Not Dead Enough

45

Shortly after five a.m. Roy Grace left Cleo’s house, in a trendy, gated development in the centre of Brighton, closing the front door as quietly as he could behind him, feeling terrible. The breaking dawn sky, a dark, marbled grey streaked with smudgy, crimson veins, was the colour of a frozen human cadaver. A few birds were beginning a tentative dawn chorus, firing off solitary tweets, briefly piercing the morning stillness. Signals to other birds, like radio signals beamed into space.

He shivered, as he pressed the red exit button on the wrought-iron gates, and let himself out of the courtyard into the street. The air was already warming up and it promised to be another blistering summer day. But it was raining in his soul.

He hadn’t slept a wink.

During the past two months of their relationship, he and Cleo had never exchanged a solitary cross word. They hadn’t really tonight either. Yet tossing and turning during these past few hours, he sensed that something had changed between them.

The street lighting was still on, useless orange glows emitting from each lamp in the rapidly encroaching daylight. A tabby cat slunk across the road ahead of him. He walked up past a line of cars, noticed a Coke can lying in the gutter, a pool of vomit, a Chinese takeaway carton. He passed Cleo’s blue MG, covered in dew, then reached his Alfa, covered in less dew. It was parked in what had become his regular spot, on a single yellow line outside an antiques dealer that specialized in retro twentieth-century furniture.

He climbed in, started the car, blipped the accelerator, the engine snuffling, running lumpily and unevenly for a few moments until the damp burned off the electrics; the wipers clopped the dew from the screen. A hiss of static belted out from the radio; he punched a button to switch stations. Someone was talking, but he didn’t listen. Instead he turned and stared at the closed gates, wondering whether to go back and say something.

Like what?

Cleo saw Sandy as a threat she could not deal with. He knew that he needed to get his head around that, to put himself in Cleo’s position. What if she’d had a husband who’d vanished and it was she who was off to Munich to try to find him on Sunday? How would he be feeling?

He had no idea, that was the honest truth. In part because he was too dog tired to think straight, and in part because he didn’t know what he was feeling about the prospect – however slim – of seeing Sandy.

Ten minutes later he passed the red pillar box on New Church Road, which had been his landmark for twelve years, and made the next left turn. Apart from a milk float halted several feet out from the pavement, Grace’s street was deserted. It was a quiet, pleasant residential avenue, lined on both sides with semi-detached mock-Tudor houses, most of them three-bedroomed, with integral garages. A few had rather ugly loft conversions and some – not his own – had hideous secondary double-glazing.

He and Sandy had bought the house just over two years before she disappeared, and sometimes he wondered if the move had had something to do with it, whether she hadn’t been happy there. They’d been so content in the small flat in Hangleton that had been their nest in those first years of marriage, but they’d both fallen in love with this house, Sandy even more so than himself because it had a good-sized rear garden and she had always longed for a garden of her own.

Buying the place and then doing it up had stretched them both financially. Grace had been a detective sergeant then, still qualifying for overtime, and had worked all the hours he could. Sandy had been a secretary at a firm of accountants and had put in extra hours there, too.

She had seemed happy enough, taking charge of gutting and modernizing the interior. The previous owners had lived there for over forty years, and it had been drab and dark when they had bought it. Sandy had transformed it into light, modern spaces, with touches of Zen here and there – and she seemed so proud of all she had done. And the garden had become her pride and joy – although it was now in an embarrassing state of neglect, Grace thought guiltily. Every weekend he promised himself he would spend some time on it, sorting things out. But in the end he never seemed to have enough time – or the inclination. He kept the grass under reasonable control, and had convinced himself that most of the weeds were flowers anyway.

On his car radio, which he had tuned out of his brain for several minutes, he now heard a man earnestly explaining EU agricultural policy. Turning into his driveway, he pulled up in front of the single garage and switched off the engine, the radio dying with it.

Then, letting himself into the house, his solemn mood was suddenly replaced by a flash of anger. All the downstairs lights were on, burning brightly. So was his original juke box.

He saw that one of his rare vinyl records, ‘Apache’ by the Shadows, was spinning round on the juke-box turntable, the needle stuck in the groove, making a steady click-scrape-click-scrape-click-scrape sound. His stereo was on also and part of his CD collection was scattered on the floor, along with several of his precious Pink Floyd LPs, out of their sleeves, an opened can of Grolsch lager, a couple of Harley-Davidson brochures, a set of dumb-bells and assorted other pieces of iron-pumping kit.

He stormed up the stairs, ready to yell blue murder at Glenn Branson, then stopped at the top, checking himself. The poor bastard was distraught. He must have gone home last night after the briefing meeting and been given his marching orders – hence the weights equipment. Let him sleep.

He looked at his watch. Five twenty. Although he felt tired, he was too wired to sleep. He decided he would go for a run, try to clear his head and energize himself for the heavy day ahead, which was starting with an eight-thirty team briefing, followed by a press conference at eleven a.m. And then he planned to have another session with Brian Bishop. The man smelled all wrong to him.

He went through to his bathroom, and immediately noticed the top was off the toothpaste. There was a large indent in the middle of the tube and some of the white paste had spewed out of the neck and on to the bathroom shelf. For some reason he could not immediately understand, this irked him even more than the mess downstairs.

Since entering this house just a few minutes ago, he was beginning to feel as if he’d slipped through a reality warp into the old TV sitcom Men Behaving Badly, with Martin Clunes and Neil Morrissey playing bachelor slobs sharing a pad. And then he realized about the toothpaste: it had been one of the very few things that had irritated him about Sandy, the way she did that too. She always squeezed the damn tube in the middle rather than from the end, then left the top off so that part of the contents dribbled out.

That and the condition she always kept the interior of her car in – she treated the passenger side as a kind of permanent dustbin that never needed emptying. The rusty, battered little brown Renault was so littered with shopping receipts, discarded sweet wrappers, empty shopping bags, Lottery tickets and a whole raft of other debris that Grace used to think it looked more like something you’d want to keep chickens in than drive.

It was still in the garage now. He’d cleaned out the rubbish long ago, been through every scrap of it in search of a clue, and found none.

‘You’re up early.’

He turned and saw Branson standing behind him, wearing a pair of white underpants, a thin gold chain around his neck and his massive diver’s wristwatch. Although his body was stooped, his physique was in terrific shape, his muscles bulging through his gleaming skin. But his face was a picture of abject misery.

‘I need to be, to clear up after you,’ Grace retorted.

Either not registering this or deliberately ignoring it, Branson went on. ‘She wants a horse.’

Grace shook his head, unsure whether he had heard correctly. ‘What?’

‘Ari.’ Branson shrugged. ‘She wants a horse. Can you believe, on what I earn?’

‘More eco-friendly than a car,’ Grace replied. ‘Probably cheaper to run too.’

‘Very witty.’

‘What exactly do you mean, a horse?’

‘She used to ride – worked in stables when she was a kid. She wants to take it up again. She said if I agree to get her a horse, I can come back.’

‘Where can I buy one?’ Grace retorted.

‘I’m being serious.’

‘So am I.’