The Vanishing Point

34

After our conversation about Leanne, I didn’t see Scarlett for the best part of a week. I was interviewing a TV presenter for her new motivational guide to rebuilding your life after divorce. Given how very publicly her marriage had collapsed, there was plenty of scope for the restoration project. I didn’t much like the woman, mostly because she’s one of those who never accepts any share of responsibility for what’s gone wrong in her life. A bit like blokes who hit their wives then complain the women provoked them by daring to be more verbally agile. Still, she had a smart mouth and she was good at coming up with catchy lines for chapter headings.

Next time I saw Scarlett, she seemed much more cheerful. It turned out that in my absence, Simon had sat with her during her last bout of chemo and his conversation had lifted her to a more positive frame of mind. ‘He says the right things,’ she said. ‘I don’t know how he manages it, but he’s got an instinct for putting his finger on what’s scaring me or what’s bothering me. And then he comes up with some story or statistic or whatever that just makes me feel better.’

I was relieved that she’d had someone there to keep her spirits up. I felt bad about missing a treatment, but Scarlett was insistent that I couldn’t turn my back on my career for her sake. ‘I’m glad you had good company,’ I said.

‘It turned out a real bonus,’ she said. ‘You’ll never guess who turned up at the clinic.’ Her lip curled in disgust. I could think of only one person who provoked that response in her.

‘Not Joshu?’

She nodded. ‘Got it in one. Bloody Joshu.’

My heart sank. Joshu was the ultimate bad penny. Whenever he turned up, trouble followed. He could still provoke Scarlett into a fight faster than I could credit. All her self-control went up in flames when he started on one of his riffs about her unfairness, her lousy parenting and her selfishness in respect of contact. It didn’t help that his dependency on drugs seemed to have grown incrementally since they’d split up. That was one more piece of blame he would lay at her door. Every imperfection in his life could be laid at Scarlett’s door. I felt sick at the thought of him showing up during her treatment. ‘How did he know where you were? And when you were having treatment?’

She shrugged. ‘It’s not exactly a state secret. The clinic’s been named in the papers. And you know how good Joshu is at wheedling shit out of women. He’ll have chatted up some nurse or secretary and found out when I was due in.’

‘How bad was he?’

She looked more pleased with herself than I expected. ‘He burst into the room and started going on about how I needed to make a will signing Jimmy over to him since I was going to pop my clogs any minute.’

‘What a complete and utter bastard he is. How dare he come storming in like that when you’re fighting for your life? Doesn’t he understand what’s at stake for you?’ I was outraged, but Scarlett wasn’t joining in.

‘The thing is, he was totally off his face. He was flapping his hands like a chicken. It should have been distressing but it wasn’t. It was funny. I was holding in my laughter, because I knew that would only make him wilder. But before I knew it, Simon was on his feet and hustling Joshu out the door. Literally. He had him by the hoodie, frogmarching him off the premises.’ She giggled. ‘My hero.’

‘Bloody hell,’ I said. ‘We should have had Simon on the team when Joshu kept trying to storm the gates after you dumped him.’

‘Don’t I know it. He was like a dog with its hackles up. Totally outraged that a gobshite like Joshu should disrupt his precious clinic and his patients.’

‘He has a point,’ I reminded her. ‘Nobody visits that clinic for fun. They’ve got more on their mind than the self-indulgent ranting of a spoilt brat like Joshu.’

‘Well, Simon sorted him out good style and in no time flat.’

‘This is a new angle, though. “I should have Jimmy because you’re dying.”’

Scarlett grew serious. ‘It’s a horrible angle. When you strip away all Joshu’s carry on, it’s not a pretty thought. What if Simon’s wrong and I don’t make it? Joshu is Jimmy’s dad, after all. It’s not like he’s estranged from the boy. They do have a relationship. They love each other, I’ve never denied that or tried to put a stop to it. But Joshu’s an irresponsible twat who can’t look after himself, never mind take care of a kid as well. Simon says not to worry, it’ll never happen. And that’s what I’m trying to hang on to.’ She gave me one of the old Scarlett’s smiles, that simple uncomplicated radiance that used to light up her face regularly before cancer complicated it.

‘But now that Joshu’s planted the seed, the idea’s there and it won’t go away.’ I was talking to myself mostly, but Scarlett picked up on what I’d said.

‘It won’t happen,’ she said. ‘You’re Jimmy’s godmother and, if it comes to it, you’re the one who should take care of him. He’s as close to you as he is to his dad and you’d take proper care of him.’

I was so flabbergasted I couldn’t think of a thing to say. The idea of taking Jimmy on if anything happened to Scarlett had never crossed my mind. I suppose I’d imagined that Joshu’s parents would step up to the plate when they were confronted with the reality of their own flesh and blood deprived of a parent. Or that Leanne would assume responsibility for a boy who was, after all, her cousin. It hadn’t occurred to me that Scarlett would expect me to become Jimmy’s surrogate mother if she died.

‘You would, you know. You’d be better than you think,’ she said firmly.

‘Me? But I’ve got no experience, no maternal instincts. Christ, Scarlett, Joshu would be a better option.’

She laughed. ‘Your face is a picture. You look like you’ve caught your tit in a mangle. It’s OK, Steph. I’m not going to die on you. Simon says I’ll make it, and he should know.’

That was pretty cold comfort. There was a reason I was childless, and it wasn’t merely my failure to sustain a long-term relationship. I was childless from choice. I’d never wanted to be a mum, never felt the ticking of the biological clock, never considered my life unfulfilled in the absence of a child. Yes, I was good with Jimmy. But that didn’t mean I wanted to be his mum.

Nevertheless, I didn’t want Joshu to be Jimmy’s fallback position if anything happened to Scarlett. ‘He’d be better off with Leanne,’ I protested. ‘She’s great with him. And she’s family.’

Scarlett shook her head. ‘She’ll be off to Spain soon. I’m not having my lad brought up among a load of foreigners, not when he can stop here, where he belongs.’

‘She can always come back from Spain if need be. She loves him, Scarlett.’

‘It’s not just about love,’ she said, implacable as granite. ‘It’s about ambition. And aspiration. And desire. I dragged myself up this far in spite of a lousy start with a crap family who wanted to drag me down into the dirt beside them. And although Leanne’s a decent enough lass, that’s still her mindset. She’s always going to settle for what’s easy, not push for the highest ground. She’s a fighter all right. But she doesn’t understand what goals are worth fighting for. What I want for Jimmy, what I dream of for my son, is for him to be amazing. For him to do amazing things. And he’ll never do that if Leanne’s in charge of his life. He’ll learn to settle. To do the least he can get away with. But you? You’re a different kettle of fish, Steph. Plus you’ll never let him forget what I achieved. How far I came.’

Her words made me uneasy and uncomfortable. I knew Joshu would be outraged at the very thought. Leanne would be insulted and hurt. And God alone knew what Jimmy would make of it, should it ever come to pass.

But Simon had said it wouldn’t. Simon had said I was safe from Scarlett’s mad machinations. Unfortunately, Simon wasn’t a clairvoyant. And by the end of the week, Scarlett’s fallback plan had come one degree closer.