. Hell I even miss walking in on MacKenzie and Hunter having sex. I secretly think Hunter misses it too. I giggle to myself.

“I missed that sound.” Mason walks in, tussles my ponytail and goes to stand next to his mom.

My world freezes and my stomach clenches. I bite my bottom lip and drink Mason in. When I meet his eyes, his devilish smile appears; the smile that I dream about nightly. My heart skips a beat at the smoldering look he is giving me. My mouth goes dry. I thought I would be spending the night running from him but all I want to do is run to him.

“Happy Birthday, Mason.” I say sweetly.

Elle smiles and rests her head on her son’s shoulder. Alex comes charging in sans diaper and runs right to Mason. “Whoa little man, where’s your diaper?” Mason asks him.

“Alex!” Chloe yells. She comes marching into the kitchen with Alex’s diaper in her hand. “That boy is exhausting.”

Elle reaches down and picks Alex up. “Stop giving Mommy a hard time, you.” She kisses him on the nose and passes him back to Chloe. I follow Chloe out of the kitchen, needing to put a little distance between myself and Mason.

MacKenzie is sitting on Hunter’s lap in the living room and his hand is resting on her belly and they are whispering to each other. I clear my throat and Hunter quickly removes his hand. Jackson, Cooper and Jaylinn walk in and spread out in the living room. There is a football game playing in the background but no one is really paying attention to it.

MacKenzie’s dad, Andrew, walks in and smiles when he notices me standing off to the side. He comes over, “Hey Sweetie.” Then he places a kiss on the top of my head.

“Hey Dad.” Andrew has been more of a Dad to me than my own and I couldn’t be more jealous of the Cahill kids. I’m so thankful he’s in my life. He’s treated me like I was one of his own kids for years. Any time I need help with my car, he is the one I call. When Matt, my prom date, came to MacKenzie’s for pictures he laid the rules down for the night. Andrew helped me with my college application too.

Ryder crawls around the living room as Mason walks in, takes a seat on the floor and leans up against the wall. Ryder makes his way over to him and pinches his cheeks, causing Mason to laugh. He is such a good uncle.

MacKenzie stands up, as does Hunter. Hunter wraps his arms around his wife, kisses her head and smiles lovingly at her.

MacKenzie looks around the room at all of us, smiling. “Well, now that all of my family is here.” MacKenzie looks over at me and smiles. “Hunter and I have an announcement. We’re expecting another McCormick this winter.”

I knew it!

Everyone congratulates the pair. The girls all surround MacKenzie in excitement. I take a step towards MacKenzie and hug my best friend. “You got what you wished for, huh?”

MacKenzie wipes away a tear and smiles brightly at me. “I did.”

I raise my eyebrows in surprise, “How far along are you now?”

MacKenzie looks over at Hunter. “Twelve weeks.”

I hug MacKenzie tightly again, “I’m so happy for you Kenzie.”

Hunter comes over and wraps his arms around MacKenzie and me. “What are you two yapping about over here?”

MacKenzie slaps him in his stomach, he acts like it hurt him but it didn’t. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” She answers back.

“So I’m assuming you’ll be taking Kenzie over the bike again before her stomach gets too big?” I ask while trying to keep a straight face.

MacKenzie blushes and looks around to see if anyone has heard and Hunter cringes. “You know what?” Hunter asks.

“What’s that, playboy?” I say.

“I don’t think I miss you anymore.”

MacKenzie and I start laughing. “You know you miss the hell out of me and want me to move in with you.”

Elle walks by, stops and cocks her head to the side looking in Mason’s direction. My eyebrows scrunch together. “What’s wrong?” I ask her.

Mason picks up Ryder and comes over to us. “Mom?” Mason asks.

She shakes her head, clearing whatever she was thinking. “It’s nothing sweetie.” Elle answers Mason and I.

We all stand around chatting and Elle announces dinner is ready. Gathering in the kitchen we eat dinner and then move on to presents for Cooper and Mason, followed by cake. I didn’t have time to get them anything so I chose to just do gift cards to their favorite places to eat. I know they don’t get good food a lot because they are constantly on the road.

The girls are all in the kitchen cleaning up when Mason comes up behind me and whispers in my ear, “Come with me for a bit.”

I damn near drop the glass that I’m rinsing out. I start to shake my head no when MacKenzie bumps my hip with hers. “Go.”

I beg MacKenzie with my eyes to help me. I can’t do that. I can’t be alone with him. My heart is almost back together and I don’t want to have to pick up the pieces again. I’m stronger than I was before but when Mason Cahill is involved I turn into mush.

MacKenzie grabs the glass and repeats herself, “Go. Please, for me.”

I sigh in defeat. I let go of the glass and dry my hands with the towel. I nod to Mason and follow behind him. I do want to go, I need to prove that I can still be around Mason and not be in a relationship with him. But then a part of me aches to be with him. I don’t just miss him emotionally, I miss him physically too.

Please don’t break me again.