The Vanishing Point

14

Scientists tell us that babies are genetically programmed to smile when they’re born. It’s a mechanism designed to save their lives. They smile, we fall in love. Because we are also programmed to be captivated by that smile. It’s nothing to do with biology. You’ll fall equally hard for the child of a complete stranger as you will for the fruit of your own loins. Think about it. It’s estimated that a quarter of all children are not the offspring of the man who thinks they’re his. And yet those fathers who persist in ignorance love their children as completely as biological parents. And it’s not only fathers. Think of those stories where children are accidentally swapped at birth and the mothers love the substitutes every bit as much as their other kids.

Which is a roundabout way of saying I bonded with Jimmy Joshu Higgins minutes after he was born. They hustled us out of the operating theatre and back into the side ward where we’d been earlier. They sat me in a chair, provided me with a bottle of formula milk and showed me how to feed him. I thought nothing of it at the time. I assumed it was standard operating procedure.

I learned differently a couple of years later, when I was telling the tale as a lure to a prospective client who had done pioneering work in treating infertility. She looked aghast. ‘Really? They got you to give him a bottle of formula?’

Baffled, I said, ‘Yes. They said he’d had a bit of a struggle being born, he’d be hungry. And he was. He polished off the whole feed.’

She gave a wry little laugh. ‘And the mum’s OK?’

‘She’s fine. Still moans about her scar, but other than that, she’s completely OK. Why?’

‘Well, it sounds like they thought they were losing her.’

‘You mean . . . as in, dying?’

She nodded. ‘That’s why they got you out of there so quickly. They didn’t want you in the room if she died on the table. And that’s why they got you to feed him.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘They’re obsessed with breastfeeding these days. The reason they got you to give him a bottle was because they were afraid she wasn’t going to make it. And the kid has to bond with someone.’ I must have looked as appalled as I felt, for she burst out laughing. ‘They were setting you up as the foster mum.’

Which is all the more ironic, given where we’ve ended up. But at the time, I just thought, yeah, of course the kid’s hungry. And within the hour, Scarlett was back in the room. On a morphine drip and looking like she’d gone fifteen rounds with a brick wall, but indisputably there, smiling radiantly at the tiny bundle in her arms. ‘He’s beautiful,’ she kept saying. Frankly, I lost interest fairly quickly. Even though I did agree with her.

‘I’m going to let you two enjoy your lovefest,’ I said. ‘My work here is done now.’

Scarlett barely looked up. ‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘You’ve been a total star.’

‘What friends are for. I’m going to take Joshu’s car back to yours. Can I borrow your car to get me home? You can’t drive for six weeks anyway.’

‘You what?’ Now I had her attention.

‘You’ve had a caesarean. You’re not allowed to drive for six weeks. You’re not supposed to lift anything heavier than a kettle. Joshu’s going to have to wait on you hand, foot and finger.’

‘You’re joking?’

‘No. Listen, I’ll try to get hold of Joshu again when I get out of here. And I’ll also call Georgie. He’ll want to sort out the media deals. And I need to get some sleep.’

‘Thanks. See you later.’ I leaned over and kissed Jimmy on the forehead. ‘He’s gorgeous.’

Scarlett gave me an odd look, as if something had just occurred to her. ‘Would you be his godmother?’

‘Me? I know nothing about kids.’

‘Time you learned, then.’

‘I’d be crap at it.’

‘No, you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t let yourself. Go on. For his sake. He needs somebody in his life that isn’t mental.’

I don’t know why I agreed, but I did. And that’s how it started between me and Jimmy.

I tried to call Joshu from the hospital, but my phone had died. He’d probably have appreciated a little advance warning since he was fast asleep and stark naked on one of the leather sofas when I walked in. It wasn’t a pretty sight. I grabbed one of the cow hides and threw it over him. He grunted and stirred then his eyes snapped open. The sight of me in Scarlett’s clothes provoked a look of total bewilderment.

‘Wassup?’ he grunted, then gave a massive yawn that sent a blast of undigested alcohol my way. Belatedly, he noticed I was alone. ‘Where’s the wife?’ he added with a sly grin. ‘I saw you girls had taken off in my wheels.’ He dragged himself upright and yawned again. ‘Fuck, my head hurts. I need some drugs.’

‘You need tea,’ I said. ‘Because you need to go and check out your wife and son.’ I turned on my heel and marched off to the kitchen. I didn’t trust myself to speak to the shiftless, feckless, heedless little shit.

I’d barely got the kettle on when he staggered in, the cow hide wrapped round his waist like a bizarre kilt. ‘Did you say “son”?’

‘While you were spending your wedding night out on the razz with your homies, your wife was giving birth, Joshu,’ I snapped. ‘Wondering, in between contractions, where your sorry ass was hiding.’

Water off a duck’s back. ‘I’ve got a son?’ He shook his head, incredulous. ‘Am I hallucinating this? I mean, who knows what I took last night, but it was a serious head-fuck. Is this for real? I’ve got a son?’

‘Six pounds two ounces. His name is Jimmy.’

‘But she’s not due for another . . . what? Six weeks?’

‘She got her dates wrong. She’s probably a couple of weeks early, but no more than that.’ I popped a pod into the coffee machine for myself.

He laughed affectionately. ‘Silly bitch can’t count. Well, shit me a rainbow. I’m a dad.’ He rubbed a hand over his hair and lurched towards the breakfast bar where he’d apparently left the contents of his pockets. He grabbed for his cigarettes and lit up. ‘It’s supposed to be a cigar, but this’ll have to do for now. You might have bought me a cigar on the way home, Stephanie.’

‘Funny, it never crossed my mind. You better get yourself cleaned up and over there. Oddly enough, she’s not best pleased with you.’ I plonked a cup of tea in front of him. ‘Get that down you.’

‘Was you there, like, with her?’

‘I was. It was really scary. They had to do an emergency section.’

‘A what?’

In my head, I sounded like my mother. What do they teach them in school these days? ‘The baby got stuck coming out. So they had to cut her belly open and get him out in a hurry.’

He took a tentative sip of his tea, then swigged the whole cup back in one. He shuddered, then straightened up. ‘What? They cut her belly open? That’s horrible. She gonna have a scar and that?’

‘Christ, Joshu. She lost more than half of her blood. They thought they were going to have to give her a blood transfusion. I think a scar was the least of her worries, frankly.’

He gave me a placatory nod. ‘Well, I suppose that means she’ll be OK down there. Like, still tight and that.’

I closed my eyes for a moment, wondering whether I should just throw my coffee over his head. I reminded myself that he was Jimmy’s father and Scarlett’s husband and better that he went to hospital as a visitor than as a patient. ‘You won’t have the chance to find that out for a while, you selfish bastard. She’s had major abdominal surgery, Joshu. You’re going to have to run around after her for months.’

He gave a nervous laugh. ‘I don’t think so. Georgie can sort somebody out to take care of her and the kid, yeah? That’s what we fucking pay him for, innit.’ He grinned again, and I caught a glimpse of the roguish charm that had captivated Scarlett. ‘I’ve got a son.’ Then he frowned. ‘Wait a minute. Did you say she’s called him Jimmy?’

‘That’s right.’

‘No, that’s all wrong. Jimmy Patel? What kind of name is that?’

Actually, it was going to be Jimmy Higgins. But I thought I’d leave that revelation for Scarlett. ‘It’s the one she wants. And since you weren’t around when he popped out, I reckon you’ve forfeited the right to have a say.’

‘Fucking Jimmy,’ he said, turning away and stubbing out his cigarette. ‘I’ll have something to say about that. I’m going for a shower, then I’m going over to see my son. And he’s not going to be Jimmy for much longer, you can count on that.’ And off he went, chest puffed out like a bantam cock.

The coffee was bitter and dense in my mouth. I was too tired to taste properly. I knew it was crazy to drive back to Hackney, only to return in a few hours to visit Scarlett and Jimmy. Joshu was about to go out. And there was a perfectly good guest room down the hall. The temptation was irresistible.